ib.thewaspfactory-第15部分

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lager　and　a　Heavy。
　　
　　'OK。　And　yourself？'　I　said。
　　
　　'Getting　along；　getting　along；　You　still　wanting　bottles？'
　　
　　'No；　thanks。　I've　got　enough　for　my　home…brew　now。'
　　
　　'We'll　still　see　you　in　here；　though；　will　we？'
　　
　　'Oh；　yes；'　I　said。　Duncan　reached　up　to　hand　Jamie　his　pint　and　I　took　mine；　putting　the　money　down　at　the　same　time。
　　
　　'Cheers；　lads；'　Duncan　said　as　we　turned　and　went　back　to　the　pillar。
　　
　　A　few　pints　later；　when　the　Vomits　were　doing　their　first　encore；　Jamie　and　I　were　up　dancing；　jumping　up　and　down；　J　amie　shouting　and　clapping　his　hands　and　dancing　about　on　my　shoulders。　I　don't　mind　dancing　with　girls　when　it's　for　Jamie；　though　one　time　with　one　tall　lassie　he　wanted　us　both　to　go　outside　so　he　could　kiss　her。　The　thought　of　her　tits　pressed　up　against　my　face　nearly　made　me　throw　up；　and　I　had　to　disappoint　him。　Anyway；　most　of　the　punk　girls　don't　smell　of　perfume　and　only　a　few　wear　skirts　and　even　then　they're　usually　leather　ones。　Jamie　and　I　got　pushed　about　a　bit　and　nearly　fell　down　a　couple　of　times；　but　we　survived　through　to　the　end　of　the　night　without　any　scrapes。　Unfortunately；　Jamie　ended　up　talking　to　some　woman；　but　I　was　too　busy　trying　to　breathe　deeply　and　keep　the　far　wall　steady　really　to　care。
　　
　　'Yeah；　I'm　going　to　get　a　bike　soon。　Two…fifty；　of　course；'　Jamie　was　saying。　I　was　half…listening。　He　was　not　going　to　get　a　bike　because　he　wouldn't　be　able　to　reach　the　pedals；　but　I　wouldn't　have　said　anything　even　if　I　could　have；　because　nobody　expects　people　to　tell　the　truth　to　women　and；　besides；　that's　what　friends　are　for；　as　they　say。　The　girl；　when　I　could　see　her　properly；　was　a　rough…looking　twenty；　and　had　as　many　coats　of　paint　over　her　eyes　as　a　Roller　gets　on　its　doors。　She　smoked　a　horrible　French　cigarette。
　　
　　'Ma　mate's　got　a　bike…Sue。　It's　a　Suzuki　185GT　her　brother　used　tae　have；　but　she's　saving　up　fur　a　Gold　Wing。'
　　
　　They　were　putting　the　chairs　up　on　the　tables　and　wiping　up　the　mess　and　the　cracked　glasses　and　limp　crisp…bags；　and　I　still　wasn't　feeling　too　good。　The　girl　sounded　worse　the　more　I　listened　to　her。　Her　accent　sounded　horrible：　west　coast　somewhere；　Glasgow；　I　shouldn't　wonder。
　　
　　'Naw；　I　wouldn't　have　one　of　those。　Too　heavy。　A　five　hundred　would　do　me。　I　really　fancy　a　Moto　Guzzi；　but　I'm　not　sure　about　shaft　drive。。。。；　Christ；　I　was　about　to　do　the　Technicolor　Yawn　all　over　this　girl's　jacket；　through　the　tears　and　rusting　her　zips　and　filling　her　pockets；　and　probably　send　Jamie　flying　across　the　room　into　the　beer…crates　under　the　speaker　stacks　with　the　first　awful　heave；　and　here　were　these　two　trading　absurd　biker　fantasies。
　　
　　'Want　a　fag？'　the　girl　said；　shoving　a　packet　up　past　my　nose　towards　Jamie。　I　was　seeing　trails　and　lights　from　the　blue　packet's　passing　even　after　she　brought　it　back　down。　Jamie　must　have　taken　a　cigarette　even　though　I　knew　he　didn't　smoke；　because　I　saw　the　lighter　go　up；　igniting　in　front　of　my　eyes　in　a　shower　of　sparks　like　a　fireworks　display。　I　could　almost　feel　my　occipital　lobe　fusing。　I　thought　of　making　some　smart　remark　to　Jamie　about　stunting　his　growth；　but　all　lines　to　and　from　my　brain　seemed　to　be　jammed　with　urgent　messages　ing　from　my　guts。　I　could　feel　an　awful　churning　going　on　down　there；　and　I　was　sure　it　would　only　end　one　way；　but　I　couldn't　move。　I　was　stuck　there　like　a　flying　buttress　between　the　floor　and　the　pillar；　and　Jamie　was　still　gibbering　away　to　the　girl　about　the　sound　a　Triumph　makes　and　the　high…speed　runs　she'd　done　up　the　side　of　Loch　Lomond　at　night。
　　
　　'You　on　holiday；　like？'
　　
　　'Aye；　me　an'　ma　mates。　Ah've　got　a　boyfriend　but　he's　oot　on　the　rigs。'
　　
　　'Aw　aye。'
　　
　　I　was　still　breathing　hard；　trying　to　clear　my　head　with　oxygen。　I　didn't　understand　Jamie；　he　was　half　the　size　I　was；　half　the　weight　or　less；　and　no　matter　how　much　we　drank　together　he　never　seemed　to　be　affected。　He　certainly　wasn't　dumping　his　pints　on　the　floor　on　the　sly；　I'd　have　got　wet　if　he　was。　I　realised　that　the　girl　had　finally　noticed　me。　She　poked　my　shoulder　for　what　I　gradually　prehended　wasn't　the　first　time。
　　
　　'Hey；'　she　said。
　　
　　'What？'　I　struggled。
　　
　　'You　all　right？'
　　
　　'Aye；'　I　nodded　slowly；　hoping　to　content　her　with　this；　then　looked　away　and　up　to　one　side　as　though　I　had　just　found　something　very　interesting　and　important　to　look　at　on　the　ceiling。　Jamie　nudged　fie　with　his　feet。　'What？'　I　said　again；　not　trying　to　look　at　him。
　　
　　'You　staying　here　all　night？'
　　
　　'What？'　I　said。　'No。　How；　are　you　ready？　Right。'　I　put　my　hands　behind　me　to　find　the　pillar；　found　it　and　pushed　myself　up；　hoping　my　feet　wouldn't　slip　on　the　beer…wet　floor。
　　
　　'Maybe　you'd　better　let　me　down；　Frank　lad；'　Jamie　said；　nudging　me　hard。　I　looked　sort　of　up　and　to　the　side　again；　as　though　at　him；　then　nodded。　I　let　my　back　slide　down　the　pillar　until　I　was　virtually　squatting　on　the　floor。　The　girl　helped　Jamie　jump　down。　His　red　hair　and　her　blonde　looked　suddenly　garish　from　that　angle　in　the　now　brightly　lit　room。　Duncan　was　ing　closer　with　the　brush　and　a　big　bucket；　emptying　ashtrays　and　mopping　things。　I　struggled　to　get　up；　then　felt　Jamie　and　the　girl　take　me　one　under　each　arm　and　help　me。　I　was　starting　to　get　triple　vision　and　wondering　how　you　did　that　with　only　two　eyes。　I　wasn't　sure　if　they　were　talking　to　me　or　not。
　　
　　I　said；　'Aye；'　just　in　case　they　were；　then　felt　myself　being　led　out　into　the　fresh　air　through　the　fire　exit。　I　needed　to　go　to　the　toilet；　and　with　every　step　I　took　there　seemed　to　be　more　convulsions　from　my　guts。　I　had　this　horrible　vision　of　my　body　being　made　up　almost　pletely　of　two　equal…sized　partments；　one　holding　piss　and　the　other　undigested　beer；　whisky；　crisps；　dry…roasted　peanuts；　spit；　snot；　bile　and　one　or　two　bits　of　fish　and　potatoes。　Some　sick　part　of　my　mind　suddenly　thought　of　fried　eggs　lying　thick　with　grease　on　a　plate；　surrounded　with　bacon；　curled　and　scooped　and　holding　little　pools　of　fat；　the　outsides　of　the　plate　dotted　with　coagulated　lumps　of　grease。　I　fought　down　the　ghastly　urge　ing　up　from　my　stomach。　I　tried　to　think　of　nice　things；　then；　when　I　couldn't　think　of　any；　I　determined　to　concentrate　on　what　was　happening　around　me。　We　were　outside　the　Arms；　walking　along　the　pavement　past　the　Bank；　Jamie　on　one　side　of　me　and　the　girl　on　the　other。　It　was　a　cloudy　night　and　cool；　and　the　streetlights　were　sodium。　We　left　the　smell　of　the　pub　behind；　and　I　tried　to　get　some　of　the　fresh　air　through　my　head。　I　was　aware　I　was　staggering　slightly；　lurching　sporadically　into　Jamie　or　the　girl；　but　there　wasn't　a　great　deal　I　could　do　about　it；　I　felt　rather　like　one　of　those　ancient　dinosaurs　so　huge　that　they　had　a　virtually　separate　brain　to　control　their　back　legs。　I　seemed　to　have　a　separate　brain　for　each　limb；　but　they'd　all　broken　off　diplomatic　relations。　I　swayed　and　stumbled　along　as　best　I　could；　trusting　to　luck　and　the　two　people　with　me。　Frankly；　I　didn't　have　much　faith　in　either；　Jamie　being　too　small　to　stop　me　if　I　really　started　to　topple；　and　the　girl　being　a　girl。　Probably　too　weak；　and；　even　if　she　wasn't；　I　expected　she　would　just　let　me　crack　my　skull　on　the　pavement　because　women　like　to　see　men　helpless。
　　
　　'You　tae　alwiz　like　rat？'　the　girl　said。
　　
　　'Like　what？'　Jamie　said；　without；　I　thought；　the　correct　amount　of　pre…emptive　indignation。
　　
　　'You　up　on　his　showders。'
　　
　　'Oh；　no；　that's　just　so　I　can　see　the　band　better。'
　　
　　'Thank　Christ　fur　'at。　Ah　thought　maybe　ye　went　tae　ra　bog　like　rat。'
　　
　　'Oh；　aye；　we　go　into　a　cubicle　and　Frank　goes　in　the　bowl　while　I　do　it　into　the　cistern。'
　　
　　'Yur　kiddin'！'
　　
　　'Aye；'　Jamie　said　in　a　voice　distorted　by　a　grin。　I　was　walking　along　as　best　I　could；　listening　to　all　this　garbage。　I　was　slightly　annoyed　at　Jamie　saying　anything；　even　jokingly；　about　me　going　to　the　toilet；　he　knows　how　sensitive　I　am　about　it。　Only　once　or　twice　has　he　taunted　me　with　what　sounds　like　the　interesting　sport　of　going　into　the　gents　in　the　Cauldhame　Arms　（or　anywhere　else；　I　suppose）　and　attacking　the　drowned　fag…ends　in　the　urinals　with　a　stream　of　piss。
　　
　　I　admit　I　have　watched　Jamie　doing　this　and　been　quite　impressed。　The　Cauldhame　Arms　has　excellent　facilities　for　the　sport；　having　a　great　long　gutter…like　urinal　extending　right　along　one　wall　and　halfway　down　another；　with　only　one　drainhole。　According　to　Jamie；　the　object　of　the　game　is　to　get　a　soggy　fag…end　from　wherever　it　is　in　the　channel　along　to　and　down　the　coverless　hole；　breaking　it　up　as　much　as　possible　en　route。　You　can　score　points　for　the　number　of　ceramic　divisions　you　can　move　the　butt　over　（with　extra　for　actually　getting　it　down　the　hole　and　extra　for　doing　it　from　the　far　end　of　the　gutter　from　the　hole）；　for　the　amount　of　destruction　caused…apparently　it's　very　hard　to　get　the　little　black　cone　at　the　bummed　end　to　disintegrate…and；　over　the　course　of　the　evening；　the　number　of　fag…ends　so　dispatched。
　　
　　The　game　can　be　played　in　a　more　limited　form　in　the　little　bowl…type　individual　urinals　which　are　more　fashionable　these　days；　but　Jamie　has　never　tried　this　himself；　being　so　short　that　if　he　is　to　use　one　of　those　he　has　to　stand　about　a　metre　back　from　it　and　lob　his　waste　water　in。
　　
　　Anyway；　it　sounds　like　something　to　make　long　pisses　much　more　interesting；　but　it　is　not　for　me；　thanks　to　cruel　fate。
　　
　　'Is　he　yur　bruthur　or　sumhin？'
　　
　　'Naw；　he's　ma　friend。'
　　
　　'Zay　olwiz　get　like　iss？'
　　
　　'Ay；　usually；　on　a　Saturday　night。'
　　
　　This　is　a　monstrous　lie；　of　course。　I　am　rarely　so　drunk　that　I　can't　talk　or　walk　straight。　I'd　have　told　Jamie　as　much；　too；　if　I'd　been　able　to　talk　and　hadn't　been　concentrating　on　putting　one　foot　in　front　of　the　other。　I　wasn't　so　sure　I　was　going　to　throw　up　now；　but　that　same　irresponsible；　destructive　part　of　my　brain…just　a　few　neurons　probably；　but　I　suppose　there　are　a　few　in　every　brain　and　it　only　takes　a　very　small　hooligan　element　to　give　the　rest　a　bad　name…kep