tp.guards!guards!-第23部分

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　〃Oh；　yes。　He's　got　that　all　right。〃　It　always　amazed　Vimes　how　Nobby　got　along　with　practically　everyone。　It　must；　he'd　decided；　have　something　to　do　with　the　mon　denominator。　In　the　entire　world　of　mathematics　there　could　be　no　denominator　as　mon　as　Nobby。
　〃Er；〃　he　said；　and　then　found　he　couldn't　leave　this　strange　new　byway；　〃you　don't　find　his　language　a　bit；　er；　ripe？〃
　〃Salty；〃　corrected　Lady　Ramkin　cheerfully。　〃You　should　have　heard　my　father　when　he　was　annoyed。　Anyway；　we　found　we've　got　a　lot　in　mon。　It's　an　amazing　coincidence；　but　my　grandfather　once　had　his　grandfather　whipped　for　malicious　lingering。〃
　That　must　make　them　practically　family；　Vimes　thought。　Another　stab　of　pain　from　his　stricken　side　made　him　wince。
　〃You've　got　some　very　bad　bruising　and　probably　a　cracked　rib　or　two；〃　she　said。　〃If　you　roll　over　I'll　put　some　more　of　this　on。''　Lady　Ramkin　flourished　a　jar　of　yellow　ointment。
　Panic　crossed　Vimes's　face。　Instinctively；　he　raised　the　sheets　up　around　his　neck。
　〃Don't　play　silly　buggers；　man；〃　she　said。　〃I　shan't　see　anything　I　haven't　seen　before。　One　backside　is　pretty　much　like　another。　It's　just　that　the　ones　I　see　generally　have　tails　on。　Now　roll　over　and　up　with　the　nightshirt。　It　belonged　to　my　grandfather；　you　know。''
　There　was　no　resisting　that　tone　of　voice。　Vimes　thought　about　demanding　that　Nobby　be　brought　in　as　a　chaperon；　and　then　decided　that　would　be　even　worse。
　The　cream　burned　like　ice。
　〃What　is　it？〃
　〃All　kinds　of　stuff。　It'll　reduce　the　bruising　and　promote　the　growth　of　healthy　scale。〃
　〃What？〃
　〃Sorry。　Probably　not　scale。　Don't　look　so　worried。　I'm　almost　positive　about　that。　Okay；　all　done。〃　She　gave　him　a　slap　on　the　rump。
　〃Madam；　I　am　Captain　of　the　Night　Watch；〃　said　Vimes；　knowing　it　was　a　bloody　daft　thing　to　say　even　as　he　said　it。
　〃Half　naked　in　a　lady's　bed；　too；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin；　unmoved。　〃Now　sit　up　and　eat　your　tea。　We've　got　to　get　you　good　and　strong。〃
　Vimes's　eyes　filled　with　panic。
　〃Why？〃　he　said。
　Lady　Ramkin　reached　into　the　pocket　of　her　grubby　jacket。
　〃I　made　some　notes　last　night；〃　she　said。　〃About　the　dragon。〃
　〃Oh；　the　dragon。〃　Vimes　relaxed　a　bit。　Right　now　the　dragon　seemed　a　much　safer　prospect。
　〃And　I　did　a　bit　of　working　out；　too。　I'll　tell　you　this：　it's　a　very　odd　beast。　It　shouldn't　be　able　to　get　airborne。〃
　〃You're　right　there。〃
　〃If　it's　built　like　swamp　dragons；　it　should　weigh　about　twenty　tons。　Twenty　tons！　It's　impossible。　It's　all　down　to　weight　and　wingspan　ratios；　you　see。〃
　〃I　saw　it　drop　off　the　tower　like　a　swallow。〃
　〃I　know。　It　should　have　torn　its　wings　off　and　left　a　bloody　great　hole　in　the　ground；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin　firmly。　〃You　can't　muck　about　with　aerodynamics。　You　can't　just　scale　up　from　small　to　big　and　leave　it　at　that；　you　see。　It's　all　a　matter　of　muscle　power　and　lifting　surfaces。〃
　〃I　knew　there　was　something　wrong；〃　said　Vimes；　brightening　up。　〃And　the　flame；　too。　Nothing　goes　around　with　that　kind　of　heat　inside　it。　How　do　swamp　dragons　manage　it？〃
　〃Oh；　that's　just　chemicals；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin　dismissively。　〃They　just　distill　something　flammable　from　whatever　they've　eaten　and　ignite　the　flame　just　as　it　es　out　of　the　ducts。　They　never　actually　have　fire　inside　them；　unless　they　get　a　case　of　blowback。〃　
　〃What　happens　then？〃
　〃You're　scraping　dragon　off　the　scenery；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin　cheerfully。　〃I'm　afraid　they're　not　very　well…designed　creatures；　dragons。〃　
　Vimes　listened。
　They　would　never　have　survived　at　all　except　that　their　home　swamps　were　isolated　and　short　of　predators。　Not　that　a　dragon　made　good　eating；　anyway…once　you'd　taken　away　the　leathery　skin　and　the　enormous　flight　muscles；　what　was　left　must　have　been　like　biting　into　a　badly…run　chemical　factory。　No　wonder　dragons　were　always　ill。　They　relied　on　permanent　stomach　trouble　for　supplies　of　fuel。　Most　of　their　brain　power　was　taken　up　with　controlling　the　plexities　of　then…　digestion；　which　could　distill　flame…producing　fuels　from　the　most　unlikely　ingredients。　They　could　even　rearrange　their　internal　plumbing　overnight　to　deal　with　difficult　processes。　They　lived　on　a　chemical　knife…edge　the　whole　time。　One　misplaced　hiccup　and　they　were　geography。
　And　when　it　came　to　choosing　nesting　sites；　the　females　had　all　the　mon　sense　and　mothering　instinct　of　a　brick。
　Vimes　wondered　why　people　had　been　so　worried　about　dragons　in　the　olden　days。　If　there　was　one　in　a　cave　near　you；　all　you　had　to　do　was　wait　until　it　self…ignited；　blew　itself　up；　or　died　of　acute　indigestion。
　〃You've　really　studied　them；　haven't　you；〃　he　said。
　〃Someone　ought　to。〃
　〃But　what　about　the　big　ones？〃
　〃Golly；　yes。　They're　a　great　mystery；　you　know；〃　she　said；　her　expression　being　extremely　serious。
　〃Yes；　you　said。〃
　〃There　are　legends；　you　know。　It　seems　as　though　one　species　of　dragon　started　to　get　bigger　and　bigger　and　then　。　。　。　just　vanished。〃
　〃Died　out；　you　mean？〃
　〃No　。　。　。　they　turned　up；　sometimes。　From　somewhere。　Full　of　vim　and　vigour。　And　then；　one　day；　they　stopped　ing　at　all。〃　She　gave　Vimes　a　triumphant　look。　〃I　think　they　found　somewhere　where　they　could　really　be。　〃
　〃Really　be　what？〃
　〃Dragons。　Where　they　could　really　fulfil　their　potential。　Some　other　dimension　or　something。　Where　the　gravity　isn't　so　strong；　or　something。〃
　〃I　thought　when　I　saw　it；〃　said　Vimes；　〃I　thought；　you　can't　have　something　that　flies　and　has　scales　like　that。〃
　They　looked　at　each　other。
　〃We've　got　to　find　it　in　its　lair；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin。
　〃No　bloody　flying　newt　sets　fire　to　my　city；〃　said　Vimes。
　〃Just　think　of　the　contribution　to　dragon　lore；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin。
　〃Listen；　if　anyone　ever　sets　fire　to　this　city；　it's　going　to　be　me。　〃
　〃It's　an　amazing　opportunity。　There's　so　many　questions　。。。〃
　〃You're　right　there。〃　A　phrase　of　Carrot's　crossed　Vimes's　mind。　〃It　can　help　us　with　our　enquiries；〃　he　suggested。
　〃But　in　the　morning；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin　firmly。
　Vimes's　look　of　bitter　determination　faded。
　〃I　shall　sleep　downstairs；　in　the　kitchen；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin　cheerfully。　〃I　usually　have　a　camp　bed　made　up　down　there　when　it's　egg…laying　time。　Some　of　the　females　always　need　assistance。　Don't　you　worry　about　me。〃
　〃You're　being　very　helpful；〃　Vimes　muttered。
　〃I've　sent　Nobby　down　to　the　city　to　help　the　others　set　up　your　headquarters；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin。
　Vimes　had　pletely　forgotten　the　Watch　House。　〃It　must　have　been　badly　damaged；〃　he　ventured。
　〃Totally　destroyed；〃　said　Lady　Ramkin。　〃Just　a　patch　of　melted　rock。　So　I'm　letting　you　have　a　place　in　Pseudopolis　Yard。〃
　〃Sorry？〃
　〃Oh；　my　father　had　property　all　over　the　city；〃　she　said。　〃Quite　useless　to　me；　really。　So　I　told　my　agent　to　give　Sergeant　Colon　the　keys　to　the　old　house　in　Pseudopolis　Yard。　It'll　do　it　good　to　be　aired。〃
　〃But　that　area　…　I　mean；　there's　real　cobbles　on　the　streets　…　the　rent　alone；　I　mean；　Lord　Vetinari　won't…〃
　〃Don't　you　worry　about　it；〃　she　said；　giving　him　a　friendly　pat。　〃Now；　you　really　ought　to　get　some　sleep。〃
　Vimes　lay　in　bed；　his　mind　racing。　Pseudopolis　Yard　was　on　the　Ankh　side　of　the　river；　in　quite　a　high…rent　district。　The　sight　of　Nobby　or　Sergeant　Colon　walking　down　the　street　in　daylight　would　probably　have　the　same　effect　on　the　area　as　the　opening　of　a　plague　hospital。
　He　dozed；　gliding　in　and　out　of　a　sleep　where　giant　dragons　pursued　him　waving　jars　of　ointment　。　。　。
　And　awoke　to　the　sound　of　a　mob。
　　
　。。。
　　
　Lady　Ramkin　drawing　herself　up　haughtily　was　not　a　sight　to　forget；　although　you　could　try。　It　was　like　watching　continental　drift　in　reverse　as　various　subcontinents　and　islands　pulled　themselves　together　to　form　one　massive；　angry　protowoman。
　The　broken　door　of　the　dragon　house　swung　on　its　hinges。　The　inmates；　already　as　highly　strung　as　a　harp　on　amphetamines；　were　going　mad。　Little　gouts　of　flame　burst　against　the　metal　plates　as　they　stampeded　back　and　forth　in　their　pens。　〃What；〃　she　said；　〃is　the　meaning　of　this？〃　If　a　Ramkin　had　ever　been　given　to　introspection　she'd　have　admitted　that　it　wasn't　a　very　original　line。
　But　it　was　handy。　It　did　the　job。　The　reason　that　cliches　bee　cliches　is　that　they　are　the　hammers　and　screwdrivers　in　the　toolbox　of　munication。
　The　mob　filled　the　broken　doorway。　Some　of　it　was　waving　various　sharp　implements　with　the　up…and…down　motion　proper　to　rioters。
　〃Worl；〃　said　the　leader；　〃it's　the　dragon；　innit？〃
　There　was　a　chorus　of　muttered　agreement。
　〃Hwhat　about　it？〃　said　Lady　Ramkin。
　〃Worl。　It's　been　burning　the　city。　They　don't　fly　far。　You　got　dragons　here。　Could　be　one　of　them；　couldn't　it？〃
　〃Yeah。〃
　〃S'right。〃
　〃QED。　〃＇15＇
　〃So　what　we're　going　to　do　is；　we're　going　to　put　'em　down。〃
　〃S'right。〃
　〃Yeah。〃
　〃Pro　bono　publico。　〃
　Lady　Ramkin's　bosom　rose　and　fell　like　an　empire。　She　reached　out　and　grabbed　the　dunging　fork　from　its　hook　on　the　wall。
　〃One　step　nearer；　I　warn　you；　and　you'll　be　sorry；〃　she　said。
　The　leader　looked　beyond　her　to　the　frantic　dragons。
　〃Yeah？〃　he　said；　nastily。　〃And　what'll　you　do；　eh？〃
　Her　mouth　opened　and　shut　once　or　twice。　〃I　shall　summon　the　Watch！〃　she　said　at　last。
　The　threat　did　not　have　the　effect　she　had　expected。　Lady　Ramkin　had　never　paid　much　attention　to　those　bits　of　the　city　that　didn't　have　scales　on。
　〃Well；　that's　too　bad；〃　said　the　leader。　〃That's　really　worrying；　you　know　that？　Makes　me　go　all　weak　at　the　knees；　that　does。〃
　He　extracted　a　lengthy　cleaver　from　his　belt。　'　'And　now　you　just　stand　aside；　lady；　because…〃
　A　streak　of　green　fire　blasted　out　of　the　back　of　the　shed；　passed　a　foot　over　the　heads　of　the　mob；　and　burned　a　charred　rosette　in　the　woodwork　over　the　door。
　Then　came　a　voice　that　was　a　honeyed　purr　of　sheer　deadly　menace。
　〃This　is　Lord　Mountjoy　Quickfang　Winterforth　IV；　the　hottest　dragon　in　the　city。　It　could　burn　your　head　clean　off。　〃
　Captain　Vimes　limped　forward　from　the　shadows。
　A　small　and　extremely　frightened　golden　dragon　was　clamped　firmly　under　one　arm。　His　other　hand　held　it　by　the　tail。
　The　rioters　watched　it；　hypnotised。
　〃Now　I　know　what　you're　thinking；〃　Vimes　went　on；　softly。　〃You're　wondering；　after　all　this　excitement；　has　it