lh.narcissusinchains-第39部分

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e　ardeur　recognized　him；　as　if　it　had　touched　him　before。
　It　made　me　raise　up　from　the　wound；　drew　me　back　into　myself；　a　little。　Something　on　my　face　made　Asher　take　his　hand　back。
　Jean…Claude　entered　then。　He　was　wearing　a　black　robe　with　black　fur　at　collar；　lapel；　and　sleeves。　His　black　hair　melted　into　the　fur；　so　you　couldn't　tell　where　one　blackness　stopped　and　the　other　began。　The　last　time　I'd　seen　him　in　the　robe；　I'd　told　him　there　better　be　something　under　the　robe　besides　skin。　Now；　I　hoped　there　wasn't。
　Seeing　him　brought　the　ardeur　boiling　over　me　again。　It　made　me　catch　my　breath；　things　lower　than　my　stomach　clenching　tight　enough　to　draw　a　sound　from　my　throat。
　〃She　holds　your　incubus；〃　Asher　said；　and　his　voice　tore　my　gaze　from　Jean…Claude　to　him。
　〃Oui。〃　Jean…Claude　glided　around　the　room　to　the　opposite　side　of　the　bed　from　where　Asher　knelt。
　〃She　tastes　of　you；　and　of　Belle　Morte。〃
　〃Oui；〃　Jean…Claude　said。　He　walked　around　the　bed　to　the　other　side；　and　I　rolled　away　from　Nathaniel　so　I　could　see　Jean…Claude　move。　The　movement　exposed　the　front　of　my　body；　and　I　had　enough　of　myself　left　to　roll　onto　my　stomach。
　Jason　said；　〃A〃
　I　ignored　him。
　Jean…Claude　lifted　the　robe　so　he　could　crawl　onto　the　bed。　The　movement　revealed　a　long；　pale　line　of　skin　from　his　shoulders　to　his　stomach。　The　glimpse　of　that　white　flesh　caught　between　the　blackness　of　the　fur　made　me　want　to　untie　the　sash　and　expose　his　entire　body。　But　I　stayed　where　I　was；　half…leaning　against　Nathaniel；　because　I　was　afraid　to　move。　Afraid　to　go　to　Jean…Claude；　because　I　didn't　trust　myself。
　There　was　just　enough　of　me　left　not　to　want　to　make　love　to　Jean…Claude　in　front　of　the　other　men。　But　it　was　a　razor…thin　part；　something　that　glittered　in　the　darkness　but　didn't　quite　believe　itself　anymore。
　〃The　hunger　recognizes　Asher。　Is　it　because　it's　yours；　or　because　it's　hers？〃　I　asked。
　〃Hers？〃　he　asked。
　〃Belle　Morte。〃
　〃I　do　not　know；〃　he　said。　And　he　was　close　enough　now　that　the　edge　of　the　robe　brushed　my　body。　I　could　see　a　thin　line　of　pale　skin　below　the　waist　where　the　robe　gaped。　A　thin；　thin　line　of　white；　but　it　was　enough　to　let　me　know　that　there　was　nothing　under　the　robe　but　Jean…Claude。
　I　wanted　to　open　the　robe；　to　see　all　of　him。　I　said　it　without　thinking；　as　if　I　hadn't　meant　to　say　it　out　loud。　〃Open　the　robe。〃　It　startled　me　as　if　I　didn't　know　my　own　voice。
　I　closed　my　eyes；　tried　to　think。
　〃It　is　alright；　ma　petite。　Once　taken；　blood　fills　your　stomach；　but　lust　。。。　〃　Fur　brushed　in　a　teasing　line　down　my　arm。　〃Lust　is　always　there；　never　vanquished　pletely；　never　satisfied。〃　He　brushed　the　edge　of　his　furred　cuff　down　my　waist；　my　hip；　my　thigh；　my　calf。　When　he　brushed　it　along　my　foot；　he　started　back　up；　but　this　time　on　the　back　of　my　body；　so　that　the　teasing　brush　touched　my　buttocks；　my　back；　my　shoulder。
　I　lay　wordless；　breathless；　under　his　touch。　When　he　curved　the　fur　around　my　face；　I　grabbed　the　edge　of　the　robe　and　held　him　away　from　me。　〃Make　everyone　leave。〃　My　voice　was　barely　above　a　whisper。
　〃I　can　do　nothing　until　I　have　fed；　ma　petite；　you　know　that。〃
　〃I　know。　Blood　pressure。〃　I　was　having　a　hard　time　thinking。　〃Then　do　it；　but　。。。　〃
　〃Hurry；〃　he　said　softly。
　I　nodded。
　He　drew　his　sleeve　out　of　my　grip　and　looked　down　the　bed　to　Jason；　who　was　still　standing　there；　watching　the　show。　〃e；　pomme　de　sang；　e　and　enjoy　the　rewards　of　your　sacrifice。〃
　The　phrase　was　oddly　formal；　and　I'd　never　heard　it　put　that　way　before。　I　expected　Jason　to　go　around　the　bed　to　the　same　side　as　Jean…Claude；　but　he　didn't。　He　rolled　over　the　foot　of　the　bed　in　a　movement　so　liquid　it　was　like　watching　water　flow；　as　if　his　skin　barely　contained　some　elemental　energy　that　had　nothing　to　do　with　the　flesh　and　bone　body　I　was　seeing。　He　ended　on　his　knees　on　the　opposite　side　from　Jean…Claude。　I　could　taste　the　movement　of　his　body　in　my　mouth；　not　just　his　heart；　but　as　if　every　throb　and　beat　of　him　was　trying　to　slide　over　my　tongue　and　down　my　throat。　I　could　feel　his　eagerness；　not　for　me；　but　for　what　Jean…Claude　had　to　offer。　He　came　eagerly　to　the　vampire；　in　that　breathless　rush　that　you　usually　save　for　sex。　They　mirrored　each　other；　both　on　their　knees；　gazing　at　each　other　across　my　body。
　〃I　will　leave　you　alone　with　your　pommes　de　sang　and　each　other。〃　Asher　was　standing　next　to　the　bed；　belting　the　sash　at　his　waist；　securing　the　robe　around　him。　He　stood　very　straight　with　that　perfect　posture　that　all　the　old　nobles　seemed　to　have；　but　still　he　huddled　inside　the　robe。
　I　rolled　onto　my　stomach；　gazing　at　him；　trying　to　read　his　face；　his　body。　The　disfort　I　could　read；　and　even　pain。　And　it　must　have　shown　on　my　face；　because　Asher　dropped　his　gaze；　that　wonderful　golden　hair　sliding　over　the　scarred　side　of　his　face；　so　that　when　he　looked　up；　you　could　see　nothing　but　the　perfect　half　of　him；　that　one　ice…blue　eye。
　I　had　a　sudden　memory　of　lying　in　a　different　bed　in　a　huge　dark　room　surrounded　by　dozens　of　candles　until　the　shadows　moved　and　rippled　with　every　small　breath　of　air；　every　movement　of　a　pale　arm。　I　lay　in　that　trembling　golden　darkness　in　the　embrace　of　a　pale；　dark…haired　woman。　I　gazed　up　at　her；　and　her　face　was　like　something　carved　of　alabaster；　with　lips　red　and　perfect；　hair　like　the　darkness　of　night　made　into　furred　silk；　falling　around　her　nude　perfection　like　a　veil。　Her　eyes　were　pale　brown；　like　dark　honey。　I　knew　it　was　Belle　Morte；　as　if　I'd　always　known　her　face。
　The　door　opened；　and　Asher　entered；　wearing　a　robe　more　elaborate；　heavier　than　the　one　he　wore　now。　But　still　he　huddled　in　it；　held　it　around　his　body；　afraid。　I　saw　the　scars　on　his　face　　fresh；　raw　　and　it　was　。。。　painful。　My　chest　went　tight　with　the　sight　of　his　ruin。　I　went　to　my　knees；　reaching　out　to　him；　moving　a　body　that　I'd　never　been　inside。　Jean…Claude　reaching　out　to　Asher　all　those　centuries　ago。　But　she　lay　there　nude　and　perfect　showing　every　curve；　every　secret　place　to　the　candlelight；　and　turned　him　away。　I　couldn't　remember　the　words　she　used；　only　the　look　on　her　face；　the　utter　arrogance；　the　distaste。　The　look　on　Asher's　face　as　he　turned　from　her　to　Jean…Claude；　to　me。　The　look　of　pain；　and　he　let　that　glorious　hair　fall　forward；　hiding　his　face；　and　it　was　the　first　time　we'd　seen　him　do　that；　hide　from　us。
　I　felt　her　hands　on　our　body　as　she　turned　back　to　us；　as　if　Asher　were　no　longer　there；　but　we　remembered　the　look　on　his　face；　the　line　of　his　body　as　he　left　that　room。　I　blinked　and　was　back　in　Jean…Claude's　bedroom；　watching　Asher　in　his　brown　silk　robe　walking　towards　the　door。　And　the　line　of　his　shoulders；　the　way　he　held　himself；　made　my　chest　tight；　closed　my　throat；　made　my　eyes　hot　with　things　unsaid　and　unshed。
　〃Don't　go。〃　I　heard　myself　say　it；　and　I　glanced　up　at　Jean…Claude。　His　face　was　careful；　unreadable；　but　for　just　a　moment　I　saw　his　eyes；　and　the　pain　I　was　feeling　was　only　an　echo　of　what　filled　his　eyes。
　Asher　stopped　at　the　door　and　turned；　his　hair　falling　over　his　face；　the　robe　covering　everything　else。　He　said　nothing；　just　looked　back　at　me；　at　us。
　I　repeated；　〃Don't　go；　Asher；　don't　go。〃
　〃Why　not？〃　he　asked；　his　voice　as　careful　and　neutral　as　he　could　make　it。
　I　couldn't　tell　him　about　the　shared　memory。　It　would　sound　like　pity；　and　it　wasn't　that　　not　exactly。　I　couldn't　think　of　a　good　lie。　But　this　wasn't　really　the　time　for　lies；　anyway。　Only　truth　would　heal　this。　〃I　can't　stand　to　watch　you　walk　away　like　this。〃
　He　moved　his　gaze　from　me　to　Jean…Claude；　and　there　was　anger　in　him　now。　〃You　had　no　right　to　share　that　memory　with　her。〃
　〃I　do　not　choose　what　ma　petite　knows　and　what　she　does　not。〃
　〃Very　well；〃　Asher　said。　〃Now　you　know　how　she　cast　me　out　of　her　bed。　How　she　cast　me　out　of　his　bed。〃
　〃That　was　your　choice；〃　Jean…Claude　said。
　〃How　could　you　bear　to　touch　me？　I　couldn't　bear　to　touch　me。〃　He　stayed　near　the　door　with　his　head　turned　to　one　side；　so　all　you　could　see　was　a　wave　of　golden　hair。　His　voice　held　bitterness　the　way　it　could　sometimes　hold　joy　　a　bitterness　that　was　hard　to　swallow；　like　choking　on　broken　glass。　Asher's　voice　and　laugh　weren't　as　good　as　Jean…Claude's；　but　he　seemed　better　at　sharing　sorrow　and　regret　than　Jean…Claude。
　〃Why？〃　I　asked；　already　knowing　the　answer。
　〃Why　what？〃
　〃Why　did　she　cast　you　out？〃
　Jean…Claude　moved　beside　me；　and　I　realized　two　things。　One；　he　was　shielding　from　me；　from　all　of　us；　so　I　couldn't　sense　him；　and　two；　his　body　movement　alone　let　me　know　he　wasn't　happy。
　Asher　grabbed　his　hair；　forced　it　back　from　his　face；　showed　the　scars　to　the　light。　〃This；　this。　Our　mistress　was　a　collector　of　beauty；　and　I　am　no　longer　beautiful。　It　pained　her　visibly　to　see　me。〃
　〃You　are　beautiful；　Asher。　That　she　couldn't　see　that　isn't　your　fault。〃
　He　let　his　hair　fall　back。　It　slid　over　the　scars；　hiding　them。　He　had　almost　stopped　doing　that　when　he　was　here　in　the　Circus。　I'd　forgotten　how；　when　he　first　arrived　in　St。　Louis；　he　had　automatically　hidden　whenever　you　looked　directly　at　him。　He　had　used　every　shadow；　every　fall　of　light　to　hide　the　scars　and　highlight　the　beauty　that　remained　untouched。　He　had　stopped　doing　that　around　me。
　It　hurt　my　heart　to　see　him　hide。　I　tried　to　keep　the　sheet　over　me　as　I　crawled　towards　the　edge　of　the　bed；　but　it　was　all　tangled　and　trapped　under　Jason's　and　Jean…Claude's　weight。　Screw　it；　everyone　here　had　seen　the　show。　I　wanted　to　wipe　that　hurt　look　from　Asher's　face　more　than　I　wanted　to　be　modest。
　Jason　moved　out　of　my　way　without　uttering　a　single　teasing　ment。　Unheard　of！　I　crawled　off　the　bed　and　walked　towards　Asher；　and　other　memories　spilled　over　me　like　cards　thrown　in　the　air。　How　many　times　had　he　watched　Jean…Claude　and　Belle　Morte　and　Julianna　and　so　many　others　walk　towards　him　nude　and　eager。　Even　Jean…Claude　had　failed　him。　There　had　been　that　shadow　in　his　eyes　formed　of　guilt。　Guilt　at　failing　to　save　Julianna；　failing　to　save　Asher。　But　Asher　had　assumed　it　was　rejection　and　that　Jean…Claude　touched　him　only　out　of　pity。　It　hadn't　been　pity　　I　had　the　memory　of　it　　it　had　been　pain。　They　had　bee　constant　re