tp.guards!guards!-第2部分

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　〃Do　you　have　that　which　you　were　sent　to　get？〃
　Brother　Fingers　pulled　a　package　from　under　his　robe。
　〃Just　where　I　said　it　would　be；〃　he　said。　〃No　problem。〃
　〃Well　done；　Brother　Fingers。〃
　〃Thank　you；　Supreme　Grand　Master。〃
　The　Supreme　Grand　Master　rapped　his　gavel　for　attention。　The　room　shuffled　into　some　sort　of　circle。
　〃I　call　the　Unique　and　Supreme　Lodge　of　the　Elucidated　Brethren　to　order；〃　he　intoned。　〃Is　the　Door　of　Knowledge　sealed　fast　against　heretics　and　knowlessmen？〃
　〃Stuck　solid；〃　said　Brother　Doorkeeper。　〃It's　the　damp。　I'll　bring　my　plane　in　next　week；　soon　have　it…〃
　〃All　right；　all　right；〃　said　the　Supreme　Grand　Master　testily。　〃Just　a　yes　would　have　done。　Is　the　triple　circle　well　and　truly　traced？　Art　all　here　who　Art　Here？　And　it　be　well　for　an　knowlessman　that　he　should　not　be　here；　for　he　would　be　taken　from　this　place　and　his　gaskin　slit；　his　moules　sown　to　the　four　winds；　his　welchet　torn　asunder　with　many　hooks　and　his　figgin　placed　upon　a　spike。。。　yes　what　is　it？〃
　〃Sorry；　did　you　say　Elucidated　Brethren？〃
　The　Supreme　Grand　Master　glared　at　the　solitary　figure　with　its　hand　up。
　〃Yea；　the　Elucidated　Brethren；　guardian　of　the　sacred　knowledge　since　a　time　no　man　may　wot　of…〃
　〃Last　February；〃　said　Brother　Doorkeeper　helpfully。　The　Supreme　Grand　Master　felt　that　Brother　Doorkeeper　had　never　really　got　the　hang　of　things。
　〃Sorry。　Sorry。　Sorry；〃　said　the　worried　figure。　〃Wrong　society；　I'm　afraid。　Must　have　taken　a　wrong　turning。　I'll　just　be　going；　if　you'll　excuse　me　。　。　。〃
　〃And　his　figgin　placed　upon　a　spike；〃　repeated　the　Supreme　Grand　Master　pointedly；　against　a　background　of　damp　wooden　noises　as　Brother　Doorkeeper　tried　to　get　the　dread　portal　open。　〃Are　we　quite　finished？　Any　more　knowlessmen　happened　to　drop　in　on　their　way　somewhere　else？〃　he　added　with　bitter　sarcasm。　〃Right。　Fine。　So　glad。　I　suppose　it's　too　much　to　ask　if　the　Four　Watchtowers　are　secured？　Oh；　good。　And　the　Trouser　of　Sanctity；　has　anyone　bothered　to　shrive　it？　Oh；　you　did。　Properly？　I'll　check；　you　know　。。。　all　right。　And　have　the　windows　been　fastened　with　the　Red　Cords　of　Intellect；　in　accordance　with　ancient　prescription？　Good。　Now　perhaps　we　can　get　on　with　it。〃
　With　the　slightly　miffed　air　of　one　who　has　run　their　finger　along　a　daughter…in…law's　top　shelf　and　found　against　all　expectation　that　it　is　sparkling　clean；　the　Grand　Master　got　on　with　it。
　What　a　shower；　he　told　himself。　A　bunch　of　inpetents　no　other　secret　society　would　touch　with　a　ten…foot　Scepter　of　Authority。　The　sort　to　dislocate　their　fingers　with　even　the　simplest　secret　handshake。
　But　inpetents　with　possibilities；　nevertheless。　Let　the　other　societies　take　the　skilled；　the　hopefuls；　the　ambitious；　the　self…confident。　He'd　take　the　whining　resentful　ones；　the　ones　with　a　bellyful　of　spite　and　bile；　the　ones　who　knew　they　could　make　it　big　if　only　they'd　been　given　the　chance。　Give　him　the　ones　in　which　the　floods　of　venom　and　vindictiveness　were　dammed　up　behind　thin　walls　of　ineptitude　and　low…grade　paranoia。
　And　stupidity；　too。　They've　all　sworn　the　oath；　he　thought；　but　not　a　man　jack　of　'em　has　even　asked　what　a　figgin　is。
　〃Brethren；〃　he　said。　〃Tonight　we　have　matters　of　profound　importance　to　discuss。　The　good　governance；　nay；　the　very　future　of　Ankh…Morpork　lies　in　our　hands。〃
　They　leaned　closer。　The　Supreme　Grand　Master　felt　the　beginnings　of　the　old　thrill　of　power。　They　were　hanging　on　his　words。　This　was　a　feeling　worth　dressing　up　in　bloody　silly　robes　for。
　〃Do　we　not　well　know　that　the　city　is　in　thrall　to　corrupt　men；　who　wax　fat　on　their　ill…gotten　gains；　while　better　men　are　held　back　and　forced　into　virtual　servitude？〃
　〃We　certainly　do！〃　said　Brother　Doorkeeper　vehemently；　when　they'd　had　time　to　translate　this　mentally。　〃Only　last　week；　down　at　the　Bakers'　Guild；　I　tried　to　point　out　to　Master　Critchley　that…〃
　It　wasn't　eye　contact；　because　the　Supreme　Grand　Master　had　made　sure　the　Brethren's　hoods　shrouded　their　faces　in　mystic　darkness；　but　nevertheless　he　managed　to　silence　Brother　Doorkeeper　by　dint　of　sheer　outraged　silence。
　〃Yet　it　was　not　always　thus；〃　the　Supreme　Grand　Master　continued。　〃There　was　once　a　golden　age；　when　those　worthy　of　mand　and　respect　were　justly　rewarded。　An　age　when　Ankh…Morpork　wasn't　simply　a　big　city　but　a　great　one。　An　age　of　chivalry。　An　age　when。。。yes；　Brother　Watchtower？〃
　A　bulky　robed　figure　lowered　its　hand。　〃Are　you　talking　about　when　we　had　kings？〃
　〃Well　done；　Brother；〃　said　the　Supreme　Grand　Master；　slightly　annoyed　at　this　unusual　evidence　of　intelligence。　〃And…〃
　〃But　that　was　all　sorted　out　hundreds　of　years　ago；〃　said　Brother　Watchtower。　〃Wasn't　there　this　great　battle；　or　something？　And　since　then　we've　just　had　the　ruling　lords；　like　the　Patrician。〃
　〃Yes；　very　good；　Brother　Watchtower。〃
　〃There　aren't　any　more　kings；　is　the　point　I'm　trying　to　make；〃　said　Brother　Watchtower　helpfully。
　〃As　Brother　Watchtower　says；　the　line　of…〃
　〃It　was　you　talking　about　chivalry　that　give　me　the　clue；〃　said　Brother　Watchtower。
　〃Quite　so；　and…〃
　〃You　get　that　with　kings；　chivalry；〃　said　Brother　Watchtower　happily。　〃And　knights。　And　they　used　to　have　these…〃
　〃However；''　said　the　Supreme　Grand　Master　sharply；　〃it　may　well　be　that　the　line　of　the　kings　of　Ankh　is　not　as　defunct　as　hitherto　imagined；　and　that　progeny　of　the　line　exists　even　now。　Thus　my　researches　among　the　ancient　scrolls　do　indicate。〃
　He　stood　back　expectantly。　There　didn't　seem　to　be　the　effect　he'd　expected；　however。　Probably　they　can　manage　'defunct'；　he　thought；　but　I　ought　to　have　drawn　the　line　at　'progeny'。
　Brother　Watchtower　had　his　hand　up　again。
　〃Yes？〃
　〃You　saying　there's　some　sort　of　heir　to　the　throne　hanging　around　somewhere？〃　said　Brother　Watchtower。
　〃This　may　be　the　case；　yes。〃
　〃Yeah。　They　do　that；　you　know；〃　said　Brother　Watchtower　knowledgeably。　〃Happens　all　the　time。　You　read　about　it。　Scions；　they're　called。　They　go　lurking　around　in　the　distant　wildernesses　for　ages；　handing　down　the　secret　sword　and　birthmark　and　so　forth　from　generation　to　generation。　Then　just　when　the　old　kingdom　needs　them；　they　turn　up　and　turf　out　any　usurpers　that　happen　to　be　around。　And　then　there's　general　rejoicing。〃
　The　Supreme　Grand　Master　felt　his　own　mouth　drop　open。　He　hadn't　expected　it　to　be　as　easy　as　this。
　〃Yes；　all　right；〃　said　a　figure　the　Supreme　Grand　Master　knew　to　be　Brother　Plasterer。　〃But　so　what？　Let's　say　a　scion　turns　up；　walks　up　to　the　Patrician；　says　'What　ho；　I'm　king；　here's　the　birthmark　as　per　spec；　now　bugger　off'。　What's　he　got　then？　Life　expectancy　of　maybe　two　minutes；　that's　what。〃
　〃You　don't　listen；　〃　said　Brother　Watchtower。　〃The　thing　is；　the　scion　has　to　arrive　when　the　kingdom　is　threatened；　doesn't　he？　Then　everyone　can　see；　right？　Then　he　gets　carried　off　to　the　palace；　cures　a　few　people；　announces　a　half…holiday；　hands　round　a　bit　of　treasure；　and　Bob's　your　uncle。〃
　〃He　has　to　marry　a　princess；　too；〃　said　Brother　Doorkeeper。　'　'On　account　of　him　being　a　swineherd。''
　They　looked　at　him。
　〃Who　said　anything　about　him　being　a　swineherd？〃　said　Brother　Watchtower。　〃I　never　said　he　was　a　swineherd。　What's　this　about　swineherds？〃
　〃He's　got　a　point；　though；〃　said　Brother　Plasterer。　〃He's　generally　a　swineherd　or　a　forester　or　similar；　your　basic　scion。　It's　to　do　with　being　in　wossname。　Cognito。　They've　got　to　appear　to　be　of；　you　know；　humble　origins。〃
　〃Nothing　special　about　humble　origins；〃　said　a　very　small　Brother；　who　seemed　to　consist　entirely　of　a　little　perambulatory　black　robe　with　halitosis。　〃I've　got　lots　of　humble　origins。　In　my　family　we　thought　swineherding　was　a　posh　job。〃
　〃But　your　family　doesn't　have　the　blood　of　kings；　Brother　Dunnykin；''　said　Brother　Plasterer。
　〃We　might　of。。。〃　said　Brother　Dunnykin　sulkily。
　〃Right；　then；〃　said　Brother　Watchtower　grudgingly。　〃Fair　enough。　But　at　the　essential　moment；　see　your　genuine　kings　throw　back　their　cloak　and　say　'Lo！'　and　their　essential　kingnessness　shines　through。〃
　〃How；　exactly？〃　said　Brother　Doorkeeper。
　〃。。。。might　of　got　the　blood　of　kings；〃　muttered　Brother　Dunnykin。　〃Got　no　right　saying　I　might　not　have　got　the　blood　of。。。〃
　〃Look；　it　just　does；　okay？　You　just　know　it　when　you　see　it。〃
　〃But　before　that　they've　got　to　save　the　kingdom；〃　said　Brother　Plasterer。
　〃Oh；　yes；〃　said　Brother　Watchtower　heavily。　〃That's　the　main　thing；　is　that。〃
　〃What　from；　then？〃
　〃。。。got　as　much　right　as　anyone　to　might　have　the　blood　of　kings。。。''
　〃The　Patrician？〃　said　Brother　Doorkeeper。
　Brother　Watchtower；　as　the　sudden　authority　on　the　ways　of　royalty；　shook　his　head。
　〃I　dunno　that　the　Patrician　is　a　threat；　exactly；〃　he　said。　〃He's　not　your　actual　tyrant；　as　such。　Not　as　bad　as　some　we've　had。　I　mean；　he　doesn't　actually　oppress。''
　〃I　get　oppressed　all　the　time；〃　said　Brother　Doorkeeper。　〃Master　Critchley；　where　I　work；　he　oppresses　me　morning；　noon　and　night；　shouting　at　me　and　everything。　And　the　woman　in　the　vegetable　shop；　she　oppresses　me　all　the　time。〃
　〃That's　right；〃　said　Brother　Plasterer。　〃My　landlord　oppresses　me　something　wicked。　Banging　on　the　door　and　going　on　and　on　about　all　the　rent　I　allegedly　owe；　which　is　a　total　lie。　And　the　people　next　door　oppress　me　all　night　long。　I　tell　them；　I　work　all　day；　a　man's　got　to　have　some　time　to　learn　to　play　the　tuba。　That's　oppression；　that　is。　If　I'm　not　under　the　heel　of　the　oppressor；　I　don't　know　who　is。〃
　〃Put　like　that；〃　said　Brother　Watchtower　slowly；　〃I　reckon　my　brother…in…law　is　oppressing　me　all　the　time　with　having　this　new　horse　and　buggy　he's　been　and　bought。　I　haven't　got　one。　I　mean；　where's　the　justice　in　that？　I　bet　a　king　wouldn't　let　that　sort　of　oppression　go　on；　people's　wives　oppressing　'em　with　why　haven't　they　got　a　new　coach　like　our　Rodney　and　that。〃
　The　Supreme　Grand　Master　listened　to　this　with　a　slightly　light…headed　feeling。　It　was　as　if　he'd　known　that　there　were　such　things　as　avalanches；　but　had　never　dreamed　when　he　dropped　the　little　snowball　on　top　of　the　mountain　that　it　could　lead　to　such　astonishing　results。　He　was　hardly　having　to　egg　them　on　at　all。
　〃I　bet　a　king'd　have　something　to　say　about　landlords