sk.petsematary-第75部分

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　the　morning　into　its　proper　focus…but　he　could　not。　Things　looked　right；　but　they　weren't　right。　The　house　seemed　dreadfully　empty；　and　last　night's　work　weighed　on　him。　Things　were　wrong；　awry；　he　felt　a　shadow　hovering；　and　he　was　afraid。
　　He　limped　into　the　bathroom　and　took　a　couple　of　aspirin　with　a　glass　of　orange　juice。　He　was　working　his　way　back　to　the　stove　when　the　telephone　rang。
　　He　did　not　answer　it　immediately　but　turned　and　looked　at　it；　feeling　slow　and　stupid；　a　sucker　in　some　game　which　he　was　only　now　realizing　he　did　not　understand　in　the　least。
　　Don't　answer　that；　you　don't　want　to　answer　that　because　that's　the　bad　news；　that's　the　end　of　the　leash　that　leads　around　the　corner　and　into　the　darkness；　and　I　don't　think　you　want　to　see　what's　on　the　other　end　of　that　leash；　Louis；　I　really　don't　think　you　do；　so　don't　answer　that　phone；　run；　run　now；　the　car's　in　the　garage；　get　in　it　and　take　off；　but　don't　answer　that　phone…　He　crossed　the　room　and　picked　it　up；　standing　there　with　one　hand　on　the　dryer　as　he　had　so　many　times　before；　and　it　was　Irwin　Goldman；　and　even　as　Irwin　said　hello　Louis　saw　the　tracks　crossing　the　kitchen…small；　muddy　tracks…and　his　heart　seemed　to　freeze　in　his　chest；　and　he　believed　he　could　feel　his　eyeballs　swelling　in　his　head；　starting　from　their　sockets；　he　believed　that　if　he　could　have　seen　himself　in　a　mirror　at　that　moment　he　would　have　seen　a　face　out　of　a　seventeenth…century　painting　of　a　lunatic　asylum。　They　were　Gage's　tracks；　Gage　had　been　here；　he　had　been　here　in　the　night；　and　so　where　was　he　now？
　　〃It's　Irwin；　Louis。　。　。　Louis？　Are　you　there？　Hello？〃
　　〃Hello；　Irwin；〃　he　said；　and　already　he　knew　what　Irwin　was　going　to　say。　He　understood　the　blue　car。　He　understood　everything。　The　leash　。　。　。　the　leash　going　into　the　darkness　。　。　。　he　was　moving　fast　along　it　now；　hand　over　hand。　Ah；　if　he　could　drop　it　before　he　saw　what　was　at　the　end！　But　it　was　his　leash。　He　had　bought　it。
　　〃For　a　moment　I　thought　we'd　been　cut　off；〃　Goldman　was　saying。
　　〃No；　the　phone　slipped　out　of　my　hand；〃　Louis　said。　His　voice　was　calm。
　　〃Did　Rachel　make　it　home　last　night？〃
　　〃Oh　yes；〃　Louis　said；　thinking　of　the　blue　car；　Church　perched　on　top　of　it；　the　blue　car　that　was　so　still。　His　eye　traced　the　muddy　footprints　on　the　floor。
　　〃I　ought　to　speak　to　her；〃　Goldman　said。　〃Right　away。　It's　about　Eileen。〃
　　〃Ellie？　What　about　Ellie？〃
　　〃I　really　think　Rachel…〃
　　〃Rachel's　not　here　right　now；〃　Louis　said　harshly。　〃She's　gone　to　the　store　for　bread　and　milk。　What　about　Ellie？　e　on；　Irwin！〃
　　〃We　had　to　take　her　to　the　hospital；〃　Goldman　said　reluctantly。　〃She　had　a　bad　dream　or　a　whole　series　of　them。　She　was　hysterical　and　wouldn't　e　out　of　it。　She…〃
　　〃Did　they　sedate　her？〃
　　〃What？〃
　　〃Sedation；〃　Louis　said　impatiently；　〃did　they　give　her　sedation？〃
　　〃Yes；　oh　yes。　They　gave　her　a　pill；　and　she　went　back　to　sleep。〃
　　〃Did　she　say　anything？　What　scared　her　so　badly？〃　He　was　gripping　the　phone　white…knuckled　now。
　　Silence　from　Irwin　Goldman's　end…a　long　silence。　This　time　Louis　did　not　interrupt；　much　as　he　would　have　liked　to。
　　〃That　was　what　scared　Dory　so　badly；〃　Irwin　said　finally。　〃She　babbled　a　lot　before　she　got　。　。　。　before　she　was　crying　too　hard　to　understand。　Dory　herself　was　almost。　。　。　you　know。〃
　　〃What　did　she　say？〃
　　〃She　said　Oz　the　Great　and　Terrible　had　killed　her　mother。　Only　she　didn't　say　it　that　way。　She　said　。　。　。　she　said　'Oz　the　Gweat　and　Tewwible；'　which　was　the　way　our　other　daughter　always　used　to　say　it。　Our　daughter　Zelda。　Louis；　believe　me　when　I　say　I　would　much　rather　have　asked　Rachel　this　question；　but　how　much　have　you　and　she　told　Eileen　about　Zelda　and　how　she　died？〃
　　Louis　had　closed　his　eyes；　the　world　seemed　to　be　rocking　gently　under　his　feet；　and　Goldman's　voice　had　the　lost　quality　of　a　voice　ing　through　thick　mists。
　　You　may　hear　sounds　like　voices；　but　they　are　only　the　loons　down　south　toward　Prospect。　The　sound　carries。
　　〃Louis；　are　you　there？〃
　　〃Is　she　going　to　be　all　right？〃　Louis　asked；　his　own　voice　distant。　〃Is　Ellie　going　to　be　all　right？　Did　you　get　a　prognosis？〃
　　〃Delayed　shock　from　the　funeral；〃　Goldman　said。　〃My　own　doctor　came。　Lathrop。　A　good　man。　Said　she　had　a　degree　of　fever　and　that　when　she　woke　up　this　afternoon；　she　might　not　even　remember。　But　I　think　Rachel　should　e　back。　Louis；　I　am　frightened。　I　think　you　should　e　back　too。〃
　　Louis　did　not　respond。　The　eye　of　God　was　on　the　sparrow；　so　said　good　King　James。　Louis；　however；　was　a　lesser　being；　and　his　eye　was　on　those　muddy　footprints。
　　〃Louis；　Gage　is　dead；〃　Goldman　was　saying。　〃I　know　that　must　be　hard　to　accept…for　you　and　Rachel　both…but　your　daughter　is　very　much　alive；　and　she　needs　you。〃
　　Yes；　I　accept　that。　You　may　be　a　stupid　old　fart；　Irwin；　but　perhaps　the　nightmare　that　passed　between　your　two　daughters　on　that　April　day　in　1965　taught　you　something　about　sensitivity。
　　She　needs　me；　but　I　can't　e；　because　I'm　afraid…so　terribly　afraid…that　my　hands　are　filthy　with　her　mother's　blood。
　　Louis　regarded　those　hands。　Louis　regarded　the　dirt　under　his　nails；　which　was　so　like　the　dirt　which　prised　those　footprints　on　the　kitchen　floor。
　　〃All　right；〃　he　said；　〃I　understand。　We'll　be　there　as　soon　as　we　can；　Irwin。　By　tonight；　if　that's　possible。　Thank　you。〃
　　〃We　did　the　best　we　could；〃　Goldman　said。　〃Maybe　we're　too　old。　Maybe；　Louis；　maybe　we　always　were。〃
　　〃Did　she　say　anything　else？〃　Louis　asked。
　　Goldman's　reply　was　like　the　toll　of　a　funeral　bell　against　the　wall　of　his　heart。　〃A　lot；　but　only　one　other　thing　I　could　make　out：　'Paxcow　says　it's　too　late。〃
　　He　hung　up　the　telephone　and　moved　back　toward　the　stove　in　a　daze；　apparently　meaning　to　continue　on　with　breakfast　or　put　the　things　away；　he　didn't　know　which；　and　about　halfway　across　the　kitchen　a　wave　of　faintness　poured　over　him；　floating　gray　overcame　his　sight；　and　he　swooned　to　the　floor…〃swoon〃　was　the　right　word　because　it　seemed　to　take　forever。　He　fell　down　and　down　through　cloudy　depths；　it　seemed　to　him　that　he　turned　over　and　over；　looped　the　loop；　did　a　dipsy　doodle　or　two；　slipped　an　Immelmann。　Then　he　struck　on　his　bad　knee　and　the　chromium　bolt　of　pain　through　his　head　brought　him　back　with　a　scream　of　agony。　For　a　moment　he　could　only　crouch；　the　tears　starting　from　his　eyes。
　　At　last　he　made　it　back　to　his　feet　and　stood　there；　swaying。　But　his　head　was　clear　again。　That　was　something。　wasn't　it？
　　The　urge　to　flee　came　on　him　again　for　the　last　time；　stronger　than　ever…he　actually　felt　the　forting　bulge　of　his　car　keys　in　his　pocket。　He　would　get　in　the　Civic　and　drive　to　Chicago。　He　would　get　Ellie　and　go　on　from　there。　Of　course　by　then　Goldman　would　know　something　was　wrong；　that　something　was　dreadfully　amiss；　but　he　would　get　her　anyway。　。　。　snatch　her；　if　he　had　to。
　　Then　his　hand　fell　away　from　the　bulge　of　the　keys。　What　killed　the　urge　was　not　a　sense　of　futility；　not　guilt；　not　despair　or　the　deep　weariness　inside　him。　It　was　the　sight　of　those　muddy　footprints　on　the　kitchen　floor。　In　his　mind's　eye　he　could　see　them　tracing　a　path　across　the　entire　country…first　to　Illinois；　then　to　Florida…across　the　entire　world；　if　necessary。　What　you　bought；　you　owned；　and　what　you　owned　eventually　came　home　to　you。
　　There　would　e　a　day　when　he　would　open　a　door　and　there　would　be　Gage；　a　demented　parody　of　his　former　self；　grinning　a　sunken　grin；　his　clear　blue　eyes　gone　yellow　and　smart…stupid。　Or　Ellie　would　open　the　bathroom　door　for　her　morning　shower；　and　there　would　be　Gage　in　the　tub；　his　body　crisscrossed　with　the　faded　scars　and　bulges　of　his　fatal　accident；　clean　but　stinking　of　the　grave。
　　Oh　yes；　that　day　would　e…he　didn't　doubt　it　a　bit。
　　〃How　could　I　have　been　so　stupid？〃　he　said　to　the　empty　room；　talking　to　himself　again；　not　caring。　〃How？〃
　　Grief；　not　stupidity；　Louis。　There　is　a　difference。　。　。　small；　but　vital。　The　battery　that　burying　ground　survives　on。　Growing　in　power；　Jud　said；　and　of　course　he　was　right…and　you're　part　of　its　power　now。　It　has　fed　on　your　grief。　。　。　no；　more　than　that。　It's　doubled　it；　cubed　it；　raised　it　to　the　nth　power。　And　it　isn't　just　grief　it　feeds　on。　Sanity。　It's　eaten　your　sanity。　The　flaw　is　only　the　inability　to　accept；　not　unmon。　It's　cost　you　your　wife；　and　it's　almost　surely　cost　you　your　best　friend　as　well　as　your　son。　This　is　it。　What　es　when　you're　too　slow　wishing　away　the　thing　that　knocks　on　your　door　in　the　middle　of　the　night　is　simple　enough：　total　darkness。
　　I　would　mit　suicide　now；　he　thought；　and　I　suppose　it's　in　the　cards；　isn't　it？　I　have　the　equipment　in　my　bag。　It　has　managed　everything；　managed　it　from　the　first。　The　burying　ground；　the　Wendigo；　whatever　it　is。　It　forced　our　cat　into　the　road；　and　perhaps　it　forced　Gage　into　the　road　as　well；　it　brought　Rachel　home；　but　only　in　its　own　good　time。　Surely　I'm　meant　to　do　that　and　I　want　to。
　　But　things　have　to　be　put　right；　don't　they？
　　Yes。　They　did。
　　There　was　Gage　to　think　about。　Gage　was　still　out　there。　Somewhere。
　　He　followed　the　footprints　through　the　dining　room　and　the　living　room　and　back　up　the　stairs。　They　were　smudged　there　because　he　had　walked　over　them　on　his　way　down　without　seeing　them。　They　led　into　the　bedroom。　He　was　here；　Louis　thought　wonderingly；　he　was　right　here；　and　then　he　saw　that　his　medical　bag　was　unsnapped。
　　The　contents　inside；　which　he　always　arranged　with　careful　neatness；　were　now　in　jumbled　disorder。　But　it　did　not　take　Louis　long　to　see　that　his　scalpel　was　missing；　and　he　put　his　hands　over　his　face　and　sat　that　way　for　some　time；　a　faint；　despairing　noise　ing　from　his　throat。
　　At　last　he　opened　the　bag　again　and　began　to　look　through　it。
　　Downstairs　again。
　　The　sound　of　the　pantry　door　being　opened。　The　sound　of　a　cupboard　being　opened；　then　slammed　shut。　The　busy　whine　of　the　can　opener。　Last　the　sound　of　the　garage　door　opening　and　closing。　And　then　the　house　stood　empty　in　the　May　sunshine；　as　it　had　stood　empty　on　that　August　day　the　year　before；　waiting　for　the　new　people　to　arrive　。　。　。　as　it　would　wait　for　other　new　people　to