lh.narcissusinchains-第19部分

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illing　from　my　fingers。　The　thing　that　I　hadn't　expected　when　I　saw　the　damage　was　his　eyes。　Those　lilac　eyes　of　his　were　open；　staring　at　me；　full　of　things　that　I　didn't　want　to　understand。　A　gag　filled　his　mouth；　cut　across　that　long　auburn　hair。　He　watched　me　with　wide　eyes　as　I　walked　to　him。
　I　stood　in　front　of　Nathaniel　and　tried　to　get　the　gag　out　of　his　mouth；　but　I　couldn't　do　it　one…handed。　Faust　was　there；　breaking　the　thong；　helping　me　take　it　out　gently。　I　touched　Nathaniel's　mouth；　trying　to　stop　him　from　making　any　noise。　I　looked　down　the　length　of　his　body。　All　the　blood！　All　the　blood　drying；　stiff　and　tacky　against　his　skin。　I　couldn't　not　look　at　the　blades；　and　from　inches　away　I　saw　something　that　couldn't　be　true。　I　lowered　my　hand　from　his　mouth　towards　the　sword　blade　that　protruded　from　his　upper　chest。　I　touched　the　dried　blood；　rubbed　at　it　with　my　fingertips。　Nathaniel　made　a　small　moan。　I　didn't　stop；　I　had　to　be　sure。　I　cleared　the　blood　enough　to　see；　enough　to　feel　that　his　skin　had　closed　around　the　blades。　In　the　two　hours　it　had　taken　me　to　get　to　this　room；　his　body　had　reknit　itself　with　the　blades　inside　of　him。
　I　dropped　to　my　knees　as　if　I'd　been　hit　between　the　eyes。　I　tried　to　say　something；　but　no　sound　came　out。　Jamil　was　there；　kneeling　beside　me。　I　grabbed　a　handful　of　the　leather　straps　across　his　chest。　There　was　fresh　blood　on　him；　wounds　in　his　arms　and　chest。
　I　finally　managed　to　say；　〃How；　how　do　we　。。。　fix　this？〃
　He　looked　up　at　Nathaniel。　〃We　pull　the　blades　out。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃Help　me　up。〃　The　blood　loss　and　the　sheer　horror　were　catching　up　with　me。　I　felt　sick；　dizzy。　Jamil　helped　me　stand　in　front　of　Nathaniel。　〃Do　you　understand　what　we're　going　to　have　to　do？〃
　Nathaniel　looked　at　me　with　those　purple　eyes　of　his。　〃Yes；〃　he　said；　softly；　almost　no　sound　at　all。
　I　gripped　the　knife　that　was　in　his　quadricep；　hand　wrapping　around　the　hilt。　My　lower　lip　was　trembling；　and　my　eyes　felt　hot。　I　stared　into　his　eyes；　no　flinching；　no　looking　away。　I　took　a　deep　breath；　and　I　pulled　it　out。　His　eyes　closed；　his　head　thrust　backwards；　breath　ing　out　in　a　hissing　rush。　The　flesh　clung　to　the　blade。　It　wasn't　like　taking　a　knife　out　of　a　roast。　The　flesh　hugged　the　blade　as　if　it　had　grown　around　it。
　The　bloody　knife　fell　from　my　hand；　making　a　sharp　sound　on　the　cement　floor。　Nathaniel　screamed。　Jamil　was　behind　him；　and　one　of　the　swords　was　missing　from　Nathaniel's　upper　chest。　The　other　sword　sucked　back　through　his　body　as　I　watched。　Nathaniel　screamed　again。　Blood　welled　from　the　wound　and　I　turned　away。　I　looked　back　at　Coronus　still　crouched　on　the　floor；　two　of　his　people　crowded　around　him。　Something　in　the　look　on　my　face　must　have　frightened　him；　because　his　eyes　widened；　and　I　saw　something　like　human　fear　cross　his　reptilian　face。
　〃We　would　have　taken　the　blades　out；　but　the　hyenas　ordered　us　not　to　touch　either　of　them　again　until　you　arrived。〃
　I　looked　across　the　room　at　the　guard　that　was　closest　to　Nathaniel。　The　one　that　had　looked　unhappy　to　be　there。　He　flinched　under　my　gaze。　〃I　was　following　orders。〃
　〃Is　that　an　excuse　or　a　defense？〃
　〃We　don't　owe　you　an　excuse；〃　the　other　guard　said；　the　tall　brown…haired　one　that　had　let　us　into　the　room。　He　was　standing　by　the　closed　door。　He　was　arrogant；　defiant；　and　I　could　taste　his　fear　like　candy　on　my　tongue。　He　was　afraid　of　what　I'd　do。
　Gregory　came　to　stand　near　me　in　half…leopard；　half…man　form。　I'd　never　seen　him　like　this；　all　spotted　fur；　taller　than　his　human　form；　more　muscled。　His　genitalia　hung　large　and　healed　between　his　legs。
　One　of　the　snake　men　was　on　the　floor；　dragging　its　legs　behind　it。　Its　spine　was　broken；　but　it　would　heal。　Another　scream　tore　from　behind　me；　from　Nathaniel's　throat。　Another　snake　man　was　huddled　against　the　far　wall　beside　the　chained　brunette。　Its　arm　was　almost　torn　from　its　socket。　Sylvie's　dress　was　in　shreds；　baring　her　breasts　to　the　world。　She　didn't　seem　to　care；　her　hands　still　curled　into　claws；　pale　wolf　eyes　staring　back　at　me。
　〃Take　your　leopards；〃　Coronus　said；　〃and　go　in　peace。〃
　Another　scream　came　on　the　end　of　his　words。　〃Peace；〃　I　said。　I　felt　strangely　numb；　like　part　of　me　was　folding　away。　I　couldn't　stand　in　this　room　and　listen　to　Nathaniel's　screams；　and　feel。　Not　and　stay　sane。　A　quietness　that　I　sunk　into　when　I　killed　spilled　over　me；　and　it　felt　so　much　better。　There　are　worse　things　than　emptiness。
　〃Who　are　the　women？〃
　〃Swanmanes；〃　he　said。　〃No　concern　of　yours；　Nimir…Ra。〃
　I　looked　at　him　and　felt　a　smile　curl　my　lips。　I　knew　it　was　an　unpleasant　smile。　〃What　happens　to　them　when　we　leave？〃
　〃They'll　heal；〃　he　said。　〃We　don't　want　them　dead。〃
　My　smile　widened；　I　couldn't　help　it。　I　laughed；　but　it　was　a　bad　sound；　even　to　me。　〃You　expect　me　to　leave　them　to　your　mercy？〃
　〃They　are　swans　not　leopards。　Why　should　you　care？〃
　Nathaniel's　voice　came　thick；　and　when　I　turned　I　saw　tears　sliding　down　his　face。　〃Don't　leave　them。　Please；　don't　leave　them　here。〃
　Jamil　pulled　another　blade　out。　Only　three　to　go。　Nathaniel　didn't　scream　this　time；　just　closed　his　eyes　and　shivered。　〃Please；　Anita；　they　would　never　have　e　here　if　I　hadn't　asked　them。〃
　I　looked　at　the　three　women；　chained　naked　to　the　walls；　gagged；　surrounded　by　dozens　of　clean；　unused　blades。　They　watched　me　with　wide　eyes；　their　breath　ing　in　quick　shallow　pants。　Their　fear　slid　down　my　throat　as　if　it　were　wine　and　I　could　drink　it　down；　deep　and　cool。　Fear；　like　wine；　goes　good　with　food。　And　I　knew　just　by　looking　that　they　were　food。　They　were　swans；　not　predators。　They　were　not　us。　I　was　channeling　Richard　now。　I　was　being　a　smorgasbord　of　the　boys　tonight；　of　their　thoughts　and　feelings。　But　there　was　one　thing　that　was　my　own。　Rage。　Not　the　hot　rage　that　the　wolves　used　when　they　killed。　This　was　something　colder　and　more　sure　of　itself。　It　was　a　rage　that　had　nothing　to　do　with　blood　and　everything　to　do　with　。。。　death。　I　wanted　them　all　dead　for　what　they'd　done　to　Nathaniel　and　Gregory。　I　wanted　them　dead。　By　the　rules；　I　couldn't　have　them　dead；　but　I'd　do　what　I　could。　I'd　cheat　them　of　their　other　victims。　I　would　not；　could　not；　leave　the　three　women　here　like　this。　I　could　not　do　it。　Simple　as　that。
　〃Don't　worry；　Nathaniel；　we　won't　leave　them　behind。〃
　〃You　have　no　right　to　them；〃　Coronus　said。
　Gregory　growled　at　him。　I　touched　Gregory's　furred　arm。　〃It's　alright。〃　I　looked　at　Coronus　surrounded　by　his　snakes。　〃If　I　were　you　I　wouldn't　tell　me　what　I　have　a　right　to。　If　I　were　you；　I'd　shut　the　fuck　up　and　let　us　walk　out　of　here　with　everyone　we　came　for。〃
　〃No；　they　are　ours　until　their　swan　king　rescues　them。〃
　〃Hey；　he's　not　here；　but　I　am；　and　I　say　to　you；　Coronus　of　the　Black　Water　Clan；　that　I　will　take　the　swanmanes　with　me。　I　will　not　leave　them　behind。〃
　〃Why？　Why　do　you　care？〃
　〃Why？　Partly　because　I　just　don't　like　you。　Partly　because　I　want　you　dead　and　I　can't　do　that　tonight　according　to　lycanthrope　law。　So　I'll　cheat　you　of　your　prize。　That　will　have　to　suffice。　But　don't　ever；　ever　get　in　my　way　again；　because　I　will　kill　you；　Coronus。　I　will　kill　you。　In　fact；　I'd　enjoy　killing　you。〃　I　realized　that　was　true。　I　often　killed　cold；　but　there　was　something　in　me　tonight　that　wanted　him　dead。　Revenge　maybe。　I　didn't　question　it；　I　just　let　it　show　in　my　eyes。　I　let　the　shapeshifter　see　it；　because　I　knew　he'd　understand　it。　He　wasn't　human；　he　knew　death　when　it　looked　at　him。
　He　did　know。　I　saw　the　knowledge　in　his　eyes；　tasted　that　fresh　spurt　of　fear　like　a　chemical　rush。　He　looked　suddenly　tired。　〃I　would　give　them　up　if　I　could；　but　I　cannot。　I　must　have　something　to　show　for　this　night's　activities。　I　was　hoping　it　would　be　the　swans　and　the　leopards；　but　if　I　cannot　have　one；　I　must　have　the　other。〃
　〃Why　do　you　care　about　either　the　swans　or　the　leopards？〃　I　asked。　〃They　are　nothing　to　you；　you　cannot　make　them　part　of　your　tribe。〃
　His　eyes　shut　down；　unreadable。　But　that　flash　of　fear　grew；　swelling　in　a　rich　odor　of　sweat　and　bitterness。　He　was　very　afraid。　And　it　wasn't　of　me；　not　exactly；　but　of　something　that　would　happen　if　he　didn't　keep　the　swans。　But　what？
　〃I　must　keep　them；　Anita　Blake。〃
　〃Tell　me　why？〃
　〃I　cannot。〃　The　fear　was　leaving　him。　Until　that　moment　I　never　knew　that　resignation　had　a　scent；　but　I　could　smell　the　quiet　bitterness　of　defeat　on　him。　It　flared　through　me　in　a　fierce　wave；　and　I　knew　we'd　won。
　He　shook　his　head。　〃I　cannot　give　the　swans　up。〃
　〃You've　already　lost　them。　I　can　smell　the　defeat　on　you。〃
　He　bowed　his　head。　〃I　would　give　them　up　if　I　could；　but　please；　believe　me；　I　cannot　give　them　to　you。　I　cannot。〃
　〃Cannot；　or　will　not？〃　I　asked。
　He　smiled；　and　it　was　bitter　like　the　odor　from　his　skin。　〃Cannot。〃　Even　his　voice　held　reluctance；　as　if　he　wanted　to　just　say　yes；　but　couldn't。
　〃Do　what's　best　for　your　people；　Coronus；　walk　away　from　this。〃　I　knew　in　some　indefinable　way　that　we　would　win。　My　will　to　win　was　greater　than　his。　We　would　carry　this　night　in　victory。　Some　of　the　snakes　would　die；　because　their　leader　had　lost　his　nerve。　Without　his　strength　of　will　to　buoy　them；　they　could　not　win。　They　didn't　want　to　be　here。　I　looked　at　each　of　them；　and　in　turn；　they　scented　the　air　as　I　stared　at　them。　Defeat　hung　over　them　like　smoke；　they　had　no　will　to　win。　They　didn't　want　to　be　here。　So　why　were　they　here？　Their　alpha；　their　leader；　was　here；　and　his　will　was　theirs。　So　why　were　they　all　weak；　as　if　something　was　missing　inside　their　group；　something　that　made　them　weak？
　I　realized　with　a　start　that　this　was　what　everyone　had　sensed　from　the　leopards　before　I　came　to　them　。。。　this　smell　of　weakness　and　defeat。　Nathaniel　was　weak。　But　now　my　will　was　his；　and　I　was　not　weak。　I　turned　to　stare　into　his　face；　his　eyes；　and　I　saw　through　all　the　pain；　the　torture；　that　he　was　not　hopeless。　When　I　first　met　him；　Nathaniel　had　had　the　most　hopeless　eyes　I'd　ever　seen。　But　he　knew　I'd　e。　He'd　known　with　an　absolute　certainty　that　I　would　not　leave　him　here　like　this。　Gregory　could　doubt；　because　he　thought　with　that　part　of　him　that　was　human。　But　Nathaniel　trusted　me　with　something　that　had　nothi