el.the miko-第81部分

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　Alix　gave　a　short　laugh。　〃I'm　in　a　better　position　to　know　what　she　deserved。〃　She　paused　for　a　moment　as　if　gathering　herself。　〃She　was　a　bitch；　Lew。　She　was　mean；　vindictive；　insanely　jealous；　and　absolutely　venal。〃
　Croaker　looked　up　at　her。　〃None　of　that　matters。　To　me　she　was　no　better　or　worse　than　anyone　else。〃
　Alix　poured　herself　a　drink　from　the　bottle　of　Old　Grand…Dad。　〃You　should've　spent　some　time　with　her；〃　she　said；　taking　a　swallow　neat。　〃A　couple've　days；　that's　all　it　would've　taken。〃
　Croaker　took　the　glass　out　of　her　hand；　finished　what　she　had　in　there。　〃Were　you　in　love　with　her？〃
　〃That's　none　of　your　goddamned　business！〃　she　flared　at　him。
　Her　hands　clenched　into　whitened　fists　and　her　lips　pressed　into　a　thin　unattractive　line。　Then　her　face　began　to　break　apart　a　small　piece　at　a　time。
　〃Just　because　you　saved　my　life；　what　makes　you　think　you　can　expect　answers　like　that　out　of　me？〃　By　then　she　was　weeping；　her　sun…baked　shoulders　heaving；　her　hands　covering　her　face。
　Croaker　watched　her　for　a　time；　suppressing　the　urge　to　reach　out　for　her　and　fort　her；　he　knew　her　well　enough　now　to　know　she　would　pull　back　from　such　a　gesture。
　After　a　while　her　hands　came　down　and　she　wiped　at　her　eyes。　She　seemed　a　great　deal　calmer。　〃The　truth　is；〃　she　said　softly；　〃Angela　was　in　love　with　me。〃　She　ran　long　fingers　through　her　wet　hair　after　unwinding　the　towel。　She　began　to　rub　it　through　her　hair。　〃I　could　never　remember　my　mother；　and　Angela　was　strong。　I　guess　there　was　a　lot　of　the　male　in　her。　Not　that　she　was　masculine。　It　wasn't　that　at　all。　I'm　talking　about　something　inside。　Her　personality　or　whatever。
　〃She　caught　me。　I　honestly　don't　know　how　else　to　put　it。　I　knew　she　was　a　bitch　from　working　with　her。　And　I　knew　she　was　into　drugs：　opium　and　coke。　Nice　bo；　huh？　But　I　thought。。。　Oh；　I　don't　know　what　I　thought。　I　suppose　I　blinded　myself　to　all　those　things　because　I　needed　a　mother；　someone　to　show　me　the　ropes　and　protect　me。〃
　Alix　stopped　fussing　with　her　hair；　sat　again　with　her　hands　in　her　lap；　so　that　she　appeared　very　young；　almost　a　little　girl；　innocent；　made　of　spun　pink　candy。　〃We　fought　all　the　time。　In　many　ways　she　made　my　life　hell。〃
　〃You　could　have　walked　out；〃　Croaker　pointed　out。
　But　Alix　was　already　shaking　her　head。　〃Like　I　said；　you　didn't　know　Angela。　What　she　wanted；　she　kept　until　she　was　tired　of　it。　She　would　have　ruined　me　professionally　if　I'd　tried　to　leave。　She　could　have　done　it　easily；　she　was　quite　the　expert　at　it。　I　saw　her　do　it　once　to　a　young　model　ing　up　who　said　the　wrong　thing　to　her　one　day。　Angela　made　one　phone　call　and　no　one　in　the　business　even　spoke　that　girl's　name　again。　Angela　had　the　power　of　a　pharaoh。〃
　Her　head　came　down　so　far　that　Croaker　could　see　the　soft　bit　of　light　down　at　the　nape　of　her　neck。　〃But　the　truth　is；　I　didn't　have　the　strength　to　leave　her。　She。。。　frightened　me　and；　oddly　I　suppose；　within　the　power　of　her　manipulation　I　felt　more　secure　than　I　had　outside　on　my　own　in　the　world。〃
　There　was　a　silence　that　stretched　itself；　filling　the　room　with　an　odd　kind　of　chill。
　〃Then　what　happened？〃　Croaker　prompted。
　〃Then　everything　changed；〃　Alix　said；　her　voice　so　soft　Croaker　had　to　lean　forward　to　hear　her　properly。　〃Angela　met　Raphael　Tomkin。〃
　Jesse　James　had　picked　up　the　bastard's　name；　Tex　Bristol；　from　the　harbormaster　at　the　Key　West　marina　when　the　man　and　several　others　who　had　been　on　the　dock　at　the　time　had　noticed　his　boat　leaving　its　slip　just　after　Alix　Logan's　had。
　James　did　not　know　who　the　bastard　really　was；　but　he　promised　himself　he　would　soon　find　out。　He　had　asked　for　Bristol　by　name　at　the　front　desk；　figuring　the　bastard　wouldn't　see　any　reason　to　change　the　alias　at　this　stage；　but　he　had　been　wrong。　He　had　been　told　that　no　Bristol　with　the　first　name　of　Tex　or　with　any　other　first　name　had　registered　that　day。
　The　Blue　Monster　had　launched　into　explanation　C；　going　the　full　route；　showing　a　badge。　He　was　a　private　detective；　a　case　of　adultery；　here　are　the　descriptions　of　the　pair；　nothing　to　get　het　up　about；　just　serving　divorce　papers；　et　cetera。　He　got　their　room　number。　One　room。　Very　cosy；　James　thought。　What　does　this　bastard　have　that　I　don't？　He　took　the　elevator　up。
　The　doors　opened　and　Jesse　James　emerged　onto　the　third　floor　of　the　hotel。
　Croaker　had　just　e　out　of　the　shower。　He　felt　thirty　years　better。　Toweling　himself　dry；　he　put　on　the　lightweight　slacks；　dark　blue　T…shirt　with　〃KEY　WEST　IS　BEST〃　stenciled　in　green　across　the　chest；　and　his　tattered　topsiders　that　he　had　brought　with　him　into　the　bathroom。
　Alix　wore　a　pair　of　cutoff　jeans　and　a　pink　cap…sleeve　silk　shirt。　Her　bare　toes　curled　on　the　bedspread。　She　was　sitting　up；　her　back　against　a　pair　of　pillows；　reading　a　paperback　book　she　had　picked　up　at　the　place　along　the　highway　where　they　had　stopped　for　lunch。
　〃This　thing's　as　bad　as　the　food　we　had　this　afternoon；〃　she　said；　throwing　the　book　away　from　her。　〃Vampire's　in　the　bayous。　Who's　kidding　who？〃
　That　was　when　the　door　to　the　hall　burst　open　with　a　crack　like　a　rifle　shot。
　Sato　found　his　guest　in　the　garden。　In　the　rain。
　〃My　dear　friend；〃　he　called　from　the　dry　sanctuary　of　his　study；　〃you'll　catch　your　death　of　cold　out　there。〃
　Nicholas　did　not　answer　at　once。　His　shoulders　were　slumped　as　he　sat　on　the　stone　seat；　facing　the　swaying　branches　of　the　boxwood。　There　was　a　fat　gray　plover　strutting　impatiently　back　and　forth　along　a　dry　patch　near　the　wide　bole。　Every　so　often　it　cocked　its　head　upward；　its　glaring　eye　seeming　to　curse　the　foul　elements。
　As　for　Nicholas；　he　barely　noticed　the　wetness。　The　kimono　was　soaked　through　and　there　was　not　a　part　of　him　that　was　dry。　It　did　not　matter。　He　knew　now　that　Akiko　and　Yukio　were　two　separate　entities。
　Deceit　could　only　be　taken　so　far。　A　face　could　lie；　for　instance；　whispered　words；　even　a　knowing　glance。　But　a　body　was　different。　Response　to　an　intimate　touch；　the　softening；　the　opening；　all　these　were　unique。　They　could　not　be　counterfeited。
　An　unutterable　sadness　filled　him　at　the　thought　that　he　had　lost　her　all　over　again。　Of　course　it　had　been　an　impossibility　that　she　should　be　alive。　Logic　dictated　that　she　had　died　by　Saigo's　hand　just　as　he　had　described　it　to　Nicholas；　savoring　each　word's　effect　on　his　hated　cousin。
　Yet　Nicholas；　for　the　first　time　in　his　life　perhaps；　had　not　heeded　logic。　He　had　thrown　a　lifetime　of　training　and　understanding　out　for　the　possibility　of　one　desperate　hope。　It　was　laughable　and　sad　at　the　same　time。
　And　he　despised　himself　for　the　enjoyment　he　took　from　the　adulterous　joining。　Though　Akiko　was　not　Yukio；　still；　he　had　made　love　to　her　with　more　than　his　body。　Who　she　was　and　why　she　looked　like　his　lost　love　became　secondary　to　the　knowledge　that　his　heart　was　open　to　her。　If　she　were　not　Yukio；　could　he　love　her　anyway？　By　what　magic　was　that　possible？　Or　had　some　vital　piece　of　Yukio's　somehow　lodged　in　Akiko's　soul？　In　any　case；　he　felt　tainted；　an　outcast　from　himself。　His　misdeed　had　lost　him　his　centricity；　and　without　that　he　was　powerless　in　a　world　gone　mad。
　〃Linnear…san。〃　He　could　hear　Sato's　voice　raised　above　the　racket　of　downpour。　Then　the　older　man　was　beside　him；　draping　a　clear　plastic　wrap　across　his　shoulders。　〃Contemplation　must　conform　to　the　elements　which　it　honors；〃　he　said　softly。　〃I　will　leave　you　alone。〃
　〃No；　Sato…san。　Please　stay。〃　Abruptly；　Nicholas　did　not　want　to　be　alone。　He　already　felt　too　isolated；　bereft　almost。　All　his　youthful　dreams　were　gone。　In　the　space　of　a　thunderclap；　wild　hope　had　died。　But　what；　he　thought；　is　a　human　being　without　hope。
　〃This　garden　is　most　calming　at　all　times　of　the　day。〃　Sato　moved　beside　him。　He　opened　his　mouth　to　continue；　closed　it　as　a　crack　of　thunder　rolled　across　the　sky。　〃I've　often　thought　that　it　is　the　shouting　of　the　gods；〃　he　said。　〃Thunder。　I　was　awakened　early　this　morning　by　the　storm。　I　drowsed；　listening　to　its　cries。　Almost　human；　don't　you　think？〃
　〃Very　human；　indeed；〃　Nicholas　said。　I　must　confess；　he　thought。　I　must　return　harmony　to　my　spirit。　〃Sato…san…〃
　〃The　Chinese　taught　our　forefathers　geomancy；〃　Sato　said；　forestalling　Nicholas；　〃so　that　we　might　forever　remain　in　harmony　with　the　forces　of　nature。　We　are　not　tigers；　though　we　may　strive　to　be。　There　is　a　perfection　in　that　lesser　state　to　which　we　human　beings　can　only　aspire。〃
　His　eyes　were　liquid　and　soft　as　he　looked　down　at　Nicholas。　And；　quite　startlingly；　he　put　his　hand　on　Nicholas'　shoulder。　〃Won't　you　e　inside　now；〃　he　said；　〃and　allow　me　to　brew　you　tea？〃
　Watching　Russilov's　ramrod…straight　back　disappear　out　the　steel　door；　Protorov　thought　about　how；　after　struggling　for　so　many　years　to　devote　himself　to　the　service　of　ideology；　his　life　had　taken　on　a　personal　cast。　Not　creating　a　family　for　himself　he　certainly　saw　as　proof　of　his　overriding　dedication　to　the　eventual　worldwide　triumph　of　Soviet　ideals。
　But　now　he　had　Russilov。　How　had　that　happened？　His　intense　feeling　for　the　young　man　caused　him　to　feel　vulnerable。　And　being　vulnerable　made　him　feel　afraid。
　Viktor　Protorov　had　not　been　afraid　for　eight　years。　Not　since　the　death　of　his　older…and　only…brother。　At　that　time　Protorov　was　head　of　the　First　Directorate；　responsible　for　Russian　internal　security。　Creating　an　unassailable　kingdom　for　himself　within　the　Ninth　Directorate；　a　bastion　from　which　to　strike　outward　at　the　right　time；　to　lead　the　motherland　onward　to　global　victory；　was　just　dawning　on　him。
　In　the　winter　of　that　year…a　particularly　bitter　one；　filled　with　day　after　day　of　heavy　snow…he　had　many　missions　running。　All　were　important。　In　those　days　he　lacked　the　internal　clout　to　request　more　men　for　his　understaffed　directorate。　He　had　learned　to　make　do。　But　because　of　the　acute　manpower　shortage　and　the　inclemency　of　the　weather　he　was　forced　to　physically　oversee　more　missions　than　he　should　have。
　Consequently　he　had　been　outside　Moscow；　far　to　the　north；　when　they　had　brought　in　Minck。　Protorov　had　known　of　his　presence　inside　Russia　and　had　wanted　him；　badly。　A　fluke　had　landed　him　early；　and　he　was　inside　Lubyanka　when　Protorov'