pzb.lostsouls-第64部分

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　　〃I　could　kill　you；　you　know；〃　Nothing　heard　himself　say。　〃I　could　make　them　get　up　and　kill　you。〃
　　Ghost　didn't　move。　〃I　know　you　could。〃　
　　〃I　could　make　them　kill　both　of　you。〃　
　　〃It'll　be　me　first；　then；〃　said　Ghost。
　　Nothing　looked　at　Zillah's　body　sprawled　on　the　floor。　Rivulets　of　blood　crawled　along　the　cracks　between　the　floorboards　where　Zillah's　head　had　fallen。　He　thought　of　never　feeling　those　strong　veined　hands　on　him　again；　of　never　kissing　that　lush　mouth。　
　　He　thought　of　never　again　having　anyone　tell　him　what　to　do。
　　〃Take　that　thing　out　of　him；〃　he　said。
　　Ghost　knelt　and　pulled　the　knife　out　of　Zillah's　skull。　He　had　to　wiggle　the　blade　free；　but　Nothing　didn't　look　away。　The　knife　left　a　clean　narrow　wound　in　Zillah's　temple。　A　pale；　slightly　cloudy　fluid　began　to　trickle　from　it。
　　〃Now　get　out；〃　said　Nothing。
　　Steve　and　Ghost　only　stared　at　him。
　　〃Now。　If　they　get　up；　I'll　let　them　kill　you。　They　loved　Zillah　too。〃　Nothing　wasn't　sure　if　he　meant　this。　Could　he　really　watch　Steve　and　Ghost　die；　even　now？　He　thought　of　the　cold　message　he　had　seen　in　Zillah's　eyes　and　wondered　whether　he　would　ever　have　known　the　truth　if　Zillah　had　lived。
　　Still；　his　father　had　loved　him　in　his　way。　In　the　way　of　decadence　and　self…gratification。　But　even　that　was　worth　something。　Nothing　was　amazed　at　how　calm　he　felt。　He　never　knew　his　face　was　wet　with　tears。
　　Life　was　his　now。　When　he　was　on　the　road　he　would　want　to　think　about　Steve　and　Ghost；　to　know　they　were　alive　somewhere。　He　hadn't　wanted　Ann's　baby　to　die　either；　not　really。　It　would　have　been　his　brother　or　his　sister。　He　would　have　taken　care　of　it。　He　would　have　held　it　on　his　knees　so　it　could　look　out　the　windows　of　the　van　and　dabbed　wine　and　blood　on　its　soft　little　gums。
　　He　knew　Ann　must　be　dead。　Why　else　would　Steve　have　e　on　this　murdering　rampage？　But　if　he　never　asked；　he　would　be　able　to　pretend　the　baby　was　alive　somewhere；　growing　up　without　its　family　just　as　he　had　done。　Maybe　someday　they'd　be　driving　along　some　country　road　and　suddenly　there　would　be　Zillah's　child；　Nothing's　brother　or　sister；　sticking　out　a　hopeful　thumb。
　　Maybe。
　　〃Go　on；〃　he　told　Ghost　more　gently。　〃Steve's　hurt。　Get　him　to　a　hospital。　Take　him　home。〃
　　Ghost　pulled　Steve　up；　and　they　left　without　a　word。　Nothing　didn't　watch　them　go。　He　had　enough　goodbyes　to　say。
　　Toward　morning；　when　the　sky　was　beginning　to　go　from　purple　to　transparent　violet；　Molochai　and　Twig　awakened　from　their　nauseated　daze。　At　first　they　were　frightened　when　they　saw　the　bodies。　Then　they　got　mad；　but　Nothing　only　clamped　his　arms　across　his　chest　and　stared　them　down。
　　〃Zillah　would　have　killed　them；〃　said　Twig　sullenly。　
　　〃Zillah　tried；〃　said　Nothing。　He　knew　how　cold　his　words　sounded。　But　if　he　could　make　Molochai　and　Twig　feel　his　power　now；　in　these　first　few　minutes；　he　did　not　think　they　would　challenge　him　again。
　　〃I　did　it　the　way　I　wanted　to；〃　he　told　them；　and　no　one　had　anything　to　say　to　that。
　　All　of　them　knew　what　to　do　for　their　dead。　There　was　not　much　blood　left　in　Christian's　body；　the　tapered　blade　of　the　knife　had　pierced　his　heart　and　crushed　it；　and　most　of　his　blood　had　drained　into　the　mattress。　They　licked　what　they　could　from　his　face；　his　hands；　his　chest。　They　sucked　at　the　edges　of　the　wound。　With　a　wet　snuffling　sound；　Molochai　buried　his　face　in　the　hole　the　knife　had　made。　He　nibbled　at　Christian's　torn　heart　and　pronounced　it　bitter。
　　Tenderly　they　laid　Zillah　out　on　the　bed　and　used　his　pearl…handled　razor　to　slit　him　open　from　sternum　to　pubic　bone。　Nothing　saw　strangely　shaped　organs　glistening　in　the　pale　aperture。　They　lifted　the　organs　out　and　arranged　them　carefully；　lovingly；　on　the　bed　around　him。　Then；　one　by　one；　they　thrust　their　heads　into　the　long　wound　and　licked　the　husk　of　Zillah　clean。
　　As　the　sun　rose；　shedding　its　wan　light　upon　the　proud　old　buildings　of　the　French　Quarter　and　the　trash　in　its　gutters；　they　left　Christian's　room　and　filed　down　the　stairs。　The　black　van　was　parked　two　blocks　away。　Nothing　hated　to　leave　so　soon。　He　had　spent　only　two　nights　here；　one　of　them　puking　his　guts　out。　It　wasn't　fair。
　　He　smiled；　though　it　barely　touched　his　lips。　Fair？　How　long　had　it　been　since　he　expected　things　to　be　fair？　If　you　wanted　something；　you　didn't　wait　for　the　world　to　deal　it　out　to　you；　you　took　it。　If　he　had　learned　nothing　else　during　his　time　with　Zillah；　he　had　learned　that。　And　anyway；　it　didn't　matter　that　he　had　to　leave　New　Orleans　so　soon。　The　city　was　in　his　blood。　He　would　be　back；　there　was　always　time。
　　Nothing　had　left　his　long　black　raincoat　behind；　draped　over　the　bodies　like　a　shroud。　In　its　place　he　wore　Zillah's　jacket　with　its　purple　silk　lining。　The　fresh　bloodstains　were　like　badges。　The　smell　of　them　twisted　his　heart；　but　he　wore　them　with　pride。
　　Just　before　they　left　the　room；　Nothing　had　pulled　the　shade　up。　As　the　first　ray　of　light　touched　the　bodies　of　Zillah　and　Christian；　their　flesh　began　to　smolder　and　crumble。　In　less　than　an　hour　it　was　only　ash。
　　
　　　Chapter　34
　　　
　　Steve　got　his　arms　stitched　and　bandaged　at　Charity　Hospital　on　the　edge　of　the　French　Quarter。　The　doctors　on　duty　in　the　emergency　room　suspected　a　suicide　attempt；　but　Steve　kept　telling　his　story　over　and　over；　and　Ghost　kept　backing　him　up。　They'd　been　out　drinking；　a　gang　of　kids　had　jumped　them；　one　of　the　kids　pulled　a　razor。　Steve　flung　his　arms　up　to　protect　his　face　and　got　slashed。
　　They　had　to　talk　to　a　policeman；　and　Ghost　could　see　Steve　getting　ready　to　break　down：　it　was　in　the　corners　of　his　mouth；　the　way　his　shoulders　sagged。　Ghost　closed　his　eyes　and　tried　to　send　Steve　strength。　At　last　they　were　allowed　to　go。
　　For　a　few　minutes　they　stood　outside　the　hospital　in　the　cool　dawn。　Steve　stared　at　his　gauze…swathed　arms。　〃If　I　wanted　to　kill　myself；〃　he　muttered；　〃I　wouldn't　have　slashed　my　goddamn　wrists　like　some　kind　of　half…assed　moron。〃　Ghost　started　walking　back　toward　the　car。　After　a　moment　Steve　followed。　〃I'd　get　a　shotgun。　Straight　through　the　brain。〃　Ghost　shuddered；　but　Steve　didn't　notice。　〃Or　I'd　drive　up　to　the　mountains　and　run　my　car　over　a　guardrail。　A　thousand　feet　down　and　BAM！　you're　spread　out　over　a　mile　of　rocks。〃
　　They　reached　the　car。　Steve　stood　staring　around　him；　seeming　to　search　for　something　in　the　faces　of　the　old　buildings；　maybe　just　having　a　final　look　at　the　place　that　had　claimed　so　much　from　him。　Ghost　wondered　if　they　would　ever　e　back　here。
　　Ghost　drove　all　the　way　back　to　Missing　Mile。　The　muscles　of　his　shoulders　and　upper　arms　were　sore。　The　palms　of　his　hands　tingled　faintly；　and　he　kept　wiping　them　on　his　knees；　on　the　fabric　of　the　seat。　Again　and　again　he　felt　the　knife　going　into　Zillah's　skull；　the　terrible　lack　of　resistance　as　it　slid　through　Zillah's　brain。　He　had　heard　Zillah's　final　shriek　of　rage　and　agony　in　his　mind。　He'd　had　to　do　it；　Steve　would　be　dead　now　if　he　hadn't；　his　throat　sliced　wide　open　and　his　life　bled　away。　Still　Ghost　felt　the　knife　going　in。
　　Somewhere　in　the　Louisiana　swamps　Steve　said；　〃Pull　over。〃　Ghost　killed　the　ignition。　In　the　dark　phosphorescence　of　the　swamp　Steve's　tears　shone　as　clear　and　bright　as　crystal。　Blindly　he　reached　for　Ghost；　pressed　his　face　into　Ghost's　hair；　rubbed　his　hands　over　Ghost's　face；　gathered　the　fabric　of　Ghost's　clothes　between　his　fingers。　〃You're　here；〃　he　gasped。　〃I　know　you're　here…I　can　feel　you…I　can　smell　you…you're　not　gonna　go　away…〃
　　〃Steve；〃　said　Ghost；　〃oh；　Steve　。　。　。〃　He　could　hardly　speak。　Just　to　hold　each　other　was　not　enough；　again　he　wished　that　their　hearts　could　be　joined。　Maybe　that　would　clean　some　of　the　blood　from　their　hands。
　　
　　Back　in　Missing　Mile　they　were　a　little　puzzled　when　their　friends　did　not　greet　them　with　astonishment。　It　was　hard　to　realize　that　they　had　only　been　gone　a　few　days。　Terry　told　them　that　Simon　Bransby　had　been　found　dead　in　an　easy　chair　in　his　living　room。　The　house；　Terry　said　with　mild　bemusement；　was　full　of　crazy　shit…cat　guts　pickled　in　formaldehyde；　terrariums　full　of　toads　that　bounced　off　the　glass　as　if　they　were　tripping　on　high…grade　acid。　Simon　had　died　of　a　Valium　overdose；　and　everybody　thought　it　was　suicide；　presumably　because　his　only　daughter　had　finally　left　home　for　good。
　　Ann　was　never　heard　from；　and　only　a　handful　of　people　in　Missing　Mile…R。J。；　Terry；　Monica　knew　anything　about　what　had　happened　to　her；　Not　even　they　knew　the　whole　tale。
　　
　　They　discovered　that　even　in　the　face　of　pain　that　seems　unbearable；　even　in　the　face　of　pain　that　wrings　the　last　drop　of　blood　out　of　your　heart　and　leaves　its　scrimshaw　tracery　on　the　inside　of　your　skull；　life　goes　on。　And　pain　grows　dull；　and　begins　to　fade。
　　Steve　went　back　to　work　at　the　Whirling　Disc；　played　his　guitar　obsessively。　Kinsey　Hummingbird　hired　him　to　tend　bar　a　couple　of　times　a　week　at　the　Sacred　Yew。　Sometimes　Steve　would　start　screaming　in　the　night。　He　would　wake　sobbing；　clawing　at　the　darkness　in　front　of　his　face。　Ghost　held　him　and　tried　to　warm　the　chill　of　nightmare　out　of　his　bones。
　　By　day；　Ghost　wandered　around　town　picking　up　leaves　and　bits　of　colored　glass；　talking　to　the　old　men　who　had　moved　their　checker　game　inside　the　hardware　store　for　winter。　They　kidded　him　about　the　bad　times　he'd　said　were　ing；　but　stopped　when　they　saw　the　look　on　his　face。
　　One　day　he　rode　his　bike　out　to　Miz　Catlin's　and　told　her　everything。　At　the　end　of　the　hour　it　took　him；　he　was　sobbing。　Miz　Catlin　patted　his　hand　and　said　the　things　Ghost　had　known　she　would　say：　she　believed　it；　every　word；　and　his　grandmother　would　be　proud　of　him。
　　Then　she　told　him　something　he　hadn't　known。　〃That　Raventon　fellow　was　a　fake　and　a　liar。〃
　　〃Huh？〃
　　〃Pennyroyal；　yarrow；　brooklime。〃　Miz　Catlin　flapped　a　wrinkled　hand。　〃All　those　things　are　good　to　start　a　pessary　with；　but　they　wouldn't　do　a　damn　thing　together。　Not　strong　enough。　The　girl　would　have　died　anyway；　Ghost。〃
　　Ghost　wondered。　But　when　he　was　lying　awake　at　night；　staring　at　the　stars　on　his　ceiling　and　thinking　about　everything；　Miz　Catlin's　words　mad