sk.petsematary-第58部分
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〃Let's go to sleep。〃
〃That's a good idea。〃
〃I feel like I can sleep now；〃 she said。 〃I want to put this day behind me。〃
〃Amen to that；〃 Louis said。
A long time later she said drowsily； 〃You're right； Louis 。 。 just dreams and vapors。 。 。〃
〃Sure；〃 he said； and kissed her earlobe。 〃Now sleep。〃
It seemed to me to have a quality of prophecy。
He did not sleep for a long time； and before he did； the curved bone of the moon looked in the window at him。
43
The following day was overcast but very warm； and Louis was sweating heavily by the time he had checked Rachel's and Ellie's baggage through and gotten their tickets out of the puter。 He supposed just being able to keep busy was something of a gift； and he felt only a small； aching parison to the last time he had put his family on a plane to Chicago； at Thanksgiving。 Ellie seemed distant and a trifle odd。 Several times that morning Louis had looked up and seen an expression of peculiar speculation on her face。
Conspirator's plex working overtime； boyo； he told himself。 She said nothing when told they were all going to Chicago； she and Mommy first； perhaps for the whole summer； and only went on eating her breakfast （Cocoa Bears）。 After breakfast she went silently upstairs and got into the dress and shoes Rachel had laid out for her。 She had brought the picture of her pulling Gage on her sled to the airport with her； and she sat calmly in one of the plastic contour seats in the lower lobby while Louis stood in line for their tickets and the loudspeaker blared intelligence of arriving and departing flights。
Mr。 and Mrs。 Goldman showed up forty minutes before flight time。 Irwin Goldman was natty （and apparently sweatless） in a cashmere topcoat in spite of the sixty…degree temperatures； he went over to the Avis desk to check his car in while Dory Goldman sat with Rachel and Effie。
Louis and Goldman joined the others at the same time。 Louis was a bit afraid that there might be a reprise of the my son； my son playlet； but he was spared。 Goldman contented himself with a rather limp handshake and a muttered hello。 The quick； embarrassed glance he afforded his son…in…law confirmed the certainty Louis had awakened with this morning： the man must have been drunk。
They went upstairs on the escalator and sat in the boarding lounge； not talking much。 Dory Goldman thumbed nervously at her copy of an Erica Jong novel but did not open it。 She kept glancing； a little nervously； at the picture Ellie was holding。
Louis asked his daughter if she would like to walk over to the bookstore with him and pick out something to read on the plane。
Ellie had been looking at him in that speculative way again。 Louis didn't like it。 It made him nervous。
〃Will you be good at Grandma and Grandda's？〃 he asked her as they walked over。
〃Yes；〃 she said。 〃Daddy； will the truant officer get me？ Andy Pasioca says there's a truant officer and he gets school skippers。〃
〃Don't you worry about the truant officer；〃 he said。 〃I'll take care of the school； and you can start again in the fall with no trouble。〃
〃I hope I'll be okay in the fall；〃 Ellie said。 〃I never was in a grade before。 Only kindergarten。 I don't know what kids do in grades。 Homework； probably。〃
〃You'll be fine。〃
〃Daddy； are you still pissed off at Grandda？〃
He gaped at her。 〃Why in the world would you think I was that I didn't like your grandda； Effie？〃
She shrugged as if the topic held no particular interest for her。 〃When you talk about him； you always look pissed off。〃
〃Ellie； that's vulgar。〃
〃Sorry。〃
She gave him that strange； fey look and then drifted off to look at the racks of kid books…Mercer Meyer and Maurice Sendak and Richard Scarry and Beatrix Potter and that famous old standby； Dr。 Seuss。 How do they find this stuff out？ Or do they just know？ How much does Ellie know？ How's it affecting her？ Ellie； what's behind that pale little face？ Pissed off at him… Christ！
〃Can I have these； Daddy？〃 She was holding out a Dr。 Seuss and a book Louis hadn't seen since his own childhood…the story of Little Black Sambo and how the tigers had gotten his clothes one fine day。
I thought they'd made that one an unbook； Louis thought； bemused。
〃Yes；〃 he said； and they stood in a short line at the cash register。 〃Your grandda and I like each other fine；〃 he said and thought again of his mother's story of how when a woman really wanted a baby； she 〃found〃 one。 He remembered his own foolish promises to himself that he would never lie to his own children。
Over the last few days he had developed into quite a promising liar； he felt； but he would not let himself think about it now。
〃Oh；〃 she said and fell silent。
The silence made him uneasy。 To break it he said； 〃So do you think you'll have a good time in Chicago？〃
No。
〃No？ Why not？〃
She looked up at him with that fey expression。 〃I'm scared。〃
He put his hand on her head。 〃Scared？ Honey； what for？ You're not scared of the plane； are you？〃
〃No；〃 she said。 〃I don't know what I'm scared of。 Daddy； I dreamed we were at Gage's funeral and the funeral man opened his coffin and it was empty。 Then I dreamed I was home and I looked in Gage's crib and that was empty too。 But there was dirt in it。〃
Lazarus； e forth。
For the first time in months he remembered the dream he had had after Pascow's death…the dream； and then waking up to find his feet dirty and the foot of the bed caked with pine needles and muck。
The hairs at the nape of his neck stirred。
〃Just dreams；〃 he said to Ellie； and his voice sounded； to his ears at least； perfectly normal。 〃They'll pass。〃
〃I wish you were ing with us；〃 she said； 〃or that we were staying here。 Can we stay； Daddy？ Please？ I don't want to go to Grandma and Grandda's 。 。 。 I just want to go back to school。 Okay？〃
〃Just for a little while； Ellie；〃 he said。 〃I've got〃…he swallowed
…〃a few things to do here； and then I'll be with you。 We can decide what to do next。〃
He expected an argument； perhaps even an Ellie…style tantrum。 He might even have weled it…a known quantity； as that look was not。 But there was only that pallid； disquieting silence which seemed so deep。 He could have asked her more but found he didn't dare； she had already told him more than he perhaps wanted to hear。
Shortly after he and Ellie returned to the boarding lounge； the flight was called。 Boarding passes were produced； and the four of them got in line。 Louis embraced his wife and kissed her hard。
She clung to him for a moment and then let him go so he could pick Ellie up and buss her cheek。
Ellie gazed at him solemnly with her sibyl's eyes。 〃I don't want to go；〃 she said again but so low oniy Louis could really hear over the shuffle and murmur of the boarding passengers。 〃I don't want Mommy to go either。〃
〃Ellie； e on；〃 Louis said。 〃You'll be fine。〃
〃I'll be fine；〃 she said； 〃but what about you？ Daddy； what about you？〃
The line had begun to move now。 People were walking down the jetway to the 727。 Rachel pulled Ellie's hand and for a moment she resisted； holding up the line； her eyes fixed on her father…and Louis found himself remembering her impatience last time； her cries of e on…e on…e on。
〃Daddy？〃
〃Go now； Ellie。 Please。〃
Rachel looked at Ellie and saw that dark； dreamy look for the first time。 〃Ellie？〃 she said； startled and； Louis thought； a little afraid。 〃You're holding up the line； baby。〃
Ellie's lips trembled and grew white。 Then she allowed herself to be led into the jetway。 She looked back at him； and he saw naked terror in her face。 He raised his hand to her in false cheeriness。
Ellie did not wave back。
44
As Louis left the BIA terminal building； a cold cloak fell over his mind。 He became aware that he meant to go through with this。 His mind； which had been sharp enough to get him through med school mostly on a scholarship and what his wife could earn pushing coffee…and…danish on the 5 to 11 A。M。 shift six days a week； had taken the problem over and broken it down into ponents； as if this was just another prelim…the biggest one he had ever taken。 And he intended to pass it with an A plus； one hundred percent。
He drove to Brewer； the little city across the Penobscot River from Bangor。 He found a parking spot across the street from Watson's Hardware。
〃Can I help you？〃 the clerk asked。
〃Yes；〃 Louis said。 〃I'd like a heavy flashlight…one of the square ones…and something I can hood it with。〃
The clerk was a small slim man with a high forehead and sharp eves。 He smiled now； but his smile was not particularly pleasant。 〃Going jacking； good buddy？〃
〃I beg your pardon？〃
〃Gonna jacklight a few deer tonight？〃
〃Not at all；〃 Louis said； unsmiling。 〃I haven't a license to jack。〃 The clerk blinked and then decided to laugh。 〃In other words； mind my own business； huh？ Well； look…you can't hood one of those big lights； but you can get a piece of felt and poke a hole in the middle of it。 Cut the beam clown to a penlight。〃
〃That sounds fine；〃 Louis said。 〃Thanks。〃
〃Surely。 Anything else for you today？〃
〃Yes indeed；〃 Louis said。 〃I need a pick； a shovel； and a spade。 Short…handled shovel； long…handled spade。 A stout length of rope； eight feet long。 A pair of work gloves。 A canvas tarpaulin； maybe eight by eight。〃
〃I can do all that；〃 the clerk said。
〃I've got a septic tank to dig up；〃 Louis said。 〃It looks like I'm in violation of the zoning ordinances； and I've got some very nosy neighbors。 I don't know if hooding my light will do any good or not； but I thought I might give it a try。 I could get a pretty good fine。〃
〃Oh…oh；〃 the clerk said； 〃better get a clothespin for your nose while you're at it。〃
Louis laughed dutifully。 His purchases came to 58。60。 He paid cash。
As gas prices went up； they had used the big station wagon less and less。 For some time it had had a bad wheel…bearing； but Louis had kept putting off the repair job。 This was partly because he didn't want to part with the two hundred it was likely to cost； hut mostly because it was a nuisance。 Now； when he could have really used the
