cpatricia.blacknotice-第43部分

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'is　and　Mother　shows　up　at　the　hospital　this　morning　and　I　didn't　even　know　she　was　here　until　I　was　sitting　there　in　the　waiting　area　and　she　walked　in　like　the　prima　donna　she　is。〃
　　She　clenched　and　unclenched　her　fists　as　if　her　fingers　were　stiff。
　　〃Then　guess　what？〃　she　went　on。　〃Mom　puts　on　this　big　sympathetic　act　with　the　Sanderses。　Is　bringing　them　coffee；　sandwiches；　giving　them　all　her　little　pearls　of　philosophy。　And　they're　talking　and　talking；　and　I'm　just　sitting　there　like　I　don't　exist；　and　then　Mom　es　over　and　pats　my　hand　and　says；　Jo　isn't　having　any　visitors　today。
　　〃I　ask　her　who　the　hell　she　is；　telling　me　that。　She　says　the　Sanderses　wanted　her　to　tell　me　because　they　didn't　want　to　hurt　my　feelings。　So　I　finally　just　fucking　leave。　Mom　may　still　be　there　for　all　I　know。〃
　　〃She's　not；〃　I　said。
　　Lucy　got　up　and　stabbed　a　log　with　the　poker。　Sparks　swarmed　as　if　in　protest。
　　〃She's　gone　too　far。　This　time　she's　done　it；〃　my　niece　said。
　　〃Let's　don't　talk　about　her。　I　want　to　talk　about　you。　Tell　me　what　happened　in　Miami：〃
　　She　sat　on　the　rug；　leaning　against　the　couch；　staring　into　the　fire。　I　got　up　and　went　to　the　bar　and　poured　her　a　Booker's　bourbon。
　　〃Aunt　Kay；　I've　got　to　see　her。〃
　　I　handed　Lucy　the　drink　and　sat　back　down。　I　massaged　her　shoulders　and　she　began　to　loosen　up；　her　voice　getting　drowsy。
　　〃She's　in　there　and　doesn't　know　I'm　waiting　for　her。　Maybe　she　thinks　I　can't　be　bothered。〃
　　〃Why　in　the　world　would　she　think　that；　Lucy？〃
　　She　didn't　answer　me；　but　seemed　drawn　into　smoke　and　flames。　She　sipped　her　drink。
　　〃When　we　were　driving　there　in　my　hot　little　V　…twelveBenz；〃　she　said　in　a　distant　voice；　〃Jo　had　this　bad　feeling　and　she　told　me　she　did。　I　said　it　was　normal　to　have　a　bad　feeling　when　you're　about　to　do　a　takedown。　I　even　kidded　her　about　it。〃
　　She　paused；　just　staring　at　flames　as　if　she　were　seeing　something　else。
　　〃We　get　to　the　door　of　the　apartment　that　these　OneSixty…Fiver　assholes　are　using　as　their　clubhouse；'　she　resumed；　〃and　Jo　goes　first。　There're　six　of　them　in　there　instead　of　three。　Right　away　we　know　we're　had　and　I　know　what　they're　going　to　do。　One　of　them　grabs　Jo　and　sticks　a　gun　to　her　head　to　make　her　tell　them　where　the　Fisher　Island　place　is　we'd　set　up　for　the　hit。〃
　　She　took　a　deep　breath　and　was　silent；　as　if　she　couldn't　go　on。　She　sipped　the　bourbon。
　　〃God；　what　is　this　stuff？　The　vapors　alone　are　knocking　me　out。〃
　　〃A　hundred　and　twenty　proof。　Usually　I'm　not　a　pusher；　but　it　wouldn't　be　such　a　bad　thing　for　you　to　be　knocked　out　right　now。　Stay　here　with　me　for　a　while；〃　I　said。
　　〃ATF　and　DEA　did　everything　right；〃　she　told　me。
　　〃These　things　happen；　Lucy。〃
　　〃I　had　to　think　so　fast。　The　only　thing　I　knew　to　do　was　act　like　I　didn't　care　if　they　blew　her　brains　out　or　not。　Here　they　are　holding　a　gun　to　her　head　and　I　start　acting　pissed　off　at　her；　which　wasn't　at　all　what　they　were　expecting。〃
　　She　took　another　swallow　of　bourbon。　It　was　hitting　her　hard。
　　〃I　walked　up　to　this　Moroccan　asshole　with　the　gun　and　get　right　in　his　face　and　tell　him　to　go　ahead　and　waste　her；　that　she's　a　stupid　bitch　and　I'm　sick　of　her　always　getting　in　my　way。　But　if　he　does　her　now；　all　he's　going　to　do　is　fuck　himself　and　everybody　else。〃
　　She　stared　into　the　fire；　eyes　wide　and　unblinking；　as　if　watching　it　again　in　her　mind。
　　〃I　say；　You　think　I　didn't　expect　you　would　use　us　and　then　do　this？　You　think　I'm　stupid？　Well；　guess　what？　I　forgot　to　tell　you　Mr。　Tortora　is　expecting　our　pany…and　I　look　at　my　watch…in　exactly　one　hour　and　sixteen　minutes。　I　thought　it　would　be　nice　to　entertain　him　before　you　motherfuckers　showed　up　and　blew　his　guts　out　and　took　all　his　guns　and　money　and　fucking　cocaine。　What　happens　if　we　don't　show　up？　You　think　he　won't　get　nervous？〃
　　I　couldn't　take　my　eyes　off　Lucy。　Images　flew　at　me　from　all　directions。　I　imagined　her　playing　out　this　dangerous　act；　and　I　saw　her　in　battle　dress　when　she　was　at　fire　scenes　and　flying　a　helicopter　and　programming　puters。　I　envisioned　her　as　the　irritating；　irrepressible　child　I　had　virtually　raised。。　Marino　was　right。　Lucy　thought　she　had　so　much　to　prove。　Her　first　impulse　had　always　been　to　fight。
　　〃I　didn't　think　they　really　believed　me；〃　she　said。　〃So　I　turn　to　Jo。　I'll　never　forget　the　look　in　her　eyes；　the　pistol　barrel　right　against　her　temple。　Her　eyes。〃　She　paused。　〃They're　so　calm　as　she　looks　in　mine　because　。　。　。〃
　　Her　voice　shook。
　　〃Because　she　wants　me　to　know　she　loves　me　。　。　。〃　Lucy　chokes　on　sobs。　〃She　loves　me！　She　wants　me　to　know　because　she　believes　。　。　：〃　Her　voice　went　up　and　stopped。　〃She　believes　we're　going　to　die。　And　that's　when　I　start　yelling　at　her。　I　call　her　a　stupid　fucking　bitch　and　slap　her　face　so　hard　my　hand　goes　numb。
　　〃And　she　just　looks　at　me　as　if　I'm　all　there　is；　blood　trickling　out　of　her　nose　and　the　sides　of　her　mouth；　a　red　river　down　her　face；　dripping　off　her　chin。　She　didn't　even　cry。　She's　out　of　the　story；　lost　her　role；　her　training；　everything　she　damn　well　knows　what　to　do。　I　grab　her。　I　shove　her　hard　to　the　ground　and　get　on　top　of　her；　swearing　and　slapping　and　yelling。〃
　　She　wiped　her　eyes　and　stared　straight　ahead。
　　〃And　what's　so　awful；　Aunt　Kay；　is　part　of　it's　real。　I'm　so　angry　with　her　for　quitting　on　me；　for　just　giving　up。　She　was　going　to　just　give　up　and　die；　goddamn　it！〃
　　〃Like　Benton　did；〃　I　quietly　said。
　　Lucy　wiped　her　face　on　her　shirt。　She　didn't　seem　to　hear　what　I'd　said。
　　〃I'm　so　fucking　tired　of　people　giving　up　and　leaving　me；〃　she　said　in　a　shattered　voice。　〃When　I　need　them　and　they　fucking　give　up！〃
　　〃Benton　didn't　give　up；　Lucy。〃
　　〃I　just　keep　swearing　at　Jo；　screaming　and　hitting　her　and　telling　her　I'm　going　to　kill　her　as　I　straddle　her；　shaking　her　by　her　hair。　It　wakes　her　up；　maybe　even　pisses　her　off；　too；　and　she　starts　fighting　back。　Calls　me　a　Cuban　cunt　and　spits　blood　in　my　face；　punches　me；　and　by　this　time　the　guys　are　laughing　and　whistling　and　grabbing　their　crotches　。　。　：　'
　　She　took　another　long　breath　and　shut　her　eyes；　barely　able　to　sit　up。　She　leaned　against　my　legs；　firelight　playing　on　her　strong；　beautiful　face。
　　〃She　starts　really　struggling。　My　knees　are　so　tight　against　her　sides　I'm　surprised　I　didn't　break　her　ribs；　and　while　we're　going　at　each　other　like　that；　I　tear　open　her　shirt；　and　this　really　gets　the　guys　going　and　they　don't　see　me　grab　my　gun　out　of　my　ankle　holster。　I　start　firing。　I　just　fire。　Fire。　Fire。　Fire。　Fire　。　。　：'　Her　voice　trailed　off。
　　I　bent　over　and　put　my　arms　around　her。
　　〃You　know？　I'm　wearing　those　wide…legged　street　jeans　to　hide　my　Sig。　They　say　I　fired　eleven　rounds。　I　don't　even　remember　dropping　the　empty　magazine；　putting　in　a　full　one。　Racking　it　back。　Agents　are　everywhere　and　somehow　I'm　dragging　Jo　out　the　door。　And　she's　bleeding　heavily　from　her　head。〃
　　Lucy's　lower　lip　trembled　as　she　tried　to　go　on；　her　voice　far　away。　She　wasn't　here。　She　was　there；　living　it　again。
　　〃Fire。　Fire。　Fire。　Her　blood　on　my　hands。〃
　　Her　voice　rose　to　God。
　　〃I　hit　her　and　hit　her。　I　can　still　feel　the　sting　of　her　cheek　against　the　palm　of　my　hand。〃
　　She　looked　at　her　hand　as　if　it　should　be　put　to　death。
　　〃I　felt　it。　How　soft　her　skin　was。　And　she　bled。　I　made　her　bleed。　The　skin　I　had　touched　and　loved。　I　drew　blood　from　it。　Then　the　guns；　the　guns；　the　guns；　and　smoke　and　ringing　in　my　ears　and　it's　a　blaze　when　it　happens　like　that。　It's　over　and　never　started。　I　knew　she　was　dead。〃
　　She　bowed　her　head　and　wept　quietly；　and　I　stroked　her　hair。
　　〃You　saved　her　life。　And　you　saved　yours；〃　I　finally　said。　〃Jo　knows　what　you　did　and　why　you　did　it；　Lucy。　She　should　love　you　all　the　more。〃
　　〃I'm　in　trouble　this　time；　Aunt　Kay；〃　she　said。
　　〃You're　a　hero。　That's　what　you　are。〃
　　〃No。　You　don't　understand。　It　doesn't　matter　if　it　was　a　good　shooting。　It　doesn't　matter　ifATF　gives　me　a　medal：〃
　　She　sat　up　and　got　to　her　feet。　She　stared　down　at　me　with　defeat　in　her　eyes　and　another　emotion　I　didn't　recognize。　Maybe　it　was　grief。　She'd　never　shown　grief　when　Benton　was　murdered。　All　I'd　ever　seen　was　rage。
　　〃The　bullet　they　took　out　of　her　leg？　It's　a　Hornady　Custom　Jacketed　hollowpoint。　Ninety　grains。　What　I　had　in　my　gun。〃
　　I　didn't　know　what　to　say。
　　〃I'm　the　one　who　shot　her；　Aunt　Kay。〃
　　〃Even　if　you　did。　：　。〃
　　〃What　if　she　never　walks　again　。　。　。　？　What　if　she's　finished　in　law　enforcement　because　of　me？〃
　　〃She　won't　be　jumping　out　of　helicopters　anytime　soon；〃　I　said。　〃But　she's　going　to　be　fine。〃
　　〃What　if　I　permanently　damaged　her　face　with　my　fucking　fist？〃
　　〃Lucy；　listen　to　me；〃　I　said。　〃You　saved　her　life。　If　you　killed　two　people　to　do　that；　then　so　be　it。　You　had　no　choice。　It's　not　that　you　wanted　to：'
　　〃The　hell　I　didn't；'　she　said。　〃I　wish　I'd　killed　all　of　them。〃
　　〃You　don't　mean　that：'
　　〃Maybe　I'll　just　be　a　mercenary　soldier；〃　she　bitterly　said。　〃Got　any　murderers；　rapists；　carjackers；　pedophiles；　drug　dealers　you　need　to　get　rid　of？　Just　call　one…eighthundred…L…U…C…Y〃
　　〃You　can't　bring　Benton　back　through　killing。〃
　　Still；　it　was　as　if　she　didn't　hear　me。
　　〃He　wouldn't　want　you　to　feel　this　way；〃　I　said。
　　The　telephone　rang。
　　〃He　didn't　abandon　you；　Lucy。　Don't　be　angry　with　him　because　he　died。〃
　　The　phone　rang　a　third　time；　and　she　couldn't　restrain　herself。　She　grabbed　it；　unable　to　hide　the　hope　and　fear　in　her　eyes。　I　couldn't　bring　myself　to　tell　her　what　Dr。　Worth　had　told　me。　Now　was　not　the　time。
　　〃Sure；　hold　on；〃　she　said；　and　disappointment　and　more　hurt　touched　her　face　as　she　handed　me　the　phone。
　　〃Yes；〃　I　reluctantly　answered。
　　〃Is　this　Dr。　Kay　Scarpetta？〃　an　unfamiliar　male　voice　asked。
　　〃Who　is　this？〃
　　〃It's　important　I　verify　who　you　are。〃　The　accent　was　American。
　　〃If　you're　another　reporter。　。　：'
　　〃I'm　going　to　give　you　a　phone　number。〃
　　〃I'm　going　to　give　you　a　promise；〃　I　said。　〃Tell　me　who　you　are；　or　I'm　hanging　up。〃
　　〃Let　me　give　you　this　number；〃　and　he　began　reciting　it　before　I　could　refuse。
　　I　recognized　the　c