srdonaldson.theillearthwar-第79部分

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il　his　fingertips　tingled；　then　submerged　himself　until　his　lungs　burned。　But　when　he　pulled　himself　out　of　the　water　and　went　to　the　graveling　for　warmth；　he　found　that　he　had　only　aggravated　his　difficulties。　He　felt　whetted；　more　voracious；　but　no　cleaner。
　He　could　not　understand　Elena's　power　over　him；　could　not　control　his　response。　She　was　an　illusion；　a　figment；　he　should　not　be　so　attracted　to　her。　And　she　should　not　be　so　willing　to　attract　him。　He　was　already　responsible　for　her；　his　one　potent　act　in　the　Land　had　doomed　him　to　that。　How　could　she　not　blame　him？
　Moving　with　an　intemperate　jerkiness；　he　dried　himself　on　one　of　the　blankets；　then　draped　it　by　the　pot　to　dry；　and　began　to　dress。　He　put　on　his　clothes　fiercely；　as　if　he　were　girding　for　battle…laced　and　hauled　and　zipped　and　buckled　himself　into　his　sturdy　boots；　his　T…shirt；　his　tough；　protective　jeans。　He
　checked　to　be　sure　that　he　still　carried　his　penknife　and　Hearthrall　Tohrm's　orcrest　in　his　pockets。
　When　he　was　properly　caparisoned；　he　went　back　through　the　twilight　toward　the　High　Lord。　He　stamped　his　feet　to　warn　her　of　his　approach；　but　the　grass　absorbed　his　obscure　vehemence；　and　he　made　no　more　noise　than　an　indignant　specter。
　He　found　her　standing　a　short　distance　downhill　from　the　boulder。　She　was　gazing　out　over　Trothgard。　with　her　arms　folded　across　her　chest；　and　did　not　turn　toward　him　as　he　drew　near。　For　a　time；　he　stood　two　steps　behind　her。　The　sky　was　still　too　sun…pale　for　stars；　but　Trothgard　lay　under　the　premature　gloaming　of　the　mountains。　In　the　twilight；　the　face　of　the　Lords'　promise　to　the　Land　was　veiled　and　dark。
　Covenant　twisted　his　ring；　wound　it　on　his　finger　as　if　he　were　tightening　it　to　the　pitch　of　some　outbreak。　Water　from　his　wet　hair　dripped　into　his　eyes。　When　he　spoke；　his　voice　was　harsh　with　a　frustration　that　he　could　neither　relieve　nor　repress。
　〃Hellfire；　Elena！　I'm　your　father！〃
　She　gave　no　sign　that　she　had　heard　him；　but　after　a　moment　she　said　in　a　low；　musing　tone；　〃Triock　son　of　Thuler　would　believe　that　you　have　been　honored。　He　would　not　utter　it　kindly…but　his　heart　would　speak　those　words；　or　hold　that　thought。　Had　you　not　been　summoned　to　the　Land；　he　might　have　wed　Lena　my　mother。　And　he　would　not　have　taken　himself　to　the　Loresraat；　for　he　had　no　yearning　for　knowledge　…the　stewardship　of　Stonedownor　life　would　have　sufficed　for　him。　But　had　he　and　Lena　my　mother　borne　a　child　who　grew　to　bee　High　Lord　of　the　Council　of　Revelstone；　he　would　have　felt　honored…both　elevated　and　humbled　by　his　part　in　his　daughter。
　〃Hear　me；　Thomas　Covenant。　Triock　Thuler…son　of　Mithil　Stonedown　is　my　true　father…the　parent　of　my　heart；　though　he　is　not　the　sire　of　my　blood。　Lena　my　mother　did　not　wed　him；　though　he　begged　her　to　share　her　life　with　him。　She　desired　no　other　sharing　…the　life　of　your　child　satisfied　her。　But　though　she　would　not　share　her　life；　he　shared　his。　He　pro
　vided　for　her　and　for　me。　He　took　the　place　of　a　son　with　Trell　Lena's　father　and　Atiaran　her　mother。
　〃Ah；　he　was　a　dour　parent。　His　heart's　love　ran　in　broken　channels…yearning　and　grief　and；　yes；　rage　against　you　were　diminishless　for　him；　finding　new　paths　when　the　old　were　turned　or　dammed。　But　he　gave　to　Lena　my　mother　and　to　me　all　a　father's　tenderness　and　devotion。　Judge　of　him　by　me；　Thomas　Covenant。　When　dreaming　of　you　took　Lena's　thoughts　from　me…when　Atiaran　lost　in　torment　her　capacity　to　care　for　me；　and　called　to　herself　all　Trell　her　husband's　attention…then　Triock　son　of　Thuler　stood　beside　me。　He　is　my　father。〃
　Covenant　tried　to　efface　his　emotions　with　acid。　〃He　should　have　killed　me　when　he　had　the　chance。〃
　She　went　on　as　if　she　had　not　heard　him。　〃He　shielded　my　heart　from　unjust　demands。　He　taught　me　that　the　anguishes　and　furies　of　my　parents　and　their　parents　need　not　wrack　or　enrage　me…that　I　was　neither　the　cause　nor　the　cure　of　their　pain。　He　taught　me　that　my　life　is　my　own…that　I　could　share　in　the　care　and　consolation　of　wounds　without　sharing　the　wounds；　without　striving　to　be　the　master　of　lives　other　than　my　own。　He　taught　me　this…he　who　gave　his　own　life　to　Lena　my　mother。
　〃He　abhors　you；　Thomas　Covenant。　And　yet　without　him　as　my　father　I　also　would　abhor　you。〃
　〃Are　you　through？〃　Covenant　grated　through　the　clench　of　his　teeth。　〃How　much　more　do　you　think　I　can　stand？〃
　She　did　not　answer　aloud。　Instead；　she　turned　toward　him。　Tears　streaked　her　cheeks。　She　was　silhouetted　against　the　darkening　vista　of　Trothgard；　as　she　stepped　up　to　him；　slipped　her　arms　about　his　neck；　and　kissed　him。
　He　gasped；　and　her　breath　was　snatched　into　his　lungs。　He　was　stunned。　A　black　mist　filled　his　sight　as　her　lips　caressed　his。
　Then　for　a　moment　he　lost　control。　He　repulsed　her　as　if　her　breath　carried　infection。　Crying；　〃Bustard！〃　he　swung；　backhanded　her　face　with　all　his　force。
　The　blow　staggered　her。
　He　pounced　after　her。　His　fingers　clawed　her　blanket；　tore　it　from　her　shoulders。
　But　his　violence　did　not　daunt　her。　She　caught　her　balance；　did　not　flinch　or　recoil。　She　made　no　effort　to　cover　herself。　With　her　head　high；　she　held　herself　erect　and　calm；　naked；　she　stood　before　him　as　if　she　were　invulnerable。
　It　was　Covenant　who　flinched。　He　quailed　away　from　her　as　if　she　appalled　him。　〃Haven't　I　mitted　enough　crimes？〃　he　panted　hoarsely。　〃Aren't　you　satisfied？〃
　Her　answer　seemed　to　spring　clean　and　clear　out　of　the　strange　otherness　of　her　gaze。　〃You　cannot　ravish　me；　Thomas　Covenant。　There　is　no　crime　here。　I　am　willing。　I　have　chosen　you。〃
　〃Don't！〃　he　groaned。　〃Don't　say　that！〃　He　flung　his　arms　about　his　chest　as　if　to　conceal　a　hole　in　his　armor。　〃You're　just　trying　to　give　me　gifts　again。　You're　trying　to　bribe　me。〃
　〃No。　I　have　chosen　you。　I　wish　to　share　life　with　you。〃
　〃Don't！〃　he　repeated。　〃You　don't　know　what　you're　doing。　Don't　you　understand　how　desperately　II…？〃
　But　he　could　not　say　the　words；　need　you。　He　choked　on　them。　He　wanted　her；　wanted　what　she　offered　him　more　than　anything。　But　he　could　not　say　it。　A　passion　more　fundamental　than　desire　restrained　him。
　She　made　no　move　toward　him；　but　her　voice　reached　out。　〃How　can　my　love　harm　you？〃
　〃Hellfire！〃　In　frustration；　he　spread　his　arms　wide　like　a　man　baring　an　ugly　secret。　〃I'm　a　leper！　Don't　you　see　that？〃　But　he　knew　immediately　that　she　did　not　see；　could　not　see　because　she　lacked　the　knowledge　or　the　bitterness　to　perceive　the　thing　he　called　leprosy。　He　hurried　to　try　to　explain　before　she　stepped　closer　to　him　and　he　was　lost。　〃Look。　Look！〃　He　pointed　at　his　chest　with　one　accusing　finger。　〃Don't　you　understand　what　I'm　afraid　of？　Don't　you　prehend　the　danger　here？　I'm　afraid　I'll　bee　another　Kevin！　First　I'll　start　loving　you；　and　then　I'll
　learn　how　to　use　the　wild　magic　or　whatever；　and　then　Foul　will　trap　me　into　despair；　and　then　I'll　be　destroyed。　Everything　will　be　destroyed。　That's　been　his　plan　all　along。　Once　I　start　loving　you　or　the　Land　or　anything；　he　can　just　sit　back　and　laugh！　Bloody　hell；　Elena！　Don't　you　see　it？〃
　Now　she　moved。　When　she　was　within　arm's　reach；　she　stopped；　and　stretched　out　her　hand。　With　the　tips　of　her　fingers；　she　touched　his　forehead　as　if　to　smooth　away　the　darkness　there。　〃Ah；　Thomas　Covenant；〃　she　breathed　gently；　〃I　cannot　bear　to　see　you　frown　so。　Do　not　fear；　beloved。　You　will　not　suffer　Kevin　Landwaster's　fate。　I　will　preserve　you。〃
　At　her　touch；　something　within　him　broke。　The　pure　tenderness　of　her　gesture　overcame　him。　But　it　was　not　his　restraint　which　broke；　it　was　his　frustration。　An　answering　tenderness　washed　through　him。　He　could　see　her　mother　in　her；　and　at　the　sight　he　suddenly　perceived　that　it　was　not　anger　which　made　him　violent　toward　her；　not　anger　which　so　darkened　his　love；　but　rather　grief　and　self…despite。　The　hurt　he　had　done　her　mother　was　only　a　plex　way　of　hurting　himself…an　expression　of　his　leprosy。　He　did　not　have　to　repeat　that　act。
　It　was　all　impossible；　everything　was　impossible；　she　did　not　even　exist。　But　at　that　moment　he　did　not　care。　She　was　his　daughter。　Tenderly；　he　stooped；　retrieved　her　blanket；　wrapped　it　around　her　shoulders。　Tenderly；　he　held　her　face　in　his　hands；　touched　her　sweet　face　with　the　impossible　aliveness　of　his　fingers。　He　stroked　away　the　salt　pain　of　her　tears　with　his　thumbs；　and　kissed　her　forehead　tenderly。
　
　
　TWENTY…TWO：　Anundivian　Yajna
　
　THE　next　morning；　they　left　Trothgard；　and　rode　into　the　unfamiliar　terrain　of　the　mountains。　Half　a　league　into　the　range；　Amok　brought　them　to　a　bridge　of　native　stone　which　spanned　the　narrowing　river…gorge　of　the　Rill。　To　ameliorate　his　own　dread　of　heights　as　well　as　to　steady　his　mount；　Covenant　led　his　horse　across。　The　bridge　was　wide；　and　the　Bloodguard　bracketed　him　with　their　Ranyhyn；　he　had　no　difficulty。
　From　there；　Amok　guided　the　High　Lord's　party　up　into　the　recesses　of　the　peaks。
　Beyond　the　foothills；　his　path　became　abruptly　demanding…precipitous；　rugged；　and　slow。　He　was　reduced　to　a　more　careful　pace　as　he　led　the　riders　along　valleys　as　littered　and　wracked　as　wrecks…up　treacherous　slides　and　scree　falls　which　lay　against　cliffs　and　cola　and　coombs　as　if　regurgitated　out　of　the　mountain　gut…rock…down　ledges　which　traversed　weathered　stone　fronts　like　scars。　But　he　left　no　doubt　that　he　knew　his　way。　Time　and　again　he　walked　directly　to　the　only　possible　exit　from　a　closed　valley；　or　found　the　only　horse…worthy　trail　through　a　rockfall；　or　trotted　without　hesitation　into　a　crevice　which　bypassed　a　blank　peak。　Through　the　rough…hewn　bulk　and　jumble　of　the　mountains；　he　led　the　High　Lord　with　the　obliqueness　of　a　man　threading　an　accustomed　maze。
　For　the　first　day　or　so；　his　goal　seemed　to　be　simply　to　gain　elevation。　He　took　the　riders　scrambling　upward　until　the　cold　appeared　to　pour　down　on　them　from　the　ice　tips　of　the　tallest　peaks。　Thinner　air　gave
　Covenant　visions　of　scaling　some　inaccessible　and　remorseless　mountain；　and　he　accepted　a　thick　half…robe　from　Bannor　with　a　shiver　which　was　not　caused　by　the　chill　alone。
　　But　then　Amok　changed　directions。　As　if　he　were　finally　satisfied　by　the　icy　air　and　the　pitch　of　the　mountainscapes；　he　sought　no　more　altit