ss.iftomorrowcomes-第8部分

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　fifteen　years。　It's　better　that　it　never　knows　about　its　mother。
　
　She　wept。
　
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　At　5：00　in　the　morning　a　male　guard；　acpanied　by　a　matron；　entered　Tracy's　cell。　〃Tracy　Whitney？〃
　
　〃Yes。〃　She　was　surprised　at　how　odd　her　voice　sounded。
　
　〃By　order　of　the　Criminal　Court　of　the　State　of　Louisiana；　Orleans　Parish；　you　are　forthwith　being　transferred　to　the　Southern　Louisiana　Penitentiary　for　Women。　Let's　move　it；　babe。〃
　
　She　was　walked　down　a　long　corridor；　past　cells　filled　with　inmates。　There　was　a　series　of　catcalls。
　
　〃Have　a　good　trip；　honey。。。。〃
　
　〃You　tell　me　where　you　got　that　paintin'　hidden；　Tracy；　baby；　and　I'll　split　the　money　with　you。。。〃
　
　〃If　you're　headin'　for　the　big　house；　ask　for　Ernestine　Littlechap。　She'll　take　real　good　care　of　you。。。。〃
　
　Tracy　passed　the　telephone　where　she　had　made　her　call　to　Charles。　Good…bye；　Charles。
　
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　She　was　outside　in　a　courtyard。　A　yellow　prison　bus　with　barred　windows　stood　there；　its　engine　idling。　Half　a　dozen　women　already　were　seated　in　the　bus；　watched　over　by　two　armed　guards。　Tracy　looked　at　the　faces　of　her　fellow　passengers。　One　was　defiant；　and　another　bored；　others　wore　expressions　of　despair。　The　lives　they　had　lived　were　about　to　e　to　an　end。　They　were　outcasts；　headed　for　cages　where　they　would　be　locked　up　like　animals。　Tracy　wondered　what　crimes　they　had　mitted　and　whether　any　of　them　was　as　innocent　as　she　was；　and　she　wondered　what　they　saw　in　her　face。
　
　The　ride　on　the　prison　bus　was　interminable；　the　bus　hot　and　smelly；　but　Tracy　was　unaware　of　it。　She　had　withdrawn　into　herself；　no　longer　conscious　of　the　other　passengers　or　of　the　lush　green　countryside　the　bus　passed　through。　She　was　in　another　time；　in　another　place。
　
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　She　was　a　little　girl　at　the　shore　with　her　mother　and　father；　and　her　father　was　carrying　her　into　the　ocean　on　his　shoulders；　and　when　she　cried　out　her　father　said；　Don't　be　a　baby；　Tracy；　and　he　dropped　her　into　the　cold　water。　When　the　water　closed　over　her　head；　she　panicked　and　began　to　choke；　and　her　father　lifted　her　up　and　did　it　again；　and　from　that　moment　on　she　had　been　terrified　of　the　water。。。。
　
　The　college　auditorium　was　filled　with　students　and　their　parents　and　relatives。　She　was　class　valedictorian。　She　spoke　for　fifteen　minutes；　and　her　speech　was　filled　with　soaring　idealism；　clever　references　to　the　past；　and　shining　dreams　for　the　future。　The　dean　had　presented　her　with　a　Phi　Beta　Kappa　key。　l　want　you　to　keep　it；　Tracy　told　her　mother；　and　the　pride　on　her　mother's　face　was　beautiful。。。。
　
　I'm　going　to　Philadelphia；　Mother。　I　have　a　job　at　a　bank　there。
　
　Annie　Mahler；　her　best　friend；　was　calling　her。　You'll　love　Philadelphia；　Tracy。　It's　full　of　all　kinds　of　cultural　things。　It　has　beautiful　scenery　and　a　shortage　of　women。　I　mean；　the　men　here　are　really　hungry！　I　can　get　you　a　job　at　the　bank　where　I　work。。。。
　
　Charles　was　making　love　to　her。　She　watched　the　moving　shadows　on　the　ceiling　and　thought；　How　many　girls　would　like　to　be　in　my　place？　Charles　was　a　prime　catch。　And　she　was　instantly　ashamed　of　the　thought。　She　loved　him。　She　could　feel　him　inside　her；　beginning　to　thrust　harder；　faster　and　faster；　on　the　verge　of　exploding；　and　he　gasped　out；　Are　you　ready？　And　she　lied　and　said　yes。　Was　it　wonderful　for　you？　Yes；　Charles。　And　she　thought；　Is　that　all　there　is？　And　the　guilt　again。。。。
　
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　〃You！　I'm　talkin'　to　you。　Are　you　deaf　for　Christ's　sake？　Let's　go。〃
　
　Tracy　looked　up　and　she　was　in　the　yellow　prison　bus。　It　had　stopped　in　an　enclosure　surrounded　by　a　gloomy　pile　of　masonry。　A　series　of　nine　fences　topped　with　barbed　wire　surrounded　the　five　hundred　acres　of　farm　pasture　and　woodlands　that　made　up　the　prison　grounds　of　the　Southern　Louisiana　Penitentiary　for　Women。
　
　〃Get　out；〃　the　guard　said。　〃We're　here。〃
　
　Here　was　hell。
　
　
　
　BOOK　ONE
　Chapter　05
　
　
　
　A　stocky；　stony…faced　matron　with　sable…brown　dyed　hair　was　addressing　the　new　arrivals：　〃Some　of　you　are　gonna　be　here　for　a　long；　long　time。　There's　only　one　way　you're　gonna　make　it；　and　that's　by　forgettin'　all　about　the　outside　world。　You　can　do　your　time　the　easy　way　or　the　hard　way。　We　have　rules　here；　and　you'll　follow　those　rules。　We'll　tell　you　when　to　get　up；　when　to　work；　when　to　eat；　and　when　to　go　to　the　toilet。　You　break　any　of　our　rules；　and　you'll　wish　you　was　dead。　We　like　to　keep　things　peaceful　here；　and　we　know　how　to　handle　troublemakers。〃　Her　eyes　flicked　over　to　Tracy。　〃You'll　be　taken　for　your　physical　examinations　now。　After　that　you'll　go　to　the　showers　and　be　assigned　your　cells。　In　the　mornin'　you'll　receive　your　work　duties。　That's　all。〃　She　started　to　turn　away。
　
　A　pale　young　girl　standing　next　to　Tracy　said；　〃Excuse　me；　please；　could…〃
　
　The　matron　whirled　around；　her　face　filled　with　fury。　〃Shut　your　fuckin'　mouth。　You　speak　only　when　you're　spoken　to；　do　you　understand？　That　goes　for　all　you　assholes。〃
　
　The　tone；　as　much　as　the　words；　was　a　shock　to　Tracy。　The　matron　signaled　to　two　women　guards　at　the　back　of　the　room。　〃Get　these　no…good　bitches　out　of　here。〃
　
　Tracy　found　herself　being　herded　out　of　the　room　with　the　others；　down　a　long　corridor。　The　prisoners　were　marched　into　a　large；　white…tiled　room；　where　a　fat；　middle…aged　man　in　a　soiled　smock　stood　next　to　an　examination　table。
　
　One　of　the　matrons　called　out；　〃Line　up；〃　and　formed　the　women　into　one　long　line。
　
　The　man　in　the　smock　said；　〃I'm　Dr。　Glasco；　ladies。　Strip！〃
　
　The　women　turned　to　look　at　one　another；　uncertainly。　One　of　them　said；　〃How　far　should　we…？〃
　
　〃Don't　you　know　what　the　hell　strip　means？　Get　your　clothes　off…　all　of　them。〃
　
　Slowly；　the　women　began　to　undress。　Some　of　them　were　self…conscious；　some　outraged；　some　indifferent。　On　Tracy's　left　was　a　woman　in　her　late　forties；　shivering　violently；　and　on　Tracy's　right　was　a　pathetically　thin　girl　who　looked　to　be　no　more　than　seventeen　years　old。　Her　skin　was　covered　with　acne。
　
　The　doctor　gestured　to　the　first　woman　in　line。　〃Lie　down　on　the　table　and　put　your　feet　in　the　stirrups。〃
　
　The　woman　hesitated。
　
　〃e　on。　You're　holding　up　the　line。〃
　
　She　did　as　she　was　told。　The　doctor　inserted　a　speculum　into　her　vagina。　As　he　probed；　he　asked；　〃Do　you　have　a　venereal　disease？〃
　
　〃No。〃
　
　〃We'll　soon　find　out　about　that。〃
　
　The　next　woman　replaced　her　on　the　table。　As　the　doctor　started　to　insert　the　same　speculum　into　her；　Tracy　cried　out；　〃Wait　a　minute！〃
　
　The　doctor　stopped　and　looked　up　in　surprise。　〃What？〃
　
　Everyone　was　staring　at　Tracy。　She　said；　〃I。。。　you　didn't　sterilize　that　instrument。〃
　
　Dr。　Glasco　gave　Tracy　a　slow；　cold　smile。　〃Well！　We　have　a　gynecologist　in　the　house。　You're　worried　about　germs；　are　you？　Move　down　to　the　end　of　the　line。〃
　
　〃What？〃
　
　〃Don't　you　understand　English？　Move　down。〃
　
　Tracy；　not　understanding　why；　took　her　place　at　the　end　of　the　line。
　
　〃Now；　if　you　don't　mind；〃　the　doctor　said；　〃we'll　continue。〃　He　inserted　the　speculum　into　the　woman　on　the　table；　and　Tracy　suddenly　realized　why　she　was　the　last　in　line。　He　was　going　to　examine　all　of　them　with　the　same　unsterilized　speculum；　and　she　would　be　the　last　one　on　whom　he　used　it。　She　could　feel　an　anger　boiling　up　inside　her。　He　could　have　examined　them　separately；　instead　of　deliberately　stripping　away　their　dignity。　And　they　were　letting　him　get　away　with　it。　If　they　all　protested…　It　was　her　turn。
　
　〃On　the　table；　Ms。　Doctor。〃
　
　Tracy　hesitated；　but　she　had　no　choice。　She　climbed　up　on　the　table　and　closed　her　eyes。　She　could　feel　him　spread　her　legs　apart；　and　then　the　cold　speculum　was　inside　her；　probing　and　pushing　and　hurting。　Deliberately　hurting。　She　gritted　her　teeth。
　
　〃You　got　syphilis　or　gonorrhea？〃　the　doctor　asked。
　
　〃No。〃　She　was　not　going　to　tell　him　about　the　baby。　Not　this　monster。　She　would　discuss　that　with　the　warden。
　
　She　felt　the　speculum　being　roughly　pulled　out　of　her。　Dr。　Glasco　was　putting　on　a　pair　of　rubber　gloves。　〃All　right；〃　he　said。　〃Line　up　and　bend　over。　We're　going　to　check　your　pretty　little　asses。〃
　
　Before　she　could　stop　herself；　Tracy　said；　〃Why　are　you　doing　this？〃
　
　Dr。　Glasco　stared　at　her。　〃I'll　tell　you　why；　Doctor。　Because　assholes　are　great　hiding　places。　I　have　a　whole　collection　of　marijuana　and　cocaine　that　I　got　from　ladies　like　you。　Now　bend　over。〃　And　he　went　down　the　line；　plunging　his　fingers　into　anus　after　anus。　Tracy　was　sickened。　She　could　feel　the　hot　bile　rise　in　her　throat　and　she　began　to　gag。
　
　〃You　vomit　in　here；　and　I'll　rub　your　face　in　it。〃　He　turned　to　the　guards。　〃Get　them　to　the　showers。　They　stink。〃
　
　Carrying　their　clothes；　the　naked　prisoners　were　marched　down　another　corridor　to　a　large　concrete　room　with　a　dozen　open　shower　stalls。
　
　〃Lay　your　clothes　in　the　corner；〃　a　matron　ordered。　〃And　get　into　the　showers。　Use　the　disinfectant　soap。　Wash　every　part　of　your　body　from　head　to　foot；　and　shampoo　your　hair。〃
　
　Tracy　stepped　from　the　rough　cement　floor　into　the　shower。　The　spray　of　water　was　cold。　She　scrubbed　herself　hard；　thinking；　I'll　never　be　clean　again。　What　kind　of　people　are　these？　How　can　they　treat　other　human　beings　this　way？　I　can't　stand　fifteen　years　of　this。
　
　A　guard　called　out　to　her；　〃Hey；　you！　Time's　up。　Get　out。''
　
　Tracy　stepped　out　of　the　shower；　and　another　prisoner　took　her　place。　Tracy　was　handed　a　thin；　worn　towel　and　half　dried　her　body。
　
　When　the　last　of　the　prisoners　had　showered；　they　were　marched　to　a　large　supply　room　where　there　were　shelves　of　clothes　guarded　by　a　Latino　inmate　who　sized　up　each　prisoner　and　handed　out　gray　uniforms。　Tracy　and　the　others　were　issued　two　uniform　dresses；　two　pairs　of　panties；　two　brassieres；　two　pairs　of　shoes；　two　nightgowns；　a　sanitary　belt；　a　hairbrush；　and　a　laundry　bag。　The　matrons　stood　watching　while　the　prisoners　dressed。　When　they　had　finished；　they　were　herded　to　a　room　where　a　trusty　operated　a　large　portrait　camera　set　on　a　tripod。
　
　〃Stand　over　there　against　the　wall。〃
　
　Tra