lh.narcissusinchains-第35部分

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　〃Go；　it's　almost　dawn；〃　I　said。
　He　blew　me　a　kiss　then　was　gone；　leaving　the　door　slightly　ajar。　Nathaniel　was　sitting　on　the　corner　of　the　bed；　neutral　in　face；　eyes；　even　body　language。　He　was　very　good　at　seeming　nonthreatening；　soothing　almost。
　I'd　been　sleeping　off　and　on　for　almost　four　days；　yet　I　was　tired；　unbelievably　tired。　I　wasn't　sure　it　was　physical；　more　like　I'd　overused　my　mind；　my　emotions。　I　was　wrung　out。　〃Let's　get　some　sleep。〃
　He　pulled　off　his　tank　top　without　another　word；　kicked　off　his　shoes；　pulled　off　his　socks；　and　began　to　unbraid　his　hair。　I　knew　that　would　take　a　while；　so　I　went　into　the　bathroom　while　he　finished。　It　had　been　a　long　time　since　I'd　seen　Jean…Claude's　bathroom；　with　its　fancy　black　tub　that　was　big　enough　for　a　small　orgy。　The　silver　swan　that　the　water　came　out　of　always　reminded　me　of　a　fountain。　But　no　bath　tonight。　I　just　wanted　to　sleep　and　to　forget。　Forget　everything。
　Of　course；　I　hadn't　e　away　with　jammies；　and　the　shirt　that　Nathaniel　had　picked　for　me；　though　attractive　and　fortable；　was　not　long　enough　to　be　a　sleep　shirt。　I　could　not　sleep　in　jeans；　it　just　wasn't　fortable。　Damn；　why　should　the　small　things　be　so　important　on　a　night　when　all　the　big　things　had　gone　to　hell？
　There　was　a　knock　on　the　bathroom　door。　〃I'll　be　out　in　a　minute；　Nathaniel。〃
　〃It's　Jason。〃
　〃What　do　you　want？〃
　〃Didn't　Jean…Claude　tell　you　that　I　was　bunking　with　you　tonight？〃
　〃He　mentioned　it。〃
　〃He　also　sent　me　with　pajamas　for　you。　He　figured　you　didn't　pack　an　overnight　case。〃
　That　got　me　to　the　door；　and　opening　it。　Jason　stood　there　in　a　pair　of　blue　silk　boxers；　baggy　enough　to　be　acceptable　as　sleepwear。　Acceptable　for　him　to　wear　while　sharing　a　bed　with　me；　I　might　add。　Jason；　left　to　his　own　devices；　wore　men's　bikini　underwear　　or　less　　to　bed。
　He　held　out　a　folded　piece　of　red　satin。　I　took　it　and　let　it　spill　through　my　hands。　It　was　actually　two　pieces；　a　loose　top　with　spaghetti　straps　and　a　pair　of　shorts。　It　was　obviously　meant　to　be　lingerie。
　〃He　said　to　tell　you　that；　of　anything　he　had　that　would　fit　you；　it　covered　the　most；　end　quote；〃　Jason　said。
　I　sighed。　〃Thanks；　Jason；　I'll　be　right　out。〃　I　closed　the　door　without　waiting　for　a　reply。　The　top　that　had　looked　loose　actually　clung　pretty　tightly　across　my　breasts。　You'd　certainly　know　whether　I　was　cold　or　not。　The　shorts　were　cut　so　high　on　the　sides　that　the　legs　almost　met　the　waistband。　It　managed　to　cover　everything　and　still　not　leave　much　to　the　imagination。　Lingerie　design　at　its　best；　I　suppose。
　I　opened　the　door　and　turned　off　the　bathroom　light　as　I　came　out。　Jason　was　already　tucked　into　the　covers　on　the　right　side　of　the　bed。　Nathaniel　was　still　sitting　on　the　other　side。　He　got　up　as　I　came　out；　his　unbound　hair　floating　around　him　like　a　living　curtain。　〃My　turn；〃　he　said　softly；　turning　on　the　bathroom　light　and　closing　the　door。
　〃You　look　wonderful；〃　Jason　said。
　〃No　pliments；　Jason。　I'm　unfortable　enough　in　the　lingerie。〃
　〃Then　by　all　means　take　it　off。〃
　I　frowned　at　him。
　He　patted　the　bed　beside　him；　grinning　at　me。　〃e　to　bed。〃
　〃Piss　me　off　enough　and　I'll　send　you　back　to　your　room。〃
　〃Jean…Claude　told　me　to　stay　here　today。〃
　〃I　could　insist。〃　I　had　my　gun　on　top　of　my　folded　clothes；　tucked　under　one　arm。
　〃If　you'd　shoot　me　just　for　teasing　you；　I'd　have　been　dead　a　long　time　ago。〃
　〃Please；　Jason；　I　have　had　a　very　hard　night。　Please；　just　behave　yourself；　just　this　once。〃
　He　raised　his　hand　in　the　Boy　Scout　salute。　〃I　won't　bite；　promise。〃
　That　made　me　think　of　Micah　and　caused　me　to　blush；　which　was　embarrassing　under　the　circumstances。
　Jason's　eyes　widened。　〃That's　a　better　reaction　than　I've　ever　gotten　from　you。　I'll　have　to　remember　the　line。〃
　〃You　reminded　me　of　something　embarrassing；　that's　all。〃
　The　grin　faded　to　a　smile。　〃I　knew　it　wasn't　because　of　me。〃
　〃I　am　not　going　to　baby…sit　your　ego；　too；　Jason。　You'll　have　to　take　care　of　it　yourself。〃
　〃Always　do。〃　The　smile　had　faded；　leaving　him　serious。　With　his　yellow　hair　and　blue　eyes；　he　looked　somehow　out　of　place　against　all　the　black　silk；　as　if　he　needed　a　different　color　to　frame　him　to　best　advantage。　Of　course；　the　bed　wasn't　meant　to　frame　him　to　best　advantage；　it　was　meant　to　frame　Jean…Claude。
　The　thought　was　enough。　I　felt　him　in　his　coffin；　felt　him　dead　to　the　world；　gone　away　wherever　vampires　go　when　the　sun　rises。　The　feel　of　him　so　distant；　unable　to　hold　me；　or　help　me；　made　me　feel　cold；　and　even　more　cut　adrift。
　I　leaned　against　the　heavy　cherry　wood　post　of　the　bed；　one　hand　on　it。　But　my　hands　were　not　big　enough　to　encircle　the　wood。　It　was　a　big　bed　　at　least　king　size。
　〃What's　wrong；　Anita？〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃I　don't　want　to　talk　about　it。〃
　〃I'm　sorry。　I　will　be　good。　I　promise。〃
　〃No　more　teasing？〃　I　asked。
　He　tried　to　stay　serious；　but　a　smile　crept　through。　〃I'd　promise　no　more　teasing　if　I　thought　I　could　live　up　to　it；　but　I　will　promise　to　try　and　not　tease　you　anymore　today。　How's　that？〃
　I　had　to　smile。　〃Honest；　I　guess。〃　I　sat　down　on　the　edge　of　the　bed。
　〃You　seem　lost　tonight；〃　he　said。
　It　was　so　close　to　what　I　was　thinking　that　I　turned　and　looked　at　him。　〃Is　it　that　obvious？〃
　〃Only　to　someone　who　knows　you。〃
　〃Do　you　know　me　that　well；　Jason？〃
　〃Sometimes。　And　sometimes　you　are　totally　confusing　to　me。〃
　I　pulled　back　the　covers　and　crawled　under　the　sheet；　pushing　the　heavy　satin　coverlet　away　from　me。　I'd　left　a　lot　of　distance　between　me　and　Jason。　I　slid　my　gun　under　the　nearest　pillow；　safety　on。　And　for　extra　precaution；　since　I　was　sleeping　with　non…gun　users；　no　bullets　were　in　the　chamber。
　〃Honest；　Anita；　I'll　behave　myself；　you　can　move　closer。〃
　〃I　know。〃
　〃And　not　just　because　Jean…Claude　and　Richard　wouldn't　like　it。〃
　〃Richard　isn't　dating　me　anymore；　Jason。　He's　not　mine　anymore。〃　Just　saying　it　out　loud　made　my　skin　colder；　my　stomach　clench　tight。
　〃He　may　say　that；　but　if　he　found　out　I　tried　anything　tonight；　anything　serious；　he'd　make　me　pay　for　it。〃
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃He　may　not　be　dating　you；　but　I'll　bet　my　favorite　body　part　that　he　wouldn't　tolerate　you　dating　any　of　the　other　werewolves。　Him　not　being　able　to　have　you　isn't　the　same　thing　as　not　wanting　you。〃
　I　looked　at　him；　sheet…covered　knees　hugged　to　my　chest。　〃When　did　you　get　so　smart？〃
　〃I　have　my　moments。〃
　I　had　to　smile。　〃Yeah；　you　do。〃
　We　were　both　smiling　when　Nathaniel　came　out　of　the　bathroom。　〃Hit　the　lights；　Nathaniel。〃
　Nathaniel　did　what　I　asked；　and　the　blackness　was　plete。　The　lights　were　on　a　timer　and　would　e　on　softly　in　a　few　hours。　But　until　then　it　was　a　darkness　so　plete　it　was　like　being　dropped　in　ink。　I'm　not　usually　bothered　by　darkness；　but　just　then　it　was　claustrophobic；　like　some　giant　black　hand　pressing　against　me。
　I　felt　Nathaniel　by　the　bed。　〃Please；　turn　on　the　bathroom　light；　leave　the　door　ajar。〃　He　went　back　and　did　it。　One　of　the　good　things　about　Nathaniel　was　he　didn't　question　orders　much。　It　used　to　bug　me。　Now　I　counted　on　it；　sometimes。
　He　left　the　door　open　a　crack；　just　enough　to　let　a　slender　finger　of　light　fall　into　the　room　and　slant　along　the　bed。
　Nathaniel　lifted　the　sheet　and　crawled　into　bed　without　a　word。　But　him　crawling　in　meant　I　had　to　move　over　closer　to　Jason。　I　found　the　gun　and　moved　it　down　a　pillow　with　me。　But　Nathaniel　didn't　crowd　me；　and　there　was　still　space　between　us　when　we　all　tucked　in　for　the　night。　Not　as　much　space　as　I'd　have　liked；　but　still　space。　In　fact　I　was　able　to　roll　over　onto　my　side　without　bumping　anyone。　Of　course；　that　wasn't　how　I　slept　at　home。　At　home　Nathaniel　and　the　rest　of　the　wereleopards　cuddled　into　big　piles。　I'd　slept　most　of　the　last　six　months　among　them。　It　was；　sadly；　getting　to　the　point　that　when　I　slept　alone　I　felt　lonely。
　Nathaniel　had　rolled　automatically　onto　his　side；　his　back　to　me；　waiting　for　me　to　close　the　distance　between　us。　He'd　already　moved　his　hair　to　one　side　like　a　blanket　that　had　to　be　moved　out　of　the　way；　leaving　his　back　and　part　of　his　neck　smooth　and　bare。　I　lay　there　for　a　second　or　two；　then　thought；　screw　it。　I　moved　in　against　him；　pressing　myself　to　the　smooth　warmth　of　his　body；　my　arm　sliding　around　his　waist。　He　was　just　a　few　inches　taller　than　me；　enough　that　I　cuddled　down　just　a　little；　pressing　my　face　into　his　back；　in　the　hollow　behind　his　shoulder　blade。　It　was　the　way　we'd　gone　to　sleep　for　a　long　time。
　〃Now　I　do　feel　left　out；〃　Jason　said。
　I　sighed；　clutching　Nathaniel　a　little　tighter。　〃Do　you　promise　not　to　try　anything？〃
　〃I　promise　to　be　good。〃
　〃That's　not　what　I　asked。〃
　He　gave　a　small　laugh。　〃You're　better　than　you　used　to　be　at　this　game。　Okay；　I　promise　not　to　try　anything。〃
　〃Then　you　can　get　closer；　if　you　want　to。〃
　〃You　know　I　do；〃　he　said。　I　could　feel　him　moving　across　the　bed　towards　us。
　〃You　also　promised　to　be　good。〃
　〃You　have　no　idea　how　good　I　can　be。〃　He　was　very　close　when　he　said　the　last。
　〃You're　pushing　it；　Jason。〃
　〃Sorry。〃　But　he　didn't　sound　sorry。　He　curled　against　my　back；　his　body　spooning　against　me；　his　knees　bending　into　a　near　perfect　line　behind　mine。　We　were　within　an　inch　of　being　the　same　height；　which　made　spooning　easy。　It　also　put　certain　parts　of　his　anatomy　up　against　my　butt；　and　it　was　hard　not　to　notice　that　he　was　happy　to　be　there。　Not　too　long　ago；　I'd　have　made　him　move；　but　I'd　spent　months　learning　shapeshifter　etiquette。　The　men　tried　their　best　not　to　get　erections；　and　not　to　use　them　when　they　did；　the　women　tried　to　ignore　the　fact　that　they　had　them。　That　was　the　rule。　It　allowed　everyone　to　pretend　we　were　just　a　bunch　of　puppies　sleeping　in　a　nice　friendly　pile。　To　acknowledge　anything　else　meant　the　system　fell　apart。
　I　realized　that　it　didn't　bother　me。　Over　the　months　I'd　learned　that　it　was　just　one　of　those　involuntary　things　that　happened；　nothing　truly　personal。　I　think　Jason　was　disappointed　that　he　didn't　get　more　of　a　reaction　from　me。　When　I　didn't　react　at　all；　he　moved　his　hips　just　a　fraction　away　from　me；　but　snuggled　the　rest　of　himself　against　me　more　tightly。
　I　was　effectively　sandwiched　betwee