lh.narcissusinchains-第11部分

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ysical　closeness　is　a　trap　or　a　lie。
　Richard　sat　up　first；　slowly；　keeping　his　hand　on　my　back。　Then　Jean…Claude　sat　up；　keeping　his　hand　very　still　against　me。　I　felt　them　exchange　glances。　This　was　the　moment　that　I　usually　pulled　away。　We'd　have　some　fantastic　sex；　metaphysical　or　otherwise；　and　that　was　my　cue　to　close　down；　hide。　We　were　in　public；　all　the　more　reason　to　do　it。
　I　didn't　pull　away。　Richard's　arm　slid　cautiously　up　my　back；　over　my　shoulders。　Jean…Claude's　arm　moved　lower　around　my　waist。　They　both　pulled　me　into　the　curve　of　their　bodies　as　if　they　were　some　huge；　warm　vinyl…covered　chair　with　a　pulse。
　Some　say　that　in　that　moment　during　sex　when　you　both　have　an　orgasm　your　auras　drop；　you　blend　your　energies；　yourselves　together。　You　share　so　much　more　than　just　your　body　during　sex；　it's　one　of　the　reasons　you　should　be　careful　who　you　do　it　with。　Just　sitting　there　on　the　floor　with　them　was　like　that。　I　could　feel　their　energies　moving　through　me；　like　a　low…level　current；　a　distant　hum。　In　time　I　was　pretty　sure　it　would　bee　white　noise　　something　you　can　ignore；　like　psychic　shielding　when　you　no　longer　have　to　concentrate　on　it。　But　now　it　was　like　we　would　always　walk；　move；　through　that　dreamy　afterglow　where　you　were　still　connected；　still　not　quite　back　in　your　own　skin。　I　didn't　push　them　away；　because　I　didn't　want　to。　Pushing　them　away　would　have　been　redundant。　We　didn't　need　to　touch　to　breach　the　barriers　anymore。　And　that　should　have　scared　me　more　than　anything　else；　but　it　didn't。
　Narcissus　walked　out　into　the　middle　of　the　floor　and　a　soft　light　fell　upon　him；　growing　ever　so　gradually　brighter。　〃Well；　my　friends；　we　have　had　a　treat　tonight；　have　we　not？〃
　More　applause；　screams；　and　animal　noises　filled　the　dimness。　Narcissus　held　up　his　hands　until　the　crowd　fell　quiet。　〃I　think　we　have　had　our　climax　for　the　night。〃　A　smattering　of　laughter　at　that。　〃We　will　save　our　show　until　tomorrow；　for　to　do　less　would　be　to　dishonor　what　we　have　been　offered　here　tonight。〃
　The　woman；　who　was　still　standing　to　the　back　of　the　dance　floor　in　her　robe；　said；　〃I　can't　pete　with　that。〃
　Narcissus　blew　her　a　kiss。　〃It　is　not　a　petition；　sweet　Miranda；　it　is　that　we　all　have　our　gifts。　Some　are　merely　more　rare　than　others。〃　He　turned　and　stared　at　us　as　he　said　the　last。　His　eyes　were　pale　and　oddly　colored；　and　it　took　me　a　second　or　two　to　realize　that　Narcissus's　eyes　had　bled　to　his　beast。　Hyena　eyes；　I　guess；　though　truthfully；　I　didn't　know　what　hyena　eyes　looked　like。　I　just　knew　they　weren't　human　eyes。
　He　knelt　beside　us；　smoothing　his　dress　down　in　an　automatic　and　strangely　odd　gesture　that　I'd　never　seen　a　man　make　before。　Of　course；　he　was　also　the　first　man　I'd　ever　seen　in　a　dress。　There　was　probably　a　cause　and　effect。
　Narcissus　lowered　his　voice。　〃I　would　love　to　speak　with　you　in　private　about　this。〃
　〃Of　course；〃　Jean…Claude　said；　〃but　first　we　have　other　business。〃
　Narcissus　leaned　in　close；　lowering　his　voice　until　it　was　necessary　to　lean　forward　to　hear　him。　〃As　I　have　two　of　my　guards　waiting　with　her　leopards　so　no　harm　will　e；　there　is　time　to　talk。　Or　should　I　say；　your　leopards；　for　surely　now；　what　belongs　to　one；　belongs　to　all。〃　He　had　leaned　so　far　over　that　his　cheek　nearly　touched　Jean…Claude　on　one　side　and　my　face　on　the　other。
　〃No；〃　I　said；　〃the　leopards　are　mine。〃
　〃Really；〃　Narcissus　said。　He　turned　his　face　that　fraction　of　an　inch　and　brushed　his　lips　against　mine。　It　might　have　been　an　accident；　but　I　doubted　it。　〃You　don't　share　everything；　then？〃
　I　moved　my　face　just　far　enough　away　so　we　weren't　touching。　〃No。〃
　〃So　good　to　know；〃　he　whispered。　He　leaned　forward　and　pressed　his　mouth　to　Jean…Claude's　lips。　I　was　startled；　frozen　for　a　second　wondering　exactly　what　to　do。
　Jean…Claude　knew　exactly　what　to　do。　He　put　one　finger　in　the　man's　chest　and　pushed；　not　with　muscle；　but　with　power。　The　power　of　the　marks；　the　power　that　we　had　all　just　moments　before　solidified。　Jean…Claude　drew　on　it　as　if　he'd　done　it　a　thousand　times　before；　effortlessly；　gracefully；　mandingly。
　Narcissus　was　pushed　back　from　him　by　a　rush　of　invisible　power　that　I　could　feel　tugging　on　my　body。　And　I　knew　that　most　of　the　people　in　the　room　could　feel　it；　as　well。　Narcissus　stayed　crouched　on　the　floor；　staring　at　Jean…Claude；　staring　at　all　of　us。　The　look　on　his　face　was　angry；　but　there　was　more　hunger　in　it　than　rage；　a　hunger　denied。
　〃We　need　to　talk　in　private；〃　Narcissus　insisted。
　Jean…Claude　nodded。　〃That　would　be　best；　I　think。〃
　There　was　a　weight　of　things　left　unsaid　in　that　short　exchange。　I　felt　Richard's　puzzlement　mirror　my　own；　before　I　turned　my　head　to　glance　back　at　him。　The　movement　put　our　faces　close　enough　so　that　we　could　almost　have　kissed。　I　could　tell　just　by　the　expression　in　his　eyes　that　he　didn't　know　what　was　going　on。　And　he　seemed　to　know　that　I　could　tell；　because　he　didn't　bother　to　shrug　or　make　any　outward　acknowledgment。　It　wasn't　telepathy；　though　to　an　outsider　it　might　look　that　way。　It　was　more　extreme　empathy；　as　if　I　could　read　every　nuance　on　his　face；　the　smallest　change；　and　know　what　it　meant。
　I　was　still　pressed　in　the　circle　of　Richard's　and　Jean…Claude's　arms；　a　strange　amount　of　bare　skin　touching　all　of　us　　my　back；　Richard's　chest　and　stomach；　Jean…Claude's　arm。　There　was　something　incredibly　right　about　the　touching；　the　closeness。　I　felt　Jean…Claude's　attention　turn；　before　I　moved　my　head　to　meet　his　eyes。
　The　look　in　those　drowning　eyes　held　worlds　of　things　unsaid；　unasked；　all　so　tremblingly　close。　Because　for　once　he　didn't　see　in　my　eyes　the　barriers　that　kept　all　those　words　trapped。　It　had　to　be　the　marriage　of　the　marks　affecting　me；　but　that　night　I　think　he　could　have　asked　me　anything；　anything；　and　I　wasn't　sure　I'd　say　no。
　What　he　finally　said　was；　〃Shall　we　retire　to　privacy　to　discuss　business　with　Narcissus？〃　His　voice　had　its　usual　smoothness。　Only　his　eyes　held　uncertainty　and　a　need　so　large　he　almost　had　no　words　for　it。　We'd　all　waited　so　long　for　my　surrender。　I　knew　that　the　phrasing　wasn't　mine。　It　sounded　more　like　something　Jean…Claude　would　think；　but　with　Richard　also　pressed　against　my　body　I　wasn't　really　sure　who　was　thinking　it。　I　only　knew　it　hadn't　been　me。
　Even　before　the　marks　had　merged　I'd　had　moments　like　this。　Moments　when　their　thoughts　invaded　mine；　overrode　mine。　The　images　had　been　the　worst　　nightmare　flashes　of　feeding　on　the　warm　bodies　of　animals；　of　drinking　blood　from　people　I　didn't　know。　It　had　been　this　mingling；　this　loss　of　self；　that　had　terrified　me；　sent　me　running　for　anything　that　would　keep　me　whole　　keep　me　myself。　Tonight；　that　just　didn't　seem　important。　Definitely　an　aftereffect　of　the　metaphysical　union　of　marks。　But　knowing　what　it　was　didn't　make　it　go　away。　It　was　a　dangerous　night。
　Jean…Claude　said；　〃Ma　petite；　are　you　well？　I　am　feeling　much　better；　energized　in　fact。　Are　you　still　ill？〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃No；　I　feel　fine。〃　Fine　didn't　really　cover　it。　Energized　was　a　good　word　for　it；　but　there　were　others。　How　long　could　it　take　to　rescue　the　wereleopards　from　yet　another　disaster？　The　night　wasn't　young；　dawn　would　e；　and　I　wanted　to　be　alone　with　them　before　that。　I　realized　with　a　jolt　that　ran　all　the　way　down　my　body；　that　tonight　was　it。　If　we　could　get　some　privacy　and　not　be　interrupted；　all　things　would　suddenly　be　possible。
　Richard　and　Jean…Claude　both　stood　up；　in　a　boneless　movement　of　grace　for　the　vampire　and　pure　energy　for　the　werewolf。　I　gazed　at　them　as　they　stood　above　me；　and　I　was　suddenly　eager　to　have　the　other　business　done　with。　I　wasn't　as　worried　about　the　leopards　as　I　should　have　been；　and　that　did　bother　me。　Whatever　this　effect　was；　it　was　distracting　me　from　more　important　things。　Saving　the　leopards　was　why　I'd　e。　It　was　the　first　time　I'd　really　thought　of　them　in　a　while。
　I　shook　my　head　trying　to　clear　it　of　sex　and　magic　and　the　weight　of　possibilities　in　Richard's　eyes。　Jean…Claude's　eyes　were　more　cautious；　but　I'd　taught　him　caution　where　I　was　concerned。
　I　held　my　hands　up　to　both　of　them。　I　never　asked　for　help　to　stand　unless　I　was　bleeding　or　something　was　broken。　The　two　of　them　exchanged　glances；　then　they　held　their　hands　out　to　me；　again　in　perfect　unison；　like　choreographed　dancers　who　knew　what　the　other　would　do。
　They　could　feel　my　desire；　but　that　had　always　been　there；　it　told　them　nothing。　I　took　their　hands　and　let　them　lift　me　up。　They　were　both　still　looking　unsure；　almost　suspicious；　as　if　they　were　waiting　for　me　to　recoil　from　them　and　run　screaming　from　the　intimacy　of　it　all。　I　had　to　smile。　〃If　we　can　get　everyone　all　tucked　in　safe　and　sound　before　dawn；　all　things　will　be　possible。〃
　They　exchanged　another　look　between　them。　Jean…Claude　made　a　small　movement；　as　if　encouraging　Richard。　It　was　a　tiny；　almost…push　with　his　head；　as　if　to　say；　Go　ahead；　ask。　Normally；　seeing　them　plot　behind　my　back　pissed　me　off；　but　not　that　night。
　〃Do　you　mean　。。。　〃　Richard　let　the　thought　trail　off。
　I　nodded；　and　Richard's　hand　tightened　on　mine。　Jean…Claude's　hand　was　strangely　quiet　in　mine。　〃You　do　realize；　ma　petite；　that　this　new　。。。　〃　he　hesitated；　〃willingness；　may　be　a　by…product　of　joining　the　marks　tonight。　I　don't　wish　you　to　accuse　us　later　of　trickery。〃
　〃I　know　what　it　is；　and　I　don't　care。〃　I　should　have；　but　I　didn't。　It　was　like　being　drunk；　or　drugged；　and　even　thinking　that　made　no　difference。
　I　was　looking　at　Jean…Claude；　and　I　saw　him　let　out　the　breath　he'd　been　holding。　I　felt　Richard　do　the　same。　It　was　as　if　a　great　weight　had　been　taken　from　both　of　them。　And　I　knew　that　I　was　that　burden。　I'd　try　not　to　be　a　burden　from　now　on。　〃Let's　get　this　over　with　and　go　get　the　leopards；〃　I　said。
　Jean…Claude　raised　my　hand　to　his　mouth；　brushing　the　knuckles　across　his　lips。　〃And　be　gone　from　this　place。〃
　I　nodded。　〃And　be　gone　from　this　place；〃　I　said。
　
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　I'D　BEEN　PLAINING　to　Jean…Claude　for　years　that　his　decorating　scheme　was　too　monochromatic；　but　one　look　at　Narcissus's　bedroom　and　I　knew　I　owed　Jean…Claude　an　apology。　The　room　was　done　in　black；　and　I　mean　black。　The　walls；　the　h