tp.guards!guards!-第22部分

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　Vimes　checked。
　Then　es　the　tantalising　bit。　Now　that　the　snowball　of　consciousness　is　starting　to　roll；　is　it　going　to　find　that　it's　waking　up　inside　a　body　lying　in　a　gutter　with　something　multiple；　the　noun　doesn't　matter　after　an　adjective　like　〃multiple〃；　nothing　good　ever　follows　〃multiple〃；　or　is　it　going　to　be　a　case　of　crisp　sheets；　a　soothing　hand；　and　a　businesslike　figure　in　white　pulling　open　the　curtains　on　a　bright　new　day？　Is　it　all　over；　with　nothing　worse　to　look　forward　to　now　than　weak　tea；　nourishing　gruel；　short；　strengthening　walks　in　the　garden　and　possibly　a　brief　platonic　love　affair　with　a　ministering　angel；　or　was　this　all　just　a　moment's　blackout　and　some　looming　bastard　is　now　about　to　get　down　to　real　business　with　the　thick　end　of　a　pickaxe　helve？　Are　there；　the　consciousness　wants　to　know；　going　to　be　grapes？
　At　this　point　some　outside　stimulus　is　helpful。　〃It's　going　to　be　all　right〃　is　favourite；　whereas　〃Did　anyone　get　his　number？〃　is　definitely　a　bad　sign；　either；　however；　is　better　than　〃You　two　hold　his　hands　behind　his　back〃。
　In　fact　someone　said；　〃You　were　nearly　a　goner　there；　Captain。〃
　The　pain　sensations；　which　had　taken　advantage　of　Vimes's　unconscious　state　to　bunk　off　for　a　metaphorical　quick　cigarette；　rushed　back。
　Vimes　said；　〃Arrgh。〃　Then　he　opened　his　eyes。
　There　was　a　ceiling。　This　ruled　out　one　particular　range　of　unpleasant　options　and　was　very　wele。　His　blurred　vision　also　revealed　Corporal　Nobbs；　which　was　less　so。　Corporal　Nobbs　proved　nothing；　you　could　be　dead　and　see　something　like　Corporal　Nobbs。
　Ankh…Morpork　did　not　have　many　hospitals。　All　the　Guilds　maintained　their　own　sanitariums；　and　there　were　a　few　public　ones　run　by　the　odder　religious　organisations；　like　the　Balancing　Monks；　but　by　and　large　medical　assistance　was　nonexistent　and　people　had　to　die　inefficiently；　without　the　aid　of　doctors。　It　was　generally　thought　that　the　existence　of　cures　encouraged　sickness　and　was　in　any　case　probably　against　Nature's　way。
　〃Have　I　already　said　'Where　am　I？'　〃　said　Vimes　faintly。
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Did　I　get　an　answer？〃
　〃Dunno　where　this　place　is；　Captain。　It　belongs　to　some　posh　bint。　She　said　to　bring　you　up　here。〃
　Even　though　Vimes's　mind　appeared　to　be　full　of　pink　treacle　he　nevertheless　grabbed　two　clues　and　wrestled　them　together。　The　bination　of　'rich'　and　'up　here'　meant　something。　So　did　the　strange　chemical　smell　in　the　room；　which　even　overpowered　Nobby's　more　everyday　odours。
　〃We're　not　talking　about　Lady　Ramkin；　are　we？〃　he　said　cautiously。
　〃You　could　be　right。　Great　big　biddy。　Mad　for　dragons。〃　Nobby's　rodent　face　broke　into　the　most　horribly　knowing　grin　Vimes　had　ever　seen。　〃You're　in　her　bed；〃　he　said。
　Vimes　peered　around　him；　feeling　the　first　overtures　of　a　vague　panic。　Because　now　that　he　could　halfway　focus；　he　could　see　a　certain　lack　of　bachelor　sockness　about　the　place。　There　was　a　faint　hint　of　talcum　powder。
　〃Bit　of　a　boodwah；〃　said　Nobby；　with　the　air　of　a　connoisseur。
　〃Hang　on；　hang　on　a　minute；〃　said　Vimes。　〃There　was　this　dragon。　It　was　right　over　us　。。。〃
　The　memory　rose　up　and　hit　him　like　a　zombie　with　a　grudge。
　〃You　all　right；　Captain？〃
　The　talons；　outspread；　wide　as　a　man's　reach；　the　boom　and　thump　of　the　wings；　bigger　than　sails；　the　stink　of　chemicals；　the　gods　alone　knew　what　sort。　。　。
　It　had　been　so　close　he　could　see　the　tiny　scales　on　its　legs　and　the　red　gleam　in　its　eyes。　They　were　more　than　just　reptile　eyes。　They　were　eyes　you　could　drown　in。
　And　the　breath；　so　hot　that　it　wasn't　like　fire　at　all；　but　something　almost　solid；　not　burning　things　but　smashing　them　apart　。。。
　On　the　other　hand；　he　was　here　and　alive。　His　left　side　felt　as　though　it　had　been　hit　with　an　iron　bar；　but　he　was　quite　definitely　alive。
　〃What　happened？〃　he　said。
　〃It　was　young　Carrot；〃　said　Nobby。　〃He　grabbed　you　and　the　sergeant　and　jumped　off　the　roof　just　before　it　got　us。〃
　〃My　side　hurts。　It　must　have　got　me；〃　said　Vimes。
　〃No；　I　reckon　that　was　where　you　hit　the　privy　roof；〃　said　Nobby。　〃And　then　you　rolled　off　and　hit　the　water　butt。〃
　〃What　about　Colon？　Is　he　hurt？〃
　〃Not　hurt。　Not　exactly　hurt。　He　landed　more　sort　of　softly。　Him　being　so　heavy；　he　went　through　the　roof。　Talk　about　a　short　sharp　shower　of。。。〃
　〃And　then　what　happened？〃
　〃Well；　we　sort　of　made　you　fy；　and　then　everyone　went　blundering　about　and　shouting　for　the　sergeant。　Until　they　found　out　where　he　was；　o'course；　then　they　just　stood　where　they　were　and　shouted。　And　then　this　woman　e　running　up　yelling；〃　said　Nobby。
　〃This　is　Lady　Ramkin　you're　referring　to？〃　said　Vimes　coldly。　His　ribs　were　aching　really　magnificently　now。
　〃Yeah。　Big　fat　party；〃　said　Nobby；　unmoved。　〃Cor；　she　can't　half　boss　people　about！　'Oh；　the　poor　dear　man；　you　must　bring　him　up　to　my　house　this　instant。'　So　we　did。　Best　place；　too。　Everyone's　running　around　down　in　the　city　like　chickens　with　their　heads　cut　off。〃
　〃How　much　damage　did　it　do？〃
　〃Well；　after　you　were　out　of　it　the　wizards　hit　it　with　fireballs。　It　didn't　like　that　at　all。　Just　seemed　to　make　it　stronger　and　angrier。　Took　out　the　University's　entire　Widdershins　wing。〃
　〃And。。。？〃
　〃That's　about　it；　really。　It　flamed　a　few　more　things；　and　then　it　must　of　flown　away　in　all　the　smoke。〃
　〃Noone　saw　where　it　went？''
　〃If　they　did；　they　ain't　saying。〃　Nobby　sat　back　and　leered。　〃Disgusting；　really；　her　livin'　in　a　room　like　this。　She's　got　pots　of　money；　sarge　says；　she's　got　no　call　livin'　in　ordinary　rooms。　What's　the　good　of　not　wanting　to　be　poor　if　the　rich　are　allowed　to　go　round　livin'　in　ordinary　rooms？　Should　be　marble。〃　He　sniffed。　〃Anyway；　she　said　I　was　to　fetch　her　when　you　woke　up。　She's　feeding　her　dragons　now。　Old　little　buggers；　aren't　they。　It's　amazing　she's　allowed　to　keep　'em。〃
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃You　know。　Tarred　with　the　same　brush；　and　that。〃
　When　Nobby　had　shambled　out　Vimes　took　another　look　around　the　room。　It　did；　indeed；　lack　the　gold　leaf　and　marble　that　Nobby　felt　was　pulsory　for　people　of　a　high　station　in　life。　All　the　furniture　was　old；　and　the　pictures　on　the　wall；　though　doubtless　valuable；　looked　the　sort　of　pictures　that　are　hung　on　bedroom　walls　because　people　can't　think　of　anywhere　else　to　put　them。　There　were　also　a　few　amateurish　watercolours　of　dragons。　All　in　all；　it　had　the　look　about　it　of　a　room　that　is　only　ever　occupied　by　one　person；　and　has　been　absent…mindedly　moulded　around　them　over　the　years；　like　a　suit　of　clothes　with　a　ceiling。
　It　was　clearly　the　room　of　a　woman；　but　one　who　had　cheerfully　and　without　any　silly　moping　been　getting　on　with　her　life　while　all　that　soppy　romance　stuff　had　been　happening　to　other　people　somewhere　else；　and　been　jolly　grateful　that　she　had　her　health。
　Such　clothing　as　was　visible　had　been　chosen　for　sensible　hardwearing　qualities；　possibly　by　a　previous　generation　by　the　look　of　it；　rather　than　its　use　as　light　artillery　in　the　war　between　the　sexes。　There　were　bottles　and　jars　neatly　arranged　on　the　dressing　table；　but　a　certain　severity　of　line　suggested　that　their　labels　would　say　things　like　〃Rub　on　nightly〃　rather　than　〃Just　a　dab　behind　the　ears〃。　You　could　imagine　that　the　occupant　of　this　room　had　slept　in　it　all　her　life　and　had　been　called　〃my　little　girl〃　by　her　father　until　she　was　forty。
　There　was　a　big　sensible　blue　dressing　gown　hanging　behind　the　door。　Vimes　knew；　without　even　looking；　that　it　would　have　a　rabbit　on　the　pocket。
　In　short；　it　was　the　room　of　a　woman　who　never　expected　that　a　man　would　ever　see　the　inside　of　it。
　The　bedside　table　was　piled　high　with　papers。　Feeling　guilty；　but　doing　it　anyway；　Vimes　squinted　at　them。
　Dragons　was　the　theme。　There　were　letters　from　the　Cavern　Club　Exhibitions　mittee　and　the　Friendly　Flamethrowers　League。　There　were　pamphlets　and　appeals　from　the　Sunshine　Sanctuary　for　Sick　Dragons…　〃Poor　little　WINNY's　fires　were　nearly　Damped　after　Five　years'　Cruel　Use　as　a　Paint…Stripper；　but　now。。。〃　And　there　were　requests　for　donations；　and　talks；　and　things　that　added　up　to　a　heart　big　enough　for　the　whole　world；　or　at　least　that　part　of　it　that　had　wings　and　breathed　fire。
　If　you　let　your　mind　dwell　on　rooms　like　this；　you　could　end　up　being　oddly　sad　and　full　of　a　strange；　diffuse　passion　which　would　lead　you　to　believe　that　it　might　be　a　good　idea　to　wipe　out　the　whole　human　race　and　start　again　with　amoebas。
　Beside　the　drift　of　paperwork　was　a　book。　Vimes　twisted　painfully　and　looked　at　the　spine。　It　said：　Diseases　of　the　Dragon；　by　Sybil　Deidre　Olgivanna　Ramkin。
　He　turned　the　stiff　pages　in　horrified　fascination。　They　opened　into　another　world；　a　world　of　quite　stupefying　problems。　Slab　Throat。　The　Black　Tups。　Dry　Lung。　Storge。　Staggers；　Heaves；　Weeps；　Stones。　It　was　amazing；　he　decided　after　reading　a　few　pages；　that　a　swamp　dragon　ever　survived　to　see　a　second　sunrise。　Even　walking　across　a　room　must　be　reckoned　a　biological　triumph。
　The　painstakingly…drawn　illustrations　he　looked　away　from　hurriedly。　You　could　only　take　so　much　innards。
　There　was　a　knock　at　the　door。
　〃I　say？　Are　you　decent？〃　Lady　Ramkin　boomed　cheerfully。
　〃Er…〃
　〃I've　brought　you　something　jolly　nourishing。〃
　Somehow　Vimes　imagined　it　would　be　soup。　Instead　it　was　a　plate　stacked　high　with　bacon；　fried　potatoes　and　eggs。　He　could　hear　his　arteries　panic　just　by　looking　at　it。
　〃I've　made　a　bread　pudding；　too；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin；　slightly　sheepishly。　〃I　don't　normally　cook　much；　just　for　myself。　You　know　how　it　is；　catering　for　one。〃
　Vimes　thought　about　the　meals　at　his　lodgings。　Somehow　the　meat　was　always　grey；　with　mysterious　tubes　in　it。
　〃Er；〃　he　began；　not　used　to　addressing　ladies　from　a　recumbent　position　in　their　own　beds。　〃Corporal　Nobbs　tells　me。。。〃
　〃And　what　a　colourful　little　man　Nobby　is！〃　said　Lady　Ramkin。
　Vimes　wasn't　certain　he　could　cope　with　this。
　〃Colourful？〃　he　said　weakly。
　〃A　real　character。　We've　been　getting　along　famously。〃
　〃You　have？〃
　〃Oh；　yes。　What　a　great　fund　of　anecdotes　he　has。〃
　〃Oh；　yes。　He's　got　that　all　right。〃　It　always　amazed　Vimes　how　Nobby　got　along　with　practically　everyone。　It　must；　he'd　decided；　have　something　to　do　with　the　mon　denominator