tp.guards!guards!-第33部分

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oing　to　like　this。〃
　　
　。。。
　　
　They　didn't。　None　of　them　did。
　The　first　problem　was　the　palace　guard。
　Vimes　had　never　liked　them。　They'd　never　liked　him。　Okay；　so　maybe　the　rank　were　only　one　step　away　from　petty　scofflaws；　but　in　Vimes's　professional　opinion　the　palace　guard　these　days　were　only　one　step　away　from　being　the　worst　criminal　scum　the　city　had　ever　produced。　A　step　further　down。　They'd　have　to　reform　a　bit　before　they　could　even　be　considered　for　inclusion　in　the　Ten　Most　Unwanted　list。
　They　were　rough。　They　were　tough。　They　weren't　the　sweepings　of　the　gutter；　they　were　what　you　still　found　sticking　to　the　gutter　when　the　gutter　sweepers　had　given　up　in　exhaustion。　They　had　been　extremely　well…paid　by　the　Patrician；　and　presumably　were　extremely　well…paid　by　someone　else　now；　because　when　Vimes　walked　up　to　the　gates　a　couple　of　them　stopped　lounging　against　the　walls　and　straightened　up　while　still　maintaining　just　the　right　amount　of　psychological　slouch　to　cause　maximum　offense。
〃Captain　Vimes；〃　said　Vimes；　staring　straight　ahead。　〃To　see　the　king。　It's　of　the　utmost　importance。〃
〃Yeah？　Well；　it'd　have　to　be；〃　said　a　guard。　〃Captain　Slimes；　was　it？〃
〃Vimes；〃　said　Vimes　evenly。　〃With　a　Vee。〃
One　of　the　guards　nodded　to　his　panion。
〃Vimes；〃　he　said。　〃With　a　Vee。〃
〃Fancy；〃　said　the　other　guard。
〃It's　most　urgent；〃　said　Vimes；　maintaining　a　wooden　expression。　He　tried　to　move　forward。
The　first　guard　sidestepped　neatly　and　pushed　him　sharply　in　the　chest。
〃No…one　is　going　nowhere；〃　he　said。　〃Orders　of　the　king；　see？　So　you　can　push　off　back　to　your　pit；　Captain　Vimes　with　a　Vee。〃
It　wasn't　the　words　which　made　up　Vimes's　mind。　It　was　the　way　the　other　man　sniggered。
〃Stand　aside；〃　he　said。
The　guard　leaned　down。　〃Who's　going　to　make　me；〃　he　rapped　on　Vimes's　helmet；　〃copper？〃
There　are　times　when　it　is　a　veritable　pleasure　to　drop　the　bomb　right　away。
〃Lance…constable　Carrot；　I　want　you　to　charge　these　men；〃　said　Vimes。
Carrot　saluted。　〃Very　good；　sir；〃　he　said；　and　turned　and　trotted　smartly　back　the　way　they　had　e。
〃Hey！〃　shouted　Vimes；　as　the　boy　disappeared　around　a　corner。
〃That's　what　I　like　to　see；〃　said　the　first　guard；　leaning　on　his　speak。　〃That's　a　young　man　with　initiative；　that　young　man。　A　bright　lad。　He　doesn't　want　to　stop　along　here　and　have　his　ears　twisted　off。　That's　a　young　man　who's　going　to　go　a　long　way；　if　he's　got　any　sense。〃
〃Very　sensible；〃　said　the　other　guard。
He　leaned　the　spear　against　the　wall。
〃You　Watch　men　make　me　want　to　throw　up；〃　he　said　conversationally。　〃Pouncing　around　all　the　time；　never　doing　a　proper　job　of　work。　Throwing　your　weight　about　as　if　you　counted　for　something。　So　me　and　Clarence　are　going　to　show　you　what　real　guarding　is　all　about；　isn't　that　right？〃
　I　could　just　about　manage　one　of　them；　Vimes　thought　as　he　took　a　few　steps　backward。　If　he　was　facing　the　other　way；　at　least。
　Clarence　propped　his　spear　against　the　gateway　and　spat　on　his　hands。
　There　was　a　long；　terrifying　ululation。　Vimes　was　amazed　to　realise　it　wasn't　ing　from　him。
　Carrot　appeared　around　the　corner　at　a　dead　run。　He　had　a　felling　axe　in　either　hand。
　His　huge　leather　sandals　flapped　on　the　cobblestones　as　he　bounded　closer；　accelerating　all　the　time。　And　all　the　time　there　was　this　cry；　deedahdeedahdeedah；　like　something　caught　in　a　trap　at　the　bottom　of　a　two…tone　echo　canyon。
　The　two　palace　guards　stood　rigid　with　astonishment。
　〃I　should　duck；　if　I　was　you；〃　said　Vimes　from　near　ground　level。
　The　two　axes　left　Carrot's　hands　and　whirred　through　the　air　making　a　noise　like　a　brace　of　partridges。　One　of　them　hit　the　palace　gate；　burying　half　the　head　in　the　woodwork。　The　other　one　hit　the　shaft　of　the　first　one；　and　split　it。　Then　Carrot　arrived。
　Vimes　went　and　sat　down　on　a　nearby　bench　for　a　while；　and　rolled　himself　a　cigarette。
　Eventually　he　said；　〃I　think　that's　about　enough；　constable。　I　think　they'd　like　to　e　quietly　now。〃
　〃Yes；　sir。　What　are　they　accused　of；　sir？〃　said　Carrot；　holding　one　limp　body　in　either　hand。
　〃Assaulting　an　officer　of　the　Watch　in　the　execution　of　his　duty　and　。。。　oh；　yes。　Resisting　arrest。〃
　〃Under　Section　（vii）　of　the　Public　Order　Act　of　1457？〃　said　Carrot。
　〃Yes；〃　said　Vimes　solemnly。　〃Yes。　Yes；　I　suppose　so。〃
　〃But　they　didn't　resist　very　much；　sir；〃　Carrot　pointed　out。
　〃Well；　attempting　to　resist　arrest。　I　should　just　leave　them　over　by　the　wall　until　we　e　back。　I　don't　expect　they'll　want　to　go　anywhere。〃
　〃Right　you　are；　sir。〃
　〃Don't　hurt　them；　mind；〃　said　Vimes。　〃You　mustn't　hurt　prisoners。〃
　〃That's　right；　sir；〃　said　Carrot；　conscientiously。　〃Prisoners　once　Charged　have　Rights；　sir。　It　says　so　in　the　Dignity　of　Man　（Civic　Rights）　Act　of　1341。　I　keep　telling　Corporal　Nobbs。　They　have　Rights；　I　tell　him。　This　means　you　do　not　Put　the　Boot　in。〃
　〃Very　well　put；　constable。〃
　Carrot　looked　down。　〃You　have　the　right　to　remain　silent；〃　he　said。　〃You　have　the　right　not　to　injure　yourself　falling　down　the　steps　on　the　way　to　the　cells。　You　have　the　right　not　to　jump　out　of　high　windows。　You　do　not　have　to　say　anything；　you　see；　but　any　thing　you　do　say；　well；　I　have　to　take　it　down　and　it　might　be　used　in　evidence。〃　He　pulled　out　his　notebook　and　licked　his　pencil。　He　leaned　down　further。
　〃Pardon？〃　he　said。　He　looked　up　at　Vimes。
　〃How　do　you　spell　'groan'；　sir？〃　he　said。
　〃G…R…O…N…E；　I　think。〃
　〃Very　good；　sir。〃
　〃Oh；　and　constable？'
　〃Yes；　sir？〃
　〃Why　the　axes？〃
　〃They　were　armed；　sir。　I　got　them　from　the　blacksmith　in　Market　Street；　sir。　I　said　you'd　be　along　later　to　pay　for　them。〃
　〃And　the　cry？〃　said　Vimes　weakly。
　〃Dwarfish　war　yodel；　sir；〃　said　Carrot　proudly。
　〃It's　a　good　cry；〃　said　Vimes；　picking　his　words　with　care。　〃But　I'd　be　grateful　if　you'd　warn　me　first　another　time；　all　right？〃
　〃Certainly；　sir。〃
　〃In　writing；　I　think。〃
　　。。。
　　
　The　Librarian　swung　on。　It　was　slow　progress；　because　there　were　things　he　wasn't　keen　on　meeting。　Creatures　evolve　to　fill　every　niche　in　the　environment；　and　some　of　those　in　the　dusty　immensity　of　L…space　were　best　avoided。　They　were　much　more　unusual　than　ordinary　unusual　creatures。
　Usually　he　could　forewarn　himself　by　keeping　a　careful　eye　on　the　kickstool　crabs　that　grazed　harmlessly　on　the　dust。　When　they　were　spooked；　it　was　time　to　hide。　Several　times　he　had　to　flatten　himself　against　the　shelves　as　a　thesaurus　thundered　by。　He　waited　patiently　as　a　herd　of　Critters　crawled　past；　grazing　on　the　contents　of　the　choicer　books　and　leaving　behind　them　piles　of　small　slim　volumes　of　literary　criticism。　And　there　were　other　things；　things　which　he　hurried　away　from　and　tried　not　to　look　hard　at　。。。
　And　you　had　to　avoid　cliches　at　all　costs。
　He　finished　the　last　of　his　peanuts　atop　a　stepladder；　which　was　browsing　mindlessly　off　the　high　shelves。
　The　territory　definitely　had　a　familiar　feel；　or　at　least　he　got　the　feeling　that　it　would　eventually　be　familiar。　Time　had　a　different　meaning　in　L…space。
　There　were　shelves　whose　outline　he　felt　he　knew。　The　book　titles；　while　still　unreadable；　held　a　tantalising　hint　of　legibility。　Even　the　musty　air　had　a　smell　he　thought　he　recognized。
　He　shambled　quickly　along　a　side　passage；　turned　the　corner　and；　with　only　the　slightest　twinge　of　disorientation；　shuffled　into　that　set　of　dimensions　that　people；　because　they　don't　know　any　better；　think　of　as　normal。
　He　just　felt　extremely　hot　and　his　fur　stood　straight　out　from　his　body　as　temporal　energy　gradually　discharged。
　He　was　in　the　dark。
　He　extended　one　arm　and　explored　the　spines　of　the　books　by　his　side。　Ah。　Now　he　knew　where　he　was。
　He　was　home　at　last。
　He　was　home　a　week　ago　before　now。
　It　was　essential　that　he　didn't　leave　footprints。　But　that　wasn't　a　problem。　He　shinned　up　the　side　of　the　nearest　bookcase　and；　under　the　starlight　of　the　dome；　hurried　onwards。
　　
　。。。
　　
　Lupine　Wonse　glared　up；　red…eyed；　from　the　heap　of　paperwork　on　his　desk。　No…one　in　the　city　knew　anything　about　coronations。　He'd　had　to　make　it　up　as　he　went　along。　There　should　be　plenty　of　things　to　wave；　he　knew　that。
　〃Yes？〃　he　said；　abruptly。
　〃Er；　there's　a　Captain　Vimes　to　see　you；〃　said　the　flunkey。
　〃Vimes　of　the　Watch？〃
　〃Yes；　sir。　Says　it's　of　the　upmost　importance。〃
　Wonse　looked　down　his　list　of　other　things　that　were　also　of　the　utmost　importance。　Crowning　the　king；　for　one　thing。　The　high　priests　of　fifty…three　religions　were　all　claiming　the　honour。　It　was　going　to　be　a　scrum。　And　then　there　were　the　crown　jewels。
　Or　rather；　there　weren't　the　crown　jewels。　Somewhere　in　the　preceding　generations　the　crown　jewels　had　disappeared。　A　jeweller　in　the　Street　of　Cunning　Artificers　was　doing　the　best　he　could　in　the　time　with　gilt　and　glass。
　Vimes　could　wait。
　〃Tell　him　to　e　back　another　day；〃　said　Wonse。
　〃Good　of　you　to　see　us；〃　said　Vimes；　appearing　in　the　doorway。
　Wonse　glared　at　him。
　〃Since　you're　here　。　。　。〃　he　said。　Vimes　dropped　his　helmet　on　Wonse's　desk　in　what　the　secretary　thought　was　an　offensive　manner；　and　sat　down。
　〃Take　a　seat；〃　said　Wonse。
　〃Have　you　had　breakfast　yet？〃　said　Vimes。
　〃Now　really。。。〃　Wonse　began。
　〃Don't　worry；〃　said　Vimes　cheerfully。　〃Constable　Carrot　will　go　and　see　what's　in　the　kitchens。　This　chap　will　show　him　the　way。〃
　When　they　had　gone　Wonse　leaned　across　the　drifts　of　paperwork。
　〃There　had　better；〃　he　said；　〃be　a　very　good　reason　for…〃
　〃The　dragon　is　back；〃　said　Vimes。
　Wonse　stared　at　him　for　a　while。
　Vimes　stared　back。
　Wonse's　senses　came　back　from　whatever　corners　they'd　bounced　into。
　〃You've　been　drinking；　haven't　you；〃　he　said。
　〃No。　The　dragon　is　back。　〃
　〃Now；　look。。。〃　Wonse　began。
　〃I　saw　it；〃　said　Vimes　flatly。
　〃A　dragon？　You're　sure？〃
　Vimes　leaned　across　the　desk。　〃No！　I　could　be　bloody　mistaken！〃　he　shouted。　〃It　may　have　been　something　else　with　sodding　great　big　claws；　huge　leathery　wings　and　hot；　fiery　breath！　There　must　be　masses　of　things　like　that！〃
　〃But　we　all　saw　it　killed！〃　said　Wonse。
　〃I　don't　know　what　we　saw！〃　said　Vimes；　〃But　I　know　what　I　saw！''
　He　leaned　back；　shaking。　He　was　suddenly　feeling　extremely　tired。
　〃Anyway；〃　he　said；　in　a　more　nor