tp.guards!guards!-第5部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　〃What　I　mean　is；　a　duck　brought　up　among　chickens。　Well…known　farmyard　phenomenon。　Finds　it　can't　bloody　well　peck　and　doesn't　know　what　swimming　is。〃　The　king　listened　politely。　Dwarfs　don't　go　in　much　for　agriculture。　〃But　you　send　him　off　to　see　a　lot　of　other　ducks；　let　him　get　his　feet　wet；　and　he　won't　go　running　around　after　bantams　any　more。　And　Bob's　your　uncle。　〃
　Varneshi　sat　back　and　looked　rather　pleased　with　himself。
　When　you　spend　a　large　part　of　your　life　underground；　you　develop　a　very　literal　mind。　Dwarfs　have　no　use　for　metaphor　and　simile。　Rocks　are　hard；　the　darkness　is　dark。　Start　messing　around　with　descriptions　like　that　and　you're　in　big　trouble；　is　their　motto。　But　after　two　hundred　years　of　talking　to　humans　the　king　had；　as　it　were；　developed　a　painstaking　mental　toolkit　which　was　nearly　adequate　for　the　job　of　understanding　them。
　〃Surely　Bjorn　Stronginthearm　is　my　uncle；　〃　he　pointed　out；　slowly。
　〃Same　thing。　〃
　There　was　a　pause　while　the　king　subjected　this　to　careful　analysis。
　〃You're　saying；　〃　he　said；　weighing　each　word；　〃that　we　should　send　Carrot　away　to　be　a　duck　among　humans　because　Bjorn　Stronginthearm　is　my　uncle。　〃
　〃He's　a　fine　lad。　Plenty　of　openings　for　a　big　strong　lad　like　him；　〃　said　Varneshi。
　〃I　have　heard　that　dwarfs　go　off　to　work　in　the　Big　City；　〃　said　the　king　uncertainly。　〃And　they　send　back　money　to　their　families；　which　is　very　mendable　and　proper。　〃
　〃There　you　are　then。　Get　him　a　job　in。。。　in。。。〃　Varneshi　sought　for　inspiration；〃。。。in　the　Watch；　or　something。　My　great…grandfather　was　in　the　Watch；　you　know。　Fine　job　for　a　big　lad；　my　grandad　said。　〃
　〃What　is　a　Watch？〃　said　the　king。
　〃Oh；　〃　said　Varneshi；　with　the　vagueness　of　someone　whose　family　for　the　last　three　generations　hadn't　travelled　more　than　twenty　miles；　〃they　goes　about　making　sure　people　keep　the　laws　and　do　what　they're　told。　〃
　〃That　is　a　very　proper　concern；　〃　said　the　king　who；　since　he　was　usually　the　one　doing　the　telling；　had　very　solid　views　about　people　doing　what　they　were　told。
　〃Of　course；　they　don't　take　just　anyone；　〃　said　Varneshi；　dredging　the　depths　of　his　recollection。
　〃I　should　think　not；　for　such　an　important　task。　I　shall　write　to　their　king。　〃
　〃I　don't　think　they　have　a　king　there；　〃　said　Varneshi。　〃Just　some　man　who　tells　them　what　to　do。　〃
　The　king　of　the　dwarfs　took　this　calmly。　This　seemed　to　be　about　ninety…seven　per　cent　of　the　definition　of　kingship；　as　far　as　he　was　concerned。
　Carrot　took　the　news　without　fuss；　just　as　he　took　instructions　about　re…opening　Shaft　#4　or　cutting　timber　for　shoring　props。　All　dwarfs　are　by　nature　dutiful；　serious；　literate；　obedient　and　thoughtful　people　whose　only　minor　failing　is　a　tendency；　after　one　drink；　to　rush　at　enemies　screaming　〃Arrrrrrgh！〃　and　axing　their　legs　off　at　the　knee。　Carrot　saw　no　reason　to　be　any　different。　He　would　go　to　this　city　…　whatever　that　was　…　and　have　a　man　made　of　him。
　They　took　only　the　finest；　Varneshi　had　said。　A　watchman　had　to　be　a　skilled　fighter　and　clean　in　thought；　word　and　deed。　From　the　depths　of　his　ancestral　anecdotage　the　old　man　had　dragged　tales　of　moonlight　chases　across　rooftops；　and　tremendous　battles　with　miscreants　which；　of　course；　his　great…grandad　had　won　despite　being　heavily　outnumbered。
　Carrot　had　to　admit　it　sounded　better　than　mining。
　After　some　thought；　the　king　wrote　to　the　ruler　of　Ankh…Morpork；　respectfully　asking　if　Carrot　could　be　considered　for　a　place　amongst　the　city's　finest。
　Letters　rarely　got　written　in　that　mine。　Work　stopped　and　the　whole　clan　had　sat　around　in　respectful　silence　as　his　pen　scrittered　across　the　parchment。　His　aunt　had　been　sent　up　to　Varneshi's　to　beg　his　pardon　but　could　he　see　his　way　clear　to　sparing　a　smidgen　of　wax　His　sister　had　been　sent　down　to　the　village　to　ask　Mistress　Garlick　the　witch　how　you　stopped　spelling　remendation。
　Months　had　gone　by。
　And　then　there'd　been　the　reply。　It　was　fairly　grubby；　since　mail　in　the　Ramtops　was　generally　handed　to　whoever　was　going　in　more　or　less　the　right　direction；　and　it　was　also　fairly　short。　It　said；　baldly；　that　his　application　was　accepted；　and　would　he　present　himself　for　duty　immediately。
　〃Just　like　that？〃　he　said。　〃I　thought　there'd　be　tests　and　things。　To　see　if　I　was　suitable。　〃
　〃You're　my　son；　〃　said　the　king。　〃I　told　them　that；　see。　Stands　to　reason　you'll　be　suitable。　Probably　officer　material。　〃
　He'd　pulled　a　sack　from　under　his　chair；　rummaged　around　in　it　and　presented　Carrot　with　a　length　of　metal；　more　a　sword　than　a　saw　but　only　just。
　〃This　might　rightly　belong　to　you；　〃　he　said。　〃When　we　found　the。。。　carts；　this　was　the　only　thing　left。　The　bandits；　you　see。　Just　between　you　and　me；〃　he　beckoned　Carrot　closer；〃we　had　a　witch　look　at　it。　In　case　it　was　magic。　But　it　isn't。　Quite　the　most　un…magical　sword　she'd　ever　seen；　she　said。　They　normally　have　a　bit；　see；　on　account　of　it's　like　magnetism；　I　suppose。　Got　quite　a　nice　balance；　though。　〃
　He　handed　it　over。
　He　rummaged　around　some　more。　〃And　then　there's　this。　〃　He　held　up　a　shirt。　〃It'll　protect　you。　〃
　Carrot　fingered　it　carefully。　It　was　made　from　the　wool　of　Ramtop　sheep；　which　had　all　the　warmth　and　softness　of　hog　bristles。　It　was　one　of　the　legendary　woolly　dwarf　vests；　the　kind　of　vest　that　needs　hinges。
　〃Protect　me　from　what？〃　he　said。
　〃Colds；　and　so　on；　〃　said　the　king。　〃Your　mother　says　you've　got　to　wear　it。　And。。。　er。。。　that　reminds　me。　Mr　Varneshi　says　he'd　like　you　to　drop　in　on　the　way　down　the　mountain。　He's　got　something　for　you。　〃
　His　father　and　mother　had　waved　him　out　of　sight。　Minty　didn't。　Funny；　that。　She　seemed　to　have　been　avoiding　him　lately。
　He'd　taken　the　sword；　slung　on　his　back；　sandwiches　and　clean　underwear　in　his　pack；　and　the　world；　more　or　less；　at　his　feet。　In　his　pocket　was　the　famous　letter　from　the　Patrician；　the　man　who　ruled　the　great　fine　city　of　Ankh…Morpork。
　At　least；　that's　how　his　mother　had　referred　to　it。　It　certainly　had　an　important…looking　crest　at　the　top；　but　the　signature　was　something　like　〃Lupin　Squiggle；　Sec'y；　pp〃。
　Still；　if　it　wasn't　actually　signed　by　the　Patrician　then　it　had　certainly　been　written　by　someone　who　worked　for　him。　Or　in　the　same　building。　Probably　the　Patrician　had　at　least　known　about　the　letter。　In　general　terms。　Not　this　letter；　perhaps；　but　probably　he　knew　about　the　existence　of　letters　in　general。
　Carrot　walked　steadfastly　down　the　mountain　paths；　disturbing　clouds　of　bumblebees。　After　a　while　he　unsheathed　the　sword　and　made　experimental　stabs　at　felonious　tree　stumps　and　unlawful　assemblies　of　stinging　nettles。
　Varneshi　was　sitting　outside　his　hut；　threading　dried　mushrooms　on　a　string。
　〃Hallo；　Carrot；　〃　he　said；　leading　the　way　inside。　〃Looking　forward　to　the　city？〃
　Carrot　gave　this　due　consideration。
　〃No；　〃　he　said。
　〃Having　second　thoughts；　are　you？〃
　〃No。　I　was　just　walking　along；　〃　said　Carrot　honestly。　〃I　wasn't　thinking　about　anything　much。　〃
　〃Your　dad　give　you　the　sword；　did　he？〃　said　Varneshi；　rummaging　on　a　fetid　shelf。
　〃Yes。　And　a　woolly　vest　to　protect　me　against　chills。　〃
　〃Ah。　Yes；　it　can　be　very　damp　down　there；　so　I've　heard。　Protection。　Very　important。　〃　He　turned　around　and　added；　dramatically；　〃This　belonged　to　my　great…grandfather。　〃
　It　was　a　strange；　vaguely　hemispherical　device　surrounded　by　straps。
　〃It's　some　sort　of　sling？〃　said　Carrot；　after　examining　it　in　polite　silence。
　Varneshi　told　him　what　it　was。
　〃Codpiece　like　in　fish？〃　said　Carrot；　mystified。
　〃No。　It's　for　the　fighting；　〃　mumbled　Varneshi。　〃You　should　wear　it　all　the　time。　Protects　your　vitals；　like。　〃
　Carrot　tried　it　on。
　〃It's　a　bit　small；　Mr　Varneshi。　〃
　〃That's　because　you　don't　wear　it　on　your　head；　you　see。　〃
　Varneshi　explained　some　more；　to　Carrot's　mounting　bewilderment　and；　subsequently；　horror。　〃My　great…grandad　used　to　say；　〃　Varneshi　finished；　〃that　but　for　this　I　wouldn't　be　here　today。　〃
　〃What　did　he　mean　by　that？〃
　Varneshi's　mouth　opened　and　shut　a　few　times。　〃I've　no　idea；　〃　he　said；　spinelessly。
　Anyway；　the　shameful　thing　was　now　at　the　very　bottom　of　Carrot's　pack。　Dwarfs　didn't　have　much　truck　with　things　like　that。　The　ghastly　preventative　represented　a　glimpse　into　a　world　as　alien　as　the　backside　of　the　moon。
　There　had　been　another　gift　from　Mr　Varneshi。　It　was　a　small　but　very　thick　book；　bound　in　a　leather　that　had　bee　like　wood　over　the　years。
　It　was　called：　The　Laws　And　Ordinances　of　The　Cities　of　Ankh　And　Morpork。
　〃This　belonged　to　my　great…grandad　as　well；　〃　he　said。　〃This　is　what　the　Watch　has　to　know。　You　have　to　know　all　the　laws；　〃　he　said　virtuously；　〃to　be　a　good　officer。　''
　Perhaps　Varneshi　should　have　recalled　that；　in　the　whole　of　Carrot's　life；　no　one　had　ever　really　lied　to　him　or　given　him　an　instruction　that　he　wasn't　meant　to　take　quite　literally。　Carrot　solemnly　took　the　book。　It　would　never　have　occurred　to　him；　if　he　was　going　to　be　an　officer　of　the　Watch；　to　be　less　than　a　good　one。
　It　was　a　five　hundred　mile　journey　and；　surprisingly；　quite　uneventful。　People　who　are　rather　more　than　six　feet　tall　and　nearly　as　broad　across　the　shoulders　often　have　uneventful　journeys。　People　jump　out　at　them　from　behind　rocks　then　say　things　like；　〃Oh。　Sorry。　I　thought　you　were　someone　else。　〃
　He'd　spent　most　of　the　journey　reading。
　And　now　Ankh…Morpork　was　before　him。
　It　was　a　little　disappointing。　He'd　expected　high　white　towers　rearing　over　the　landscape；　and　flags。　Ankh…Morpork　didn't　rear。　Rather；　it　sort　of　skulked；　clinging　to　the　soil　as　if　afraid　someone　might　steal　it。　There　were　no　flags。
　There　was　a　guard　on　the　gate。　At　least；　he　was　wearing　chain　mail　and　the　thing　he　was　propped　up　against　was　a　spear。　He　had　to　be　a　guard。
　Carrot　saluted　him　and　presented　the　letter。　The　man　looked　at　it　for　some　time。
　〃Mm？〃　he　said；　eventually。
　〃I　think　I've　got　to　see　Lupin　Squiggle　Sec'y　pp；　〃　said　Carrot。
　〃What's　the　pp　for？〃　said　the　guard　suspiciously。
　〃Could　it　be　Pretty　Promptly？〃　said　Carrot；　who　had　wondered　about　this　himself。
　〃Well；　I　don't　know　about　any　Sec'y；　〃　said　the　guard。　〃You　want　Captain　Vimes　of　the　Night　Watch。　〃
　'　'And　w