cb.imajica1-第79部分

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　As　these　thoughts　came；　the　shaking　of　her　head　grew　wilder；　the　motion　possessing　her　like　a　fit。　Tears　spat　from　her　eyes。　Her　hands　went　out　for　help　even　as　the　power　to　request　it　went　from　her　throat。　Through　a　blur　of　motion　she　was　just　able　to　see　Dowd　standing　beside　the　table；　his　hand　covering　his　wounded　wrist；　watching　her　impassively。　She　turned　from　him；　terrified　that　she'd　choke　on　her　tongue　or　break　her　head　open　if　she　fell；　and　knowing　he'd　do　nothing　to　help　her。　She　wanted　to　cry　out　for　Oscar；　but　all　that　came　was　a　wretched　gargling　sound。　She　stumbled　forward；　her　head　still　thrashing；　and　as　she　did　so　saw　Oscar　in　the　hallway；　ing　towards　her。　She　pitched　her　arms　in　his　direction　and　felt　his　hands　upon　her；　to　pull　her　up　out　of　her　collapse。　He　failed。
　
　He　was　beside　her　when　she　woke。　She　wasn't　lying　in　the　narrow　bed　she'd　been　consigned　to　for　the　last　few　nights　but　in　the　wide　four…poster　in　Oscar's　room；　the　bed　she'd　e　to　think　of　as　theirs。　It　wasn't；　of　course。　Its　true　owner　was　the　man　whose　image　in　oils　had　e　back　to　her　in　the　throes　of　her　fit：　the　Mad　Lord　Godolphin；　hanging　above　the　pillows　on　which　she　lay　and　sitting　beside　her　in　a　later　variation；　caressing　her　hand　and　telling　her　how　much　he　loved　her。　As　soon　as　she　came　to　consciousness　and　felt　his　touch；　she　withdrew　from　it。
　〃I'm。　。　。　not　a　pet；〃　she　struggled　to　say。　〃You　can't　just　。　。　。　stroke　me　when　。　。　。　it　suits　you。〃
　He　looked　appalled。　〃I　apologize　unconditionally；〃　he　said　in　his　gravest　manner。　〃I　have　no　excuse。　I　let　the　Society's　business　take　precedence　over　understanding　you　and　caring　for　you。　That　was　unforgivable。　Then　Dowd；　of　course；　whispering　in　my　ear。　。　。。　Was　he　very　cruel？〃
　〃You're　the　one　who's　been　cruel。〃
　〃I've　done　nothing　intentionally。　Please　believe　that；　at　least。〃
　〃You've　lied　to　me　over　and　over　again；〃　she　said；　struggling　to　sit　up　in　bed。　〃You　know　things　about　me　that　I　don't。　Why　didn't　you　share　them　with　me？　I'm　not　a　child。〃
　〃You've　just　had　a　fit；〃　Oscar　said。　〃Have　you　ever　had　a　fit　before？〃
　〃No。〃
　〃Some　things　are　better　left　alone；　you　see。〃
　〃Too　late；〃　she　said。　〃I've　had　my　fit；　and　I　survived　it。　I'm　ready　to　hear　the　secret；　whatever　it　is。〃　She　glanced　up　at　Joshua。　〃It's　something　to　do　with　him；　isn't　it？　He's　got　a　hold　on　you。〃
　〃Not　on　me…〃
　〃You　liar！　You　liar！〃　she　said；　throwing　the　sheets　aside　and　getting　onto　her　knees；　so　that　she　was　face　to　face　with　the　deceiver。　〃Why　do　you　tell　me　you　love　me　one　moment　and　lie　to　me　the　next？　Why　don't　you　trust　me？〃
　〃I've　told　you　more　than　I've　ever　told　anybody。　But　then　I　find　you've　plotted　against　the　Society。〃
　〃I've　done　more　than　plot；〃　she　said；　thinking　of　her　journey　into　the　cellars　of　the　tower。
　Once　again；　she　teetered　on　the　edge　of　telling　him　what　she'd　seen；　but　Clara's　advice　was　there　to　keep　her　from　falling。　You　can't　save　Celestine　and　keep　his　affections；　she'd　said；　you're　digging　at　the　foundations　of　his　family　and　his　faith。　It　was　true。　She　understood　that　more　clearly
　
　There　was　a　balmy　rain　falling　as　they　left　London　the　next　day；　but　by　the　time　they'd　reached　the　estate　the　sun　was　breaking　through；　and　the　parkland　gleamed　around　them　as　they　entered。　They　didn't　make　any　detours　to　the　house　but　headed　straight　to　the　copse　that　concealed　the　Retreat。　There　was　a　breeze　in　the　branches；　and　they　flickered　with　light　leaves。　The　smell　of　life　was　everywhere；　stirring　her　blood　for　the　journey　ahead。
　Oscar　had　advised　her　to　dress　with　an　eye　to　practicality　and　warmth。　The　city；　he　said；　was　subject　to　rapid　and　radical　shifts　in　temperature；　depending　on　the　direction　of　the　wind。　If　it　came　off　the　desert；　the　heat　in　the　streets　could　bake　the　flesh　like　unleavened　bread。　And　if　it　swung　and　came　off　the　ocean；　it　brought　marrow…chilling　fogs　and　sudden　frosts。　None　of　this　daunted　her；　of　course。　She　was　ready　for　this　adventure　as　for　no　other　in　her　life。
　〃I　know　I've　gone　on　endlessly　about　how　dangerous　the　city's　bee；〃　Oscar　said　as　they　ducked　beneath　the　low…slung　branches；　〃and　you're　tired　of　hearing　about　it；　but　this　isn't　a　civilized　city；　Judith。　About　the　only　man　I　trust　there　is　Peccable。　If　for　any　reason　we　were　to　be　separated…or　if　anything　were　to　happen　to　me…you　can　rely　upon　him　for　help。〃
　〃I　understand。〃
　Oscar　stopped　to　admire　the　pretty　scene　ahead；　dappled　sunlight　falling　on　the　pale　walls　and　dome　of　the　Retreat。　〃You　know；　I　used　only　to　e　here　at　night；〃　he　said。　〃I　thought　that　was　the　sacred　time；　when　magic　had　the　strongest　hold。　But　it's　not　true。　Midnight　Mass　and　moonlight　is　fine；　but　miracles　are　here　at　noon　as　well；　just　as　strong；　just　as　strange。〃
　He　looked　up　at　the　canopy　of　trees。
　〃Sometimes　you　have　to　go　away　from　the　world　to　see　the　world；〃　he　said。　〃I　went　to　Yzordderrex　a　few　years　back　and　stayed…oh；　I　don't　know；　two　months；　maybe　two　and　a　half；　and　when　I　came　back　to　the　Fifth　I　saw　it　like　a　child。　I　swear；　like　a　child。　This　trip　won't　just　show　you　other　Dominions。　If　we　get　back　safe　and　sound…〃
　〃We　will。〃
　〃Such　faith。　If　we　do；　this　world　will　be　different　too。　Everything　changes　after　this；　because　you'll　be　changed。〃
　〃So　be　it；〃　she　said。
　She　took　hold　of　his　hand；　and　they　started　towards　the　Retreat。　Something　made　her　uneasy；　however。　Not　his　words…his　talk　of　change　had　only　excited　her…but　the　hush　between　them；　perhaps；　which　was　suddenly　deep。
　〃Is　there　something　wrong？〃　he　said；　feeling　her　grip　tighten。
　〃The　silence。　。　。。〃
　〃There's　always　an　odd　atmosphere　here。　I've　felt　it　before。　A　lot　of　fine　souls　died　here；　of　course。〃
　〃At　the　Reconciliation？〃
　〃You　know　about　that；　do　you？〃
　〃From　Clara。　It　was　two　hundred　years　ago　this　midsummer；　she　said。　Perhaps　the　spirits　are　ing　back　to　see　if　someone's　going　to　try　again。〃
　He　stopped；　tugging　on　her　arm。　〃Don't　talk　about　it；　even　in　jest。　Please。　There'll　be　no　Reconciliation；　this　summer　or　any　other。　The　Maestros　are　dead。　The　whole　thing's…1'
　〃All　right；〃　she　said。　〃Calm　down。　I　won't　mention　it　again。〃
　〃After　this　summer　it'll　be　academic　anyway；〃　he　said；　with　a　feigned　lightness；　〃at　least　for　another　couple　of　centuries。　I'll　be　dead　and　buried　long　before　this　hoopla　starts　again。　I've　got　my　plot；　you　know？　I　chose　it　with　Peccable。　It's　on　the　edge　of　the　desert；　with　a　fine　view　of　Yzordderrex。〃
　His　nervous　babble　concealed　the　quiet　until　they　reached　the　door；　then　he　let　it　drop。　She　was　glad　he　was　silent。　The　place　deserved　reverence。　Standing　at　the　step；　it　wasn't　difficult　to　believe　phantoms　gathered　here；　the　dead　of　centuries　past　mingling　with　those　she'd　last　seen　living　on　this　very　spot：　Charlie　for　one；　of　course；　coaxing　her　inside；　telling　her　with　a　smile　that　the　place　was　nothing　special；　just　stone；　and　the　voiders　too；　one　burned；　one　skinned；　both　haunting　the　threshold。
　〃Unless　you　see　any　just　impediment；〃　Oscar　said；　〃I　think　we　should　do　this。〃
　He　led　her　inside；　to　the　middle　of　the　mosaic。　〃When　the　time　es；〃　he　said。　〃We　have　to　hold　on　to　each　other。　Even　if　you　think　there's　nothing　to　hold　on　to；　there　is；　it's　just　changed　for　a　time。　I　don't　want　to　lose　you　between　here　and　there。　The　In　Ovo's　no　place　to　go　wandering。〃
　〃You　won't　lose　me；〃　she　said。
　He　went　down　on　his　haunches　and　dug　into　the　mosaic；　pulling　from　the　pattern　a　dozen　or　so　pieces　of　pyramidal　stone　the　size　of　two　fists；　which　had　been　so　designed　as　to　be　virtually　invisible　when　set　in　their　places。
　〃I　don't　fully　understand　the　mechanisms　that　carry　us　over；〃　he　said　as　he　worked。　〃I'm　not　sure　anybody　does　pletely。　But　according　to　Peccable　there's　a　sort　of　mon　language　into　which　anybody　can　be　translated。　And　all　the　processes　of　magic　involve　this　translation。〃
　He　was　laying　the　stones　around　the　edge　of　the　circle　as　he　spoke；　the　arrangement　seemingly　arbitrary。
　〃Once　matter　and　spirit　are　in　the　same　language；　one　can　influence　the　other　in　any　number　of　ways。　Flesh　and　bone　can　be　transformed；　transcended…〃　〃Or　transported？〃　〃Exactly。〃
　Jude　remembered　how　the　removal　of　a　traveler　from　this　world　into　another　looked　from　the　outside：　the　flesh　folding　upon　itself；　the　body　distorted　out　of　all　recognition。
　〃Does　it　hurt？〃　she　said。　〃At　the　beginning；　but　not　badly。〃　〃When　will　it　begin？〃　she　said。　He　stood　up。　〃It　already　has；〃　he　said。　She　felt　it；　as　he　spoke：　a　pressure　in　her　bowels　and　bladder；　a　tightness　in　her　chest　that　made　her　catch　her　breath。
　〃Breathe　slowly；〃　he　said；　putting　his　palm　against　her　breastbone。　〃Don't　fight　it。　Just　let　it　happen。　There's　no　harm　going　to　e　to　you。〃
　She　looked　down　at　his　hand；　then　beyond　it　to　the　circle　that　enclosed　them；　and　out　through　the　door　of　the　Retreat　to　the　sunlit　grass　that　lay　just　a　few　paces　from　where　she　stood。　Close　as　it　was；　she　couldn't　return　there。　The　train　she'd　boarded　was　gathering　speed　around　her。　It　was　too　late　for　doubts　or　second　thoughts。　She　was　trapped。
　〃It's　all　right；〃　she　heard　Oscar　say；　but　it　didn't　feel　that　way　at　all。
　There　was　a　pain　in　her　belly　so　sharp　it　felt　as　though　she'd　been　poisoned；　and　an　ache　in　her　head；　and　an　itch　too　deep　in　her　skin　to　be　scratched。　She　looked　at　Oscar。　Was　he　enduring　the　same　disforts？　If　so　he　was　bearing　them　with　remarkable　fortitude；　smiling　at　her　like　an　anesthetist。
　〃It'll　be　over　soon；〃　he　was　saying。　〃Just　hold　on　。　。　。　it'll　he　over　soon。〃
　He　drew　her　closer　to　him；　and　as　he　did　so　she　felt　a　tingling　pass　through　her　cells；　as　though　a　rainstorm　was　breaking　inside　her；　sluicing　the　pain　away。
　〃Better？〃　he　said；　the　word　more　shape　than　sound。
　〃Yes；〃　she　told　him　and；　smiling；　put　her　lips　to　his；　closing　her　eyes　with　pleasure　as　their　tongues　touched。
　The　darkness　behind　her　lids　was　suddenly　brightened　by　gleaming　lines；　falling　like　meteors　across　her　mind's　eye。　She　lifted　her　lids　again；　but　the　spectacle　came　out　of　her　skull；　daubing　Oscar's　face　with　streaks　of　brightness。　A　dozen　vivid　hues　picked　out　the　furrows　and　creases　of　his　skin；　another　dozen；　the　geology　of　bone　beneath；　and　another；　the　lineaments　of　nerves　and　ve