lh.narcissusinchains-第80部分

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　〃Yes；　it　was　perfectly；　logically　me；　and　I　was　wrong。　I　should　have　at　least　forced　her　to　have　her　first　experience　with　Guy　where　the　pack　could　oversee　it；　save　him。　But　Louisa　was　so　。。。　delicate　about　it。　I　just　couldn't　insist。　I　just　couldn't　make　her　strip　down　in　front　of　strangers　and　have　her　most　intimate　moment　witnessed。　I　just　couldn't　do　it。〃
　I　didn't　know　what　to　say。　I　did　the　only　thing　I　could　think　of　to　fort　him。　I　went　to　him　and　put　my　arms　around　his　waist；　put　my　cheek　against　the　smooth　firmness　of　his　back；　and　held　him。　〃I　am　so　sorry；　Richard；　so　very　sorry。〃
　His　body　started　to　shake；　and　I　realized　he　was　crying　again；　still　soundlessly；　but　not　gently。　Great　racking　sobs　shook　his　body；　but　the　only　sound　he　allowed　himself　was　the　harsh　shaking　of　his　breath　as　he　gasped；　trying　to　get　enough　air。
　He　slid　slowly　to　his　knees；　his　hands　making　harsh　sounds　down　the　glass　of　the　door；　as　if　he　were　taking　skin　off　as　his　hand　slid　down　the　glass。　I　stayed　standing；　leaning　over　him；　cradling　his　head　against　my　body；　my　hands　on　his　shoulders　and　chest；　trying　to　hold　him。
　He　fell　backwards；　and　I　was　suddenly　trying　to　hold　all　his　weight　as　he　went　for　the　floor。　I　tripped　on　the　hem　of　the　robe；　and　we　ended　in　a　heap　on　the　floor；　with　his　head　and　shoulders　in　my　lap　and　me　struggling　to　sit　up。　The　knot　on　the　towel　had　loosened；　and　a　long；　uninterrupted　line　of　his　body　showed　from　his　waist　down　his　hip　to　his　foot。　The　towel　was　still　in　place；　but　it　was　losing　the　battle。
　His　mouth　opened　in　a　soundless　cry；　then　suddenly　there　was　sound。　He　gave　one　ragged；　tear…choked　scream；　and　the　sound　seemed　to　free　something　inside　him。　Because　the　sobbing　was　suddenly　loud；　full　of　small；　awful；　painful　sounds。　He　sobbed；　and　whimpered；　and　screamed；　and　clutched　at　my　arms；　enough　that　I　knew　I'd　be　bruised。　And　all　I　could　do　was　hold　on；　touch　him；　rock　him；　until　he　quieted。　He　finally　lay　on　his　side；　his　upper　body　as　far　into　my　lap　as　he　would　fit；　the　rest　of　him　curled　up　so　that　one　thigh　covered　him。　The　towel　formed　a　heap　on　the　floor　underneath　him。　I　didn't　even　know　when　the　towel　had　fallen　away。　I　was　sort　of　proud　of　that；　because　usually　when　I　see　Richard　naked；　I　lose　about　forty　points　of　IQ　and　most　of　my　reasoning　ability。　But　now；　his　pain　was　so　raw；　that　that　took　precedence。　It　was　fort　he　needed；　not　sex。
　He　finally　lay　quiet　in　my　arms；　his　breathing　slowed　almost　to　normal。　His　eyelids　had　fluttered　shut；　and　for　a　moment　I　thought　he　was　asleep。　Then　he　spoke；　eyes　still　closed。　〃I　appointed　an　Eros　and　Eranthe　for　the　pack。〃　His　voice　was　still　thick　with　all　the　crying。
　Eros　was　the　Greek　god　of　love；　or　lust；　and　Eranthe　was　the　muse　of　erotic　poetry；　in　werewolf　lore　they　were　the　names　for　sexual　surrogates。　A　man　and　a　woman　that　did　what　needed　doing　when　a　werewolf's　sponsor　was　too　squeamish。　Verne's　pack　had　them；　because　Verne's　lupa　was　very　jealous　of　her　Ulfric；　and　sometimes　you　just　needed　someone　who　isn't　emotionally　involved。
　〃That's　good；　Richard。　I　think　it　will　make　things　easier。〃
　He　opened　his　eyes；　and　they　were　bleak。　It　made　my　chest　ache　to　see　that　look　in　his　eyes。　〃There　are　other　positions　that　would　make　a　lot　of　things　easier；〃　he　said；　voice　thick　and　low。
　I　tensed　up。　I　couldn't　help　it；　because　I　knew　that　there　were　titles　among　the　lukoi　that　would　make　all　the　problems　he'd　created　in　the　pack　fixable。　There　were　titles　that　amounted　to　executioners；　torturers。　The　lukoi　have　a　long　history　through　some　very　harsh　times。　Very　few　packs　fill　these　slots　anymore。　Most　don't　see　the　need；　but　then　most　Ulfrics　are　good　little　tyrants；　they　don't　need　to　delegate　the　rough　stuff。
　〃Do　you　know　what　B？lverk　means？〃　Richard　asked　softly。
　〃It's　one　of　the　names　of　Odin。　It　means　worker　of　evil。〃　My　voice　was　almost　as　soft　as　his。
　〃You　didn't　remember　that　from　a　semester　of　parative　religion　back　in　college。〃
　〃No；〃　I　said。　My　pulse　had　sped　up。　I　couldn't　help　it。　B？lverk　was　the　title　for　what　amounted　to　someone　who　did　the　Ulfric's　evil　deeds。　It　could　be　anything　from　trickery；　to　lies；　to　murder。
　〃You　asked　Verne　about　it；　didn't　you？〃
　〃Yes。〃　I　kept　my　voice　low。　I　was　afraid　to　be　loud；　afraid　he'd　stop　talking；　thought　I　knew　where　the　conversation　was　going；　and　I　wanted　to　get　there。
　〃Jacob　is　going　to　challenge　Sylvie；〃　Richard　said；　and　his　voice　was　growing　stronger；　〃and　he'll　kill　her。　She's　good；　but　I've　seen　Jacob　fight。　She　can't　win。〃
　〃I　haven't　seen　him　fight；　but　I　think　you're　right。〃
　〃If　I　made　you　B？lverk　。。。　〃　He　stopped。　I　wanted　to　yell　at　him　to　finish；　but　I　didn't　dare。　All　I　could　do　was　sit　there；　very　still；　and　try　not　to　do　anything　that　would　change　his　mind。
　He　started　over。　〃If　I　made　you　B？lverk；　what　would　you　do？〃　That　last　was　soft　again；　as　if　he　couldn't　quite　believe　he　was　saying　it。
　I　let　out　a　breath　I　hadn't　even　realized　I　was　holding　and　tried　to　think。　Think　before　I　spoke；　because　I'd　only　get　one　shot　at　this。　I　knew　Richard　and　if　what　I　said　didn't　meet　with　his　approval；　the　offer　would　go　away；　and　he　might　never　be　willing　to　ask　for　this　kind　of　help　again。　I'd　seldom　been　so　eager　to　speak　and　so　afraid　at　the　same　time。　I　prayed　for　wisdom；　diplomacy；　help。
　〃First；　you'd　need　to　announce　my　new　title　to　the　pack；　then　I'd　choose　some　helpers。　I'm　allowed　three；　Baugi；　Suttung；　and　Guunlod。〃
　Richard　said；　〃The　two　giants　B？lverk　tricked　to　get　the　mead　of　poetry；　and　Guunlod；　the　giant's　daughter；　who　he　seduced　for　it。〃
　〃Yes。〃
　He　rolled　his　upper　body　over；　so　he　was　looking　up　at　me。　〃You　spent　almost　every　weekend　of　the　last　six　months　in　Tennessee。　I　thought　you　were　just　studying　with　Marianne；　learning　how　to　use　your　talents；　but　you　were　studying　the　lukoi；　too；　weren't　you？〃
　I　tried　to　be　very　careful；　as　I　said；　〃Verne's　pack　runs　very　smoothly。　He's　helped　me　make　the　wereleopards　into　a　true　pard。〃
　〃You　don't　need　a　B？lverk　or　a　Guunlod　to　make　the　leopards　into　a　pard。〃　His　gaze　was　very　direct；　and　I　couldn't　lie　to　him。
　〃I　was　still　your　lupa；　but　not　a　werewolf；　the　least　I　could　do　was　learn　about　your　culture。〃
　He　smiled　then；　and　it　reached　his　eyes；　just　a　little　　chased　that　lost　look　away。　〃You　didn't　care　about　the　culture。〃
　That　pissed　me　off。　〃Yes；　I　did。〃
　His　smile　widened；　his　eyes　filling　with　light；　the　way　the　sun　filled　the　sky　as　it　rose　above　the　edge　of　the　world。　〃Alright；　you　cared　about　the　culture；　but　that　wasn't　why　you　wanted　to　know　about　B？lverk；　the　evildoer。〃
　I　looked　down；　feeling　just　a　little　embarrassed。　〃Maybe　not。〃
　He　touched　my　face　lightly；　turning　me　to　look　down　at　him　again；　to　meet　his　gaze。　〃You　said　you　didn't　know　about　Jacob　before　you　talked　with　him　on　the　phone。〃
　〃I　didn't；〃　I　said。
　〃Then　why　ask　Verne　about　B？lverk？〃
　I　stared　down　into　those　true…brown　eyes　and　spoke　the　truth。　〃Because　you　are　kind　and　fair　and　just；　and　those　are　lovely　things　to　have　in　a　king；　but　the　world　is　not　kind；　or　fair；　or　just。　The　reason　Verne's　pack　runs　smoothly；　the　reason　my　pard　runs　smoothly；　is　because　Verne　and　I　are　ruthless　when　we　need　to　be。　I　don't　know　if　you　could　be　ruthless　if　you　had　to　be。　But　think　it　would　break　you；　if　you　managed　to　pull　it　off。〃
　〃Having　you　be　ruthless　for　me　is　going　to　break　something　inside　of　me；　Anita。　Something　that's　important　to　me。〃
　I　stroked　his　hair；　feeling　the　thick　softness　of　it。　〃But　me　doing　it　won't　break　as　much；　or　as　badly；　as　you　doing　it；　Richard。〃
　He　nodded　slowly。　〃I　know；　and　I　hate　myself　for　that。〃
　I　leaned　over　and　kissed　his　forehead；　very　gently。　I　spoke　with　my　lips　touching　his　skin。　〃The　only　true　happiness；　Richard；　lies　in　knowing　who　you　are　　what　you　are　　and　making　peace　with　it。〃　His　arm　curved　up　around　me；　holding　me　against　him。　He　spoke　with　his　mouth　against　the　hollow　of　my　throat。　〃And　are　you　at　peace　with　what　you　are？〃
　〃I'm　working　on　it；〃　I　said。
　He　kissed　my　throat；　very　softly。　〃Me　too。〃
　I　drew　back　enough　to　see　his　face；　and　his　hand　thrust　upward　through　my　hair；　pulled　my　face　down　to　his。　We　kissed；　soft；　then　harder；　his　lips；　his　tongue；　his　mouth　working　at　mine。　I　cupped　his　face　in　my　hands　and　kissed　him　　kissed　him　long　and　hard。　When　I　drew　back；　breathless；　I　found　that　he'd　rolled　his　lower　body　over　and　lay　on　his　back；　nude。　He　laughed　at　the　expression　on　my　face　and　pulled　me　down　towards　him。　I　lost　that　forty　points　of　intelligence　and　all　my　reasoning　skills　as　he　undid　my　robe　and　I　ran　my　hands　down　the　long　line　of　his　body。
　I　had　just　enough　self…possession　left　to　say；　〃Not　here。　We've　got　an　audience　in　the　living　room。〃
　His　hand　slid　under　the　green　satin　of　the　camisole；　curving　around　to　my　back；　pulling　me　against　him。　〃There's　no　place　in　the　house　that　they　won't　hear　us；　smell　us。〃
　I　pulled　back　from　him　before　he　could　kiss　me。　〃Gee；　Richard；　that　makes　me　feel　a　lot　better。〃
　He　propped　himself　up　on　one　arm；　staring　down　at　me。　〃We　can　go　into　the　bedroom　if　you　want；　but　we　won't　be　fooling　anybody。〃
　I　didn't　like　that；　and　it　must　have　shown　on　my　face；　because　Richard　drew　his　hand　out　from　under　my　top；　and　said；　〃Do　you　want　to　stop？〃
　We　hadn't　really　gotten　started；　but　I　knew　what　he　meant。　I　looked　into　the　solid　brown　of　his　eyes；　traced　the　edge　of　his　jaw　with　my　gaze；　the　fullness　of　his　lips；　the　curve　of　his　throat；　the　spread　of　his　shoulders；　the　way　his　hair　fell　around　him；　catching　the　early　morning　light；　bringing　out　shades　of　gold　and　copper　in　his　hair；　the　swell　of　his　chest；　his　nipples　already　dark　and　hard；　the　flat　line　of　his　stomach　with　that　thin；　dark　line　of　hair　that　went　from　his　belly　button　to　。。。　the　skin　was　darker；　richer；　you　could　almost　smell　the　blood　that　pumped　him　full　and　hard。　He　looked　ripe；　like　he　was　something　full　to　bursting　with　life。　I　wanted　to　touch　him；　to　squeeze；　oh　so　delicately。　I　lay　on　the　floor　with　my　hands　at　my　sides；　my　pulse　beating　in　my　throat；　and　said；　〃No；　I　don't　want　to　stop。〃　My　voice　was　almost　a　whisper。
　His　eyes　filled　with　that　dark　heat　that　spills　into　a　man's　face　when　he