tp.guards!guards!-第45部分

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　〃What？〃　said　Vimes。
　〃I　imagine　you　would。　Pot　luck；　though；　I　am　afraid。　Skrp's　people　are　bright　enough；　but　they　seem　to　have　a　bit　of　a　blind　spot　when　it　es　to　labels　on　bottles。〃
　Lord　Vetinari　patted　his　face　with　a　towel　and　dropped　it　on　the　floor。　A　grey　shape　darted　from　the　shadows　and　dragged　it　away　down　the　floor　grille。
　Then　he　said；　〃Very　well；　Skrp。　You　may　go。〃　The　rat　twitched　its　whiskers　at　him；　leaned　the　mirror　against　the　wall；　and　trotted　off。
　〃You're　waited　on　by　rats？〃　said　Vimes。
　〃They　help　out；　you　know。　They're　not　really　very　efficient；　I'm　afraid。　It's　their　paws。〃
　〃But；　but；　but；〃　said　Vimes。　〃I　mean；　how？〃
　〃I　suspect　Skrp's　people　have　tunnels　that　extend　into　the　University；〃　Lord　Vetinari　went　on。　〃Although　I　think　they　were　probably　pretty　bright　to　start　with。〃
　At　least　Vimes　understood　that　bit。　It　was　well　known　that　thaumic　radiations　affected　animals　living　around　the　Unseen　University　campus；　sometimes　prodding　them　towards　minute　analogues　of　human　civilisation　and　even　mutating　some　of　them　into　entirely　new　and　specialised　species；　such　as　the　bookworm　and　the　wallfish。　And；　as　the　man　said；　rats　were　quite　bright　to　start　with。　〃But　they're　helping　you？〃　said　Vimes。　
　〃Mutual。　It's　mutual。　Payment　for　services　rendered；　you　might　say；〃　said　the　Patrician；　sitting　down　on　what　Vimes　couldn't　help　noticing　was　a　small　velvet　cushion。　On　a　low　shelf；　so　as　to　be　handy；　were　a　notepad　and　a　neat　row　of　books。　
　〃How　can　you　help　rats；　sir？〃　he　said　weakly。　
　〃Advice。　I　advise　them；　you　know。〃　The　Patrician　leaned　back。　〃That's　the　trouble　with　people　like　Wonse；〃　he　said。　〃They　never　know　when　to　stop。　Rats；　snakes　and　scorpions。　It　was　sheer　bedlam　in　here　when　I　came。　The　rats　were　getting　the　worst　of　it；　too。〃
　And　Vimes　thought　he　was　beginning　to　get　the　drift。　〃You　mean　you　sort　of　trained　them？〃　he　said。　
　〃Advised。　Advised。　I　suppose　it's　a　knack；〃　said　Lord　Vetinari　modestly。
　Vimes　wondered　how　it　was　done。　Did　the　rats　side　with　the　scorpions　against　the　snakes　and　then；　when　the　snakes　were　beaten；　invite　the　scorpions　to　a　celebratory　slap…up　meal　and　eat　them？　Or　were　individual　scorpions　hired　with　large　amounts　of；　oh；　whatever　it…was　scorpions　ate；　to　sidle　up　to　selected　leading　snakes　at　night　and　sting　them？
　He　remembered　hearing　once　about　a　man　who；　locked　up　in　a　cell　for　years；　trained　little　birds　and　created　a　sort　of　freedom。　And　he　thought　of　ancient　sailors；　shorn　of　the　sea　by　old　age　and　infirmity；　who　spent　their　days　making　big　ships　in　little　bottles。
　Then　he　thought　of　the　Patrician；　robbed　of　his　city；　sitting　cross…legged　on　the　grey　floor　in　the　dim　dungeon　and　recreating　it　around　him；　encouraging　in　miniature　all　the　little　rivalries；　power　struggles　and　factions。　He　thought　of　him　as　a　sombre；　brooding　statue　amid　paving　stones　alive　with　slinking　shadows　and　sudden；　political　death。　It　had　probably　been　easier　than　ruling　Ankh；　which　had　larger　vermin　who　didn't　have　to　use　both　hands　to　carry　a　knife。
　There　was　a　clink　over　by　the　drain。　Half　a　dozen　rats　appeared；　dragging　something　wrapped　in　a　cloth。　They　rathandled　it　past　the　grille　and；　with　great　effort；　hauled　it　to　the　Patrician's　feet。　He　leaned　down　and　undid　the　knot。
　〃We　seem　to　have　cheese；　chicken　legs；　celery；　a　piece　of　rather　stale　bread　and　a　nice　bottle；　oh；　a　nice　bottle　apparently　of　Merckle　and　Stingbat's　Very　Famous　Brown　Sauce。　Beer；　I　said；　Skrp。〃　The　leading　rat　twitched　its　nose　at　him。　〃Sorry　about　this；　Vimes。　They　can't　read；　you　see。　They　don't　seem　to　get　the　hang　of　the　concept。　But　they're　very　good　at　listening。　They　bring　me　all　the　news。〃
　〃I　see　you're　very　fortable　here；〃　said　Vimes　weakly。
　〃Never　build　a　dungeon　you　wouldn't　be　happy　to　spend　the　night　in　yourself；〃　said　the　Patrician；　laying　out　the　food　on　the　cloth。　〃The　world　would　be　a　happier　place　if　more　people　remembered　that。〃
　〃We　all　thought　you　had　built　secret　tunnels　and　suchlike；〃　said　Vimes。
　〃Can't　imagine　why；〃　said　the　Patrician。　〃One　would　have　to　keep　on　running。　So　inefficient。　Whereas　here　I　am　at　the　hub　of　things。　I　hope　you　understand　that；　Vimes。　Never　trust　any　ruler　who　puts　his　faith　in　tunnels　and　bunkers　and　escape　routes。　The　chances　are　that　his　heart　isn't　in　the　job。〃
　〃Oh。〃
　He's　in　a　dungeon　in　his　own　palace　with　a　raving　lunatic　in　charge　upstairs；　and　a　dragon　burning　the　city；　and　he　thinks　he's　got　the　world　where　he　wants　it。　It　must　be　something　about　high　office。　The　altitude　sends　people　mad。
　〃You；　er；　you　don't　mind　if　I　have　a　look　around；　do　you？〃　he　said。
　〃Feel　free；〃　said　the　Patrician。
　Vimes　paced　the　length　of　the　dungeon　and　checked　the　door。　It　was　heavily　barred　and　bolted；　and　the　lock　was　massive。
　Then　he　tapped　the　walls　in　what　might　possibly　be　hollow　places。　There　was　no　doubt　that　it　was　a　well…built　dungeon。　It　was　the　kind　of　dungeon　you'd　feel　good　about　having　dangerous　criminals　put　in。　Of　course；　in　those　circumstances　you'd　prefer　there　to　be　no　trapdoors；　hidden　tunnels　or　secret　ways　of　escape。
　These　weren't　those　circumstances。　It　was　amazing　what　several　feet　of　solid　stone　did　to　your　sense　of　perspective。
　〃Do　guards　e　in　here？〃　he　demanded。
　〃Hardly　ever；〃　said　the　Patrician；　waving　a　chicken　leg。　〃They　don't　bother　about　feeding　me；　you　see。　The　idea　is　that　one　should　moulder。　In　fact；〃　he　said；　〃up　'til　recently　I　used　to　go　to　the　door　and　groan　a　bit　every　now　and　then；　just　to　keep　them　happy。〃
　〃They're　bound　to　e　in　and　check；　though？〃　said　Vimes　hopefully。
　〃Oh；　I　don't　think　we　should　tolerate　that；〃　said　the　Patrician。
　'　'How　are　you　going　to　prevent　them？''
　Lord　Vetinari　gave　him　a　pained　look。
　〃My　dear　Vimes；〃　he　said；　〃I　thought　you　were　an　observant　man。　Did　you　look　at　the　door？〃
　〃Of　course　I　did；〃　said　Vimes；　and　added；　〃sir。　It's　bloody　massive。''
　〃Perhaps　you　should　have　another　look？''
　Vimes　gaped　at　him；　and　then　stamped　across　the　floor　and　glared　at　the　door。　It　was　one　of　the　popular　dread　portal　variety；　all　bars　and　bolts　and　iron　spikes　and　massive　hinges。　No　matter　how　long　he　looked　at　it；　it　didn't　bee　any　less　massive。　The　lock　was　one　of　those　dwarfish…made　buggers　that　it'd　take　years　to　pick。　All　in　all；　if　you　had　to　have　a　symbol　for　something　totally　immovable；　that　door　was　your　man。　The　Patrician　appeared　alongside　him　in　heart…stopping　silence。
　〃You　see；〃　he　said；　〃it's　always　the　case；　is　it　not；　that　should　a　city　be　overtaken　by　violent　civil　unrest　the　current　ruler　is　thrown　into　the　dungeons？　To　a　certain　type　of　mind　that　is　so　much　more　satisfying　than　mere　execution。。。。〃
　〃Well；　okay；　but　I　don't　see。。。〃　Vimes　began。　
　〃。。。And　you　look　at　this　door　and　what　you　see　is　a　really　strong　cell　door；　yes？〃
　〃Of　course。　You've　only　got　to　look　at　the　bolts　and。。。〃
　〃You　know；　I'm　really　rather　pleased；〃　said　Lord　Vetinari　quietly。
　Vimes　stared　at　the　door　until　his　eyebrows　ached。　And　then；　just　as　random　patterns　in　cloud　suddenly；　without　changing　in　any　way；　bee　a　horse's　head　or　a　sailing　ship；　he　saw　what　he'd　been　looking　at　all　along。
　A　sense　of　terrifying　admiration　overcame　him。　He　wondered　what　it　was　like　in　the　Patrician's　mind。　All　cold　and　shiny；　he　thought；　all　blued　steel　and　icicles　and　little　wheels　clicking　along　like　a　huge　clock。　The　kind　of　mind　that　would　carefully　consider　its　own　downfall　and　turn　it　to　advantage。
　It　was　a　perfectly　normal　dungeon　door；　but　it　all　depended　on　your　sense　of　perspective。
　In　this　dungeon　the　Patrician　could　hold　off　the　world。
　All　that　was　on　the　outside　was　the　lock。　
　All　the　bolts　and　bars　were　on　the　inside。
　　
　。。。
　　
　The　rank　clambered　awkwardly　across　the　damp　rooftops　as　the　morning　mist　was　boiled　off　by　the　sun。　Not　that　there　would　be　any　clear　air　today…sticky　swathes　of　smoke　and　stale　steam　wreathed　the　city　and　filled　the　air　with　the　sad　smell　of　dampened　cinders。
　〃What　is　this　place？〃　said　Carrot；　helping　the　others　along　a　greasy　walkway。
　Sergeant　Colon　looked　around　at　the　forest　of　chimneys。
　〃We're　just　above　Jimkin　Bearhugger's　whisky　distillery；〃　he　said。　〃On　a　direct　line；　see；　between　the　palace　and　the　plaza。　It's　bound　to　fly　over　here。〃
　Nobby　looked　wistfully　over　the　side　of　the　building。
　〃I　bin　in　there　once；〃　he　said。　〃Checked　the　door　one　dark　night　and　it　just　came　open　in　my　hand。〃
　〃Eventually；　I　expect；〃　said　Colon　sourly。
　〃Well；　I　had　to　go　in；　din't　I；　to　check　there　was　no　miscreanting　going　on。　Amazing　place　in　there。　All　pipes　and　stuff。　And　the　smell！〃
　〃　'Every　bottle　matured　for　up　to　seven　minutes'；〃　quoted　Colon。　〃　'Ha'　a　drop　afore　ye　go'；　it　says　on　the　label。　Damn　right；　too。　I　had　a　drop　once；　and　I　went　all　day。''
　He　knelt　down　and　unwrapped　the　long　sacking　package　he　had　been　manhandling；　with　extreme　difficulty；　during　the　climb。　This　revealed　a　longbow　of　ancient　design　and　a　quiver　of　arrows。
　He　picked　up　the　bow　slowly；　reverentially；　and　ran　his　pudgy　fingers　along　it。
　〃You　know；〃　he　said　quietly；　〃I　was　damn　good　with　this；　when　I　were　a　lad。　The　captain　should　of　let　me　have　a　go　the　other　night。〃
　〃You　keep　on　telling　us；〃　said　Nobby　unsympathetically。
　〃Well；　I　used　to　win　prizes。〃　The　sergeant　unwound　a　new　bowstring；　looped　it　around　one　end　of　the　bow；　stood　up；　pressed　down；　grunted　a　bit　。。。
　〃Er；　Carrot？〃　he　said；　slightly　out　of　breath。
　〃Yes；　Sarge？〃
　〃You　any　good　at　stringing　bows？〃
　Carrot　grasped　the　bow；　pressed　it　easily；　and　slipped　the　other　end　of　the　string　into　place。
　〃That's　a　good　start；　Sarge；〃　said　Nobby。
　〃Don't　you　be　sarcastic　with　me；　Nobby！　It　ain't　strength；　it's　keenness　of　eye　and　steadiness　of　hand　what　counts。　Now　you　pass　me　an　arrow。　Not　that　one！〃
　Nobby's　fingers　froze　in　the　act　of　grasping　a　shaft。
　〃That's　my　lucky　arrow！〃　spluttered　Colon。　〃None　of　you　is　to　touch　my　lucky　arrow！〃
　〃Looks　just　like　any　other　bloody　arrow　to　me；　Sarge；〃　said　Nobby　mildly。
　〃That's　the　one　I　shall　use　for　the　actual　wossname；　the　coup　de　grass；〃　said　Colon。　〃Never　let　me　down；　my　lucky　arrow　didn't。　Hit　whatever　I　shot　at。　Hardly　even　had　to　aim。　If　that　dragon's　got　an