pzb.lostsouls-第56部分

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nt　of　packets　and　tiny　shining　bottles　dose　at　hand。　Ghost　would　creep　out　and　hide　in　the　shadow　of　the　bookcase　or　the　doorway；　and　sometimes　his　grandmother　would　sense　his　presence　and　call　him　over　to　watch。　Then　she　would　tell　him　what　fragrant　oils　and　leaves　she　was　mixing。　This　will　bring　luck　to　someone's　door；　she　would　explain；　or　This　will　ease　a　woman's　monthly　pains。　But　sometimes　the　concoctions　did　not　smell　sweet　at　all。　Sometimes　they　smelled　brown　and　fetid；　and　vapors　curled　up　from　her　mortar。　When　his　grandmother　was　mixing　that　kind　of　concoction；　Ghost　always　got　sent　back　to　bed。
　　〃Basil；〃　said　Arkady。　〃Bay　leaf。〃
　　Steve　shifted；　slumped　further。　〃Shit；　we　could　have　gone　to　the　A&P　for　this。〃
　　〃Pennyroyal；〃　said　Arkady；　lowering　his　eyelids　at　Steve。　〃Yarrow；　brooklime。　And　garlic。〃　A　small　secret　smile　crooked　his　lips。　〃It　won't　like　all　this　garlic。〃　With　a　flourish　he　uncorked　a　small　blue　bottle　and　poured　a　few　drops　of　cloudy　liquid　into　the　mortar。　Herbs　hissed　coldly。　A　twist　of　vapor　wafted　up。
　　Steve　pushed　himself　up。　〃What　the　fuck　was　that？〃　
　　Arkady　smiled。　〃The　crucial　ingredient。　Without　it；　this　would　be　a　mere　salad。〃　Steve　scowled；　Arkady　might　as　well　have　said　Wouldn't　you　like　to　know？
　　Ghost　watched　Arkady　scrape　the　paste　from　the　mortar　onto　a　square　of　waxed　paper。　It　was　a　bright　organic　green；　and　it　seemed　to　seethe　on　the　paper。　Made　from　a　thousand　herbs；　made　from　altars；　Ghost　thought；　this　stuff　would　surely　burn　Ann's　throat　when　they　forced　her　to　swallow　it。　
　　At　least；　he　hoped　she　only　had　to　swallow　it。
　　Arkady　folded　the　square　of　paper　in　half　and　twisted　the　ends。　〃That；〃　he　said；　〃is　that。　Now　you　must　find　the　girl　and　bring　her　to　me。〃
　　Steve　and　Ghost　started　speaking　at　once：
　　〃How　the　fuck　are　we　supposed　to　do　that？〃　said　Steve。　
　　〃I　can　do　that；〃　said　Ghost。
　　
　　Back　upstairs；　Ghost　looked　out　the　window　at　the　landscape　of　wedding…cake　buildings　iced　with　intricate　scrolls　of　wrought　iron。　Far　to　his　left；　beyond　his　line　of　vision；　the　lights　of　Bourbon　Street　glittered；　the　crowds　still　staggered；　the　very　stars　in　the　sky　swam…bright　round　stars；　great　glowing　ones；　hallucinatory　stars。
　　At　the　end　of　the　hall　Arkady　slipped　into　bed；　and　Ghost　caught　one　dry　lonely　thought：　He　is　too　pale；　too　fragile；　my　love　would　surely　have　shattered　him。
　　Above　it　all；　above　Ghost　and　Steve　and　Arkady　and　the　rest　of　the　gaudy　town；　a　small　cold　moon　hung。　A　moon　like　a　sliver　of　frosted　bone；　a　moon　to　bring　down　winter。　
　　Ghost　turned　away　from　the　window。
　　Steve　was　already　in　bed；　his　arms　wrapped　around　his　pillow。　The　moonlight　smudged　crescents　of　shadow　beneath　his　eyes。　With　his　fingers　he　had　bed　most　of　the　tangles　out　of　his　hair；　and　now　it　lay　along　his　cheeks　and　forehead；　limp　with　the　dirt　of　the　French　Quarter；　with　the　sweat　of　a　long　road　trip。　He　looked　terribly　young；　younger　than　the　first　time　Ghost　had　laid　eyes　on　him；　walking　through　those　sun…dappled　autumn　woods。　Back　when　things　were　simple。
　　〃e　on　to　bed；〃　Steve　said。　〃It's　almost　morning。　Tomorrow　we'll　figure　out　how　to　find　Ann　and　make　her　swallow　that　shit。　It'll　probably　kill　her！〃
　　Ghost　sensed　unsaid　words　hanging　in　the　air　like　river…mist。　He　slid　under　the　covers；　into　the　forting　pool　of　Steve's　warmth；　and　waited。
　　At　last　Steve　said；　〃But　I　guess　that's　better　than　letting　the　vampires　kill　her。〃
　　〃You　believe　it；〃　said　Ghost；　softly　enough　that　Steve　could　pretend　not　to　have　heard。
　　But　Steve　rolled　onto　his　back　and　answered。　〃Yeah。　I　guess　I　do。　I　saw　Zillah's　face　that　night；　outside　the　club…I　know　that　now。　I　saw　it；　and　it　was　all　healed　up。　I'm　sick　of　lying　to　myself。　You　don't　lie　to　yourself。　You're　not　scared　of　what　your　heart　knows。
　　〃I　believe　something　bad　is　going　to　happen　to　Ann。　I　believe　it　because　you　believe　it　so　much。　You　think　Ann　will　die　if　nobody　helps　her。　You　believe　it　so　hard　that　you　were　ready　to　sell　yourself　to　Arkady。　To　save　her；　if　you　could。　And　I　guess　to　save　me；　too。
　　〃And　anything　that　you　believe　in　that　strongly；　Ghost；　I'm　not　gonna　argue　with。　Not　in　a　million　years。〃　Under　the　covers；　Steve's　hand　found　Ghost's　and　gripped　it　hard；　almost　painfully。　Ghost　heard　the　rest　of　the　thought：　Because　I　trust　you；　Ghost。　You　and　nobody　else…and　if　you　believe　it；　then　damn；　I　guess　I　believe　it　too。　The　Easter　Bunny　didn't　e　through；　neither　did　God　or　the　Haircut　Fairy；　but　you're　still　magic。
　　〃Steve　。　。　。〃　Ghost　whispered　the　name。　His　heart　was　swelling　in　his　chest；　wanting　to　join　somehow　with　Steve's　heart　and　bee　one　live　pulsing　thing。　Siamese　twins　joined　at　the　heart；　all　the　beats　of　their　lives　measured　out　together；　their　blood　running　through　the　same　miles　of　veins。
　　Ghost　rested　his　hand　on　Steve's　chest　and　found　Steve's　heartbeat；　even　and　strong。　Under　the　touch　Steve　seemed　to　loosen　a　little；　to　uncoil。　Did　the　shadows　beneath　his　eyes　grow　paler？　Ghost　put　his　fingers　out　to　touch　those　shadows；　to　try　to　capture　them　under　his　fingernails；　maybe　put　them　in　his　mouth　and　swallow　them。　Steve's　eyelashes　flickered；　but　at　the　last　moment　his　eyes　stayed　open。　He　trusted　Ghost　that　much。　You　are　my　oldest　friend；　you　are　my　only　brother。。。。
　　Ghost　touched　the　raw…silk　skin　beneath　Steve's　eyes；　the　roughness　of　Steve's　cheeks　with　their　four…day　stubble；　the　slowly　melting　tightness　of　Steve's　mouth。　He　laid　his　head　against　that　steady　heartbeat。　He　felt　Steve's　lips　shape　a　word：　〃Ghost　。　。　。〃
　　He　managed　to　make　a　small　sound　in　his　throat。
　　〃Don't　you　ever　leave　me。　Don't　you　ever　go；　man…〃　Steve　stopped；　but　Ghost　heard　the　sudden　hoarseness　in　his　voice。
　　〃No；〃　said　Ghost。　〃It　won't　be　me　who　goes。〃　He　could　say　no　more。　Instead　he　would　swallow　those　shadows　smudging　Steve's　eyes；　he　would　lick　them　away。　He　bent；　and　instead　of　finding　Steve's　eyes；　his　mouth　met　Steve's　mouth　in　a　clumsy　kiss。
　　They　both　grew　tense。　Ghost　thought；　No；　oh　no；　that　wasn't　what　I　meant　to　do；　and　Steve's　hands　came　up　to　push　Ghost　away。
　　But　somehow　his　hands　were　treacherous；　instead　of　shoving　Ghost　away　they　slid　over　Ghost's　shoulders　and　locked　behind　his　back。　Steve　was　pulling　him　closer；　Ghost　realized。　Maybe　he　could　help　Steve　now；　tonight。　Maybe　he　could　overe　that　terrible　loneliness　for　a　while。　He　nudged　Steve's　mouth　open　just　a　little　at　first；　then　wide；　and　their　tongues　met　like　two　beating　hearts。
　　Molasses；　he　heard　from　somewhere。　You　still　taste　like　Molasses。
　　〃Mmmm？〃　　said　Ghost。　〃What？〃　Their　mouths　untangled　briefly；　then　met　again。
　　Stray　thoughts　weren't　important。　These　minutes　had　to　stretch　and　stretch；　this　one　kiss　had　to　last　for　a　long；　long　time。　In　a　moment　Steve　would　pull　away。　That　golden　flavor　on　Steve's　tongue；　that　was　not　Dixie　beer。　It　was　the　taste　of　childhood　summers　long　gone；　and　laced　through　it　was　the
　　dark　taste　of　fear。　Already　Steve　was　scared　of　how　much　he　trusted　Ghost；　he　had　said　so。　This　one　kiss　would　end；　and　there　would　not　be　another；　because　anything　beyond　this　would　be　too　much　for　Steve　to　deal　with。　It　was　already　freaking　him　out　a　little；　Ghost　could　feel　that。　But　he　needed　it　so　bad。
　　They　slept　clutching　each　other　as　if　they　might　drown　in　the　blankets　and　pillows。　Ghost　stayed　awake　for　a　long　time。　Steve's　head　burrowed　fiercely　into　his　shoulder；　Steve's　breathing　stirred　the　fine　hair　on　his　neck；　Steve's　long　legs　entangled　with　his。　Ghost　knew　full　well　that　in　the　morning　Steve　would　wake；　narrow　his　eyes　against　the　sunlight；　and　mutter；　〃Shit；　man；　I　was　so　drunk　last　night；　I　don't　remember　what　happened。〃
　　But　tonight　Ghost　could　dream　Steve's　nightmares　for　him。　And　so　he　did。　
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　29
　　　
　　Ghost　walked　the　streets　of　old　New　Orleans　looking　for　Ann。
　　When　he　started　out　from　Arkady's　shop；　he　thought　he　would　never　be　able　to　do　it。　Better　they　should　have　hired　a　private　detective；　like　the　guy　in　Angel　Heart。　At　least　Harry　Angel　might've　had　a　chance　of　finding　Ann　by　logic　and　luck。　But　what　chance　did　Ghost　have；　who　knew　these　streets　not　at　all；　who　had　only　his　intuition　and　blind　faith　to　guide　him？
　　At　first　it　seemed　that　there　was　too　much　magic　here；　that　it　could　only　cloud　intuition　and　distract　faith。　On　every　street　er　was　another　story；　in　the　elegant　shade　of　each　courtyard　another　hovering　spirit。　Some　of　them　were　greedy　and　reached　out　to　his　sensitive　mind；　whispering　e　in；　e　into　me；　listen　to　my　tale。　The　buildings　and　sidewalks　themselves　seemed　to　have　a　susurrant；　subliminal　voice。
　　But　soon　Ghost　realized　that　he　was　trying　too　hard。　If　he　relaxed；　he　could　listen　to　these　sounds　with　only　part　of　his　mind；　like　a　radio　playing　far　away。　If　he　didn't　think　about　it　so　hard；　his　feet　would　lead　him　the　right　way。
　　He　passed　a　group　of　kids　wearing　black　clothes；　black　lipstick　and　eyeliner。　Silver　crosses；　daggers；　razor　blades　dangled　from　their　wrists　and　earlobes。　They　passed　a　joint　among　themselves；　from　hand　to　thin　hand。　Deathers：　kids　who　loved　the　night；　loved　the　bands　whose　music　spoke　of　dark　beauty　and　fragile　mortality。　Vampires　were　their　dream　e　true；　their　ideal　to　aspire　to。　Bela　Lugosi　might　be　dead；　but　the　deathers　would　keep　him　alive　in　their　hearts　forever。　At　the　Sacred　Yew　one　night；　Ghost　had　seen　a　boy　showing　off　his　new　tattoo：　two　tiny　scarlet　fang　marks　on　the　white　flesh　of　his　throat。
　　The　kids　could　dream　of　vampires　all　they　liked；　but　their　faces　bore　the　undeniable　stamp　of　humanity。　It　was　in　theft　imperfections：　pimples；　scars；　the　beginnings　of　laugh…lines。　The　real　vampires　had　a　uniform　sort　of　beauty；　ageless　and　cold。　Ghost　thought　of　Zillah's　face；　only　imperceptibly　older　than　Nothing's；　and　then　only　because　of　the　smirking　mouth　and　the　dramatic；　wanton　eyes。
　　Would　Nothing　catch　up　with　Zillah　and　the　others？　Would　he　reach　that　same　indefinable　age　and　just　stop？　Ghost　wondered　how　it　would　feel　to　know　that　you　weren't　going　to　age　anymore；　weren't　going　to　change　anymore；　that　your　skin　would　never　grow　creased　and　delicate；　your　hair　would　not　turn　brittle　wh