cspector.worldwithoutend-第14部分

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is　real；　then　I　shall　lend　you　any　support　you　might　need。〃
　
　A　politician's　answer；　but　better　than　none。　Or　an　unequivocal　〃no。〃
　
　〃Thank　you；　Lady　Brane；〃　I　said。　〃I　see　the　Tir　chose　well　in　you。〃
　
　A　little　flattery　never　hurt。
　
　〃Yes；〃　said　Alachia。　〃I　knew　you　would　do　the　right　thing。　And　Aina；　do　say　hello　to　Aithne　Oakforest　for　me。〃
　
　The　sky　is　blue　as　a　robin's　egg。　Blue　as　only　a　summer's　day　can　be。　Blue　as　the　eyes　of　her　child。
　
　Where　is　her　child？　He　should　be　here。　No；　that　was　long　ago。　He's　dead　now。
　
　Then　why　does　she　hear　his　voice？
　
　Momma；　she　hears。　Momma；　where　are　you？
　
　Here　I　am。
　
　Then　she　sees　him。　The　rotting　corpse　shuffling　to　her　with　outstretched　arms。　And　she　runs　to　embrace　him。
　
　〃Well；　that　went　pretty　well；　I　thought；〃　said　Caimbeul。
　
　We　were　sitting　in　the　Dublin　International　Airport　waiting　for　our　flight　to　Tir　Tairngire。　Well；　we　weren't　going　directly　to　the　Tir。　I　wanted　to　stop　over　in　Austin　and　take　care　of　a　few　things　there　first。　Rubbing　my　eyes；　I　tried　not　to　snap　at　him。　How　he　could　have　thought　things　were　going　well　was　beyond　me。
　
　Oh；　we　were　certainly　given　the　royal　treatment。　But　underneath　I　could　feel　the　tension。　The　hostility。　Things　were　changing　and　the　Seelie　Court　knew　it。　They　just　didn't　want　to　face　what　was　happening。　And　he'd　said　barely　a　word　the　whole　time。
　
　But　isn't　that　always　the　way　of　it？　We　hate　change。　Consider　it　the　enemy。　Yet　it　is　the　one　con…start　in　our　lives。
　
　I　pushed　an　impatient　hand　through　my　hair；　which　had　grown　out　just　enough　to　be　a　nuisance。　Sticking　out　every　which　way。　Even　in　these　dire　times；　I　was　vain　enough　to　be　concerned　about　my　appearance。　Or　maybe　it　came　from　spending　so　much　time　alone　with　Caimbeul。
　
　Had　it　really　been　almost　two　hundred　years　since　we'd　been　together？　I　wondered　at　the　thought　that　time　could　slip　away　so　quickly。　Why　didn't　I　do　something　to　stop　it？　I　shook　my　head。
　
　Stop　what？　Stop　us　from　hurting　each　other？　Stop　us　from　being　who　we　were？
　
　〃Something　wrong？〃　Caimbeui　asked。
　
　〃No；〃　I　replied。　〃Nothing　much。　I　was　just。。。　remembering。〃
　
　His　eyes　were　bright　and　curious。　Oh；　Caimbeui；　you　wicked　creature　to　make　me　remember　such　things。
　
　〃Paris？〃　he　asked。　〃That　cafe　on　the　Rue　Saint…Jacques。。。　what　was　it　called？〃
　〃Well；　Monsieur　Rimbaud　called　it　'L'Academic　d'Abomphe。'　But　I　can't　remember　what　it　was　really　called。〃
　
　He　laughed。　〃I　almost　had　a　heart　attack　when　I　saw　you　there。　You　were　wearing　the　most　peculiar　outfit。。。〃
　
　〃It　wasn't　peculiar。　It　was　the　height　of　fashion。　
　Besides；　I　had　to　keep　people　more　concerned　with　my　dress　than　my　nature。　Unlike　you；　it　hasn't　always　been　easy　for　me　to　pass　through　human　foci…ety。　The　color　of　my　skin　made　it　difficult　at　best。　And　my　hair。。。　I　guess　those　are　things　people　might　remember。〃
　
　〃I　remember；〃　he　said。　His　voice　was　soft；　and　suddenly　it　was　as　if　we　were　all　alone。　That　was　a　gift　of　his；　making　you　feel　as　though　you　were　the　only　person　in　the　world。　〃The　dress　you　wore　was　gray　silk；　shot　through　with　jet　beading。　You　had　a　hat　on　which　had　an　enormous　feather　on　it。　Ostrich。　Or　was　it　peacock？〃
　
　〃Peacock；〃　I　said　softly。
　〃And　you　were　drinking　absinthe。　I　remember　it　looked　as　though　you　were　embracing　a　lover　when　you　drank。〃
　
　I　shut　my　eyes。。。
　
　The　first　clear　day　of　April。　Paris；　1854。　I　sat　in　a　cafe　on　the　Rue　Saint…Jacques。　At　the　time；　I　didn't　know　its　name。　After　a　while；　I　wouldn't　care。　I　had　found　something　powerful　enough　to　distract　me　from　the　horrors　of　living：　absinthe。
　
　My　own　sweet　mistress。　My　dearest　friend。　The　green　fairy　in　the　bottle　who　would　steal　a　little　bit　of　my　mind　every　day。　And　how　I　adored　it。
　
　The　rituals　I'd　built　up。　First；　a　stop　at　the　bank　where　my　pounds　would　be　converted　into　francs。　Then　on　to　the　small　bakery　for　a　pastry　before　I　went　to　my　first　real　appointment　of　the　day。　I　told　myself　that　as　long　as　I　ate　something　before　I　drank　I　was　fine。　Hence　the　obligatory　croissant；　most　of　which　I　threw　away　on　my　way　to　meet　my　little　friend。
　
　That's　what　I　called　it：　ma　petite　amie。　Perhaps　I　should　have　said　mon　amour；　for　that　was　indeed　what　it　had　bee：　my　dearest　friend；　my　closest　confidant；　my　love。　And；　just　like　all　lovers；　we　had　our　rituals。
　
　There　were　a　number　of　cafes　that　sold　absinthe；　and　I　was　well…known　at　all　of　them。　In　the　spring　and　summer；　I　would　settle　myself　at　one　of　the　outer　tables。　To　take　the　air；　of　course。　The　air　was　very　important…far　more　healthy　than　the　smoky　atmosphere　indoors。　In　the　winter；　well；　I　just　endured　the　smoke　and　noise。　The　things　you　will　go　through　for　a　loved　one。
　
　After　I　sat　at　a　table；　a　waiter　would　e　over　with　the　jade　bottle；　a　water　jug；　and　a　glass。　He　would　line　them　up　neatly　in　front　of　me；　then　fill　the　glass　with　water。　I　tipped　generously；　and　they　knew　what　I　wanted。
　
　From　inside　my　reticule；　I　would　pull　my　silver　absinthe　spoon。　It　was　slotted　and　diamond…shaped；　intricately　carved　with　flowers　and　scrolls。　The　spoon　was　placed　over　the　glass。　Plucking　a　sugar　cube　from　the　jar　on　the　table；　I　would　place　it　neatly　atop　the　spoon。
　
　Next　came　the　moment　I　liked　the　best。　First；　I　uncorked　the　bottle。　The　aroma　of　the　absinthe　floated　to　me。　Licorice…scented　and　bitter。
　
　Then　I　slowly　poured　the　absinthe　over　the　sugar。　It　dripped　through　the　spoon　into　the　water；　swirling　the　color　of　new　leaves；　turning　the　water　cloudy　like　a　stormy　day。　The　sugar　cube　sometimes　wouldn't　pletely　dissolve；　and　I　would　take　it　into　my　mouth；　sucking　my　first　bit　of　ecstasy　from　it。
　
　When　it　crumbled　into　nothing；　I　would　take　the　spoon　from　the　glass；　then　slowly　lift　the　glass　to　my　lips。　What　wonders　will　it　show　me　this　day？　I　would　think。　What　sweet　remembrances　from　the　past　would　e　to　me？　What　memories　would　be　created　to　fill　my　mind　and　keep　me　from　the　truth？
　
　And　as　I　felt　the　warmth　rush　through　my　veins…　sliding　into　my　mind；　seducing　my　thoughts…I　would　smile。　Sometimes　men　would　e　to　me　and　tell　me　how　beautiful　my　smile　was。　So　I　would　smile　at　them　until　they　became　nervous　and　went　away。
　
　And　so；　on　that　clear　spring　morning　in　April；　when　I　saw　Caimbeui　for　the　first　time　in　many　a　century；　I　thought；　at　first；　that　he　was　a　product　of　my　imagination。　That　I　had　conjured　him　up　from　the　pretty　places　I　went　in　my　mind。
　
　〃Hello；　Aina；〃　he　said。
　
　I　smiled。　He　smiled　back。　I　didn't　say　anything；　neither　did　he。
　He　didn't　go　away。
　〃I　suppose　it　really　is　you；〃　I　said　at　last。
　〃I'm　wounded；〃　he　said　as　he　touched　his　chest　over　his　heart。　〃Have　you　forgotten　me　so　easily？〃
　
　I　poured　more　water　into　my　glass　and　put　the　spoon　on　top。
　
　Sugar　cube。
　
　Absinthe。
　
　〃No；〃　I　replied。　〃Not　so　easily。　Would　you　care　for　some？〃
　
　He　took　his　pocket　watch　out　of　his　waistcoat　and　opened　it　with　a　little　click。
　
　〃Isn't　it　a　bit　early　for　this　sort　of　thing？〃　he　asked。　〃I　hadn't　figured　you　for　the　type。〃
　
　The　sugar　cube　crumbled　in　my　mouth。　My　tongue　was　already　numb　and　felt　a　bit　grainy。　Wonderful　numbness。
　
　〃What　type　is　that？〃　I　asked。　〃The　type　that　indulges　in　pleasure？　Think　of　it；　Caimbeul。　All　the　years　and　years　stretching　ahead　of　us。　All　the　ones　behind。　And　it　doesn't　mean　anything。　Nothing　we　do　matters。　It　all　keeps　happening　again　and　again。　I've　spent　plenty　of　time　worrying　about　what　has　happened。　And　far　too　much　concerned　with　what　will　happen。　So；　now；　I　don't　care。
　
　〃This〃…I　raised　my　glass…〃gives　me　a　brief　taste　of　happiness。　I　have　had　far　too　little　of　that。〃
　
　Silently；　I　toasted　him；　then　drank。　Ah；　nectar。　I　was　borne　up　by　angels　into　clouds　of　gossamer　and　silk。
　
　He　said　nothing　then。　Just　sat　down　there　with　me　as　I　drank；　then　walked　me　home　as　the　sun　sank　full　and　red　into　the　gray　twilight。
　
　Every　day　he　came　and　sat　with　me　as　I　drank。　Sometimes；　I　would　go　to　a　different　cafe；　but　he　always　managed　to　find　me。
　
　One　day　I　woke　and　discovered　that　I　no　longer　wanted　to　go　to　the　cafes。　Caimbeul's　presence　had　muddied　the　pleasure　of　the　absinthe　for　me。　I　hated　him　for　it。　I　dressed　hurriedly；　rushing　out　without　my　hat。
　
　He　was　waiting　for　me　at　the　cafe　on　the　Rue　Saint…Jacques。
　
　〃I　hate　you；〃　I　said。
　〃I　know。〃
　〃You've　ruined　everything。〃
　〃Perhaps。〃
　I　stood　there；　frustrated；　not　knowing　what　else　to　say。
　〃Would　you　like　to　go　for　a　walk？〃　he　asked。
　I　narrowed　my　eyes。　〃Why？〃
　〃Because　it's　a　beautiful　day；〃　he　replied。　〃And　I'd　like　you　to　e　with　me。〃
　
　I　saw　the　waiter　ing　toward　the　table　with　the　absinthe　and　water。　My　hands　started　shaking　and　I　felt　my　mouth　go　dry。　Caimbeui　and　I　didn't　say　anything　as　the　waiter　put　them　on　the　table　and　left。
　
　〃Well；〃　he　said。　〃Are　you　ing？〃
　
　I　looked　at　the　absinthe。　Ma　petite　amie。　My　life；
　Just　one　more；　I　thought。
　
　I　could　feel　my　mouth　pucker；　anticipating　the　bite　of　the　sugar；　the　anise　bitterness　of　the　absinthe。
　
　Caimbeul　held　his　hand　out　to　me。　Slowly；　very　slowly；　I　took　it。
　
　〃Why　did　you　stay？〃　I　asked　Caimbeul。
　〃When？〃
　〃When　you　found　me　in　Paris　at　that　cafe。　You　could　have　left。　It　might　have　been　better　if　you　had。　It　was　certainly　out　of　character。〃
　He　looked　out　at　the　drizzling　rain。　The　sky　was　　overcast　and　made　the　greens　outside　brilliant　and　a　little　surreal。
　
　〃I　suppose　it　was　the　shock　of　seeing　you　there。　You　looked　so。。。　human。　It　surprised　me。　I　had　always　thought　of　you　as　indestructable。　No　matter　what　knocked　you　down；　you　just　kept　getting　back　up。　But　there；　in　that　place；　you　weren't　ever　going　to　get　up　again。　I　just　couldn't　stand　to　see　the　waste　of　it　all。〃
　
　The　light　from　the　fluorescents　gave　his　skin　a　corpse…like　pallor。　It　seemed　almost　inprehensible　to　me　that　I　had　once　held　him　in　my　arms。　I　felt　like　that　had　happened　to　a　different　person。　A　different　Aina。
　
　〃Did　I　ever　thank　you？〃　I　asked。
　He　turned　toward　me　and　smiled。　The　smile　was　crooked　and　made　his　face　look　lopsided。　And　I　found　it　ut