el.the miko-第65部分

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　The　Phonix　was　a　relatively　new　instrument　that　automatically　turned　the　spoken　word　into　a　preset　cipher。　It　was　the　code　alone　that　was　broadcast　between　units；　so　that　rapid　transmission　was　virtually　indecipherable　to　an　eavesdropper。
　Now；　alone　in　the　gathering　Georgia　night　with　the　endless　miles　of　dazed　flight　still　thrumming　through　him；　Croaker　wondered　again　where　his　obsession　with　Angela　Didion's　murder　was　taking　him。　He　had　forsaken　his　job；　his　friends。。。　and　a　woman　he　was　just　beginning　to　know　and　fall　in　love　with。　His　entire　existence　had　been　turned　inside　out；　upside　down。　And　for　what？
　Vengeance　against　Raphael　Tomkin。　For　despite　the　gathering　evidence；　Croaker　was　still　convinced　that　the　industrialist　had　murdered　Angela　Didion。　How　and　why　still　had　to　be　determined。　But　he　had　his　key　now。　Alix　Logan　was　the　sole　witness；　and　against　all　probabilities　she　was　still　alive。　And　again　he　asked　himself；　Why？
　With　a　shiver；　he　went　over　it　again。　By　all　rights　she　should　be　deader　than　a　doornail　now。　He　saw　her　emerging　from　the　lit　doorway　and　gunned　the　engine。　She　was　alive。　And　being　kept　that　way　by　a　brace　of　very　deadly　creatures。　Why？　And　why　in　one　place？　Surely　they　could　have　moved　her　anywhere。　Who　were　they　protecting　her　from？　Croaker？　But　〃Croaker〃　was　dead；　drowned　and　crushed　beyond　recognition　when　his　car　went　off　the　road　in　Key　West。　Who　had　instigated　that？　Tomkin？
　With　a　start；　Croaker　remembered　Matty　the　Mouth。　He　had　been　the　fly　on　the　wall　who　had　delivered　Alix　Logan's　name　and　address　to　him。　For　a　usurious　price　to　be　sure；　but　what　the　hell；　he　had　e　through；　hadn't　he？
　〃Stay　here；〃　Croaker　said　to　Alix　as　he　sprinted　toward　the　cafeteria。　Inside；　he　dug　out　some　change　and　made　a　long…distance　call。　A　woman　answered。　At　first　she　professed　to　never　having　heard　of　Matty　the　Mouth。　Croaker　did　some　first…class　persuasion。　Matty　was　out；　the　voice　didn't　know　where；　didn't　know　when　he'd　be　back。　Since　he　got　back　from　Aruba　Matty'd　gone　low　profile。　Croaker　said　he　understood；　it　was　the　same　with　him。　He　had　no　number　to　leave　with　her　and　under　the　circumstances　wouldn't've　left　one　if　he　had。　Said　he'd　call　back。
　〃Let's　go；〃　he　said　as　he　slid　behind　the　wheel　and　nosed　the　car　out　into　traffic。
　〃I'm　tired；〃　Alix　said；　golden　girl　beside　him。　She　curled　into　a　ball。
　It　was　like　having　a　dream　e　to　life；　sitting　at　his　elbow。　Lithe；　blond；　beautiful。　Croaker　had　only　seen　women　like　this　from　afar。　This　close；　he　had　expected　her　to　turn　to　garbage　at　any　minute。　When　she　hadn't；　he　was　startled。　It　wasn't　that　he　lusted　after　her　precisely　as　the　Blue　Monster　had；　although　he　had　to　admit　there　was　an　element　of　sexuality　about　how　he　felt。
　Rather　there　was　this　protectiveness　thing。　Having　her　safe　and　with　him　made　him　feel　warm　and　somehow　more　alive。　He　did　not　want　to　take　her　to　bed；　but　as　a　father　will　with　his　daughter　when　she　es　of　age　he　longed　to　see　her　nakedness；　to　caress　her　with　his　eyes。　It　was　as　if　the　presence　of　her　nude　in　front　of　him；　that　acquiescence　of　vulnerability；　would　increase　his　feelings；　fulfill　them；　even。
　But　this　night　his　thoughts　were　not　of　the　golden　girl　lying　like　a　cat　curled　on　the　seat　against　his　hip。　Rather　his　thoughts　retraced　the　moment　when　he　had　first　seen　the　Phonix　and　had　broken　out　into　a　cold　sweat。
　The　ultimate　purpose　of　a　Japanese　drunk　such　as　this　one　was　reciprocity。　While　it　was　true　that　the　freedom　the　Japanese　found　in　drunkenness　allowed　them　to　unburden　their　spirit；　that　could　not　be　acplished　alone。　A　mutual　unburdening；　a　clasping　of　warm　hands；　was　what　really　mattered。
　Nicholas　knew　that　Sato　was　waiting。　This　was　a　crucial　moment　between　them；　much　would　depend　on　what　Nicholas　next　said。　If　he　lied　now…for　whatever　reason；　not　trusting　Sato　being　just　one　of　them…there　could　never　be　anything　between　them。　Despite　what　Sato　said　before　about　their　being　friends。　Those　were　just　words　and　the　Japanese　did　not　take　much　stock　in　words。　What　mattered　to　them　most；　what　they　truly　revered　above　all　else；　was　action。　Because　actions　never　lied。
　For　better　or　for　worse；　Nicholas　suspected；　he　and　Sato　had　to　trust　each　other　now。　They　were　in　deep　water　with　nothing　but　an　abyss　below　them。　If　there　was　no　trust　between　them；　then　their　enemies　had　already　won。
　〃I　think；　Sato…san；　that　in　some　ways　we　are　the　same。　Perhaps　that　is　the　reason　why　Nangi…san　dislikes　me。　Perhaps　he　has　already　sensed　this　bond。
　〃When　I　was　a　young　man。。。　young　and　foolish〃…the　two　men　grinned　hugely　at　each　other…〃I　met　a　woman。　She　was　old
　
　beyond　her　years；　certainly　beyond　my　years。　But　then　my；　er；　studies　precluded　my　early　initiation　into　certain　basic　worldly　matters。〃
　Sato；　both　fists　against　his　rather　flushed　cheeks；　was　rapt；　he　was　obviously　enjoying　himself　immensely。
　〃She　possessed　a　power　I　could　not　explain…I　still　can't；　though　I　think　I　understand　it　better。　But　it　was　as　you　have　so　eloquently　said。　It　was　as　if　some　cruel　heart　had　cast　a　spell　over　me。　I　was　powerless　before　her。
　〃She　was　a　purely　sexual　animal；　Sato…san。　I　still　cannot　fully　believe　that　such　a　creature　could　exist。　And　yet　I　must　confess　that　it　was　precisely　this　quality　which　drew　me　to　her。　You　can　see　that　she　could　not　possibly　be　a　happy　person。　How　could　she？　If　she　were　not　making　love　there　was　a　nothingness　for　her。　Oh；　not　the　Void。　You　and　I　know　that　there　is　power　in　the　Void；　and　an　essential　kind　of　peace　that　causes　a　pleteness　of　the　spirit。
　〃But　Yukio's　was　diminished　when　we　were　not　at　sexual　play。　I　did　not　think　on　this　part　of　her　at　all　until　one　day　in　April　we　were　walking　through　Jindaiji。　I　favored　that　place　above　all　others　in　Tokyo　because　my　father　had　always　taken　me　there　rather　than　Ueno。　I　suppose　he　liked　it　better　because　it　was　a　botanical　park。
　〃The　bonbori　were　hung　on　the　trees　though　the　time　of　the　someiyoshino　had　already　passed。　It　was　late　into　hanami；　the　third　of　the　traditional　days　when　the　cherry　blossoms　fall。　We　had　meant　to　go　the　day　before　when　the　petals　were　at　their　height　but　Yukio　had　felt　ill　and　we　had　stayed　in；　watching　old　movies　on　TV。
　〃We　walked　through　the　winding　pathways　of　Jindaiji　on　that　third　day；　and　it　felt　to　me　as　if　we　were　high　on　the　slopes　of　Mount　Yoshino　with　one　hundred　thousand　cherry　trees　whispering　in　the　wind　about　us。
　〃I　had　never　before　wept　at　hanami；　though　certainly　my　mother　had　many　times　and；　once；　I　had　seen　tears　in　my　father's　eyes。　That　time；　as　well；　it　had　been　on　the　third　day；　and　I　had　wondered　why　he　might　be　so　moved　since　it　was　obvious　to　me　that　the　blossoms　had　been　more　beautiful　the　day　before。
　〃Now　I　wept；　understanding　what　it　was　my　father　had　seen　that　as　a　child　I　had　not。　Though；　indeed；　the　sakura　were　past　their　peak；　as　they　fell　this　day　one　knew　that　there　was　no　tomorrow；　that　this　was　the　last　leavetaking；　and　their　beauty　seemed　enhanced；　deepened；　even；　by　this　knowledge。　The　ineffable　sadness　inherent　in　the　moment　was　palpable。　And　for　the　first　time　I　found　myself　understanding　in　a　purely　visceral　way　the　mystique　known　as　the　nobility　of　failure　which　we；　as　Japanese；　revere　so　highly。　For　I　saw　that　the　sorrow　of　the　moment　caused　the　effort　to　be　truly　heroic。〃
　Nicholas　paused　for　a　moment。　He　had　bee　as　rapt　as　Sato　at　the　return　of　those　long…ago　memories。　He　was　transported　by　the　opportunity　to　unburden　himself。
　〃Then　something　odd　happened。　I　turned　and　looked　at　Yukio。　Her　beautiful　head　was　raised　toward　the　pink…white　cloud　of　the　descending　blossoms。　I　could　clearly　see　the　line　of　her　long　neck；　the　hollow　between　the　collarbones。　Two　pale　sakura　clung　to　her　silk　blouse　as　if　they　belonged　to　her。
　〃And　I　saw　that　somehow　they　were　the　same；　these　last；　most　precious　of　the　cherry　petals　and　Yukio。　That　she　possessed　that　same　quality　that　made　them　so　special。　It　was　not　a　nothingness　that　possessed　her　when　she　was　not　making　love　but　rather　a　terrible；　aching；　unassuageable　sadness　that　went　beyond　anything　I　had　encountered。
　〃And　all　these　years　later　I　find　myself　wondering　whether　that　was　why　I　loved　her；　cherished　her　above　all　others。　Because　somehow　I　knew　that；　given　time；　I　was　the　only　one　who　could　remove　that　sadness　from　her。〃
　〃You　speak　of　her　in　the　past　only；　my　friend。〃
　〃She　died　in　the　winter　of　1963。　Drowned　in　the　Straits　of　Shimonoseki。〃
　〃Ah；〃　Sato　murmured。　〃So　young。　How　sad。　But　she　is　with　the　Heiké。　The　kami　of　that　doomed　clan　will　care　for　her。〃　He　turned　his　gaze　downward；　wiped　at　the　remnants　of　spilled　sake　on　the　lacquer　with　the　hem　of　his　kimono　sleeve。
　Sato's　large　frame　seemed　as　hulking　and　hunched　as　a　brown　Hokkaido　bear's。　There　was　an　unbreachable　gulf　between　them　but　at　the　same　time　they　were　closer　now　than　many　men　ever　got　in　their　lives。　For　they　were　bound　by　a　mon　sadness　that　drew　them　together　like　blood　brothers。　Twined　as　much　by　what　had　been　left　unspoken　as　by　what　had　been　said。
　〃Linnear…san。〃　When　he　spoke　again；　his　voice　was　soft。　A　hint　of　the　paternal　tinged　it。　〃Did　it　ever　occur　to　you　that　perhaps　you　would　no　longer　have　loved　her　had　she　lost　that　ineffable　sadness？　That；　indeed；　she　herself　might　not　have　survived　in　this　world　without　it？　Perhaps　it　will　help　when　next　you　think　of　her。〃
　But　Nicholas　was　not　thinking　of　that。　He　knew　that　the　next　logical　step　in　this　unburdening　process　was　to　tell　Sato　of　Akiko's　uncanny　twinness　to　Yukio。　Indeed；　he　tried　several　times　to　get　out　the　words。　But　nothing　came。　It　was　as　if　his　throat　had　bee　paralyzed。
　A　shadow　passed　across　the　open　doorway　to　the　room　and　Nicholas　saw　Koten's　bulk　for　a　moment。　Just　checking　up　on　his　boss；　Nicholas　thought。　See　that　I　haven't　strangled　him　yet；　carved　an　ancient　Chinese　character　into　his　cheek。　He　shuddered　inwardly；　returning　fully　to　the　present。　For　a　blessed　time　they　had　both　dwelled　in　a　world　free　of　revenge　and　bizarre　murder。
　Across　from　him　Sato　lurched　to　his　feet。　〃e；　my　friend。〃　He　beckoned　with　a　hand　and；　stumbling　across　the　tatami；　fumbled　open　a　fusuma　at　the　far　end　of　the　room。
　The　night　breeze　sto