brideshead+revisited-第23部分

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mpets；　and　Mr　Samgrass；　who　had　lunched　at　home　and　dozed　all　the　afternoon　before　the　fire；　ate　eggs　and　crumpets　with　them。　Presently　Lady　Marchmain's　party　returned；　and　when；　before　we　went　upstairs　to　dress　for　dinner；　she　said　'Who's　ing　to　chapel　for　the　Rosary？'　and　Sebastian　and　Julia　said　they　must　have　their　baths　at　once；　Mr　Samgrass　went　with　her　and　the　friar。
　　　　'I　wish　Mr　Samgrass　would　go；'　said　Sebastian；　in　his　bath；　'I'm　sick　of　being　grateful　to　him。'
　　　　In　the　course　of　the　next　fortnight　distaste　for　Mr　Samgrass　came　to　be　a　little　unspoken　secret　throughout　the　house；　in　his　presence　Sir　Adrian　Porson's　fine　old　eyes　seemed　to　search　a　distant　horizon　and　his　lips　set　in　classic　pessimism。　Only　the　Hungarian　cousins　who；　mistaking　the　status　of　tutor；　took　him　for　an　unusually　privileged　upper　servant；　were　unaffected　by　his　presence。

　　　　Mr　Samgrass；　Sir　Adrian　Porson；　the　Hungarians；　the　friar；　Brideshead；　Sebastian；　Cordelia　were　all　who　remained　of　the　Christmas　party。
　　　　Religion　predominated　in…the　house；　not　only　in　its　practices　…　the　daily　mass　and　Rosary；　morning　and　evening　in　the　chapel　…　but　in　all　its　intercourse。　'We　must　make　a　Catholic　of　Charles；'　Lady　Marchmain　said；　and　we　had　many　little　talks　together　during　my　visits　when　she　delicately　steered　the　subject　into　a　holy　quarter。　After　the　first　of　these　Sebastian　said：　'Has　mummy　been　having　one　of　her　〃little　talks〃　with　you？　She's　always　doing　it。　I　wish　to　hell　she　wouldn't。'
　　　　One　was　never　summoned　for　a　little　talk；　or　consciously　led　to　it；　it　merely　happened；　when　she　wished　to　speak　intimately；　that　one　found　oneself　alone　with　her；　if　it　was　summer；　in　a　secluded　walk　by　the　lakes　or　in　a　corner　of　the　walled　rose…gardens；　if　it　was　winter；　in　her　sitting…room　on　the　first　floor。
　　　　This　room　was　all　her　own；　she　had　taken　it　for　herself　and　changed　it　so　that；　entering；　one　seemed　to　be　in　another　house。　She　had　lowered　the　ceiling　and　the　elaborate　cornice　which；　in　one　form　or　another；　graced　every　room　was　lost　to　view；　the　walls；　one　panelled　in　brocade；　were　stripped　and　washed　blue　and　spotted　with　innumerable　little　water…colours　of　fond　association；　the　air　was　sweet　with　the　fresh　scent　of　flowers　and　musty　potpourri；　her　library　in　soft　leather　covers；　well…read　works　of　poetry　and　piety；　filled　a　small　rosewood　bookcase；　the　chimney…piece　was　covered　with　small　personal　treasures　…　an　ivory　Madonna；　a　plaster　St　Joseph；　posthumous　miniatures　of　her　three　soldier　brothers。　When　Sebastian　and　I　lived　alone　at　Brideshead　during　that　brilliant　August　we　had　kept　out　of　his　mother's　room。
　　　　Scraps　of　conversation　e　back　to　me　with　the　memory　of　her　room。　I　remember　her　saying：　'When　I　was　a　girl　we　were　paratively　poor；　but　still　richer　than　most　of　the　world；　and　when　I　married　I　became　very　rich。　It　used　to　worry　me；　and　I　thought　it　wrong　to　have　so　many　beautiful　things　when　others　had　nothing。　Now　I　realize　that　it　is　possible　for　the　rich　to　sin　by　coveting　the　privileges　of　the　poor。　The　poor　have　always　been　the　favourites　of　God　and　his　saints；　but　I　believe　that　it　is　one　of　the　special　achievements　of　Grace　to　sanctify　the　whole　of　life；　riches　included。　Wealth　in　pagan　Rome　was　necessarily　something　cruel；　it's　not　any　more。'
　　　　I　said　something　about　a　camel　and　the　eye　of　a　needle　and　she　rose　happily　to　the　point。
　　　　'But　of　course；'　she　said；　'it's　very　unexpected　for　a　camel　to　go　through　the　eye　of　a　needle；　but　the　gospel　is　simply　a　catalogue　of　unexpected　things。　It's　not　to　be　expected　that　an　ox　and　an　ass　should　worship　at　the　crib。　Animals　are　always　doing　the　oddest　things　in　the　lives　of　the　saints。　It's　all　part　of　the　poetry；　the　Alice…in…Wonderland　side；　of　religion。'
　　　　But　I　was　as　untouched　by　her　faith　as　I　was　by　her　charm：　or；　rather；　I　was　touched　by　both　alike。　I　had　no　mind　then　for　anything　except　Sebastian；　and　I　saw　him　already　as　being　threatened；　though　I　did　not　yet　know　how　black　was　the　threat。　His　constant；　despairing　prayer　was　to　be　let　alone。　By　the　blue　waters　and　rustling　palms　of　his　own　mind　he　was　happy　and　harmless　as　a　Polynesian；　only　when　the　big　ship　dropped　anchor　beyond　the　coral　reef；　and　the　cutter　beached　in　the　lagoon；　and；　up　the　slope　that　had　never　known　the　print　of　a　boot；　there　trod　the　grim　invasion　of　trader；　administrator；　missionary；　and　tourist　…　only　then　was　it　time　to　disinter　the　archaic　weapons　of　the　tribe　and　…sound　the　drums　in　the　hills；　or；　more　easily；　to　turn　from　the　sunlit　door　and　lie　alone　in　the　darkness；　；　where　the　impotent；　painted　deities　paraded　the　walls　in　vain　and　cough　his　heart　out　among　the　rum　bottles。
　　　　And；　since　Sebastian　counted　among　the　intruders　his　own　conscience　and　all　claims　of　human　affection；　his　days　in　Arcadia　were　numbered。　For　in　this；　to　me；　tranquil　time　Sebastian　took　fright。　I　knew　him　well　in　that　mood　of　alertness　and　suspicion；　like　a　deer　suddenly　lifting　his　head　at　the　far　notes　of　the　hunt；　I　had　seen　him　grow　wary　at　the　thought　of　his　family　or　his　religion；　now　I　found　I；　too；　was　suspect。　He　did　not　fail　in　love；　but　he　lost　his　joy　of　it；　for　I　was　no　longer　part　of　his　solitude。　As　my　intimacy　with　his　family　grew；　I　became　part　of　the　world　which　he　sought　to　escape；　I　became　one　of　the　bonds　which　held　him。　That　was　the　part　for　which　his　mother；　in　all　our　little　talks；　was　seeking　to　fit　me。　Everything　was　left　unsaid。　It　was　only　dimly　and　at　rare　moments　that　I　suspected　what　was　afoot。
　　　　Outwardly　Mr　Samgrass　was　the　only　enemy。　For　a　fortnight　Sebastian　and　I　remained　at　Brideshead；　leading　our　own　life。　His　brother　was　engaged　in　sport　and　estate　management；　Mr　Samgrass　was　at　work　in　the　library　on　Lady　Marchmain's　book；　Sir　Adrian　Porson　demanded　most　of　Lady　Marchmain's　time。　We　saw　little　of　them　except　in　the　evenings；　there　was　room　under　that　wide　roof　for　a　wide　variety　of　independent　lives。
　　　　After　a　fortnight　Sebastian　said：　'I　can't　stand　Mr　Samgrass　any　more。　Let's　go　to　London；'　so　he　came　to　stay　with　me　and　now　began　to　use　my　home　in　preference　to　'Marchers'。　My　father　liked　him。　'I　think　your　friend　very　amusing；'　he　said。　'Ask　him　often。'

　　　　Then；　back　at　Oxford；　we　took　up　again　the　life　that　seemed　to　be　shrinking　in　the　cold　air。　The　sadness　that　had　been　strong　in　Sebastian　the　term　before　gave　place　to　kind　of　sullenness；　even　towards　me。　He　was　sick　at　heart　somewhere；　I　did　not　know　how；　and　I　grieved　for　him；　unable　to　help。
　　　　When　he　was　gay　now　it　was　usually　because　he　was　drunk；　and　when　drunk　he　developed　an　obsession　of　'mocking　Mr　Samgrass'。　He　posed　a　ditty　of　which　the　refrain　was；　'Green　arse；　Samgrass　…　Samgrass　green　arse'；　sung　to　the　tune　of　St　Mary's　chime；　and　he　would　thus　serenade　him；　perhaps　once　a　week；　under　his　windows。　Mr　Samgrass　was　distinguished　as　being　the　first　don　to　have　a　private　telephone　installed　in　his　rooms。　Sebastian　in　his　cups　used　to　ring　him　up　and　sing　him　this　simple　song。　And　all　this　Mr　Samgrass　took　in　good　part；　as　it　is　called；　smiling　obsequiously　when　we　met；　but　with　growing　confidence；　as　though　each　outrage　in　some　way　strengthened　his　hold　on　Sebastian。
　　　　It　was　during　this　term　that　I　began　to　realize　that　Sebastian　was　a　drunkard　in　quite　a　different　sense　to　myself　I　got　drunk　often；　but　through　an　excess　of　high　spirits；　in　the　love　of　the　moment；　and　the　wish　to　prolong　and　enhance　it；　Sebastian　drank　to　escape。　As　we　together　grew　older　and　more　serious　I　drank　less；　he　more。　I　found　that　sometimes　after　I　had　gone　back　to　my　college；　he　sat　up　late　and　alone；　soaking。　A　succession　of　disasters　came　on　him　so　swiftly　and　with　such　unexpected　violence　that　it　is　hard　to　say　when　exactly　I　recognized　that　my　friend　was　in　deep　trouble。　I　knew　it　well　enough　in　the　Easter　vacation。
　　　　Julia　used　to　say；　'Poor　Sebastian。　It's　something　chemical　in　him。'
　　　　That　was　the　cant　phrase　of　the　time；　derived　from　heaven　knows　what　misconception　of　popular　science。　'There's　something　chemical　between　them'　was　used　to　explain　the　over…mastering　hate　or　love　of　any　two　people。　It　was　the　old　concept　in　a　new　form。　I　do　not　believe　there　was　anything　chemical　in　my　friend。
　　　　The　Easter　party　at　Brideshead　was　a　bitter　time；　culminating　in　a　small　but　unforgettably　painful　incident。　Sebastian　got　very　drunk　before　dinner　in　his　mother's　house；　and　thus　marked　the　beginning　of　a　new　epoch　in　his　melancholy　record；　another　stride　in　the　flight　from　his　family　which　brought　him　to　ruin。
　　　　It　was　at　the　end　of　the　day　when　the　large　Easter　party　left　Brideshead。　It　was　called　the　Easter　party；　though　in　fact　it　began　on　the　Tuesday　of　Easter　Week；　for　the　Flytes　all　went　into　retreat　at　the　guest…house　of　a　monastery　from　Maundy　Thursday　until　Easter。　This　year　Sebastian　had　said　he　would　not　go；　but　at　the　last　moment　had　yielded；　and　came　home　in　a　state　of　acute　depression　from　which　I　totally　failed　to　raise　him。
　　　　He　had　been　drinking　very　hard　for　a　week　…　only　I　knew　how　hard　…　and　drinking　in　a　nervous；　surreptitious　way；　totally　unlike　his　old　habit。　During　the　party　there　was　always　a　grog　tray　in　the　library；　and　Sebastian　took　to　slipping　in　there　at　odd　moments　during　the　day　without　saying　anything　even　to　me。　The　house　was　largely　deserted　during　the　day。　I　was　at　work　painting　another　panel　in　the　little　garden…room　in　the　colonnade。　Sebastian　plained　of　a　cold；　stayed　in；　and　during　all　that　time　was　never　quite　sober；　he　escaped　attention　by　being　silent。　Now　and　then　I　noticed　him　attract　curious　glances；　but　most　of　the　party　knew　him　too　slightly　to　see　the　change　in　him；　while　his　own　family　were　occupied；　each　with　their　particular　guests。
　　　　When　I　remonstrated　he　said；　'I　can't　stand　all　these　people　about；〃　but　it　was　when　they　finally　left　and　he　had　to　face　his　family　at　close　quarters　that　he　broke　down。　
　　　　The　normal　practice　was　for　a　cocktail　tray　to　be　brought　into　the　drawing…room　at　six；　we　mixed　our　own　drinks　and　the　bottles　were　removed　when　we　went　to　dress；　later；　just　before　dinner；　cocktails　appeared　again；　this　time　handed　round　by　the　footmen。
　　　　Sebastian　disappeared　after　tea；　the　light　had　gone　and　I　spent　the