cspector.worldwithoutend-第15部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　
　〃Did　I　ever　thank　you？〃　I　asked。
　He　turned　toward　me　and　smiled。　The　smile　was　crooked　and　made　his　face　look　lopsided。　And　I　found　it　utterly　endearing。
　〃Yes；〃　he　said。　〃You　did。〃
　〃Good；〃　I　said。
　
　And　we　sat　there　wrapped　in　our　memories　until　the　announcement　came　for　our　flight。
　You　have　been　hiding　from　me；　Aina。　You　must　know　there　is　nowhere　you　can　run　where　I　cannot　find　you。
　No　place　that　will　afford　you　sanctuary。　I　am　ing。　ing　soon。
　
　The　international　flight　was　cramped　and　exhausting。　I　jerked　awake　from　another　dream　about　Ysrth…grathe。　He　was　in　my　mind　again。　Invading　my　thoughts　and　dreams　just　like　he　had　all　those　years　ago。　It　made　me　feel　unclean。　Like　something　slimy　had　crawled　across　my　skin。
　
　Caimbeui　was　asleep　next　to　me。　He　snored　a　little　and　I　gave　him　a　bit　of　a　push　to　make　him　stop。　I　wanted　to　wake　him　and　tell　him　about　my　dream；　but　I　didn't。　I　had　learned　long　ago　that　it　was　better　not　to　involve　anyone　else　in　matters　concerning　Ysrthgrathe。　…
　
　Outside　it　was　dark。　I　found　flying　to　be　strange；　as　though　I　were　suspended　in　time　and　space。　Another　manifestation　of　my　distrust　of　technology。　Perhaps　all　this　metal　and　cold；　analytical　thought　reminded　me　too　much　of　the　Therans。　The　result　of　　their　devotion　to　purity　had　ruined　so　many。　Like　the　Huns；　they　thought　nothing　of　conquering　and　laying　waste　to　any　and　all　who　opposed　them。　And　like　the　Romans；　they　swallowed　whole　civilizations　and　digested　them　into　unrecognizable　pieces。　They　so　believed　in　their　own　purity　that　they　sacrificed　the　world。
　
　But　all　of　that　time　was　gone。　I　had　to　stop　letting　it　pull　me　into　the　past。　What　was　important　now　was　the　future。　I　had　to　save　it。
　
　We　landed　in　the　Atlanta　airport　and　made　our　connecting　flight　to　Austin　without　any　real　delays。　Oh；　there's　always　some　sort　of　drek　that　pops　up　when　you　enter　the　Confederated　American　States；　but　I　still　had　a　few　connections　of　my　own。　A　few　hours　later；　we　were　catching　a　cab　from　Robert　Mueller　Airport　to　my　sometime…residence　in　the　western　hills　of　Austin。
　
　〃I　don't　remember　this　place；〃　said　Caimbeul。　He　walked　about　the　room　pulling　dust　covers　off　the　furniture　and　sneezing　as　dust　flew　up　his　nose。
　
　The　house　smelled　stale　and　I　was　opening　windows。　The　clean；　sweet　scent　of　fall　floated　into　the　room。　It　was　warm　here；　even　in　late　October。　I　like　that　about　Austin。
　
　〃I　didn't　e　by　it　until　nineteen　thirty…four；〃　I　said。　〃As　I　recall；　you　were　out　of　the　picture　by；　oh；　about　fifty　years。〃
　〃We　did　fall　out　of　touch；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　sorry　about　that。〃
　〃I'm　not；〃　I　said。　〃We　had　said　so　many　things　by　then。　Things　neither　of　us　could　take　back。　No；　it　was　better　that　we　got　away　from　one　another。〃
　
　He　opened　the　French　doors　leading　to　the　balcony　that　wrapped　around　the　front　of　the　house　overlooking　the　beginning　of　the　Hill　Country。　Cedar　and　mesquite　trees　grew　low　and　crippled　by　the　fierce　summers。　It　was　as　close　to　an　alien　landscape　as　I　could　imagine。　Even　now；　when　technology　tried　to　cover　every　centimeter　of　earth；　I　believed　that　this　land　would　reclaim　itself　if　given　half　a　chance。
　
　〃I　like　it　here；〃　he　said。　〃It　reminds　me　of　another　place…before。。。〃
　〃Before　the　Enemy　came；〃　I　finished。　〃Yes；　it　doesn't　look　the　same；　but　it　feels　the　same。　Wild　and　untamed。　There　used　to　be　more　development　here；　but　since　the　Awakening；　it　has　gone　back　somewhat。
　〃After　the　Great　Ghost　Dance；　the　water　spirits　inhabiting　the　Barton　Creek　Watershed　rose　up　and　drowned　a　number　of　developers。　They　were　having　some　kind　of　big　ground…breaking　on　yet　another　big　project。　Apparently；　the　water　spirits　didn't　like　the　idea；　because　they　carried　off　the　great…great…grandson　of　Jim　Bob　Moffett　and　several　of　his　banker　friends。
　
　〃There　hasn't　been　much　development　since　then；　and　the　people　who　were　living　in　property　that　was　polluting　the　creek　found　themselves　being　tormented　by　water　spirits。　Most　of　them　have　left。〃
　
　〃Why　are　you　still　here？〃　Caimbeui　asked。　〃Professional　courtesy。〃
　
　We'd　stopped　for　groceries　on　the　way　in；　and　after　a　quick　meal　of　eggs　and　soylinks；　we　retired　back　to　the　balcony。　Luckily；　my　freezer　was　still　working　and　I　had　a　supply　of　unground　coffee　beans　laid　in。　We　watched　the　brilliant　red　sun　go　down　while　sipping　Kona　blue　and　cognac。
　
　〃Why　are　we　here？〃　Caimbeui　asked。　I　had　been　waiting　for　him　to　get　around　to　it；　but　I　was　surprised　it　took　him　so　long。　Perhaps　he　had　gained　some　patience　over　the　years。
　〃I　wanted　to　get　in　touch　with　Thais；〃　I　said。　〃When　last　we　spoke；　he　was　in　this　area。〃
　〃Thais？〃
　〃My　child。〃
　
　After　I　left　Europe　and　Caimbeul's　warm　embrace；　I　came　to　America。　I　was　achingly　lonely　for　him；　a　fact　that；　in　retrospect；　seems　rather　foolish　and　trivial。　But　there　it　was。　The　rumors　of　the　Great　Ghost　Dance　had　brought　me　here；　or　so　I　told　myself。　What　I　was　really　about　was　trying　to　forget　Caimbeui　and　make　something　new　out　of　my　life。
　
　I　took　a　westbound　train　from　New　York　to　Saint　Louis。　Then　I　caught　a　stage　to　Sioux　Falls。　I　knew　Wovoka　（he　also　used　the　Anglo　name　Jack　Wilson；　I　recall）　had　convinced　the　Sioux　that　they　had　to　use　the　great　ritual　magics　to　rid　themselves　of　the　whites　and　bring　down　retribution　on　their　heads。　He　was　right；　of　course；　but　wrong　about　the　time
　The　world　wouldn't　have　enough　magical　energy　in　it　for　another　hundred　and　thirty　years。
　
　But　what　concerned　me　was　the　news　of　his　〃visions。〃　He　claimed　that　God　was　sending　him　messages。　I　suspected　there　was　another　explanation；　one　I　hated　to　consider：　Thais。
　
　I　thought　I'd　stopped　this　passion　of　Thais's　for　popping　up　and　causing　mystical　visions　in　magical…thinking　cultures；　but　he　was　at　it　again。　As　I　rode　on　the　stage；　my　spine　feeling　as　though　it　were　being　pounded　through　the　ill…sprung　seat　and　dust　and　dirt　settling　into　everything　I　owned；　I　hoped　I　was　early　enough　to　put　a　stop　to　things　before　they　blew　out　of　hand。
　
　By　the　time　I　reached　Batesland；　news　was　already　making　its　way　east　about　the　massacre　at　Wounded　Knee。　I　was　too　late。
　
　It　didn't　stop　me　from　looking　for　Thais。　I　knew　I　needed　to　rein　him　in　again。　How　I　hated　the　thought　of　another　confrontation　with　him。
　
　〃I　was　wondering　when　you　would　e。〃
　
　Thais。
　
　He　was　hidden　in　the　shadows　of　a　low…hanging　outcropping　of　rock。　I　wanted　to　see　him；　but；　as　if　he　knew　that　was　my　wish；　he　remained　back　in　the　darkness。
　
　The　wasted　scenery　of　the　Badlands　spread　out　around　me。　It　reminded　me　too　much　of　how　the　world　was　after　the　Scourge。　And　to　see　Thais　here；　in　this　ruined　place　made　me　sad　and　angry　at　the　same　time。　I'd　told　Thais　that　the　world　was　not　the　one　he　had　grown　accustomed　to。　That　he　must　learn　to　change…but　he　refused。
　
　My　child。
　
　Even　after　all　these　many　centuries；　I　still　worried　about　him。　Wanted　to　know　that　he　was　safe。　Would　he　ever　forgive　me　for　bringing　him　into　a　world　that　would　never　understand　him？
　
　〃Hello；　Thais；〃　I　said。　〃I　see　you've　been　busy。〃
　
　Thais　shrugged　and　looked　a　bit　bewildered。　〃I　don't　understand；〃　he　said。　〃The　magic　should　have　worked。〃　A　frown　crossed　his　face　and　I　wanted　to　hold　him　and　fort　him；　but　I　knew　that　would　not　be　allowed。　It　frightened　me　sometimes；　how　much　he　grew　like　his　father。
　
　〃Magic　isn't　as　powerful　now；〃　I　said。　〃You　know　that。　Why　did　you　lead　them　to　this　destruction？〃
　
　〃They　loved　me；〃　Thais　said。　〃It　was　just　like　in　the　old　days。　They　looked　at　me　and　they　didn't　see　a　monster…they　saw　me。　I　was　trying　to　help　them。　All　they　wanted　was　to　have　their　land　back。　I　could　give　that　to　them。〃　He　looked　mournful。　It　made　my　heart　ache。　〃I　should　have　been　able　to　give　them　that。〃
　
　〃Once；〃　I　said；　〃you　might　have。　But　no　more。　Those　days　are　gone。　Thais；　you　must　stop　this。　I　know　what　you've　been　doing。　Those　stone　heads　they　dug　up　in　the　bed　of　the　Trinity　River。　From　the　Pleistocene。　I　heard　them　described　as　obviously　not　human。　My　god；　Thais；　it　was　you。　How　could　you　have　let　them　see　you　revealed？
　
　〃And　what　about　Indochina？　At　least　you　tried　to　disguise　your　shape；　but　a　seven…headed　snake　god？　
　I've　told　you　that　we　aren't　to　interfere。　There's　too　much　at　risk。　What　if　they'd　discovered　what　you　really　are？　They　might　have　killed　you。〃
　
　〃I'm　as　hard　to　kill　as　my　parents；〃　he　said；　bit…ferly。　〃I　am　what　you've　made　me。　There　is　no　place　in　this　or　any　other　world　where　I　may　live　peacefully。　Why　did　you　make　me？〃
　
　I　looked　away。　Thais　was　right；　of　course。　He　never　should　have　been　born。　But　I　was　mad　at　the　time。　Out　of　my　mind　with　remorse　and　grief。　Selfish　Aina。
　
　〃You　must　not　do　this　again；〃　I　said。　〃It　will　only　end　in　ruin。　If　not　for　you；　then　for　your　followers。　Even　now；　when　the　magic　is　at　a　low　ebb；　you　still；　by　your　nature；　have　some　power。　Why　don't　you　use　it　responsibly？〃
　
　〃Oh；　that's　rich；〃　he　said；　laughing　harshly。　Even　so；　it　made　me　want　to　hold　him　and　gaze　into　his　eyes。　Such　power　in　my　child。　〃You…talking　about　responsibility。　You　don't　have　the　right。〃
　
　〃Mark　my　words；　Thais。　These　tragedies　will　continue　if　you　don't　do　something　about　it。〃
　
　〃What　would　you　have　me　do。　Mother？　Exile　myself　to　some　mountaintop　the　way　you　did？　Hide　myself　and　live　in　isolation　until　the　world　is　something　else　again？　I　need　them　and　they　need　me。　You　cannot　imagine　how　I　feel　when　they　look　at　me　and　love　me。　When　they　fall　to　their　knees　and　beg　for　my　blessing　and　I　give　it　to　them。　I　was　born　to　be　a　god。　To　be　adored　and　worshipped。　You　can't　take　that　away　from　me。〃
　
　〃I'm　not　trying　to　take　anything　away　from　you。。。〃
　〃You　took　my　father　away。〃
　〃Don't　be　a　fool；　Thais；〃　I　said。　〃That　was　an　ac…eident　of　birth。〃
　
　He　shrugged　and　looked　away。　I　knew　there　was　no　use　discussing　this　further。　Thais　had　shut　off　from　me；　and　nothing　I　could　do　or　say　would　make　any　difference。　How　I　wished　that　things　could　be　different　between　us；　but　I　knew　I　could　as　much　wish　for　the　moon　for　all　the　good　it　would　do　me。
　
　And　so　we　stood　there；　in　that　bare　and　barren