tp.guards!guards!-第9部分

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to　think　hard　about　that。　The　only　reason　you　couldn't　say　that　Nobby　was　close　to　the　animal　kingdom　was　that　the　animal　kingdom　would　get　up　and　walk　away。
　And　then；　of　course；　there　was　himself。　Just　a　skinny；　unshaven　collection　of　bad　habits　marinated　in　alcohol。　And　that　was　the　Night　Watch。　Just　the　three　of　them。　Once　there　had　been　dozens；　hundreds。　And　now…just　three。
　Vimes　fumbled　his　way　up　the　stairs；　groped　his　way　into　his　office；　slumped　into　the　primeval　leather　chair　with　its　prolapsed　stuffing；　scrabbled　at　the　bottom　drawer；　grabbed　bottle；　bit　cork；　tugged；　spat　out　cork；　drank。　Began　his　day。
　The　world　swam　into　focus。
　Life　is　just　chemicals。　A　drop　here；　a　drip　there；　everything's　changed。　A　mere　dribble　of　fermented　juices　and　suddenly　you're　going　to　live　another　few　hours。
　Once；　in　the　days　when　this　had　been　a　respectable　district；　some　hopeful　owner　of　the　tavern　next　door　had　paid　a　wizard　a　considerable　sum　of　money　for　an　illuminated　sign；　every　letter　a　different　colour。　Now　it　worked　erratically　and　sometimes　short…circuited　in　the　damp。　At　the　moment　the　E　was　a　garish　pink　and　flashed　on　and　off　at　random。
　Vimes　had　grown　accustomed　to　it。　It　seemed　like　part　of　life。
　He　stared　at　the　flickering　play　of　light　on　the　crumbling　plaster　for　a　while；　and　then　raised　one　sandalled　foot　and　thumped　heavily　on　the　floorboards；　twice。
　After　a　few　minutes　a　distant　wheezing　indicated　that　Sergeant　Colon　was　climbing　the　stairs。
　Vimes　counted　silently。　Colon　always　paused　for　six　seconds　at　the　top　of　the　flight　to　get　some　of　his　breath　back。
　On　the　seventh　second　the　door　opened。　The　sergeant's　face　appeared　around　it　like　a　harvest　moon。
　You　could　describe　Sergeant　Colon　like　this：　he　was　the　sort　of　man　who；　if　he　took　up　a　military　career；　would　automatically　gravitate　to　the　post　of　sergeant。　You　couldn't　imagine　him　ever　being　a　corporal。　Or；　for　that　matter；　a　captain。　If　he　didn't　take　up　a　military　career；　then　he　looked　cut　out　for　something　like；　perhaps；　a　sausage　butcher；　some　job　where　a　big　red　face　and　a　tendency　to　sweat　even　in　frosty　weather　were　practically　part　of　the　specification。
　He　saluted　and；　with　considerable　care；　placed　a　scruffy　piece　of　paper　on　Vimes's　desk　and　smoothed　it　out。
　〃Evenin'；　Captain；　〃　he　said。　〃Yesterday's　incident　reports；　and　that。　Also；　you　owe　fourpence　to　the　Tea　Club。　〃
　〃What's　this　about　a　dwarf；　Sergeant？〃　said　Vimes　abruptly。
　Colon's　brow　wrinkled。　〃What　dwarf？〃
　〃The　one　who's　just　joined　the　Watch。　Name　of；。。。〃　Vimes　hesitated；〃。。。Carrot；　or　something。　〃
　〃Him？〃　Colon's　mouth　dropped　open。　〃He's　a　dwarf？　I　always　said　you　couldn't　trust　them　little　buggers！　He　fooled　me　all　right；　Captain；　the　little　sod　must　of　lied　about　his　height！〃　Colon　was　a　sizeist；　at　least　when　it　came　to　people　smaller　than　himself。
　〃Do　you　know　he　arrested　the　President　of　the　Thieves'　Guild　this　morning？〃
　〃What　for？〃
　〃For　being　president　of　the　Thieves'　Guild；　it　seems。　〃
　The　sergeant　looked　puzzled。　〃Where's　the　crime　in　that？〃
　〃I　think　perhaps　I　had　better　have　a　word　with　this　Carrot；　〃　said　Vimes。
　〃Didn't　you　see　him；　sir？〃　said　Colon。　〃He　said　he'd　reported　to　you；　sir。　〃
　〃I；　uh；　must　have　been　busy　at　the　time。　Lot　on　my　mind；　〃　said　Vimes。
　〃Yes；　sir；　〃　said　Colon；　politely。　Vimes　had　just　enough　self…respect　left　to　look　away　and　shuffle　the　strata　of　paperwork　on　his　desk。
　〃We've　got　to　get　him　off　the　streets　as　soon　as　possible；　〃　he　muttered。　〃Next　thing　you　know　he'll　be　bringing　in　the　chief　of　the　Assassins'　Guild　for　bloody　well　killing　people！　Where　is　he？〃
　〃I　sent　him　out　with　Corporal　Nobbs；　Captain。　I　said　he'd　show　him　the　ropes；　sort　of　thing。　〃
　〃You　sent　a　raw　recruit　out　with　Nobby？〃　said　Vimes　wearily。
　Colon　stuttered。　〃Well；　sir；　experienced　man；　I　thought；　Corporal　Nobbs　could　teach　him　a　lot。。。〃
　〃Let's　just　hope　he's　a　slow　learner；　〃　said　Vimes；　ramming　his　brown　iron　helmet　on　his　head。　〃e　on。　〃
　When　they　stepped　out　of　the　Watch　House　there　was　a　ladder　against　the　tavern　wall。　A　bulky　man　at　the　top　of　it　swore　under　his　breath　as　he　wrestled　with　the　illuminated　sign。
　〃It's　the　E　that　doesn't　work　properly；　〃　Vimes　called　up。
　〃What？〃
　〃The　E。　And　the　T　sizzles　when　it　rains。　It's　about　time　it　was　fixed。　〃
　〃Fixed？　Oh。　Yes。　Fixed。　That's　what　I'm　doing　all　right。　Fixing。　〃
　The　Watch　men　splashed　off　through　the　puddles。
　Brother　Watchtower　shook　his　head　slowly；　and　turned　his　attention　once　again　to　his　screwdriver。
　　
　。。。
　　
　Men　like　Corporal　Nobbs　can　be　found　in　every　armed　force。　Although　their　grasp　of　the　minutiae　of　the　Regulations　is　usually　encyclopedic；　they　take　good　care　never　to　be　promoted　beyond；　perhaps；　corporal。　He　tended　to　speak　out　of　the　corner　of　his　mouth。　He　smoked　incessantly　but　the　weird　thing；　Carrot　noticed；　was　that　any　cigarette　smoked　by　Nobby　became　a　dog…end　almost　instantly　but　remained　a　dog…end　indefinitely　or　until　lodged　behind　his　ear；　which　was　a　sort　of　nicotine　Elephant's　Graveyard。　On　the　rare　occasions　he　took　one　out　of　his　mouth　he　held　it　cupped　in　his　hand。
　He　was　a　small；　bandy…legged　man；　with　a　certain　resemblance　to　a　chimpanzee　who　never　got　invited　to　tea　parties。
　His　age　was　indeterminate。　But　in　cynicism　and　general　world　weariness；　which　is　a　sort　of　carbon　dating　of　the　personality；　he　was　about　seven　thousand　years　old。
　〃A　cushy　number；　this　route；　〃　he　said；　as　they　strolled　along　a　damp　street　in　the　merchants'　quarter。　He　tried　a　door　handle。　It　was　locked。　〃You　stick　with　me；　〃　he　added；　〃and　I'll　see　you're　all　right。　Now；　you　try　the　handles　on　the　other　side　of　the　street。　〃
　〃Ah。　I　understand；　Corporal　Nobbs。　We've　got　to　see　if　anyone's　left　their　store　unlocked；　〃　said　Carrot。
　〃You　catch　on　fast；　son。　〃
　〃I　hope　I　can　apprehend　a　miscreant　in　the　act；　〃　said　Carrot　zealously。
　〃Er；　yeah；　〃　said　Nobby；　uncertainly。
　〃But　if　we　find　a　door　unlocked　I　suppose　we　must　summon　the　owner；　〃　Carrot　went　on。　〃And　one　of　us　would　have　to　stay　to　guard　things；　right？〃
　〃Yeah？〃　Nobby　brightened。　〃I'll　do　that；　〃　he　said。　〃Don't　you　worry　about　it。　Then　you　could　go　and　find　the　victim。　Owner；　I　mean。　〃
　He　tried　another　doorknob。　It　turned　under　his　grip。
　〃Back　in　the　mountains；　〃　said　Carrot；　〃if　a　thief　was　caught；　he　was　hung　up　by　the…〃
　He　paused；　idly　rattling　a　doorknob。
　Nobby　froze。
　〃By　the　what？〃　he　said；　in　horrified　fascination。
　〃Can't　remember　now；　〃　said　Carrot。　〃My　mother　said　it　was　too　good　for　them；　anyway。　Stealing　is　Wrong。　〃
　Nobby　had　survived　any　number　of　famous　massacres　by　not　being　there。　He　let　go　of　the　doorknob；　and　gave　it　a　friendly　pat。
　〃Got　it！〃　said　Carrot。　Nobby　jumped。
　〃Got　what？〃　he　shouted。
　〃I　remember　what　we　hang　them　up　by；　〃　said　Carrot。
　〃Oh；　〃　said　Nobby　weakly。　〃Where？〃
　〃We　hang　them　up　by　the　town　hall；　〃　said　Carrot。　〃Sometimes　for　days。　They　don't　do　it　again；　I　can　tell　you。　And　Bjorn　Stronginthearm's　your　uncle。　〃
　Nobby　leaned　his　pike　against　the　wall　and　fumbled　a　fag…end　from　the　recesses　of　his　ear。　One　or　two　things；　he　decided；　needed　to　be　sorted　out。
　〃Why　did　you　have　to　bee　a　guard；　lad？〃　he　said。
　〃Everyone　keeps　on　asking　me　that；　〃　said　Carrot。　〃I　didn't　have　to。　I　wanted　to。　It　will　make　a　Man　of　me。　〃
　Nobby　never　looked　anyone　directly　in　the　eye。　He　stared　at　Carrot's　right　ear　in　amazement。
　〃You　mean　you　ain't　running　away　from　anything？〃　he　said。
　〃What　would　I　want　to　run　away　from　anything　for？〃
　Nobby　floundered　a　bit。　〃Ah。　There's　always　something。　Maybe　…　maybe　you　was　wrongly　accused　of　something。　Like；　maybe；　〃　he　grinned；　〃maybe　the　stores　was　mysteriously　short　on　certain　items　and　you　was　unjustly　blamed。　Or　certain　items　was　found　in　your　kit　and　you　never　knew　how　they　got　there。　That　sort　of　thing。　You　can　tell　old　Nobby。　Or；　''　he　nudged　Carrot；　〃p'raps　it　was　something　else；　eh？　Shershay　la　fern；　eh？　Got　a　girl　into　trouble？〃
　〃I。。。〃　Carrot　began；　and　then　remembered　that；　yes；　one　should　tell　the　truth；　even　to　odd　people　like　Nobby　who　didn't　seem　to　know　what　it　was。　And　the　truth　was　that　he　was　always　getting　Minty　in　trouble；　although　exactly　how　and　why　was　a　bit　of　a　mystery。　Just　about　every　time　he　left　after　paying　calls　on　her　at　the　Rocksmacker　cave；　he　could　hear　her　father　and　mother　shouting　at　her。　They　were　always　very　polite　to　him；　but　somehow　merely　being　seen　with　him　was　enough　to　get　Minty　into　trouble。
　〃Yes；　〃　he　said。
　〃Ah。　Often　the　case；　〃　said　Nobby　wisely。
　〃All　the　time；　〃　said　Carrot。　〃Just　about　every　night；　really。　〃
　〃Blimey；　〃　said　Nobby；　impressed。　He　looked　down　at　the　Protective。　〃Is　that　why　they　make　you　wear　that；　then？〃
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃Well；　don't　worry　about　it；　〃　said　Nobby。　〃Everyone's　got　their　little　secret。　Or　big　secret；　as　it　might　be。　Even　the　captain。　He's　only　with　us　because　he　was　Brung　Low　by　a　Woman。　That's　what　the　sergeant　says。　Brung　low。　〃
　〃Goodness；　〃　said　Carrot。　It　sounded　painful。
　〃But　I　reckon　it's　'cos　he　speaks　his　mind。　Spoke　it　once　too　often　to　the　Patrician；　I　heard。　Said　the　Thieves'　Guild　was　nothing　but　a　pack　of　thieves；　or　something。　That's　why　he's　with　us。　Dunno；　really。　〃　He　looked　speculatively　at　the　pavement　and　then　said：　〃So　where're　you　staying；　lad？〃
　〃There's　a　lady　called　Mrs　Palm…〃　Carrot　began。
　Nobby　choked　on　some　smoke　that　went　the　wrong　way。
　〃In　the　Shades？〃　he　wheezed。　〃You're　staying　there？〃
　〃Oh；　yes。　〃
　〃Every　night？〃
　〃Well；　every　day；　really。　Yes。　〃
　〃And　you've　e　here　to　have　a　man　made　of　you？〃
　〃Yes！〃
　〃I　don't　think　I　should　like　to　live　where　you　e　from；　〃　said　Nobby。
　〃Look；　〃　said　Carrot；　thoroughly　lost；　〃I　came　because　Mr　Varneshi　said　it　was　the　finest　job　in　the　world；　upholding　the　law　and　everything。　That's　right；　isn't　it？〃
　〃Well；　er；　〃　said　Nobby。　〃As　to　that。。。　I　mean；　upholding　the　Law。。。　I　mean；　once；　yes；　before　we　had　all　the　Guilds　and　stuff。。。　the　law；　sort　of　thing；　ain't　really；　I　mean；　these　days；　everything's　more。。。　oh；　I　dunno。　Basically　you　just　ring　your　bell　and　keep　your　head　down。　''
　Nobby　sighed。　Then　he　grunted；　snatched　his　hourglass　fr