rz.nineprincesinamber-第27部分

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　〃How　long　have　I　been　in　this　place？〃
　〃Four　months　and　ten　days；〃　he　said。
　〃So　what's　new　in　Amber？〃
　〃Eric　reigns。　That's　all。〃
　〃Where's　Julian？〃
　〃Back　in　the　Forest　of　Arden　with　his　guard。〃
　〃Why？〃
　〃Some　strange　things　made　it　through　Shadow　recently。〃
　〃I　see。　How　about　Caine？〃
　〃He's　still　in　Amber；　enjoying　himself。　Wenching　and　drinking；　mostly。〃
　〃And　Gerard？〃
　〃He's　admiral　of　the　entire　fleet。〃
　I　sighed　with　a　bit　of　relief。　I　was　afraid　his　withdrawal　during　the　naval　engagement　might　have　cost　him　something　with　Eric。
　〃And　what　of　Random？〃
　〃He's　up　the　hall　aways。〃
　〃What？　He　was　taken？〃
　〃Yes。　He　walked　the　Pattern　in　Rebma　and　showed　up　here；　with　a　crossbow。　He　wounded　Eric　before　he　was　taken。〃
　〃Really？　Why　wasn't　he　slain？〃
　〃Well；　rumor　has　it　he's　married　a　noblewoman　of　Rebma。　Eric　didn't　want　to　court　an　incident　with　Rebma　at　this　point。　Moire　has　quite　a　kingdom；　and　there　is　talk　that　Eric　is　even　considering　asking　her　to　be　his　queen。　All　gossip；　of　course。　But　interesting。〃
　〃Yes；〃　I　said
　〃She　liked　you；　didn't　she？〃
　〃Somewhat。　How　did　you　hear？〃
　〃I　was　present　when　Random　was　sentenced。　I　got　to　speak　with　him　for　a　moment。　The　Lady　Vialle；　who　claims　to　be　his　wife；　has　asked　to　join　him　in　prison。　Eric　is　not　yet　certain　how　to　reply。〃
　I　thought　upon　the　blind　girl；　who　I　had　never　met；　and　I　wondered　at　this。
　〃How　long　ago　did　all　this　happen？〃　I　asked。
　〃Mm。　Thirty…four　days；〃　he　replied。　〃That　was　when　Random　showed　up。　A　week　later；　Vialle　made　her　request。〃
　〃She　must　be　a　strange　woman；　if　she　really　loves　Random；〃
　〃Those　were　my　sentiments；〃　he　replied。　〃I　can't　think　of　a　more　unusual　bination。〃
　〃If　you　should　get　to　see　him　again；　give　him　my　regards　and　my　regrets。〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃How　fare　my　sisters？〃
　〃Dierdre　and　LIewella　remain　in　Rebma。　The　Lady　Florimel　has　been　enjoying　Eric's　favors　and　stands　high　in　the　present　court。　I　do　not　know　where　Fiona　is　presently。〃
　〃Has　anything　more　been　heard　of　Bleys？　I　am　sure　that　he　died。〃
　〃He　must　have　died；〃　said　Rein。　〃His　body　was　never　recovered；　though。〃
　〃What　of　Benedict？〃
　〃As　absent　as　ever。〃
　〃How　about　Brand？〃
　〃No　word。〃
　〃Then　I　guess　that　covers　the　whole　family　tree；　as　it　stands　at　present。　Have　you　written　any　new　ballads？〃
　〃No；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　still　working　on　'The　Siege　of　Amber；'　but　it　will　be　an　underground　hit；　if　at　all。〃
　I　reached　my　hand　out　through　the　tiny　gate　at　the　bottom　of　the　door。
　〃I　would　clasp　hands　with　thee；〃　I　said；　and　I　felt　his　hand　touch　mine。
　〃It　was　good　of　thee　to　do　this　thing　for　me。　Don't　do　it　again；　though。　It　would　he　foolish　to　risk　Eric's　wrath。〃
　He　squeezed　my　hand；　muttered　something；　and　was　gone。
　I　found　his　CARE　package　and　stuffed　myself　with　the　meat；　which　was　the　most　perishable　item。　I　ate　a　lot　of　the　bread；　to　acpany　it；　and　I　realized　that　I　had　almost　forgotten　how　good　food　can　taste。　Then　I　grew　drowsy　and　slept。　I　don't　think　I　slept　very　long；　and　when　I　awoke　I　opened　one　of　the　bottles　of　wine。
　It　didn't　take　as　much　as　usual；　in　my　weakened　condition；　to　get　me　kind　of　high。　I　had　a　cigarette；　sat　down　on　my　mattress；　leaned　back　against　the　wall；　and　mused。
　I　remembered　Rein　as　a　child。　I　was　already　full　grown　by　then　and　he　was　a　candidate　for　court　jester。　A　thin；　wise　kid。　People　had　kidded　him　too　much。　Me　included。　But　I　wrote　music；　posed　ballads；　and　he'd　picked　up　a　lute　somewhere　and　had　taught　himself　how　to　use　it。　Soon　we　were　singing　with　voices　together　raised　and　all　like　that；　and　before　long　I　took　a　liking　to　him　and　we　worked　together；　practicing　the　martial　arts。　He　was　lousy　at　them。　But　I　felt　kind　of　sorry　for　the　way　I　had　treated　him　earlier；　what　with　the　way　he　had　dug　my　stuff；　so　I　forced　the　fake　graces　upon　him　and　also　made　him　a　passable　saber　man。　I'd　never　regretted　it；　and　I　guess　he　didn't　either。　Before　long；　he　became　minstrel　to　the　court　of　Amber。　I　had　called　him　my　page　all　that　while；　and　when　the　wars　beckoned；　against　the　dark　things　out　of　Shadow　called　Weirmonken；　I　made　him　my　squire；　and　we　had　ridden　off　to　the　wars　together。　I　knighted　him　upon　the　battlefield；　at　Jones　Falls；　and　he　had　deserved　it。　After　that；　he　had　gone　on　to　bee　my　better　when　it　came　to　the　ways　of　words　and　music。　His　colors　were　crimson　and　his　words　were　golden。　I　loved　him；　as　one　of　my　two　or　three　friends　in　Amber。　I　didn't　think　he'd　take　the　risk　he　had　to　bring　me　a　decent　meal；　though。　I　didn't　think　anyone　would。　I　had　another　drink　and　smoked　another　cigarette；　in　his　name；　to　celebrate　him。　He　was　a　good　man。　I　wondered　how　long　he　would　survive。
　I　threw　all　the　butts　into　the　head　and　also　…　eventually　…　the　empty　bottle。　I　didn't　want　anything　around　to　show　that　I　had　been　〃enjoying〃　myself；　should　a　sudden　inspection　be　held。　I　ate　all　the　good　food　he　had　brought　me；　and　I　felt　surfeited　for　the　first　time　since　I　had　been　in　durance。　I　saved　the　last　bottle　for　one　massive　spell　of　drunkenness　and　forgetfulness。
　And　after　that　time　had　passed；　I　returned　to　my　cycle　of　recriminations。
　I　hoped；　mainly；　that　Eric　had　no　measure　of　our　plete　powers。　He　was　king　in　Amber；　granted；　but　he　didn't　know　everything。　Not　yet。　Not　the　way　Dad　had　known。　There　was　a　million…in…one　shot　that　might　still　work　in　my　favor。　So　much　so；　and　so　different　that　at　least　it　served　to　grant　me　my　small　purchase　upon　sanity；　there　in　the　grip　of　despair。
　But　maybe　I　did　go　mad　for　a　time；　I　don't　know。　There　are　days　that　are　great　blanks　to　me　now；　as　I　stand　here　on　the　brink　of　Chaos。　God　knows　what　they　held；　and　I'll　never　see　a　shrink　to　find　out。
　There　are　none　of　you；　good　doctors；　could　cope　with　my　family；　anyway。
　
　***
　
　I　lay　there　and　I　paced　there；　within　the　numbing　darkness。　I　grew　quite　sensitive　to　sounds。　I　listened　to　the　scurry　of　rats'　feet　through　straw；　the　distant　moaning　of　other　prisoners；　the　echoes　of　a　guard's　footsteps　as　he　approached　with　a　tray　of　food。　I　began　estimating　distances　and　direction　from　things　like　this。
　I　suppose　I　became　more　sensitive　to　odors　also；　but　I　tried　not　to　think　about　them　too　much。　Aside　from　the　imaginable　nauseating　ones　there　was；　for　a　long　while；　what　I　would　swear　to　be　the　odor　of　decaying　flesh。　I　wondered；　if　I　were　to　die；　how　long　would　it　be　before　someone　took　notice？　How　many　chunks　of　bread　and　bowls　of　slop　would　go　uneaten　before　the　guard　thought　to　check　within　after　my　continued　existence？
　The　answer　to　that　one　could　be　very　important。
　The　death　odor　was　around　for　a　long　while。　I　tried　to　think　in　terms　of　time　again；　and　it　seemed　that　it　persisted　for　over　a　week。
　Though　I　rationed　myself　carefully；　resisting　the　pulsion；　the　handy　temptation；　for　as　long　as　I　could；　I　finally　found　myself　down　to　my　final　pack　of　cigarettes。
　I　tore　it　open　and　lit　one。　I　had　had　a　carton　of　Salems　and　I　had　smoked　eleven　packs。　That　was　two　hundred　and　twenty　cigarettes。　I　had　once　timed　myself　with　one；　and　it　had　taken　me　seven　minutes　to　smoke　it。　That　made　for　a　total　of　one　thousand　five　hundred　and　forty　minutes　spent　smoking；　or　twenty…five　hours　and　forty　minutes。　I　was　sure　I　had　spent　at　least　an　hour　between　cigarettes；　more　like　an　hour　and　a　half。　Say　an　hour　and　a　half。　Now　figure　that　I　was　sleeping　six　to　eight　hours　per　day。　That　left　sixteen　to　eighteen　waking　hours。　I　guessed　I　was　smoking　ten　or　twelve　per　day。　So　that　meant　maybe　three　weeks　had　passed　since　Rein's　visit。　He　had　told　me　it　was　four　months　and　ten　days　since　the　coronation；　which　meant　that　it　was　now　around　five　months。
　I　nursed　my　last　pack；　enjoying　each　one　like　a　love　affair。　When　they　were　all　gone；　I　felt　depressed。
　Then　a　lot　more　time　must　have　passed。
　I　got　to　wondering　about　Eric。　How　was　he　making　out　as　liege？　What　problems　was　he　encountering？　What　was　he　up　to　right　now？　Why　hadn't　he　been　around　to　torment　me？　Could　I　ever　truly　be　forgotten　in　Amber；　even　by　imperial　decree？　Never；　I　decided。
　And　what　of　my　brothers？　Why　had　none　of　them　contacted　me？　It　would　be　so　easy　to　draw　forth　my　Trump　and　break　Eric's　decree。　None　did；　though。
　I　thought　for　a　long　while　upon　Moire；　the　last　woman　I　had　loved。　What　was　she　doing？　Did　she　think　of　me　ever？　Probably　not。　Maybe　she　was　Eric's　mistress　by　now；　or　his　queen。　Did　she　ever　speak　to　him　of　me？　Again；　probably　not。
　And　what　of　my　sisters？　Forget　it。　Bitches　all；　they。
　I　had　been　blinded　once　before；　by　a　cannon　flashback　in　the　eighteenth　century　on　the　Shadow　Earth。　But　it　had　only　lasted　for　around　a　month　and　my　sight　had　returned。　Eric　had　had　a　permanent　thing　in　mind；　however；　when　he　had　given　his　order。　I　still　perspired　and　shuddered；　and　sometimes　woke　up　screaming；　whenever　memory　of　the　white…hot　irons　returned　to　me　…　hung　there　before　my　eyes　…　and　then　the　contact！
　I　moaned　softly　and　continued　to　pace。
　There　was　absolutely　nothing　I　could　do。　That　was　the　most　horrible　part　of　the　whole　thing。　I　was　as　helpless　as　an　embryo。　To　be　born　again　into　sight　and　fury　was　a　thing　for　which　I　would　give　my　soul。　Even　for　an　hour；　with　a　blade　in　my　hand；　to　duel　once　again　with　my　brother。
　I　lay　back　on　my　mat　and　slept。　When　I　awakened；　there　was　food；　and　I　ate　once　again　and　paced。　My　fingernails　and　my　toenails　had　grown　long。　My　beard　was　very　long　and　my　hair　fell　across　my　eyes；　constantly。　I　felt　filthy；　and　I　itched　all　the　time。　I　wondered　whether　I　had　fleas。
　That　a　prince　of　Amber　could　be　brought　to　this　state　drew　a　terrible　emotion　from　the　center　of　my　being；　wherever　that　may　be。　I　had　been　reared　to　think　of　us　as　invincible　entities；　clean　and　cool　and　diamond…hard；　like　our　pictures　on　the　Trumps。　Obviously；　we　were　not。
　At　least；　we　were　enough　like　other　men　to　have　our　resources。
　I　played　mental　games；　I　told　myself　stories；　I　reviewed　pleasant　memories　…　there　were　many　of　these。　I　recalled　the　elements：　wind；　rain；　snow；　the　summer's　warmth；　and　the　spring's　cool　breezes。　I　had　had　a　small　airplane　on　the　Shadow　Earth；　and　when　I　flew　it　I　had　enjoyed　the　sensation。　I　recalled　the　glistening　panoramas　of　color　and　dista