da.therestaurantattheendoftheuniverse-第2部分

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s　into　the　light；　fun　sections　of　his　mind　and　tried　to　deflect　him　from　what　he　saw　as　being　the　basic　business　of　his　life；　which　was　to　have　a　wonderfully　good　time。
　　At　the　moment　he　was　not　having　a　wonderfully　good　time。　He　had　run　out　of　patience　and　pencils　and　was　feeling　very　hungry。
　　〃Starpox！〃　he　shouted。
　　At　that　same　precise　moment；　Ford　Prefect　was　in　mid　air。　This　was　not　because　of　anything　wrong　with　the　ship's　artificial　gravity　field；　but　because　he　was　leaping　down　the　stair…well　which　led　to　the　ship's　personal　cabins。　It　was　a　very　high　jump　to　do　in　one　bound　and　he　landed　awkwardly；　stumbled；　recovered；　raced　down　the　corridor　sending　a　couple　of　miniature　service　robots　flying；　skidded　round　the　corner；　burst　into　Zaphod's　door　and　explained　what　was　on　his　mind。
　　〃Vogons；〃　he　said。
　　A　short　while　before　this；　Arthur　Dent　had　set　out　from　his　cabin　in　search　of　a　cup　of　tea。　It　was　not　a　quest　he　embarked　upon　with　a　great　deal　of　optimism。；　because　he　knew　that　the　only　source　of　hot　drinks　on　the　entire　ship　was　a　benighted　piece　of　equipment　produced　by　the　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation。　It　was　called　a　Nutri…Matic　Drinks　Synthesizer；　and　he　had　encountered　it　before。
　　It　claimed　to　produce　the　widest　possible　range　of　drinks　personally　matched　to　the　tastes　and　metabolism　of　whoever　cared　to　use　it。　When　put　to　the　test；　however；　it　invariably　produced　a　plastic　cup　filled　with　a　liquid　that　was　almost；　but　not　quite；　entirely　unlike　tea。
　　He　attempted　to　reason　with　the　thing。
　　〃Tea；〃　he　said。
　　〃Share　and　Enjoy；〃　the　machine　replied　and　provided　him　with　yet　another　cup　of　the　sickly　liquid。
　　He　threw　it　away。
　　〃Share　and　enjoy；〃　the　machine　repeated　and　provided　him　with　another　one。
　　〃Share　and　Enjoy〃　is　the　pany　motto　of　the　hugely　successful　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　plaints　division；　which　now　covers　the　major　land　masses　of　three　medium　sized　planets　and　is　the　only　part　of　the　Corporation　to　have　shown　a　consistent　profit　in　recent　years。
　　The　motto　stands　…　or　rather　stood　…　in　three　mile　high　illuminated　letters　near　the　plaints　Department　spaceport　on　Eadrax。　Unfortunately　its　weight　was　such　that　shortly　after　it　was　erected；　the　ground　beneath　the　letters　caved　in　and　they　dropped　for　nearly　half　their　length　through　the　offices　of　many　talented　young　plaints　executives　…　now　deceased。
　　The　protruding　upper　halves　of　the　letters　now　appear；　in　the　local　language；　to　read　〃Go　stick　your　head　in　a　pig〃；　and　are　no　longer　illuminated；　except　at　times　of　special　celebration。
　　Arthur　threw　away　a　sixth　cup　of　the　liquid。
　　〃Listen；　you　machine；〃　he　said；　〃you　claim　you　can　synthesize　any　drink　in　existence；　so　why　do　you　keep　giving　me　the　same　undrinkable　stuff？〃
　　〃Nutrition　and　pleasurable　sense　data；〃　burbled　the　machine。　〃Share　and　Enjoy。〃
　　〃It　tastes　filthy！〃
　　〃If　you　have　enjoyed　the　experience　of　this　drink；〃　continued　the　machine；　〃why　not　share　it　with　your　friends？〃
　　〃Because；〃　said　Arthur　tartly；　〃I　want　to　keep　them。　Will　you　try　to　prehend　what　I'm　telling　you？　That　drink。。。〃
　　〃That　drink；〃　said　the　machine　sweetly；　〃was　individually　tailored　to　meet　your　personal　requirements　for　nutrition　and　pleasure。〃
　　〃Ah；〃　said　Arthur；　〃so　I'm　a　masochist　on　diet　am　I？〃
　　〃Share　and　Enjoy。〃
　　〃Oh　shut　up。〃
　　〃Will　that　be　all？〃
　　Arthur　decided　to　give　up。
　　〃Yes；〃　he　said。
　　Then　he　decided　he'd　be　dammed　if　he'd　give　up。
　　〃No；〃　he　said；　〃look；　it's　very；　very　simple。。。　all　I　want。。。　is　a　cup　of　tea。　You　are　going　to　make　one　for　me。　Keep　quiet　and　listen。〃
　　And　he　sat。　He　told　the　Nutri…Matic　about　India；　he　told　it　about　China；　he　told　it　about　Ceylon。　He　told　it　about　broad　leaves　drying　in　the　sun。　He　told　it　about　silver　teapots。　He　told　it　about　summer　afternoons　on　the　lawn。　He　told　it　about　putting　in　the　milk　before　the　tea　so　it　wouldn't　get　scalded。　He　even　told　it　（briefly）　about　the　history　of　the　East　India　pany。
　　〃So　that's　it；　is　it？〃　said　the　Nutri…Matic　when　he　had　finished。
　　〃Yes；〃　said　Arthur；　〃that　is　what　I　want。〃
　　〃You　want　the　taste　of　dried　leaves　boiled　in　water？〃
　　〃Er；　yes。　With　milk。〃
　　〃Squirted　out　of　a　cow？〃
　　〃Well；　in　a　manner　of　speaking　I　suppose。。。〃
　　〃I'm　going　to　need　some　help　with　this　one；〃　said　the　machine　tersely。　All　the　cheerful　burbling　had　dropped　out　of　its　voice　and　it　now　meant　business。
　　〃Well；　anything　I　can　do；〃　said　Arthur。
　　〃You've　done　quite　enough；〃　the　Nutri…Matic　informed　him。
　　It　summoned　up　the　ship's　puter。
　　〃Hi　there！〃　said　the　ship's　puter。
　　The　Nutri…Matic　explained　about　tea　to　the　ship's　puter。　The　puter　boggled；　linked　logic　circuits　with　the　Nutri…Matic　and　together　they　lapsed　into　a　grim　silence。
　　Arthur　watched　and　waited　for　a　while；　but　nothing　further　happened。
　　He　thumped　it；　but　still　nothing　happened。
　　Eventually　he　gave　up　and　wandered　up　to　the　bridge。
　　In　the　empty　wastes　of　space；　the　Heart　of　Gold　hung　still。　Around　it　blazed　the　billion　pinpricks　of　the　Galaxy。　Towards　it　crept　the　ugly　yellow　lump　of　the　Vogon　ship。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　3
　　
　　〃Does　anyone　have　a　kettle？〃　Arthur　asked　as　he　walked　on　to　the　bridge；　and　instantly　began　to　wonder　why　Trillian　was　yelling　at　the　puter　to　talk　to　her；　Ford　was　thumping　it　and　Zaphod　was　kicking　it；　and　also　why　there　was　a　nasty　yellow　lump　on　the　vision　screen。
　　He　put　down　the　empty　cup　he　was　carrying　and　walked　over　to　them。
　　〃Hello？〃　he　said。
　　At　that　moment　Zaphod　flung　himself　over　to　the　polished　marble　surfaces　that　contained　the　instruments　that　controlled　the　conventional　photon　drive。　They　materialized　beneath　his　hands　and　he　flipped　over　to　manual　control。　He　pushed；　he　pulled；　he　pressed　and　he　swore。　The　photon　drive　gave　a　sickly　judder　and　cut　out　again。
　　〃Something　up？〃　said　Arthur。
　　〃Hey；　didja　hear　that？〃　muttered　Zaphod　as　he　leapt　now　for　the　manual　controls　of　the　Infinite　Improbability　Drive；　〃the　monkey　spoke！〃
　　The　Improbability　Drive　gave　two　small　whines　and　then　also　cut　out。
　　〃Pure　history；　man；〃　said　Zaphod；　kicking　the　Improbability　Drive；　〃a　talking　monkey！〃
　　〃If　you're　upset　about　something。。。〃　said　Arthur。
　　〃Vogons！〃　snapped　Ford；　〃we're　under　attack！〃
　　Arthur　gibbered。
　　〃Well　what　are　you　doing？　Let's　get　out　of　here！〃
　　〃Can't。　puter's　jammed。〃
　　〃Jammed？〃
　　〃It　says　all　its　circuits　are　occupied。　There's　no　power　anywhere　in　the　ship。〃
　　Ford　moved　away　from　the　puter　terminal；　wiped　a　sleeve　across　his　forehead　and　slumped　back　against　the　wall。
　　〃Nothing　we　can　do；〃　he　said。　He　glared　at　nothing　and　bit　his　lip。
　　When　Arthur　had　been　a　boy　at　school；　long　before　the　Earth　had　been　demolished；　he　had　used　to　play　football。　He　had　not　been　at　all　good　at　it；　and　his　particular　specialty　had　been　scoring　own　goals　in　important　matches。　Whenever　this　happened　he　used　to　experience　a　peculiar　tingling　round　the　back　of　his　neck　that　would　slowly　creep　up　across　his　cheeks　and　heat　his　brow。　The　image　of　mud　and　grass　and　lots　of　little　jeering　boys　flinging　it　at　him　suddenly　came　vividly　to　his　mind　at　this　moment。
　　A　peculiar　tingling　sensation　at　the　back　of　his　neck　was　creeping　up　across　his　cheeks　and　heating　his　brow。
　　He　started　to　speak；　and　stopped。
　　He　started　to　speak　again　and　stopped　again。
　　Finally　he　managed　to　speak。
　　〃Er；〃　he　said。　He　cleared　his　throat。
　　〃Tell　me；〃　he　continued；　and　said　it　so　nervously　that　the　others　all　turned　to　stare　at　him。　He　glanced　at　the　approaching　yellow　blob　on　the　vision　screen。
　　〃Tell　me；〃　he　said　again；　〃did　the　puter　say　what　was　occupying　it？　I　just　ask　out　of　interest。。。〃
　　Their　eyes　were　riveted　on　him。
　　〃And；　er。。。　well　that's　it　really；　just　asking。〃
　　Zaphod　put　out　a　hand　and　held　Arthur　by　the　scruff　of　the　neck。
　　〃What　have　you　done　to　it；　Monkeyman？〃　he　breathed。
　　〃Well；〃　said　Arthur；　〃nothing　in　fact。　It's　just　that　I　think　a　short　while　ago　it　was　trying　to　work　out　how　to。。。〃
　　〃Yes？〃
　　〃Make　me　some　tea。〃
　　〃That's　right　guys；〃　the　puter　sang　out　suddenly；　〃just　coping　with　that　problem　right　now；　and　wow；　it's　a　biggy。　Be　with　you　in　a　while。〃　It　lapsed　back　into　a　silence　that　was　only　matched　for　sheer　intensity　by　the　silence　of　the　three　people　staring　at　Arthur　Dent。
　　As　if　to　relieve　the　tension；　the　Vogons　chose　that　moment　to　start　firing。
　　The　ship　shook；　the　ship　thundered。　Outside；　the　inch　thick　force…shield　around　it　blistered；　crackled　and　spat　under　the　barrage　of　a　dozen　30…Megahurt　Definit…Kil　Photrazon　Cannon；　and　looked　as　if　it　wouldn't　be　around　for　long。　Four　minutes　is　how　long　Ford　Prefect　gave　it。　〃Three　minutes　and　fifty　seconds；〃　he　said　a　short　while　later。
　　〃Forty…five　seconds；〃　he　added　at　the　appropriate　time。　He　flicked　idly　at　some　useless　switches；　then　gave　Arthur　an　unfriendly　look。
　　〃Dying　for　a　cup　of　tea；　eh？〃　he　said。　〃Three　minutes　and　forty　seconds。〃
　　〃Will　you　stop　counting！〃　snarled　Zaphod。
　　〃Yes；〃　said　Ford　Prefect；　〃in　three　minutes　and　thirty…five　seconds。〃
　　Aboard　the　Vogon　ship；　Prostetnic　Vogon　Jeltz　was　puzzled。　He　had　expected　a　chase；　he　had　expected　an　exciting　grapple　with　tractor　beams；　he　had　expected　to　have　to　use　the　specially　installed　Sub…Cyclic　Normality　Assert…i…Tron　to　counter　the　Heart　of　Gold's　Infinite　Improbability　Drive；　but　the　Sub…Cyclic　Normality　Assert…i…Tron　lay　idle　as　the　Heart　of　Gold　just　sat　there　and　took　it。
　　A　dozen　30…Megahurt　Definit…Kil　Photrazon　Cannon　continued　to　blaze　away　at　the　Heart　of　Gold；　and　still　it　just　sat　there　and　took　it。
　　He　tested　every　sensor　at　his　disposal　to　see　if　there　was　any　subtle　trickery　afoot；　but　no　subtle　trickery　was　to　be　found。
　　He　didn't　know　about　the　tea　of　course。
　　Nor　did　he　know　exactly　how　the　occupants　of　the　Heart　of　Gold　were　spending　the　last　three　minutes　and　thirty　seconds　of　life　they　had　left　to　spend。
　　Quite　how　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　arrived　at　the　idea　of　holding　a　seance　at　this　point　is　something　he　was　never　quite　clear　on。
　　Obviously　the　subject　of　death　was　in　the　air；　but　more　a