sk.petsematary-第30部分

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took　away　any　joy　I　might　have　felt　when　I　saw　Spot　standing　there。　I　didn't　even　seem　to　feel　surprised　that　he　was　there。〃
　　〃I　know　the　feeling；〃　Louis　said。　〃When　I　saw　Church　this　morning；　I　just　。　。　。　it　seemed　like　something　that　was…〃　He　paused　a　moment。　Perfectly　natural？　Those　were　the　words　that　came　immediately　to　mind；　but　they　were　not　the　right　words。　〃Like　something　that　was　meant。〃
　　〃Yes；〃　Jud　said。　He　lit　a　fresh　cigarette。　His　hands　were　shaking　the　smallest　bit。　〃And　my　mother　seen　me　there；　still　in　my　underwear；　and　she　screamed　at　me；　'Feed　your　dog；　Jud！　Your　dog　needs　to　be　fed；　get　him　out　of　here　before　he　messes　the　curtains！'
　　〃So　I　found　him　some　scraps　and　called　him；　and　at　first　he　didn't　e；　at　first　it　was　like　he　didn't　know　his　own　name；　and　I　almost　thought；　well；　this　ain't　Spot　at　all；　it's　some　stray　that　looks　like　Spot；　that's　all…〃
　　〃Yes！〃　Louis　exclaimed。
　　Jud　nodded。　〃But　the　second　or　third　time　I　called　him；　he　came。　He　sort　of　jerked　toward　me；　and　when　I　led　him　out　onto　the　porch；　damned　if　he　didn't　run　right　into　the　side　of　the　door　and　just　about　fall　over。　He　ate　the　scraps　though；　just　wolfed　them　down。　By　then　I　was　over　my　first　fright　and　was　starting　to　get　an　idea　of　what　had　happened。　I　got　on　my　knees　and　hugged　him；　I　was　so　glad　to　see　him。　Then　he　licked　my　face；　and。　。　。〃
　　Jud　shuddered　and　finished　his　beer。
　　〃Louis；　his　tongue　was　cold。　Being　licked　by　Spot　was　like　getting　rubbed　up　the　side　of　your　face　with　a　dead　carp。〃
　　For　a　moment　neither　of　them　spoke。　Then　Louis　said；　〃Go　on。〃
　　〃He　ate；　and　when　he　was　done；　I　got　an　old　tub　we　kept　for　him　out　from　under　the　back　porch；　and　I　gave　him　a　bath。　Spot　always　hated　to　have　a　bath；　usually　it　took　both　me　and　my　dad　to　do　it；　and　we'd　end　up　with　our　shirts　off　and　our　pants　soaked；　my　dad　cussing　and　Spot　looking　sort　of　ashamed…the　way　dogs　do。　And　more　likely　than　not　he'd　roll　around　in　the　dirt　right　after　and　then　go　over　by　my　mother's　clothesline　to　shake　off　and　put　dirt　all　over　the　sheets　she　had　hung　and　she'd　scream　at　both　of　us　that　she　was　going　to　shoot　that　dog　for　a　stranger　before　she　got　much　older。
　　〃But　that　day　Spot　just　sat　in　the　tub　and　let　me　wash　him。　He　never　moved　at　all。　I　didn't　like　it。　It　was　like。　。　。　like　washing　meat。　I　got　an　old　piece　of　towel　after　I　gave　him　his　bath　and　dried　him　all　off。　I　could　see　the　places　where　the　barbed　wire　had　hooked　him…there　was　no　fur　in　any　of　those　places；　and　the　flesh　looked　dimpled　in。　It　is　the　way　an　old　wound　looks　after　it's　been　healed　five　years　and　more。〃
　　Louis　nodded。　In　his　line　of　work；　he　had　seen　such　things　from　time　to　time。　The　wound　never　seemed　to　fill　in　pletely；　and　that　made　him　think　of　graves　and　his　days　as　an　undertaker's　apprentice；　and　how　there　was　never　enough　dirt　to　fill　them　in　again。
　　〃Then　I　saw　his　head。　There　was　another　of　those　dimples　there；　but　the　fur　had　grown　back　white　in　a　little　circle。　It　was　near　his　ear。〃
　　〃Where　your　father　shot　him；〃　Louis　said。
　　Jud　nodded。
　　〃Shooting　a　man　or　an　animal　in　the　head　isn't　as　sure…fire　as　it　sounds；　Jud。　There　are　would…be　suicides　in　vegetable　wards　or　even　walking　around　right　as　rain　who　didn't　know　that　a　bullet　can　strike　the　skull　plate　and　travel　right　around　it　in　a　semicircle；　exiting　the　other　side　without　ever　penetrating　the　brain。　I　personally　saw　one　case　where　a　fellow　shot　himself　above　the　right　ear　and　died　because　the　bullet　went　around　his　head　and　tore　open　his　jugular　vein　on　the　other　side　of　his　head。　That　bullet　path　looked　like　a　county　roadmap。〃
　　Jud　smiled　and　nodded。　〃I　remember　reading　somethin　like　that　in　one　of　Norma's　newspapers；　the　Star　or　the　Enquirer…one　of　those。　But　if　my　pop　said　Spot　was　gone；　Louis；　he　was　gone。〃
　　〃All　right；〃　Louis　said。　〃If　you　say　that's　how　it　was；　that　is　how　it　was。〃
　　〃Was　your　daughter's　cat　gone？〃
　　〃I　sure　thought　it　was；〃　Louis　said。
　　〃You　got　to　do　better　than　that。　You're　a　doctor。〃
　　〃You　make　it　sound　like　'You　got　to　do　better　than　that；　Louis；　you're　God。'　I'm　not　God。　It　was　dark…〃
　　〃Sure；　it　was　dark；　and　his　head　swiveled　on　his　neck　like　it　was　full　of　ball　bearings；　and　when　you　moved　him；　he　pulled　out　of　the　frost；　Louis…sounded　like　a　piece　of　sticky　tape　in　off　a　letter。　Live　things　don't　do　that。　You　only　stop　meltin　the　frost　under　where　you're　layin　when　you're　dead。〃
　　In　the　other　room；　the　clock　struck　ten…thirty。
　　〃What　did　your　father　say　when　he　came　home　and　saw　the　dog？〃　Louis　asked。
　　〃I　was　out　in　the　driveway；　shooting　marbles　in　the　dirt；　more　or　less　waitin　for　him。　I　felt　like　I　always　felt　when　I'd　done　something　wrong　and　knew　I　was　probably　gonna　get　a　spankin。　He　e　in　through　the　gateposts　about　eight　o'clock；　wearin　his　bib　overalls　and　his　pillow…tick　cap　。　。　。　you　ever　seen　one　of　those？〃
　　Louis　nodded；　then　stifled　a　yawn　with　the　back　of　his　hand。
　　〃Yeah；　gettin　late；〃　Jud　said。　〃Got　to　finish　this　up。〃
　　〃It's　not　that　late；〃　Louis　said。　〃I'm　just　a　few　beers　ahead　of　my　usual　pace。　Go　on；　Jud。　Take　your　time。　I　want　to　hear　this。〃
　　〃My　dad　had　an　old　lard　tin　he　kept　his　dinner　in；〃　Jud　said；　〃and　he　e　in　through　the　gate　swingin　it；　empty；　by　the　handle；　you　know。　Whisflin　somethin。　It　was　gettin　dark；　but　he　seen　me　there　in　the　gloom　and　he　says；　'Hi　there；　Judkins！'　like　he　would　do；　and　then；　'Where's　your…'
　　〃He　got　that　far；　and　then　here　es　Spot　out　of　the　dark；　not　runnin　like　he　usually　did；　ready　to　jump　all　over　him　he　was　so　glad　to　see　him；　but　just　walkin；　waggin　his　tail；　and　my　dad　dropped　that　lard　bucket　and　stepped　back。　I　don't　know　b'what　he　would　have　turned　tail　and　run　except　his　back　hit　the　picket　fence　and　then　he　just　stood　there；　looking　at　the　dog。　And　when　Spot　did　jump　up；　Dad　just　caught　his　paws　and　held　them；　like　you　might　hold　a　lady's　hands　you　was　gettin　ready　to　dance　with。　He　looked　at　the　dog　for　a　long　time　and　then　he　looked　at　me；　and　he　said；　'He　needs　a　bath；　Jud。　He　stinks　of　the　ground　you　buried　him　in。'　And　then　he　went　in　the　house。〃
　　〃What　did　you　do？〃　Louis　asked。
　　〃Gave　him　another　bath。　He　just　sat　there　in　the　tub　and　took　it　again。　And　when　I　went　in　the　house；　my　mother　had　gone　to　bed；　even　though　it　wasn't　even　nine　o'clock。　My　dad　said；　'We　got　to　talk；　Judkins。'　And　I　set　down　across　from　him；　and　he　talked　to　me　like　a　man　for　the　first　time　in　my　life　with　the　smell　of　the　honeysuckle　ing　across　the　road　from　what's　your　house　now　and　the　smell　of　the　wild　roses　from　our　own　house。〃
　　Jud　Crandall　sighed。　〃I　had　always　thought　it　would　be　good　to　have　him　talk　to　me　that　way；　but　it　wasn't。　It　wasn't　a　bit　good。　All　this　tonight；　Louis…it's　like　when　you　look　into　a　mirror　that's　been　set　up　right　across　from　another　mirror；　and　you　can　see　yourself　going　down　a　whole　hail　of　mirrors。　How　many　times　has　this　story　been　passed　along；　I　wonder？　A　story　that's　just　the　same；　except　for　the　names？　And　that's　like　the　sex　thing　too；　isn't　it？〃
　　〃Your　dad　knew　all　about　it。〃
　　〃Ayuh。　'Who　took　you　up　there；　Jud？'　he　asked　me；　and　I　told　him。　He　just　nodded　like　it　was　what　he　would　have　expected。　I　guess　it　prob'ly　was；　although　I　found　out　later　that　there　were　six　or　eight　people　in　Ludlow　at　that　time　that　could　have　taken　me　up　there。　I　guess　he　knew　that　Stanny　B。　was　the　only　one　crazy　enough　to　have　actually　done　it。〃
　　〃Did　you　ask　him　why　he　didn't　take　you；　Jud？〃
　　〃I　did；〃　Jud　said。　〃Somewhere　during　that　long　talk　I　did　ask　him　that。　And　he　said　it　was　a　bad　place；　by　and　large；　and　that　it　didn't　often　do　anything　good　for　people　who　had　lost　their　animals　or　for　the　animals　themselves。　He　asked　me　if　I　liked　Spot　the　way　he　was；　and　do　you　know；　Louis；　I　had　the　hardest　time　answering　that。　。　and　it's　important　that　I　tell　you　my　feelings　on　that；　because　sooner　or　later　you're　going　to　ask　me　why　I　led　you　up　there　with　your　daughter's　cat　if　it　was　a　bad　thing　to　do。　Isn't　that　so？〃
　　Louis　nodded。　What　was　Ellie　going　to　think　about　Church　when　she　got　back？　That　had　been　much　on　his　mind　while　he　and　Steve　Masterton　had　been　playing　racket　ball　that　afternoon。
　　〃Maybe　I　did　it　because　kids　need　to　know　that　sometimes　dead　is　better；〃　Jud　said　with　some　difficulty。　〃That's　somethin　your　Ellie　don't　know；　and　I　got　a　feelin　that　maybe　she　don't　know　because　your　wife　don't　know。　Now；　you　go　ahead　and　tell　me　if　I'm　wrong；　and　we'll　leave　it。〃
　　Louis　opened　his　mouth　and　then　closed　it　again。
　　Jud　went　on；　now　speaking　very　slowly；　appearing　to　move　from　word　to　word　as　they　had　moved　from　hummock　to　hummock　in　Little　God　Swamp　the　night　before。
　　〃I've　seen　it　happen　over　the　years；〃　he　said。　〃I　guess　I　told　you　that　Lester　Morgan　buried　his　prize　bull　up　there。　Black　Angus　named　Hanratty。　Ain't　that　a　silly　name　for　a　bull？
　　Died　of　some　sort　of　ulcer　inside；　and　Lester　dragged　him　all　the　way　up　there　on　a　sledge。　How　he　did　it…how　he　got　over　the　deadfall　there　I　dunno…but　it's　said　that　what　you　want　to　do；　you　can。　And　at　least　as　far　as　that　burying　ground　goes；　I'd　say　it's　true。
　　〃Well；　Hanratty　came　back；　but　Lester　shot　him　dead　two　weeks　later。　That　bull　turned　mean；　really　mean。　But　he's　the　only　animal　I　ever　heard　of　that　did。　Most　of　them　just　seem　a　little　stupid。　。　。　a　little　slow。　。　。　a　little。　。　。〃　〃A　little　dead？〃
　　〃Yeah；〃　Jud　said。　〃A　little　dead。　Like　they　had　been。　。　。　somewhere　。　。　。　and　came　back。　。　。　but　not　all　the　way。　Now；　your　daughter　isn't　going　to　know　that；　Louis。　Not　that　her　cat　was　hit　by　a　car；　and　killed；　and　came　back。　So　you　could　say　you　can't　teach　a　child　a　lesson　unless　the　child　knows　there's　a　lesson　to　be　learned。　Except　。　。
　　〃Except　sometimes　you　can；〃　Louis　said；　more　to　himself　than　to　Jud。
　　〃Yes；〃　Jud　agreed；　〃sometimes　you　can。　Maybe　she'll　learn　something　about　what　death　really　is；　which　is　where　the　pain　stops　and　the　good　memories　begin。　Not　the　end　of　life；　but　the　end　of　pain。　You　don't　tell　her　those　things；　she　will　figure　them　out　on　her　own。
　　〃And　if　she's　anything　like　me；　she'll　go　on　loving　her　pet。　It　won't　turn　vicious；　or　bite；　or　a