lh.narcissusinchains-第5部分

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　〃You　could　have　told　me。〃
　〃You　would　not　have　believed　me。　You　would　have　thought　it　was　another　trick　to　bind　you　closer　to　me。〃
　〃You're　right；　I　wouldn't　have　believed　you。〃
　〃Will　Richard　be　meeting　us　at　the　club；　as　well？〃
　I　was　quiet　for　a　heartbeat。　〃No；　I'm　not　going　to　call　him。〃
　〃Why　ever　not？　It　is　a　shapeshifter　difficulty　more　than　a　vampire　one。〃
　〃You　know　why　not。〃
　〃You　fear　he　will　be　too　squeamish　to　allow　you　to　do　what　needs　doing　to　save　your　leopards。〃
　〃Yeah。〃
　〃Perhaps；〃　Jean…Claude　said。
　〃You　aren't　going　to　tell　me　to　call　him？〃
　〃Why　would　I　ask　you　to　invite　my　chief　rival　for　your　affections　to　this　little　tête…á…tête？　That　would　be　foolish。　I　am　many　things；　but　foolish　is　not　one　of　them。〃
　That　was　certainly　true。　〃Okay；　give　me　directions；　and　I'll　meet　you　and　your　people　at　the　club。〃
　〃First；　ma　petite；　what　are　you　wearing？〃
　〃Excuse　me？〃
　〃Clothes；　ma　petite；　what　clothes　are　you　wearing？〃
　〃Is　this　a　joke？　Because　I　don't　have　time　。。。　〃
　〃It　is　not　an　idle　question；　ma　petite。　The　sooner　you　answer；　the　sooner　we　can　all　leave。〃
　I　wanted　to　argue；　but　if　Jean…Claude　said　he　had　a　point　he　probably　did。　I　told　him　what　I　was　wearing。
　〃You　surprise　me；　ma　petite。　With　a　little　effort　it　should　do　nicely。〃
　〃What　effort？〃
　〃I　suggest　you　add　boots　to　your　ensemble。　The　ones　I　purchased　for　you　would　do　very　well。〃
　〃I　am　not　wearing　five…inch　spikes　anywhere；　Jean…Claude。　I'd　break　an　ankle。〃
　〃I　planned　on　you　wearing　those　boots　just　for　me；　ma　petite。　I　was　thinking　of　the　other　boots　with　the　milder　heels　that　I　bought　when　you　were　so　very　angry　about　the　others。〃
　Oh。　〃Why　do　I　have　to　change　shoes？〃
　〃Because；　delicate　flower　that　you　are；　you　have　the　eyes　of　a　policeman；　and　so　it　would　be　better　if　you　wore　leather　boots　instead　of　high　heels。　It　would　be　better　if　you　remember　that　you　are　trying　to　move　through　the　club　as　quickly　and　smoothly　as　possible。　No　one　will　help　you　find　your　leopards　if　they　think　you　are　an　outsider；　especially　a　policeman。〃
　〃Nobody　ever　mistakes　me　for　a　cop。〃
　〃No；　but　they　begin　to　mistake　you　for　something　that　smells　of　guns　and　death。　Look　harmless　tonight；　ma　petite；　until　it　is　time　to　be　dangerous。〃
　〃I　thought　this　friend　of　yours；　this　Narcissus；　would　just　escort　us　in。〃
　〃He　is　not　my　friend；　and　I　told　you　the　club　is　neutral　ground。　Narcissus　will　see　that　no　great　harm　es　to　your　cats；　but　that　is　all。　He　will　not　let　you　e　barging　in　to　his　world　like　the　proverbial　bull　in　the　china　shop。　That；　he　will　not　allow；　nor　will　he　allow　us　to　bring　in　a　small　army　of　our　own。　He　is　the　leader　of　the　werehyenas；　and　they　are　the　only　army　allowed　inside　the　club。　There　is　no　Ulfric；　or　Master　of　the　City；　within　its　walls。　You　have　only　the　dominance　you　bring　with　you　and　your　body　to　see　you　through。〃
　〃I'll　have　a　gun；〃　I　said。
　〃But　a　gun　will　not　get　you　into　the　upper　rooms。〃
　〃What　will？〃
　〃Trust　me；　I　will　find　a　way。〃
　I　didn't　like　the　sound　of　that　at　all。　〃Why　is　it　that　most　of　the　time　whenever　I　ask　you　for　help；　it's　never　a　case　where　we　can　just　run　in　and　start　shooting？〃
　〃And　why　is　it；　ma　petite；　that　when　you　do　not　invite　me　that　it　is　almost　always　a　case　where　you　run　in　and　shoot　everything　that　moves？〃
　〃Point　taken；〃　I　said。
　〃What　are　your　priorities　for　the　night？〃　he　asked。
　I　knew　what　he　meant。　〃I　want　the　wereleopards　safe。〃
　〃And　if　they　have　been　harmed？〃
　〃I　want　vengeance。〃
　〃More　than　their　safety？〃
　〃No；　safety　first；　vengeance　is　a　luxury。〃
　〃Good。　And　if　one；　or　more；　is　dead？〃
　〃I　don't　want　any　of　us　going　to　jail；　but　eventually　if　not　tonight；　another　night；　they　die。〃　I　listened　to　myself　say　it；　and　knew　that　I　meant　it。
　〃There　is　no　mercy　in　you；　ma　petite。〃
　〃You　say　that　like　it's　a　bad　thing。〃
　〃No；　it　is　merely　an　observation。〃
　I　stood　there；　holding　the　phone；　waiting　to　be　shocked　at　what　I　was　proposing。　But　I　wasn't。　I　said；　〃I　don't　want　to　kill　anyone　if　I　don't　have　to。〃
　〃That　is　not　true；　ma　petite。〃
　〃Fine；　if　they've　killed　my　people；　I　want　them　dead。　But　I　decided　in　New　Mexico　that　I　didn't　want　to　be　a　sociopath；　so　I'm　trying　to　act　as　if　I'm　not。　So　let's　try　to　keep　the　body　count　low　tonight；　okay？〃
　〃As　you　wish；〃　he　said。　Then　he　added；　〃Do　you　really　think　that　you　can　change　the　nature　of　what　you　are　merely　by　wishing　it？〃
　〃Are　you　asking　if　I　can　stop　being　a　sociopath；　since　I　already　am　one？〃
　A　moment　of　silence；　then；　〃I　think　that　is　what　I'm　asking。〃
　〃I　don't　know；　but　if　I　don't　pull　myself　back　from　the　brink　soon；　Jean…Claude；　there　won't　be　any　going　back。〃
　〃I　hear　fear　in　your　voice；　ma　petite。〃
　〃Yeah；　you　do。〃
　〃What　do　you　fear？〃
　〃I　fear　that　by　giving　in　to　you　and　Richard　that　I'll　lose　myself。　I　fear　that　by　not　giving　in　to　you　and　Richard　I'll　lose　one　of　you。　I　fear　that　I'll　get　us　killed　because　I'm　thinking　too　much。　I　fear　that　I'm　already　a　sociopath　and　there　is　no　going　back。　Ronnie　said　that　one　of　the　reasons　that　I　can't　give　you　up　and　just　settle　down　with　Richard　is　that　I　can't　give　up　a　boyfriend　who's　colder　than　I　am。〃
　〃I　am　sorry；　ma　petite。〃　I　wasn't　sure　exactly　what　he　was　apologizing　for；　but　I　accepted　it　anyway。
　〃Me；　too。　Give　me　directions　to　the　club；　I'll　meet　you　there。〃
　He　gave　me　directions；　and　I　read　them　back　to　him。　We　hung　up。　Neither　of　us　said　good…bye。　Once　upon　a　time　we'd　have　ended　the　conversation　with　je　t'aime；　I　love　you。　Once　upon　a　time。
　
　4
　
　THE　CLUB　WAS　over　the　river　on　the　Illinois　side；　along　with　most　of　the　other　questionable　clubs。　Vampire…run　businesses　got　a　grandfather　clause　to　operate　in　St。　Louis　proper；　but　the　rest　of　the　human…run　clubs　　and　lycanthropes　still　counted　legally　as　human　　had　to　go　into　Illinois　to　avoid　pesky　zoning　problems。　Some　of　the　zoning　problems　weren't　even　on　the　books；　weren't　even　laws　at　all。　But　it　was　strange　how　many　problems　the　bureaucrats　could　find　when　they　didn't　want　a　club　in　their　fair　city。　If　the　vampires　weren't　such　a　big　draw　for　tourists；　the　bureaucrats'd　have　probably　found　a　way　to　get　rid　of　them；　too。
　I　finally　found　parking　about　two　blocks　from　the　club。　It　meant　a　walk　to　the　club　in　an　area　of　town　that　most　women　wouldn't　want　to　be　alone　in　after　dark。　Of　course；　most　women　wouldn't　be　armed。　A　gun　doesn't　cure　all　ills；　but　it's　a　start。　I　also　had　a　knife　sheath　around　each　calf；　very　high　up；　so　that　the　hilts　came　up　on　the　side　of　my　knees。　I　wasn't　really　fortable　that　way；　but　I　couldn't　think　of　any　other　place　to　put　knives　so　I　could　get　to　them　easily。　There　was　a　very　good　chance　I'd　have　bruises　on　my　knees　after　tonight。　Oh；　well。　I　also　had　a　black　belt　in　Judo；　and　was　making　progress　in　Kenpo；　a　type　of　karate；　one　with　fewer　power　moves　and　more　moves　using　balance。　I　was　as　prepared　as　I　could　get　for　the　wilds　of　the　big　city。
　Of　course；　I　usually　don't　walk　around　looking　like　bait。　My　skirt　was　so　short　that　even　with　boots　that　came　up　to　mid…thigh　there　was　a　good　inch　between　the　hem　and　the　top　of　the　boots。　I'd　put　a　jacket　on　for　the　drive；　but　had　left　it　in　the　car　because　I　didn't　want　to　be　carrying　it　around　all　night。　I'd　been　in　just　enough　clubs；　whatever　flavor　they　were；　to　know　that　inside　it　would　be　hot。　So　the　goosebumps　that　traveled　over　my　bare　back　and　arms　weren't　from　fear；　but　from　the　damp；　chill　air。　I　forced　myself　not　to　rub　my　arms　as　I　walked　and　to　at　least　look　like　I　wasn't　cold　or　unfortable。　Actually　the　boots　only　had　two…inch　heels；　and　they　were　fortable　to　walk　in。　Not　as　fortable　as　my　Nikes；　but　then；　what　is？　But　for　dress　shoes；　the　boots　weren't　bad。　If　I　could　have　left　the　knives　home；　they'd　have　been　peachy。
　There　was　one　other　bit　of　protection　that　I'd　added。　Metaphysical　shields　e　in　different　varieties。　You　can　shield　yourself　with　almost　anything：　metal；　rock；　plants；　fire；　water；　wind；　earth；　etc　。。。　Everyone　has　different　shields　because　it's　a　very　individual　choice。　It　has　to　work　for　your　own　personal　mindset。　You　can　have　two　psychics　both　using　stone；　but　the　shields　won't　be　the　same。　Some　people　simply　visualize　rock；　the　thought　of　it；　its　essence；　and　that's　sufficient。　If　something　tries　to　attack　them；　they　are　safe　behind　the　thought　of　rock。　Another　psychic　might　see　a　stone　wall；　like　a　garden　wall　around　an　old　house；　and　that　would　do　the　same　thing。　For　me；　the　shield　had　to　be　a　tower。　All　shields　are　like　bubbles　that　surround　you　pletely；　just　like　circles　of　power。　I'd　always　understood　this　when　I　raised　the　dead；　but　for　shielding　I　needed　to　see　it　in　my　head。　So　I　imagined　a　stone　tower；　pletely　enclosed；　no　windows；　no　chinks；　smooth　and　dark　inside　with　only　what　I　allowed　in　or　out。　Talking　about　shielding　always　made　me　feel　like　I　was　having　a　psychotic　break　and　sharing　my　delusions。　But　it　worked；　and　when　I　didn't　shield；　things　tried　to　hurt　me。　It　had　only　been　in　the　last　two　weeks　that　Marianne　had　discovered　that　I　hadn't　really　understood　shielding　at　all。　I'd　thought　it　was　just　a　matter　of　how　powerful　your　aura　was　and　how　you　could　reinforce　it。　She　said　the　only　reason　I'd　been　able　to　get　by　with　that　for　as　long　as　I　had　was　that　I　was　simply　that　powerful。　But　the　shielding　goes　outside　the　aura　like　a　wall　around　a　castle；　an　extra　defense。　The　innermost　defense　is　a　healthy　aura。　Hopefully　by　the　end　of　the　night　I'd　have　one　of　those。
　I　turned　the　corner　and　found　a　line　of　people　that　stretched　down　the　block。　Great；　just　what　I　needed。　I　didn't　stop　at　the　end　of　the　line；　I　kept　walking　towards　the　door；　hoping　I'd　think　of　something　to　tell　the　doorperson　when　I　got　there。　I　didn't　have　time　to　wait　through　all　this。　I　was　about　halfway　up　the　line　when　a　figure　pushed　out　of　the　crowd　and　called　my　name。
　It　took　me　a　second　to　recognize　Jason。　First；　he'd　cut　his　baby…fine　blond　hair　short；　businessman　short。　Second；　he　was　wearing　a　sheer　silver　mesh　shirt　and　a　pair　of　pants　that　seemed　mostly　made　of　the　same　stuff。　Only　a　thin　line　of　solid　silver　ran　over　his　groin。　The　outfit　was　so　eye…catching　that　it　took　me　a　moment　to　realize　j