lh.narcissusinchains-第59部分

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s　this　night　what　it　truly　means　to　be　a　clan；　be　they　pard；　lukoi；　or　rodere。　They　show　us　what　we　all　strive　for　　a　true　melding　of　all　our　parts　into　a　whole。〃　Bitterness　crept　in　at　the　last；　but　on　the　whole；　it　was　a　lovely　speech；　and　more　heartfelt　than　pleasant。
　〃Now　join　us　at　our　lupanar；　and　we　will　see　if　you　can　win　back　your　lost　cat。〃　There　was　anger　in　his　voice；　and　I　wondered　if　Gregory　was　about　to　pay　the　price　for　Richard's　anger　with　me。
　Richard　turned　and　melted　into　the　trees　with　Shang…Da　at　his　side。　Jamil　spared　a　glance　back　at　me；　then　followed。
　Micah　leaned　close　and　whispered；　〃I　owe　you　several　apologies。　I'm　sorry　your　Ulfric　had　to　see　us　this　way。〃
　〃Me；　too；〃　I　said。
　〃I　said　your　cats　were　a　mess；　and　I　was　wrong。　You　have　made　a　home　for　your　cats；　and　mine　have　nowhere　to　hide。〃
　〃What　is　wrong　with　all　of　you？〃　It　wasn't　perhaps　the　most　diplomatic　question；　but　it　covered　things。
　〃That　is　a　very　long　story。〃
　Merle　leaned　over　us。　He　spoke　so　low　that　I　almost　couldn't　hear　him。　〃Be　very　careful　for　all　our　sakes。〃
　They　had　some　very　serious　eye　contact。　I　said；　〃What　is　going　on？〃
　Micah　raised　my　hand　and　laid　a　brief　kiss　on　the　knuckles。　〃Let's　save　your　Gregory。　That　has　to　be　priority　tonight；　right？〃
　He　smiled　and　tried　to　charm　his　way　out　of　the　stare　I　was　giving　him。　I　stared　at　him　until　the　smile　faded　from　his　face　and　he　dropped　my　hand。　〃Yeah；　saving　Gregory　is　priority　for　tonight；　but　I　want　to　know　what's　going　on。〃
　〃One　problem　at　a　time；〃　Micah　said。
　I　was　getting　the　very　distinct　feeling　that　if　they　all　could　have　lied　to　me　forever；　they　would　have。　It　wasn't　lying；　as　much　as　hiding　things　from　me。　Things　that　had　to　do　with　blood　and　pain；　and　no　matter　how　powerful　they　all　were；　Micah's　pard　wasn't　a　family；　wasn't　whole。　Strangely；　as　messed　up　as　me　and　my　leopards　were；　we　were　a　family。　More　so　than　Richard　and　his　wolves；　even。　Richard　was　so　busy　fighting　his　moral　battles　and　his　power　structure　problems　that　there　wasn't　time　for　mending　other　things。
　〃Give　me　the　Reader's　Digest　condensed　version；　Micah；〃　I　said。
　〃Gregory　is　waiting　for　you　to　rescue　him。〃
　〃So　give　me　a　couple　of　sentences；　but　make　it　the　truth；　Micah。〃
　〃Micah；〃　Merle　said　softly；　but　with　force　to　his　voice。　It　was　a　warning。
　I　looked　at　the　big　man。　〃What　are　you　guys　hiding；　Merle？〃
　Micah　touched　my　arm；　brought　my　attention　back　to　his　face。　〃I　told　you　that　once　we　were　taken　over　by　a　very　bad　man；　who　still　wants　us。　I'm　searching　for　someplace　strong　enough　to　keep　us　safe。〃
　〃Are　you　saying　this　guy　will　e　looking　for　you　here　in　St。　Louis？〃
　〃Yes；〃　he　said。
　〃Most　alphas　can　take　a　hint；〃　I　said。
　Micah　shook　his　head。　〃This　one　won't。　He　will　never　give　us　up。〃　He　gripped　my　arm。　〃If　you　take　us　on；　you'll　have　to　deal　with　him　eventually。〃
　〃Is　he　bulletproof？〃　I　asked。
　The　question　seemed　to　confuse　him；　because　he　frowned。　〃No；　I　mean；　no；　I　guess　not。〃
　I　shrugged。　〃Not　a　problem　then。〃
　He　looked　at　me。　〃What　do　you　mean？　That　you'll　just　kill　him？〃
　It　was　my　turn　to　look　at　him。　〃Is　there　any　reason　I　shouldn't？〃
　He　almost　smiled；　stopped；　then　frowned　again。　〃Just　kill　him；　just　like　that。〃　It　was　almost　as　if　he　were　thinking　it　over；　as　if　it　had　never　occurred　to　him。
　Merle　said；　〃He's　a　hard　man　to　kill。〃
　〃Unless　he's　faster　than　a　silver　bullet；　Merle；　nobody's　that　hard　to　kill。〃
　Rafael　came　slowly　through　the　leopards；　Claudia　and　Igor　trailing　him。　〃We've　all　been　thinking　of　your　leopards　as　lesser　than　us。　What　I　just　saw　makes　me　envious。〃
　〃I　know　how　the　wolves　work；〃　I　said。　〃And　I　know　that　they　don't　have　a　sense　of　home。　First　Raina　and　Marcus　made　them　afraid　of　each　other；　now　Richard's　morals　have　him　struggling　to　be　safe。　But　you　and　yours　seem　pretty　secure。　How　different　is　what　I've　done　with　my　leopards　from　what　everyone　else　is　doing？〃
　〃I've　benefited　from　your　loyalty；　your　sheer　stubbornness。　What　I　didn't　realize　until　tonight　is　that　you　didn't　save　me　just　because　I　was　your　friend；　or　just　because　it　was　the　right　thing　to　do。　You　didn't　risk　yourself　and　your　people　to　save　me　from　torture　because　of　the　kind　of　moral　rightness　that　Richard　is　fond　of。　You　saved　me　because　you　could　not　bear　the　thought　leaving　me　behind。〃　He　touched　my　face；　very　gently。　〃Not　from　a　sense　of　right　and　wrong；　but　because　you　are　just　that　tenderhearted。〃
　I　looked　at　him。　〃I've　been　called　a　lot　of　things；　but　never　that。〃
　He　chucked　me　under　the　chin　like　you　would　a　child。　〃Don't　make　light　of　one　of　your　better　qualities。　You　love　your　people　like　a　mother　is　supposed　to　love　her　children。　You　want　what's　best　for　them；　even　if　that　makes　you　unfortable；　even　if　you　don't　like　their　choices。〃
　I　had　to　look　away　from　the　wonderment　on　his　face；　like　he　was　looking　at　somebody　else　that　couldn't　be　me。　〃You　have　never　been　their　leopard　queen　in　body；　but　you　shamed　us　all　tonight。　It's　not　seeing　your　closeness　to　Micah　that　will　torment　Richard；　though　that　will　burn。　It's　that　you　gave　us　a　glimpse　of　what　we　are　all　striving　for；　for　our　clans。　Richard　believes　his　moral　rightness　will　get　him　where　your　leopards　already　are。〃
　I　looked　up　at　him。　〃My　pard　is　not　a　democracy；　and　I　have　a　hell　of　a　lot　more　than　just　presidential　veto　when　it　es　to　decisions。〃
　〃Richard　knows　that；　better　probably　than　anyone；　and　that　will　gall　him；　Anita。　It　will　make　him　doubt　himself。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃Richard　always　doubts　himself　when　it　es　to　the　lukoi。　He'll　never　have　surety　about　them　until　he　has　surety　about　who　and　what　he　is。〃
　〃First　I　have　to　accept　the　fact　that　you're　kindhearted；　now　I　have　to　accept　the　fact　that　you're　insightful　as　well。　I　knew　you　were　powerful；　ruthless；　and　pretty；　but　that　you　have　a　mind　and　a　heart　besides　is　going　to　take　some　getting　used　to。〃
　〃Does　everyone　pretty　much　think　I'm　just　a　sociopath　who　happens　to　have　magical　abilities？〃
　〃It's　all　you　let　people　see；〃　he　said；　〃until　now。〃　He　gazed　out　towards　the　circle　of　faces　still　turned　to　us。　I　saw　a　kind　of　hunger　in　their　faces；　and　I　knew　that　they　had　felt　what　I'd　felt；　a　sense　of　true　belonging；　of　being　home　within　the　circle　　not　of　bricks　or　mortar　　but　of　flesh；　of　hands　to　grasp；　arms　to　hold；　smiles　to　share。　So　simple；　so　rare。
　All　these　months　I'd　been　worried　I'd　fail　the　wereleopards。　I　thought　failure　meant　them　dying；　or　getting　hurt。　What　I　realized　suddenly　was　that　the　true　failure　would　have　been　if　I　hadn't　given　a　damn。　You　can　bandage　a　wound；　set　a　broken　bone；　but　not　caring　。。。　you　can't　cure　that；　and　you　can't　recover　from　it。
　
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　THE　LUPANAR　WAS　a　large　clearing　100　yards　by　150　yards。　The　clearing　appeared　to　be　flat；　but　actually　it　sat　in　a　large　smooth　valley　between　hills。　You　couldn't　notice　it　at　night；　but　I　knew　that　just　beyond　the　trees　that　ringed　the　far　side　of　the　lupanar　were　steep　hills。　It　had　taken　me　more　than　one　visit　to　find　what　lay　beyond　the　trees。
　Now　all　vision　stopped　at　the　far　edge　of　the　clearing。　Torches　that　rose　man…high　were　stuck　into　the　ground　on　either　side　of　the　stone　throne。　The　throne　was　a　huge　chair　carved　of　rock；　so　old　that　there　were　places　on　the　arms　where　countless　generations　of　Ulfrics　had　touched　it　and　worn　away　the　stone。　Probably　the　back　and　seat　of　the　chair　were　worn　as　well；　but　they　were　covered　by　a　spill　of　purple　silk；　suitably　royal。　There　was　something　very　primitive　about　the　huge　stone　chair　and　its　spill　of　cloth　caught　between　the　wavering　golden　light　of　the　torches。　It　looked　like　a　throne　for　some　ancient　barbaric　king；　someone　who　should　wear　animal　skins　and　a　crown　of　iron。
　Werewolves；　most　　but　not　all　　in　human　form；　stood　or　crouched　in　a　huge　circle。　There　was　one　opening　in　the　circle；　which　we　walked　through。　The　werewolves　flowed　behind　us；　like　a　door　of　flesh　closing。　The　wererats　spread　around　behind　us　and　to　either　side；　but　we　all　knew　if　it　came　to　a　fight；　we　were　outmatched；　and　outflanked。
　Rafael　and　two　very　large　wererats　stood　to　one　side　of　me。　Donovan　Reece；　the　swan　king；　was　on　the　other　side。　Rafael　had　kindly　given　him　a　quartet　of　bodyguards。　Micah　stood　just　a　little　behind　me；　and　my　newly　acquired　bodyguards　were　just　behind　him。　Our　leopards　had　spilled　out　in　a　rough　knot　behind　us；　like　a　line　of　defense；　before　the　main　show　of　wererats。
　Someone　had　hung　cloth　in　the　trees　to　one　side　of　the　throne。　Black　cloth；　like　a　curtain；　and　it　took　a　movement　of　the　wind　to　draw　my　attention　to　it。　It　was　held　aside；　and　Sylvie　came　through；　followed　by　a　tall　man　I　didn't　know。　Her　face　was　less　refined　with　no　makeup；　less　soft。　Her　short　hair　curled　neatly；　but　carelessly。　She　was　dressed　in　the　first　pair　of　jeans　I'd　ever　seen　her　in；　with　a　pale　blue　tanktop　and　white　jogging　shoes。
　The　tall　man　was　thin　the　way　basketball　players　are　thin　　all　arms　and　legs　and　lanky　muscle。　Most　of　that　lanky　muscle　showed　because　all　he　wore　was　a　pair　of　cutoff　jean　shorts。　But　he；　like　Richard；　didn't　need　finery。　He　moved　in　a　circle　of　his　own　grace　and　power；　like　a　tiger　stalking　into　view。　Except　there　were　no　bars　to　hide　behind；　and　I'd　had　to　leave　my　gun　at　home。
　He　had　short；　dark　hair　that　curled　a　little　thicker　than　Sylvie's。　His　face　was　one　of　those　that　you　couldn't　decide　was　attractive　or　plain。　It　was　made　up　of　strong　bones；　long　lines；　thin　lips　on　a　wide　mouth。　I'd　just　about　decided　he　was　plain　when　he　looked　at　me；　and　the　moment　I　saw　those　dark　eyes　I　knew　I　was　wrong。　Intelligence　burned　in　there；　intelligence　and　dark　emotion。　He　let　anger　flow　over　his　face；　and　I　realized　the　very　force　of　his　personality　made　him　so　striking　that　he　was　handsome；　though　it　was　the　kind　of　handsome　that　would　never　e　across　in　a　still　photo；　because　it　needed　movement；　his　vibrating　energy　to　make　it　work。
　I　knew　without　being　told　that　this　was　Jacob；　and　I　knew　something　else。　We　were　in　trouble。
　Richard　came　next；　and　he　moved　in　his　own　vibrating　spill　of　power。　He　glided　as　gracefully；　filled　with　as　much　anger　as　Jacob；　but　he　still　lacked　something；　some　edge　that　the　other