da.solongandthanksforallthefish-第15部分

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imals　on　it　who　shouldn't　even　be　on　a　raft；　and　the　otter　had　such　a　thin　tail　to　pull　it　with　I　thought　it　must　hurt　pulling　it　all　the　time。　Worried　me。　Not　badly；　but　just　vaguely；　all　the　time。
　　…　Then　one　day　…　and　remember　I'd　been　looking　at　this　picture　every　night　for　years　…　I　suddenly　noticed　that　the　raft　had　a　sail。　Never　seen　it　before。　The　otter　was　fine；　he　was　just　swimming　along。
　　She　shrugged。
　　…　Good　story？　…　she　said。
　　…　Ends　weakly；　…　said　Arthur；　…　leaves　the　audience　crying　〃Yes；　but　what　of　it？〃　Fine　up　till　there；　but　needs　a　final　sting　before　the　credits。
　　Fenchurch　laughed　and　hugged　her　legs。
　　…　It　was　just　such　a　sudden　revelation；　years　of　almost　unnoticed　worry　just　dropping　away；　like　taking　off　heavy　weights；　like　black　and　white　being　colour；　like　a　dry　stick　suddenly　being　watered。　The　sudden　shift　of　perspective　that　says　〃Put　away　your　worries；　the　world　is　a　good　and　perfect　place。　It　is　in　fact　very　easy。〃　You　probably　thing　I'm　saying　that　because　I'm　going　to　say　that　I　felt　like　that　this　afternoon　or　something；　don't　you？
　　…　Well；　I。。。　…　said　Arthur；　his　posure　suddenly　shattered。
　　…　Well；　it's　all　right；　…　she　said；　…　I　did。　That's　exactly　what　I　felt。　But　you　see；　I've　felt　that　before；　even　stronger。　Incredibly　strongly。　I'm　afraid　I'm　a　bit　of　a　one；　…　she　said　gazing　off　into　the　distance；　…　for　sudden　startling　revelations。
　　Arthur　was　at　sea；　could　hardly　speak；　and　felt　it　wiser；　therefore；　for　the　moment　not　to　try。
　　…　It　was　very　odd；　…　she　said；　much　as　one　of　the　pursuing　Egyptians　might　have　said　that　the　behaviour　of　the　Red　Sea　when　Moses　waved　his　rod　at　it　was　a　little　on　the　strange　side。
　　…　Very　odd；　…　she　repeated；　…　for　days　before；　the　strangest　feeling　had　been　building　in　me；　as　if　I　was　going　to　give　birth。　No；　it　wasn't　like　that　in　fact；　it　was　more　as　if　I　was　being　connected　into　something；　bit　by　bit。　No；　not　even　that；　it　was　as　if　the　whole　of　the　Earth；　through　me；　was　going　to。。。
　　…　Does　the　number；　…　said　Arthur　gently；　…　forty…two　mean　anything　to　you　at　all？
　　…　What？　No；　what　are　you　talking　about？　…　exclaimed　Fenchurch。
　　…　Just　a　thought；　…　murmured　Arthur。
　　…　Arthur；　I　mean　this；　this　is　very　real　to　me；　this　is　serious。
　　…　I　was　being　perfectly　serious；　…　said　Arthur。　…　It's　just　the　Universe　I'm　never　quite　sure　about。
　　…　What　do　you　mean　by　that？
　　…　Tell　me　the　rest　of　it；　…　he　said。　…　Don't　worry　if　it　sounds　odd。　Believe　me；　you　are　talking　to　someone　who　has　seen　a　lot　of　stuff；　…　he　added；　…　that　is　odd。　And　I　don't　mean　biscuits。
　　She　nodded；　and　seemed　to　believe　him。　Suddenly；　she　gripped　his　arm。
　　…　It　was　so　simple；　…　she　said；　…　so　wonderfully　and　extraordinarily　simple；　when　it　came。
　　…　What　was　it？　…　said　Arthur　quietly。
　　…　Arthur；　you　see；　…　she　said；　…　that's　what　I　no　longer　know。　And　the　loss　is　unbearable。　If　I　try　to　think　back　to　it；　it　all　goes　flickery　and　jumpy；　and　if　I　try　too　hard；　I　get　as　far　as　the　teacup　and　I　just　black　out。
　　…　What？
　　…　Well；　like　your　story；　…　she　said；　…　the　best　bit　happened　in　a　cafe。　I　was　sitting　there；　having　a　cup　of　tea。　This　was　after　days　of　this　build　up；　the　feeling　of　being　connected　up。　I　think　I　was　buzzing　gently。　And　there　was　some　work　going　on　at　a　building　site　opposite　the　cafe；　and　I　was　watching　it　through　the　window；　over　the　rim　of　my　teacup；　which　I　always　find　is　the　nicest　way　of　watching　other　people　working。　And　suddenly；　there　it　was　in　my　mind；　this　message　from　somewhere。　And　it　was　so　simple。　It　made　such　sense　of　everything。　I　just　sat　up　and　thought；　〃Oh！　Oh；　well　that's　all　right　then。〃　I　was　so　startled　I　almost　dropped　my　teacup；　in　fact　I　think　I　did　drop　it。　Yes；　…　she　added　thoughtfully；　…　I'm　sure　I　did。　How　much　sense　am　I　making？
　　…　It　was　fine　up　to　the　bit　about　the　teacup。
　　She　shook　her　head；　and　shook　it　again；　as　if　trying　to　clear　it；　which　is　what　she　was　trying　to　do。
　　…　Well　that's　it；　…　she　said。　…　Fine　up　to　the　bit　about　the　teacup。　That　was　the　point　at　which　it　seemed　to　me　quite　literally　as　if　the　world　exploded。
　　…　What？。。。
　　…　I　know　it　sounds　crazy；　and　everybody　says　it　was　hallucinations；　but　if　that　was　hallucinations　then　I　have　hallucinations　in　big　screen　3D　with　16…track　Dolby　Stereo　and　should　probably　hire　myself　out　to　people　who　are　bored　with　shark　movies。　It　was　as　if　the　ground　was　literally　ripped　from　under　my　feet；　and。。。　and。。。
　　She　patted　the　grass　lightly；　as　if　for　reassurance；　and　then　seemed　to　change　her　mind　about　what　she　was　going　to　say。
　　…　And　I　woke　up　in　hospital。　I　suppose　I've　been　in　and　out　ever　since。　And　that's　why　I　have　an　instinctive　nervousness；　…　she　said；　…　of　sudden　startling　revelations　that's　everything's　going　to　be　all　right。　She　looked　up　at　him。
　　Arthur　had　simply　ceased　to　worry　himself　about　the　strange　anomalies　surrounding　his　return　to　his　home　world；　or　rather　had　consigned　them　to　that　part　of　his　mind　marked　〃Things　to　think　about　…　Urgent。〃
　　…　Here　is　the　world；　…　he　had　told　himself。　…　Here；　for　whatever　reason；　is　the　world；　and　here　it　stays。　With　me　on　it。　…　But　now　it　seemed　to　go　swimmy　around　him；　as　it　had　that　night　in　the　car　when　Fenchurch's　brother　had　told　him　the　silly　stories　about　the　CIA　agent　in　the　reservoir。　The　trees　went　swimmy。　The　lake　went　swimmy；　but　this　was　perfectly　natural　and　nothing　to　be　alarmed　by　because　a　grey　goose　had　just　landed　on　it。　The　geese　were　having　a　great　relaxed　time　and　had　no　major　answers　they　wished　to　know　the　questions　to。
　　…　Anyway；　…　said　Fenchurch；　suddenly　and　brightly　and　with　a　wide…eyed　smile；　…　there　is　something　wrong　with　part　of　me；　and　you've　got　to　find　out　what　it　is。　We'll　go　home。
　　Arthur　shook　his　head。
　　…　What's　the　matter？　…　she　said。
　　Arthur　had　shaken　his　head；　not　to　disagree　with　her　suggestion　which　he　thought　was　a　truly　excellent　one；　one　of　the　world's　great　suggestions；　but　because　he　was　just　for　a　moment　trying　to　free　himself　of　the　recurring　impression　he　had　that　just　when　he　was　least　expecting　it　the　Universe　would　suddenly　leap　out　from　behind　a　door　and　go　boo　at　him。
　　…　I'm　just　trying　to　get　this　entirely　clear　in　my　mind；　…　said　Arthur；　…　you　say　you　felt　as　if　the　Earth　actually。。。　exploded。。。
　　…　Yes。　More　than　felt。
　　…　Which　is　what　everybody　else　says；　…　he　said　hesitantly；　…　is　hallucinations？
　　…　Yes；　but　Arthur　that's　ridiculous。　People　think　that　if　you　just　say　〃hallucinations〃　it　explains　anything　you　want　it　to　explain　and　eventually　whatever　it　is　you　can't　understand　will　just　go　away。　It's　just　a　word；　it　doesn't　explain　anything。　It　doesn't　explain　why　the　dolphins　disappeared。
　　…　No；　…　said　Arthur。　…　No；　…　he　added　thoughtfully。　…　No；　…　he　added　again；　even　more　thoughtfully。　…　What？　…　he　said　at　last。
　　…　Doesn't　explain　the　dolphins　disappearing。
　　…　No；　…　said　Arthur；　…　I　see　that。　Which　dolphins　do　you　mean？
　　…　What　do　you　mean　which　dolphins？　I'm　talking　about　when　all　the　dolphins　disappeared。
　　She　put　her　hand　on　his　knee；　which　made　him　realize　that　the　tingling　going　up　and　down　his　spine　was　not　her　gently　stroking　his　back；　and　must　instead　be　one　of　the　nasty　creepy　feelings　he　so　often　got　when　people　were　trying　to　explain　things　to　him。
　　…　The　dolphins？
　　…　Yes。
　　…　All　the　dolphins；　…　said　Arthur；　…　disappeared？
　　…　Yes。
　　…　The　dolphins？　You're　saying　the　dolphins　all　disappeared？　Is　this；　…　said　Arthur；　trying　to　be　absolutely　clear　on　this　point；　…　what　you're　saying？
　　…　Arthur　where　have　you　been　for　heaven's　sake？　The　dolphins　all　disappeared　on　the　same　day　I。。。　She　stared　him　intently　in　his　startled　eyes。
　　…　What？。。。
　　…　No　dolphins。　All　gone。　Vanished。
　　She　searched　his　face。
　　…　Did　you　really　not　know　that？
　　It　was　clear　from　his　startled　expression　that　he　did　not。
　　…　Where　did　they　go？　…　he　asked。
　　…　No　one　knows。　That's　what　vanished　means。　…　She　paused。　…　Well；　there　is　one　man　who　says　he　knows　about　it；　but　everyone　says　he　lives　in　California；　…　she　said；　…　and　is　mad。　I　was　thinking　of　going　to　see　him　because　it　seems　the　only　lead　I've　got　on　what　happened　to　me。
　　She　shrugged；　and　then　looked　at　him　long　and　quietly。　She　lay　her　hand　on　the　side　of　his　face。
　　…　I　really　would　like　to　know　where　you've　been；　…　she　said。　…　I　think　something　terrible　happened　to　you　then　as　well。　And　that's　why　we　recognized　each　other。
　　She　glanced　around　the　park；　which　was　now　being　gathered　into　the　clutches　of　dusk。
　　…　Well；　…　she　said；　…　now　you've　got　someone　you　can　tell。
　　Arthur　slowly　let　out　a　long　year　of　a　sigh。
　　…　It　is；　…　he　said；　…　a　very　long　story。
　　Fenchurch　leaned　across　him　and　drew　over　her　canvas　bag。
　　…　Is　it　anything　to　do　with　this？　…　she　said。　The　thing　she　took　out　of　her　bag　was　battered　and　travelworn　as　it　had　been　hurled　into　prehistoric　rivers；　baked　under　the　sun　that　shines　so　redly　on　the　deserts　of　Kakrafoon；　half…buried　in　the　marbled　sands　that　fringe　the　heady　vapoured　oceans　of　Santraginus　V；　frozen　on　the　glaciers　of　the　moon　of　Jaglan　Beta；　sat　on；　kicked　around　spaceships；　scuffed　and　generally　abused；　and　since　its　makers　had　thought　that　these　were　exactly　the　sorts　of　things　that　might　happen　to　it；　they　had　thoughtfully　encased　it　in　a　sturdy　plastic　cover　and　written　on　it；　in　large　friendly　letters；　the　words　〃Don't　Panic〃。
　　…　Where　did　you　get　this？　…　said　Arthur；　startled；　taking　it　from　her。
　　…　Ah；　…　she　said；　…　I　thought　it　was　yours。　In　Russell's　car　that　night。　You　dropped　it。　Have　you　been　to　many　of　these　places？
　　Arthur　drew　The　Hitch　Hiker's　Guide　to　the　Galaxy　from　its　cover。　It　was　like　a　small；　thin；　flexible　lap　puter。　He　tapped　some　buttons　till　the　screen　flared　with　text。
　　…　A　few；　…　he　said。
　　…　Can　we　go　to　them？
　　…　What？　No；　…　said　Arthur　abruptly；　then　relented；　but　relented　warily。　…　Do　you　want　to？　…　he　said；　hoping　for　the　answer　no。　It　was　an　act　of　great　generosity　on　his　part　not　to　say；　…　You　don't　want　to；　do　you？　…　which　expects　it。
　　…　Yes；　…　she　said。　…　I　want　to　know　what　the　message　was　that　I　lost；