pzb.lostsouls-第28部分

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　　　Chapter　17
　　
　　Morning　on　a　sunny　road　with　the　music　cranked　up　and　the　wine　flowing　free。　Morning　in　this　new　world　without　long　days　at　school　and　wasted　evenings　spent　smoking　too　many　cigarettes　at　Skittle's。　Morning；　and　someone　to　wake　up　with；　three　someones　with　their　warm　friendly　bodies　and　their　interesting；　meaty　smell。　Nothing　realized　now　that　they　smelled　of　blood；　both　old　and　fresh；　and　he　found　himself　getting　used　to　it；　liking　it。　And　at　last　he　was　in　the　South；　with　its　green　cathedrals　of　kudzu　and　its　railroad　tracks　to　clatter　over　at　eighty　miles　an　hour。
　　Around　lunchtime　Zillah　passed　out　tiny　squares　of　paper　…blotter；　he　said。　〃Crucifix〃　from　New　York。　Molochai　and　Twig　gulped　theirs　down。　Nothing　looked　thoughtfully　at　his。　He　had　only　taken　acid　twice；　weak　stuff　called　Yin/Yang；　bought　off　Jack　for　three　dollars　a　hit。　Then　he　shrugged。　The　tempo　of　his　days　would　be　different　from　now　on；　he　might　as　well　enjoy　what　came　with　them。　He　touched　the　square　of　paper　to　his　tongue　and　let　it　dissolve　there。
　　Soon　afterward　they　stopped　at　a　Waffle　House。　Molochai　wanted　pie；　and　Twig　requested　a　burger　cooked　very　rare；　but　Zillah　ordered　only　a　glass　of　water　and　Nothing　did　not　dare　eat　anything。　Already　he　could　feel　the　acid　beginning　to　tickle　inside　him。
　　Molochai　and　Twig　spread　their　fingers　on　the　greasy　tabletop；　laughing　over　some　obscure　private　joke。　Molochai　started　opening　packets　of　sugar。　Zillah　was　quiet；　but　Nothing　could　feel　his　gaze；　green　and　hot　and　somehow　demanding。　Nothing　toyed　with　the　cream　pitcher；　shredded　the　corner　of　a　paper　napkin。　What　should　he　do？　What　did　Zillah　want　him　to　do？
　　He　looked　at　Molochai　and　Twig　hoping　for　some　kind　of　clue；　but　they　were　tussling。　Arguing　over　who　had　more　room　in　the　plastic　booth；　it　seemed。　〃I　only　have　one　inch…〃
　　〃I　know　you　only　have　one　inch；　stupid；　why　are　you　telling　me　about　your　dick？〃
　　Nothing's　stomach　tightened　and　his　head　swam。　This　was　going　to　make　the　other　times　he'd　tripped　look　like　children's　games；　like　dreams　of　dreams。　Thousands　of　tiny　fingers　came　alive　inside　him；　crawling。　He　rubbed　his　hands　over　his　face。　His　skin　felt　numb；　tight；　rubbery。　His　throat　was　closing。　He　breathed　deep　and　with　an　effort　was　able　to　swallow。　The　spit　ran　down　his　throat；　syrupy；　slicking　its　way　along　the　passages　of　his　body。　He　started　wondering　about　something　he'd　never　thought　of　before：　where　did　spit　go　when　he　swallowed？　Did　it　all　go　to　his　stomach；　and　did　that　mean　his　stomach　was　full　of　spit？
　　He　wanted　to　stop　thinking。
　　He　stared　across　the　table　at　Molochai　and　Twig；　who　appeared　to　be　primping。　Twig　took　out　an　eyeliner　pencil；　pried　Molochai's　left　eye　open；　and　drew　a　shaky　line　along　the　tender　edge　of　the　lower　lid。　Molochai　sat　through　it　without　a　pretest。　Despite　their　squabbling；　the　two　seemed　to　trust　each　other　unquestioningly。
　　Nothing's　gaze　dropped　to　the　table。　At　some　point　the　others　had　gotten　their　food　and　devoured　it；　the　remains　of　their　meal　lay　there；　mangled。　Bits　of　Twig's　hamburger；　fragments　of　meat　and　onion　stuck　to　bread　stained　pink。　The　ruins　of　Molochai's　pie；　smears　of　strawberry　bleeding　into　smudges　of　whipped　cream；　gory　as　a　roadkill。　In　the　midst　of　the　carnage　rose　Zillah's　glass；　immaculate；　free　from　fingerprints；　half　full　of　cold　clear　water。
　　Molochai　put　his　fingers　into　the　pie　and　licked　them。　He　smiled　across　the　table　at　Nothing。　His　eyes　seemed　all　pupil；　black…ringed　and　enormous；　hectically　shiny。　There　was　red　goo　in　the　spaces　between　Molochai's　teeth：　pie　filling。　It　reminded　Nothing　of　the　bottle　hidden　under　the　mattress　in　the　back　of　the　van；　still　half　full。　That　taste　rose　again　in　his　mouth。　Sharing　their　weird　blood　cocktail　somehow　made　him　feel　closer　to　them　than　any　drug　or　kinky　sex　act　could。　It　made　him　more　a　part　of　their　psychedelic　nighttime　world。
　　For　the　blood　was　the　life…
　　He　frowned。　Where　had　that　thought　e　from；　out　of　what　acid…swirled　corner　of　his　brain？　A　feathery　touch　slid　up　his　thigh。　Zillah　was　smiling　at　him　too；　a　smile　like　the　Mona　Lisa's；　if　the　Mona　Lisa　had　crazy　green　eyes　and　was　blasted　out　of　her　mind　on　Crucifix　acid。
　　〃Are　you　having　fun？〃　asked　Zillah。
　　〃Sure；〃　said　Nothing；　and　realized　that　he　was。　He　mar…veiled　at　how　the　world　could　shift　in　an　instant。　A　moment　ago　he'd　been　getting　tied　up　in　mind　knots；　half…afraid　of　his　new　friends。　His　friends　who　were　more　exciting　than　anyone　he　had　known　before；　their　pany　more　intoxicating　because　somehow　they　were　like　him。　They　accepted　him。　This　was　what　he　had　wished　for　on　nights　alone　in　his　room；　rubbing　the　ash　of　incense　between　his　fingers；　drifting　among　the　stars　on　the　ceiling；　bleeding　from　the　wrist　or　from　somewhere　deep　inside。　What　was　there　to　be　afraid　of？
　　They　got　back　in　the　van；　cranked　the　music　up　again；　and　drove。　Later　in　the　evening　they　took　another　round　of　Crucifix；　and　sometime　after　midnight　Nothing　was　just　ing　into　the　thick　of　his　trip。　He　lay　curled　up　on　the　mattress；　his　hands　pressed　to　his　eyes；　watching　the　brilliant　checkered　patterns　that　swirled　in　the　darkness　behind　his　eyelids。　His　insides　shifted；　he　thought　he　felt　the　ends　of　his　intestines　twitching。　His　mind　plummeted；　raced；　soared。　He　wanted　to　raise　his　head　and　talk　to　Zillah；　but　just　then　a　new　design　swirled　up　from　the　depths　of　blindness　all　black　and　silver　and　crimson；　and　he　could　only　lie　there　and　watch　it。
　　〃Cool；〃　said　Molochai　happily；　as　if　he　too　could　see　Nothing's　designs。　But　Molochai　was　out　of　his　head。　He　and　Twig　had　taken　two　doses　of　Crucifix　each；　and　they　were　tripping　hard。　Molochai　might　have　been　talking　about　the　luminous　colored　stars　in　the　sky　or　the　moth　that　had　just　smeared　itself　stickily　across　the　windshield　or　the　sweet　taste　in　his　mouth。
　　Twig　snorted。　〃There's　no　room　for　another　hitchhiker。　Anyway；　we've　already　got　one。〃
　　〃I　want　that　one　too；〃　said　Molochai；　enraptured。　〃His　hair　was　full　of　flowers。〃
　　〃We　don't　know　quite　what　we've　got；　do　we？〃　Zillah　mused。　〃This　would　be　a　good　chance　to　find　out。　If　not…then　more　for　us。〃
　　Nothing　didn't　know　what　they　were　talking　about；　but　he　felt　the　van　lurch　to　a　stop。　Zillah's　warm　breath　touched　Nothing's　ear。　〃Wake　up。　We　have　a　surprise　for　you。　We're　taking　on　a　passenger。
　　Nothing　looked　up。　Molochai　was　opening　the　side　door。　The　hitchhiker　climbed　in；　staring　at　the　colored　stickers；　the　graffiti；　the　dark　stains　all　over　the　walls　and　the　mattress；　as　scared　and　eager　as　Nothing　must　have　looked　yesterday。　He　was　a　boy　of　thirteen　or　fourteen；　a　boy　too　small　and　thin　for　his　years；　a　pale　child　whose　feathery　white…blond　hair　hung　in　his　eyes；　escaping　in　wisps　from　a　blue　bandanna。　As　Nothing　watched；　the　boy　lifted　a　delicate　hand　and　took　a　long　drag　on　his　cigarette。　His　clove　cigarette。　His　mouth　would　taste　of　ash　and　spice；　and　surely　of　his　tears；　as　it　used　to。　If　it　was　him　。　。　。　if　it　was　impossibly；　magically　him。
　　〃Laine？〃　said　Nothing。
　　〃Omigod；〃　breathed　the　boy；　and　then　they　were　hugging　each　other　fiercely。　Nothing　was　brushing　Laine's　hair　from　his　eyes；　forgetting　how　Laine　had　annoyed　him；　how　he　had　risen　above　the　futility　of　his　friends'　lives；　how　he　had　felt　such　scorn　for　their　placent　desperation。　He　had　not　thought　he　was　homesick；　but　now　seeing　Laine　was　almost　like　being　back　in　his　room。　The　damp　salty　taste　of　Laine's　mouth　made　him　remember　the　stars　on　his　ceiling。　Tears。　Laine's　mouth　always　tasted　of　tears。
　　〃I　found　you；〃　Laine　said。　〃I　can't　believe　I　found　you。　I　knew　I　would。〃
　　〃What　happened　to　you？〃
　　〃I　left　the　day　after　you　did。　When　we　dropped　you　off　at　the　bus　station；　I　realized　you　were　the　only　thing　in　my　life　that　wasn't　bullshit。　You　were　the　only　one　of　that　whole　crowd　I　ever　cared　about。　I　had　to　get　out　of　there　too。　I　didn't　know　if　I'd　ever　find　you；　but　I　had　to　try。〃　Laine　kissed　him　again；　timidly　touching　Nothing's　lips　with　the　wet　tip　of　his　tongue。
　　Nothing　looked　up。　The　other　three　were　watching　him　avidly。　Twig　looked　on　with　a　mild　predatory　interest。　Molochai's　mouth　hung　open；　his　teeth　glistened　with　spit；　and　his　cheeks　were　flushed　pink。　He　looked　almost　healthy。　But　Zillah　。　。　。　Nothing　tried　to　disentangle　himself　from　Laine。　Zillah　was　sitting　up　very　straight；　his　black…nailed　hands　clenched　on　his　knees；　his　eyes　full　of　that　cold　green　fire　again。
　　〃He's　my　friend；〃　Nothing　managed　to　say。　〃From　back　home。〃
　　〃How　nice；〃　said　Zillah；　his　voice　was　like　a　bonbon　of　creamy　white　chocolate　filled　with　some　green　corrosive　poison。　The　fire　in　his　eyes　snapped；　spat。　It　seemed　about　to　burn　a　line　through　the　air　to　Nothing；　crisp　Nothing's　eyes　with　its　luminescence。
　　〃He's　cool；〃　said　Nothing　without　much　conviction。　〃Maybe　he　could　ride　with　us。〃　Surely　Zillah　wouldn't　make　Twig　stop　the　van　and　put　Laine　out　in　the　chill　September　night　just　because　Nothing　knew　him　from　back　home。　But　worse　than　that…what　if　Zillah　put　them　both　out？　What　if　they　put　him　out　on　some　glittering　2：00　A。M。　stretch　of　nowhere；　tripping　his　brains　out；　with　only　Laine's　cold　little　hand　to　hold？
　　He　wouldn't　be　able　to　stand　looking　at　Laine's　face　again；　the　sulky　mouth　and　the　eyes　shadowed　with　wispy　white…blond　hair；　not　if　Laine　lost　him　his　new　family。　Not　if　he　was　banished　from　this　dragged　dreamland　of　wine　and　song；　where　the　graffiti　writhed　on　the　coiling　and　the　stars　sped　by　all　night　long。　Not　if　he　was　banished　from　Zillah's　arms；　from　the　half…painful　sorcery　of　Zillah's　lips。　From　the　only　place　where　he　had　ever　felt　truly　accepted。
　　In　an　instant　he　made　the　choice　that　would　fashion　the　rest　of　his　life。　Hating　himself；　but　feeling　something　dark　and　fathomless　begin　to　open　within　him；　he　slid　out　of　Laine's　embrace　and　pushed　him　away。
　　〃Nothing？　What's　going　on？〃　Laine　stared　around　at　the　circle　of　eyes：　Molochai's　and　Twig's　tripped…out　and　hungry；　Zillah's　still　spitting　green　fire。　He　tried　to　crawl　back　across　the　mattress　to　Nothing；　but　Zillah　hooked　a　finger　through　the　string　of　beads　around　Laine's　neck　and　pulled　back