cspector.worldwithoutend-第4部分

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already　found　me。
　
　Caimbeui　knocked　on　the　door　to　my　study。
　
　〃Go　away；〃　I　said。
　〃Don't　be　difficult；　Aina；〃　he　said。　〃Let　me　in。〃　
　〃No；　no；　dear　Harlequin；〃　I　replied。　〃I　don't　wish　to　trouble　you。〃
　
　I　heard　him　sigh。　Loudly　and　dramatically　so　I　would　hear。
　
　〃Let　me　in；〃　he　said。
　
　I　walked　over　to　the　door　and　opened　it。
　
　〃Oh；　it's　the　great　Harlequin　e　to　pay　a　visit　to　the　poor　unenlightened　masses。　Oh；　please　show　us　your　bountiful　insight。　We　are　honored　by　your　presence。　May　we　kiss　your　hem？〃
　〃I　was　a　bit。。。　difficult；〃　he　began。
　〃No；　you　were　an　ass；〃　I　said。
　〃Very　well；　an　ass。　You　always　did　get　sarcastic　when　you　were　upset。〃
　〃How　insightful　of　you；〃　I　said。　〃But　you've　got　it　a　little　wrong。　I'm　not　upset。　I'm　scared。　And　if　you　had　a　bit　of　sense；　you'd　be　frightened　too。〃
　
　He　began　to　circle　my　study　slowly；　gently　touching　the　books；　totems；　scrolls；　and　other　bits　of　ar…cans　I'd　carefully　catalogued。　Some　was　only　theory；　some　was　practical。　I　knew　he　had　an　impressive　accumulation　of　his　own；　but　I　also　knew　that　I　had　been　at　this　longer。
　〃What's　this？〃　he　asked；　pulling　a　thick　tome　from　a　shelf。
　〃That；〃　I　said　as　I　walked　over　and　plucked　it　from　his　hand　arid　stuck　it　back　on　its　shelf；　〃is　none　of　your　concern。　I'm　certain　you　have　five　or　six　just　like　it　at　home。〃
　
　An　annoyed　and　interested　expression　crossed　his　face。
　
　〃I　don't　understand　why　you're　so　worried；〃　he　said。　〃You've　dealt　with　him　in　the　past。　As　I　recall；　Vistrosh　told　me　the　most　amazing　story　about　how　you　vanquished　him。〃
　
　Rubbing　my　eyes　with　the　heels　of　my　hands；　I　sighed。
　
　〃Did　he　tell　what　really　happened？〃　I　asked。　〃Or　was　it　turned　into　some　of　kind　of　ridiculous　tale？　Let　me　see　if　I　can　recount　his　version：　'And　then　Aina　threw　her　arms　wide　to　the　skies　and　caused　a　blast　of　heavenly　fire　to　consume　the　monster。　The　creature　gave　one　last　wail　of　angry　despair　and　vanished　into　the　void。'　〃
　Caimbeui　dropped　into　my　heavy　leather　wingback　chair　and　put　his　feet　up　on　my　desk。
　〃Yes；〃　he　said。　〃It　was　something　like　that。〃
　〃Well；　you　know　as　well　as　I　that　that's　not　exactly　how　these　things　happen。　Oh；　certainly　I　managed　to　overe　Ysrthgrathe；　but　it　wasn't　the　simple　matter　Vistrosh　would　have　had　you　believe。　It　almost　killed　me　and　I　sacrificed　more　than　you　can　possibly　imagine。〃
　〃Like　your　grimoire？〃　he　asked。
　〃Yes；〃　I　replied。　〃I　unmade　myself。　You　remember　what　I'd　done。　All　those　scars。　The　years　and　years　of　blood　magic。　Everything。　I　gave　it　all　up　to　send　him　back。　To　imprison　him。　And　now　he's　returned。
　〃Then　I　had　so　much　power。　Look　at　me　now。　What　are　you　doing？〃
　
　He　had　picked　up　my　grimoire　and　was　leafing　through　it；　making　interested　noises　every　few　　pages。　I　grabbed　it　from　his　hands；　shocked　at　such　a　breach　of　etiquette。
　
　〃And　I　don't　expect　you　to　be　any　help；〃　I　said。　〃You're　too　damn　selfish。〃
　〃The　Enemy　was　stopped　or　we'd　be　dealing　with　more　than　one　of　them　now。　You're　letting　something　that　happened　millennia　ago　affect　you　now。〃
　〃Don't　tell　me　the　past　has　no　hold　over　you；　Caimbeui。　We　both　know　what　a　lie　that　is。〃
　〃This　is　precisely　the　reason　I　left　you；〃　he　snapped。　〃You　pick　and　pick　and　pick。〃
　〃That's　right；〃　I　said。　〃I'm　no　Sally；　or　Susan；　or　whatever…her…name…is…this…decade　who　fawns　over　you　like　you　were　some　sort　of　demigod。　Doesn't　fragging　a　sycophant　lose　its　appeal　after　a　while？〃
　
　He　pushed　himself　up　from　the　table　in　an　angry　rush。
　
　〃This　bickering　isn't　getting　us　anywhere；〃　he　said。　〃What　are　you　planning　to　do？〃
　
　Hugging　my　grimoire　close　to　my　body；　I　walked　to　the　window　and　pulled　back　the　drapes。　It　had　begun　to　rain；　and　every　so　often　the　craggy　land　was　lit　by　lightning。　Bare　country；　wild　and　untamed。
　
　〃I've　put　up　some　protections；　but　I'm　not　sure　how　effective　they'll　be。　I　wish。。。　Well；　I　might　as　well　wish　for　the　sun　to　rise　in　the　west。　What's　that　old　adage？　'If　wishes　were　horses；　beggars　would　ride。'　〃
　Caimbeui　came　up　behind　me。　I　could　see　him　refleeted　in　the　window。　A　flash　of　lightning；　the　desotate　land　outside。　The　darkness；　Caimbeul's　image　in　the　glass。
　
　〃I　think　you　should　tell　the　others；〃　he　said。
　〃Why　don't　you　tell　them？　Your　relations　with　them　have　always　been　better　than　mine。〃
　〃Because；　Aina；　I'm　not　convinced。　You　are。　You　will　be　more　effective。　Tell　them。〃
　〃Tell　them　what？〃　I　asked。　〃That　I've　had　dreams　and　there　has　been　one　very　strange　tele　call？〃
　〃Don't　dodge　it；〃　he　replied。　〃They'll　have　to　listen　to　you。　The　ones　who　matter　will　know　what　it　means。〃
　
　I　dropped　the　curtains　and　skirted　around　him。　He　was　close　enough　that　I　could　feel　the　warmth　of　his　body。
　
　〃Why　do　you　want　me　to　do　this？〃　I　asked。　〃What　have　you　got　up　your　sleeve？〃
　
　He　shrugged。
　
　〃I　suppose　your　reaction　has　something　to　do　with　it；〃　he　said。　〃In　all　the　time　I've　known　you；　I've　never　seen　anything　unnerve　you　so　much　as　that　call。　Your　hands　are　shaking　even　now。　And　when　you　heard　that　voice　I　thought　you　might　faint。　And；　Aina；　you're　not　the　fainting　type。〃
　
　I　smiled。　I　couldn't　help　it。　He　could　still　do　that　to　me。　Even　in　the　worst　moments；　he　had　a　knack　for　pulling　it　out　of　me。
　
　〃You're　forgetting　about　Dunkelzahn　and　that　ancient　business；〃　I　said。　〃I　doubt　they're　likely　to　have　forgiven　me　for　that。〃
　
　〃Probably　not；〃　he　replied。　〃But　you　must　try。〃
　
　〃And　where　do　you　suggest　I　try　first？〃　I　asked。　〃Tirnanog？　Let's　see。。。　I　have　such　close　relationships　with　the　Elders　there。　Alachia　in　particular。　
　Yes；　we've　bee　the　best　of　friends　since　that　nasty　business　with　the　dragons。　Oh；　I'm　sure　she'll　help　my　cause。
　
　〃And　then　there's　Tir　Tairngire。　My　relationship　with　Aithne　is　particularly　strong。　After　Hebhel　and　Lily；　I　doubt　he　would　piss　on　me　were　I　on　fire。　Not　that　I　blame　him。〃
　〃That　was　a　long　time　ago；〃　he　said。　〃There　are　more　pressing　issues　than　things　and　people　dead　and　gone。〃
　
　I　made　a　slow　circuit　of　my　study。　So　many　years　of　keeping　track　of　the　wisdom。　Anticipating　this　time。　Now　that　it　was　here；　I　was　reluctant　to　act。　No；　afraid　to　act。
　
　〃Once；　a　long　time　ago；　someone　said　to　me　that　memory　is　all　we　have。　Even　as　we　speak；　there　is　a　slight　lapse　in　time　between　what　we　hear　and　what　we　understand。　All　our　experience　is　a　kind　of　lag。
　〃Everything　is　memory；　Caimbeul。　Nothing　has　any　meaning　without　it。　'He　who　cannot　remember　the　past　is　condemned　to　repeat　it。'　See；　even　a　human　philosopher　understood　it。　And　he　blinked　out　in　a　heartbeat。
　〃Don't　kid　yourself；　Caimbeul。　The　past　is　very　much　with　us。〃
　
　I　closed　my　eyes　and　let　the　past　wash　over　me　like　the　sea　rushing　over　the　shore。
　
　Three　birds　are　sitting　on　a　branch。　They　are　about　to　soar　into　the　blue　sky　when　an　arrow　pierces　the　hearts　of　two　of　them。
　
　The　third　bird　flies　away；　frightened　and　lonely。　She　knows　the　hunter　is　after　her。　Will　always　be　after　her。
　
　We　have　always　been　a　meddlesome　race　of　beings；　we　Elders。
　
　I　suppose　it　es　from　a　long　time　of　being　privileged。　Few　have　known　of　us。　And　none　have　been　able　to　stop　us　from　doing　what　we　wanted。　Oh；　well；　there　was　that　business　with　the　great　worms；　but　even　they　must　sleep　eventually。
　
　What　was　that　amusing　little　saying　from　the　ix？　〃Who　Watches　the　Watchmen？〃　I　used　to　see　it　scrawled　across　the　bottoms　of　bridges　and　on　the　sides　of　buildings　during　the　late　nineteen…nineties。
　
　So；　though　we'd　been　given　a　thrashing；　while　the　cat's　away　（or　the　monstrous　serpents）；　the　mice　will　play。　And　so　we　did。
　
　Myself；　I　have　always　preferred　a　low　profile。　None　of　the　flash　that　has　marked　the　passage　of　my　fellows。　The　tales　that　have　floated　about　me　were　easily　written　off　as　fables。　That　wasn't　by　accident；　for　I　have　believed　for　a　long　time　that　our　presence　is　more　a　danger　than　a　boon。
　
　Perhaps　had　I　been　more　vigilant；　certain　events　of　the　past　wouldn't　have　e　to　pass。
　
　I　had　been　traveling　to　England。　Why；　I　can't　remember　now。　Although　I　believe　it　had　something　to　do　with　that　collection　of　stones　in　Wiltshire。　There　were　rumors　of　power　there。　Tremendous　magical　power。　It　was　whispered　in　the　harems　and　in　council　rooms。　In　market　places　and　among　the　nomads。　There　were　always　places　of　power　and　this　was　one　of　them。
　
　Stupidity。
　
　That's　how　I　came　to　be　there。　Had　I　bit　of　sense　in　my　head　I　would　have　left　them　all　to　die。　Hacking　their　lungs　out；　puking　up　what　they'd　barely　managed　to　down　a　moment　before。
　
　Ignorant；　superstitious　peasants。
　
　I　knew　there　was　a　reason　I'd　stayed　in　the　east　for　so　long。　In　the　east　I　wasn't　looked　upon　as　a　black　devil。　The　color　of　my　skin　was　hardly　…merited　upon。
　
　But　here　among　these　backwards　Englishmen　with　their　pasty　skin　and　bad　teeth　I　was　something　to　be　feared；　hated；　and　possibly　killed。　And　the　place　they'd　put　me　in　might　well　do　that。
　
　It　was　called　the　Tower；　but；　of　course；　it　wasn't。　More　like　several　castles　and　towers　collected　together。　Not　that　I'd　had　much　of　a　chance　to　see　any　of　it。　I'd　been　brought　here　in　the　middle　of　the　　night　and　hadn't　seen　much　of　the　light　of　day　since。　Sometimes　I　wondered　if　anyone　even　remembered　I　was　there。
　
　Once　a　day　a　jailer　slid　a　plate　of　bread　and　porridge　through　the　grate。　I　could　hear　him　muttering　catechisms　under　his　breath。　It　would　do　him　little　good　and　likely　lose　him　his　head；　given　the　political　mood。　But　don't　we　all　fall　back　upon　the　icons　from　our　youth？　The　stories　we　recite　to　keep　the　monsters　at　bay。
　
　And　that　was　how　I　knew　I　must　appear。　Oh；　I'd　lost　the　pointed　ears；　thank　goodness。　The　more　obvious　signs　of　my　elver　condition　were　muted　now。　Magic　was　at　a　low　ebb；　though　for　some　reason　belief　in　it　had　never　been　higher。　There　were　more　charlatans　and　mountebanks　claiming　to　turn　lead　into　gold　than　you　could　swing　a　dead　cat　at。　And　they　did　a　great　bit　of　that；　too。　To　drive　out　the　demons。
　
　Demons　like　me　with　my　black　skin　and　my　white　hair。　My　hair　I　could　dye。　Luckily；　my　eyes　had　changed　to　a　brownish…gray　color；