brideshead+revisited-第25部分

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　　　　'Mr　Samgrass　says　he　is　noisy　and　high…spirited。　I　believe；'　she　said；　with　a　faint　light　of　humour　streaking　the　clouds；　'I　believe　you　and　he　tease　Mr　Samgrass　rather。　It's　naughty　of　you。　I'm　very　fond　of　Mr　Samgrass；　and　you　should　be　too；　after　all　he's　done　for　you。　But　I　think　perhaps　if　I　were　your　age　and　a　man　I　might　be　just　a　little　inclined　to　tease　Mr　Samgrass　myself。　No；　I　don't　mind　that；　but　last　night　and　this　morning　are　something　quite　different。　You　see；　it's　all　happened　before。'
　　　　　'I　can　only　say　I've　seen　him　drunk　often　and　I've　been　drunk　with　him　often；　but　last　night　was　quite　new　to　me。'
　　　　'Oh；　I　don't　mean　with　Sebastian。　I　mean　years　ago。　I've　been　through　it　all　before　with　someone　else　whom　I　loved。　Well；　you　must　know　what　I　mean　…　with　his　father。　He　used　to　be　drunk　in　just　that　way。　Someone　told　me　he　is　not　like　that　now。　I　pray　God　it's　true　and　thank　God　for　it　with　all　my　heart；　if　it　is。　But　the　running　away　…　he　ran　away；　too；　you　know。　It　was　as　you　said　just　now；　he　was　ashamed　of　being　unhappy。　Both　of　them　unhappy；　ashamed；　and　running　away。　It's　too　pitiful。　The　men　I　grew　up　with'　…　and　her　great　eyes　moved　from　the　embroidery　to　the　three　miniatures　in　the　folding　leathecase　on　the　chimney…piece　…　'were　not　like　that。　I　simply　don't　understand　it。　Do　you；　Charles？'
　　　　'Only　very　little。'
　　　　'And　yet　Sebastian　is　fonder　of　you　than　of　any　of　us；　you　know。　You've　got　to　help　him。　I　can't。'
　　　　I　have　here　pressed　into　a　few　sentences　what；　there；　required　many。　Lady　Marchmain　was　not　diffuse；　but　she　took　hold　of　her　subject　in　a　feminine；　flirtatious　way；　circling；　approaching；　retreating；　feinting；　she　hovered　over　it　like　a　butterfly；　she　played　'grandmother's　steps'　with　it；　getting　nearer　the　real　point　imperceptibly　while　one's　back　was　turned；　standing　rooted　when　she　was　observed。　The　unhappiness；　the　running　away　…　these　made　up　her　sorrow；　and　in　her　own　way　she　exposed　the　whole　of　it；　before　she　was　done。　It　was　an　hour　before　she　had　said　all　she　meant　to　say。　Then；　as　I　rose　to　leave　her；　she　added　as　though　in　an　afterthought：　'I　wonder　have　you　seen　my　brothers'　book？　It　has　just　e　out。'
　　　　I　told　her　I　had　looked　through　it　in　Sebastian's　room。
　　　　'I　should　like　you　to　have　a　copy。　May　I　give　you　one？　They　were　three　splendid　men；　Ned　was　the　best　of　them。　He　was　the　last　to　be　killed；　and　when　the　telegram　came；　as　I　knew　it　would　e；　I　thought：　〃Now　it's　my　son's　turn　to　do　what　Ned　can　never　do　now。〃　I　was　alone　then。　He　was　just　going　to　Eton。　If　you　read　Ned's　book　you'll　understand。'
　　　　She　had　a　copy　lying　ready　on　her　bureau。　I　thought　at　the　time；　'She　planned　this　parting　before　ever　I　came　in。　Had　she　rehearsed　all　the　interview？　If　things　had　gone　differently　would　she　have　put　the　book　back　in　the　drawer？'
　　　　She　wrote　her　name　and　mine　on　the　fly　leaf；　the　date　and　place。
　　　　'I　prayed　for　you；　too；　in　the　night；'　she　said。
　　　　I　closed　the　door　behind　me；　shutting　out　the　bondieuserie；　the　low　ceiling；　the　chintz；　the　lambskin　bindings；　the　views　of　Florence；　the　bowls　of　hyacinth　and　potpourri；　the　petit…point；　the　intimate　feminine；　modern　world；　and　was　back　under　the　coved　and　coffered　roof；　the　columns　and　entablature　of　the　central　hall；　in　the　august；　masculine　atmosphere　of　a　better　age。
　　　　I　was　no　fool；　I　was　old　enough　to　know　that　an　attempt　had　been　made　to　suborn　me　and　young　enough　to　have　found　the　experience　agreeable。
　　　　I　did　not　see　Julia　that　morning；　but　just　as　I　was　leaving　Cordelia　ran　to　the　door　of　the　car　and　said：　'Will　you　be　seeing　Sebastian？　Please　give　him　my　special　love。　Will　you　remember　…　my　special　love？'

　　　　In　the　train　to　London　I　read　the　book　Lady　Marchmain　had　given　me。　The　frontispiece　reproduced　the　photograph　of　a　young　man　in　Grenadier　uniform；　and　I　saw　plainly　revealed　there　the　origin　of　that　grim　mask　which；　in　Brideshead；　overlaid　the　gracious　features　of　his　father's　family；　this　was　a　man　of　the　woods　and　caves；　a　hunter；　a　judge　of　the　tribal　council；　the　repository　of　the　harsh　traditions　of　a　people　at　war　with　their　environment。　There　were　other　illustrations　in　the　book；　snapshots　of　the　three　brothers　on　holiday；　and　in　each　I　traced　the　same　archaic　lines；　and　remembering　Lady　Marchmain；　starry　and　delicate；　I　could　find　no　likeness　to　her　in　these　sombre　men。
　　　　She　appeared　seldom　in　the　book；　she　was　older　than　the　eldest　of　them　by　nine　years　and　had　married　and　left　home　while　they　were　schoolboys；　between　her　and　them　stood　two　other　sisters；　after　the　birth　of　the　third　daughter　there　had　been　pilgrimages　and　pious　benedictions　in　request　for　a　son；　for　theirs　was　a　wide　property　and　an　ancient　name；　male　heirs　had　e　late　and；　when　they　came；　in　a　profusion　which　at　the　time　seemed　to　promise　continuity　to　the　line　which；　in　the　tragic　event；　ended　abruptly　with　them。
　　　　The　family　history　was　typical　of　the　Catholic　squires　of　England；　from　Elizabeth's　reign　till　Victoria's　they　lived　sequestered　lives；　among　their　tenantry　and　kinsmen；　sending　their　sons　to　school　abroad；　often　marrying　there；　inter…marrying；　if　not；　with　a　score　of　families　like　themselves；　debarred　from　all　preferment；　and　learning；　in　those　lost　generations；　lessons　which　could　still　be　read　in　the　lives　of　the　last　three　men　of　the　house。
　　　　Mr　Samgrass's　deft　editorship　had　assembled　and　arranged　a　curiously　homogeneous　little　body　of　writing　…　poetry；　letters；　scraps　of　a　journal；　an　unpublished　essay　or　two；　which　all　exhaled　the　same　high…spirited；　serious；　chivalrous；　otherworldly　air　and　the　letters　from　their　contemporaries；　written　after　their　deaths；　all　in　varying　degrees　of　articulateness；　told　the　same　tale　of　men　who　were；　in　all　the　full　flood　of　academic　and　athletic　success；　of　popularity　and　the　promise　of　great　rewards　ahead；　seen　somehow　as　set　apart　from　their　fellows；　garlanded　victims；　devoted　to　the　sacrifice。　These　men　must　die　to　make　a　world　for　Hooper；　they　were　the　aborigines；　vermin　by　right　of　law；　to　be　shot　off　at　leisure　so　that　things　might　be　safe　for　the　travelling　salesman；　with　his　polygonal　pince…nez；　his　fat　wet　hand…shake；　his　grinning　dentures。　I　wondered；　as　the　train　carried　me　farther　and　farther　from　Lady　Marchmain；　whether　perhaps　there　was　not　on　her；　too；　the　same　blaze；　marking　her　and　hers　for　destruction　by　other　ways　than　war。　Did　she　see　a　sign　in　the　red　centre　of　her　cosy　grate　and　hear　it　in　the　rattle　of　creeper　on　the　window…pane；　this　whisper　of　doom？
　　　　Then　I　reached　Paddington　and；　returning　home；　found　Sebastian　there；　and　the　sense　of　tragedy　vanished；　for　he　was　gay　and　free　as　when　I　first　met　him。
　　　　'Cordelia　sent　you　her　special　love。'
　　　　'Did　you　have　a　〃little　talk〃　with　mummy？'
　　　　'Yes。'
　　　　'Have　you　gone　over　to　her　side？
　　　　The　day　before　I　would　have　said：　'There　aren't　two　sides'；　that　day　I　said；　'No；　I'm　with　you；　〃Sebastian　contra　mundum〃。'
　　　　And　that　was　all　the　conversation　we　had　on　the　subject；　then　or　ever。

　　　　But　the　shadows　were　closing　round　Sebastian。　We　returned　to　Oxford　and　once　again　the　gillyflowers　bloomed　under　my　windows　and　the　chestnut　lit　the　streets　and　the　warm　stones　strewed　their　flakes　upon　the　cobble；　but　it　was　not　as　it　had　been；　there　was　mid…winter　in　Sebastian's　heart。
　　　　The　weeks　went　by；　we　looked　for　lodgings　for　the　ing　term　and　found　them　in　Merton　Street；　a　secluded；　expensive　little　house　near　the　tennis　court。
　　　　Meeting　Mr　Samgrass；　whom　we　had　seen　less　often　of　late；　I　told　him　of　our　choice。　He　was　standing　at　the　table　in　Blackwell's　where　recent　German　books　were　displayed；　setting　aside　a　little　heap　of　purchases。
　　　　'You're　sharing　digs　with　Sebastian？'　he　said。　'So　he　is　ing　up　next　term？'
　　　　'I　suppose　so。　Why　shouldn't　he　be？'
　　　　'I　don't　know　why；　I　somehow　thought　perhaps　he　wasn't。　I'm　always　wrong　about　things　like　that。　I　like　Merton　Street。'
　　　　He　showed　me　the　books　he　was　buying；　which；　since　I　knew　no　German；　were　not　of　interest　to　me。　As　I　left　him　he　said：　'Don't　think　me　interfering；　you　know；　but　I　shouldn't　make　any　definite　arrangement　in　Merton　Street　until　you're　sure。'
　　　　I　told　Sebastian　of　this　conversation　and　he　said：　'Yes；　there's　a　plot　on。　Mummy　wants　me　to　go　and　live　with　Mgr　Bell。'
　　　　'Why　didn't　you　tell　me　about　it？'
　　　　'Because　I'm　not　going　to　live　with　Mgr　Bell。'
　　　　'I　still　think　you　might　have　told　me。　When　did　it　start？'
　　　　'Oh；　it's　been　going　on。　Mummy's　very　clever；　you　know。　She　saw　she'd　failed　with　you。　I　expect　it　was　the　letter　you　wrote　after　reading　Uncle　Ned's　book。'
　　　　'I　hardly　said　anything。'
　　　　'That　was　it。　If　you　were　going　to　be　any　help　to　her；　you　would　have　said　a　lot。　Uncle　Ned　is　the　test；　you　know。'
　　　　But　it　seemed　she　had　not　quite　despaired；　for　a　few　days　later　I　got　a　note　from　her　which　said：　'I　shall　be　passing　through　Oxford　on　Tuesday　and　hope　to　see　you　and　Sebastian。　I　would　like　to　see　you　alone　for　five　minutes　before　I　see　him。　Is　that　too　much　to　ask？　I　will　e　to　your　rooms　at　about　twelve。'
　　　　She　came；　she　admired　my　rooms。。。　'My　brothers　Simon　and　Ned　were　here；　you　know。　Ned　had　rooms　on　the　garden　front。　I　wanted　Sebastian　to　e　here；　too；　but　my　husband　was　at　Christ　Church　and；　as　you　know；　he　took　charge　of　Sebastian's　education'；　she　admired　my　drawings。。。'everyone　loves　your　paintings　in　the　garden…room。　We　shall　never　forgive　you　if　you　don't　finish　them。'　Finally；　she　came　to　her　point。
　　　　'I　expect　you've　guessed　already　what　I　have　e　to　ask。　Quite　simply；　is　Sebastian　drinking　too　much　this　term？'
　　　　I　had　guessed；　I　answered：　'If　he　were；　I　shouldn't　answer。　As　it　is　I　can　say；　〃No〃。'
　　　　She　said：　'I　believe　you。　Thank　God！'　and　we　went　together　to　luncheon　at　Christ　Church。
　　　　That　night　Sebastian　had　his　third　disaster　and　was　found　by　the　junior　dean　at　one　o'clock；　wandering　round　Tom　Quad　hopelessly　drunk。
　　　　I　had　left　him　morose　but　pletely　sober　at　a　few　minutes　before　twelve。　In　the　succeeding　hour　he　had　drunk　half　a　bottle　of　whisky　alone。　He　did　not　remember　much　about　it　when　he　came　to　tell　me　next　morning。
　　　　'Have　you　been　doing　that　a　lot；'　I　asked；　'drinking　by　yourself　after　I've　gone？'