lh.narcissusinchains-第43部分

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t　I　know　that　if　I　tell　Nathaniel　not　to　。。。　that　he　won't。〃　I　frowned　at　Jason。
　〃I'll　be　good；〃　he　said。
　〃I　am　not　afraid　that　Nathaniel　will　disobey　you；　ma　petite。〃
　The　tone　in　his　voice　turned　me　from　Jason's　face　to　his。　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃I　am　worried　that　he　will　indeed　do　everything　you　tell　him　to　do。〃
　We　stared　at　each　other　for　a　long　space　of　my　heartbeats。　I　understood　what　he　meant　now。　It　wasn't　the　boys　he　didn't　trust；　it　was　me。　I　would　have　liked　to　say；　I　would　never　ask　them　　either　of　them　　to　do　that　to　me；　but　there　was　something　in　Jean…Claude's　eyes；　some　knowledge；　some　sorrow；　that　kept　me　from　saying　it。
　〃How　much　control　am　I　going　to　lose？〃　I　asked　finally。
　〃I　do　not　know。〃
　〃I'm　getting　really　tired　of　hearing　you　say　that。〃
　〃And　I　of　saying　it。〃
　I　finally　asked　what　I　had　to　ask；　〃What　do　we　do　now？〃
　〃Our　pommes　de　sang　fetch　their　clothing　and　yours；　and　we　feed。〃
　And　as　much　as　I　hated　it；　as　much　as　I　wanted　to　deny　it；　I　knew　he　was　right。　I'd　been　trying　not　to　be　a　sociopath　because　it　made　me　a　monster。　I　Just　hadn't　known　what　I　was　saying。　I　needed　to　feed　off　humans；　lust　instead　of　blood　and　flesh；　but　it　was　still　feeding。　Being　a　sociopath　was　beginning　not　to　sound　so　bad。
　
　18
　
　SOMEWHERE　DURING　THE　dressing　process　I　came　to　my　senses。　I　stayed　up　against　the　headboard；　Asher's　robe　belted　securely　over　the　red　pajamas；　my　face　averted；　forehead　pressed　to　the　wood。　Control　was　the　heart　of　who　I　thought　I　was。　I　could　do　this；　or　rather　not　do　this。　I　had　to　try　and　let　this　pass　me　by；　because　to　do　anything　else　。。。　I　could　not　do　this。
　The　bed　moved；　and　just　the　sensation　of　the　men　moving　around　on　the　bed　was　enough　to　tighten　my　body；　speed　my　pulse。　Dear　God；　help　me。　This　couldn't　be　happening。　I'd　feared　ending　up　as　a　vampire。　I'd　e　close　many　times；　but　I'd　never　thought　it　would　happen　like　this。　I　was　still　alive；　still　human；　but　the　hunger　rose　inside　me　like　some　great　beast　trying　to　dig　its　way　out　of　me；　and　all　that　kept　it　from　surfacing　was　my　fingers　digging　into　the　wood；　my　forehead　pressed　against　the　carvings。　I　wasn't　sure　which　hunger　I　was　fighting。　But　the　ardeur　colored　all　of　it；　whether　I　was　craving　flesh；　or　blood；　the　sex　was　there　in　all　of　it。　I　couldn't　separate　them；　and　that　was　scary　all　on　its　own。
　I　felt　someone　crawling　towards　me；　and　I　knew　without　looking　that　it　was　Jean…Claude。　I　could　just　feel　him。
　〃Ma　petite；　all　is　prepared；　we　need　only　you。〃
　I　spoke　with　my　face　still　pressed　into　the　wood；　my　fingers　clinging　to　it。　〃Well；　then　you'll　just　have　to　do　without。〃
　I　felt　his　hand　hovering　over　my　shoulder；　and　I　said；　〃Don't　touch　me！〃
　〃Ma　petite；　ma　petite；　I　would　change　this　if　I　could；　but　I　cannot。　We　must　make　the　best　of　what　is　given　us。〃
　That　made　me　look　at　him。　His　face　was　too　close；　eyes　that　intense　midnight　blue；　hair　a　dark　glory　around　his　pale　face。　I　flashed　on　another　face　just　as　pale；　just　as　perfect；　with　a　wealth　of　black　hair；　but　with　eyes　a　rich　brown　like　dark　amber。　They　grew　in　my　vision　until　the　world　drowned　in　the　dark　honey　of　her　eyes；　as　if　it　were　poured　over　my　eyes；　over　my　skin；　my　body；　until　it　filled　me；　and　when　I　raised　my　eyes　to　Jean…Claude's　worried　face；　his　hand　on　my　arm；　I　saw　something　close　to　terror　in　his　eyes。
　He　scrambled　back　from　me；　and　when　I　turned　and　stared　at　Asher；　he　spilled　off　the　bed；　to　stand　shaking。　Jason　and　Nathaniel　stayed　on　the　bed　because　they　didn't　know　any　better。　〃What's　wrong？〃　Jason　asked。
　Nathaniel　whispered；　〃Her　eyes。〃
　I　turned　and　caught　sight　of　myself　in　the　standing　mirror　in　the　corner。　My　eyes　had　filled　with　pale　brown　fire；　not　the　darkness　of　my　own　eyes；　but　hers。
　〃No；〃　I　said；　softly。　I　felt　her　thousands　of　miles　away。　Her　pleasure　at　my　terror　rolled　through　my　body；　raised　my　beast　and　sent　me　falling　onto　the　bed。　My　hands　strained　for　something　to　hold　on　to；　some　help；　but　there　was　nothing　to　fight；　it　was　power　and　it　was　inside　me。
　She　explored　me；　raising　my　beast　until　it　rolled　just　under　the　surface　of　skin。　She　touched　that　part　of　Richard　that　was　still　inside　me　and　raised　his　beast；　until　the　two　energies　entwined　and　my　body　started　to　convulse。
　I　heard　yelling。　〃She's　going　to　change！〃　Hands　holding　me　down　to　the　bed。
　But　Belle　had　learned　what　she　wanted　and　let　them　slide　back　into　my　body。　She　separated　out　the　powers　inside　me　like　you'd　sort　a　deck　of　cards。　She　touched　Jean…Claude's　link　to　me　and　it　puzzled　her；　I　could　feel　it。　Until　that　moment　she'd　assumed　I　was　a　vampire；　and　now　she　knew　I　wasn't。　She　let　what　puzzled　her　slide　back　deep　inside　me；　then　she　called　the　ardeur；　the　incubus；　and　the　moment　I　thought　it；　I　realized　it　was　the　wrong　word。　Succubus；　she　whispered　in　my　head；　succubus。　The　hands　that　had　been　holding　me　down；　poured　over　my　body；　responding　to　the　ardeur。　It　was　like　being　covered　in　pure　lust；　rolled　in　it；　like　flour　on　a　piece　of　meat　before　you　cook　it。
　Hands　slid　along　my　skin；　a　mouth　closed　on　my　mouth；　and　I　couldn't　see　who　was　right　above　me；　kissing　me。　I　could　feel　the　weight　of　their　body；　another　set　of　hands；　but　I　could　see　nothing　but　a　shining　amber　light。
　Belle　kept　the　ardeur　on　the　surface；　because　it　amused　her。　I　couldn't　see　whose　hands　were　where；　or　who　was　doing　what；　all　I　could　do　was　feel　them；　the　brush　of　silk；　the　press　of　flesh；　a　curtain　of　hair；　the　scent　of　vanilla；　but　I　could　not　see。　Belle　Morte　was　using　my　eyes　for　other　things。　She　touched　that　part　of　me　that　allowed　me　to　raise　the　dead。　She　caressed　my　necromancy；　tried　to　bring　it　to　the　surface　as　she　had　the　two　beasts　and　the　ardeur；　but　everything　else　she　had　explored　was　hers　to　call；　it　was　all　in　some　way　part　of　her　lineage；　her　blood。　But　the　necromancy　was　all　mine。
　My　magic　welled　up　through　me；　pushing　her　back；　but　I　couldn't　cast　her　out；　not　with　just　the　raw　power。　It　was　as　if　she　floated　near　the　surface　of　some　dark　pool　and　I　sat　at　the　bottom　trying　to　push　her　out。　I　couldn't　cast　her　out；　but　I　could　see　again；　think　again。
　I　was　nude　from　the　waist　up。　Nathaniel's　mouth　closed　on　my　nipple　drawing　it　in。　I　cried　out；　and　Jason　lowered　his　mouth　to　my　other　breast。　There　was　a　moment　when　I　stared　down　at　the　two　of　them　pressed　to　my　body；　the　blond　head；　the　auburn；　their　mouths　working　at　my　breasts；　the　line　of　their　bodies　pressed　along　mine；　the　marks　of　my　teeth　still　visible　in　Nathaniel's　flesh；　when　the　ardeur；　when　Belle　Morte　spilled　over　me　again。　Jason's　hand　slid　down　the　front　of　the　red　silk　bottoms；　his　fingers　finding　me　as　if　he'd　always　known　just　where　to　touch　me。　I　writhed　under　his　touch；　their　touch。
　I　grabbed　Jason's　wrist；　tried　to　pull　his　hand　away；　but　he　fought　me　and　it　was　a　tender　place　to　fight　over。　I　screamed；　〃Jean…Claude！　Asher！〃
　〃Ma　petite？〃　Jean…Claude　made　the　name　a　question　as　if　he　wasn't　sure　it　was　really　me。　I　found　the　vampires　standing　beside　the　bed；　not　helping；　not　hindering；　just　watching。　But　I　understood；　the　ardeur　called　to　them　too。　The　were　afraid　to　touch　us。
　〃Feed；〃　I　said。
　〃Non；　ma　petite。〃
　〃I　can't　fight　her　and　the　hunger。　Feed；　and　let　me　feed。〃
　〃You　cannot　break　free　of　her；　ma　petite！''
　〃Help　me！〃
　He　looked　across　the　bed　at　Asher；　and　I　watched　something　pass　between　them；　something　built　of　sorrow　and　old　regrets。　〃She　is　right；　mon　ami；　she　cannot　fight　Belle　and　the　ardeur。〃
　〃She　doesn't　understand　what　she's　asking；〃　Jean…Claude　said。
　〃No；　but　she　asks；　and　if　we　do　not　do　it；　we　will　always　wonder。　I　would　rather　try　and　fail；　than　regret　having　never　tried　at　all。〃
　They　stared　at　each　other　for　a　second　or　two；　then　Asher　crawled　onto　the　bed　and　Jean…Claude　followed　him。　Asher　stretched　out　beside　Nathaniel；　and　Jean…Claude　mirrored　him　with　Jason。　Belle　Morte's　joy　flared　through　me；　filled　my　eyes　with　honey…colored　flames；　and　I　lost　my　grip　on　Jason's　wrist。　His　hand　slid　back　over　me；　but　when　I　turned　to　look；　I　could　see　Jean…Claude　through　the　dark　glass　of　her　eyes　and　Asher　on　the　other　side。　I　knew　that　once　they　touched　either　pomme　de　sang　they　would　be　caught　in　the　desire；　and　they　would　not　break　free。　It　was　a　trap。　I　opened　my　mouth　to　say；　don't；　but　three　things　happened　all　at　once。　They　each　struck　into　the　neck　of　the　man　on　their　side；　as　if　they'd　known　exactly　what　the　other　would　do；　and　Jason　forced　me　over　that　shining　edge　of　orgasm。　I　screamed；　body　bucking　against　the　bed；　and　only　their　weight　kept　me　from　sitting　up；　from　clawing　the　air；　because　it　wasn't　just　my　own　pleasure　I　was　feeling。　I　felt　Asher's　fangs　in　Nathaniel's　neck；　felt　Nathaniel's　body　build；　build；　and　finally　release　in　a　rush　of　pleasure　that　made　him　bite　down　on　my　breast；　made　me　score　not　his　back；　but　Asher's　with　my　nails。　Jason　drew　his　mouth　back　from　me　and　screamed。　The　vampires　rode　their　bodies；　and　I　knew　with　Belle　Morte's　awareness　that　the　only　reason　they　didn't　orgasm　with　us　was　the　blood　pressure　wasn't　there　yet。　But　the　pleasure　was。　The　five　of　us　were　locked　into　wave　after　wave　of　pleasure。　Like　the　heat　the　ardeur　was　named　for；　it　passed　over　and　through　us　again　and　again。　It　was　like　floating；　skinless；　formless；　just　above　the　bed；　and　I　could　feel　their　heartbeats　inside　my　body。　Finally　I　could　feel　Jean…Claude　and　Asher；　feel　their　hearts　give　a　massive　beat　and　feel　the　life　flood　through　their　bodies　and　spill　in　a　long；　hot；　line　of　pleasure　that　seemed　to　be　pulled　from　the　soles　of　their　feet　to　the　tops　of　their　heads；　as　if　every　piece　of　their　bodies；　every　atom；　exploded　in　pleasure　at　once。　Nathaniel；　Jason；　and　I　screamed　for　them；　because　their　mouths　were　still　locked　on　the　blood；　still　drinking；　still　feeding。　Then　it　was　over；　and　the　five　of　us　lay　motionless；　except　for　the　frantic　rise　and　fall　of　our　chests；　trying　to　breath；　trying　to　remember　what　it　was　like　to　be　inside　our　own　skins；　with　just　one　heart　inside　us；　instead　of　five。　We　melted　back　into　our　own　skins；　only　the　faint　dew　of　sweat　and　the　panicked　thunder　of　our　pulses　beating　against　each　other's　bodies。
　Jean…Claude　and　Asher　p