brideshead+revisited-第39部分

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e　will　carry　him　off；　pouff。　This　is　not　a　home　for　inebriates。　He　must　go　at　the　end　of　the　week。'
　　　　The　lay…brother　said：　'Your　friend　is　so　much　happier　today；　it　is　like　one　transfigured。'
　　　　'Poor　simple　monk；'　I　thought；　'poor　booby'；　but　he　added；　'You　know　why？　He　has　a　bottle　of　cognac　in　bed　with　him。　It　is　the　second　I　have　found。　No　sooner　do　I　take　one　away　than　he　gets　another。　He　is　so　naughty。　It　is　the　Arab　boys　who　fetch　it　for　him。　But　it　is　good　to　see　him　happy　again　when　he　has　been　so　sad。'
　　　　On　my　last　afternoon　I　said；　'Sebastian；　now　your　mother's　dead'　…　for　the　news　had　reached　us　that　morning　…　'do　you　think　of　going　back　to　England？'
　　　　'It　would　be　lovely；　in　some　ways；'　he　said；　'but　do　you　think　Kurt　would　like　it？'
　　　　'For　God's　sake；'　I　said；　'you　don't　mean　to　spend　your　life　with　Kurt；　do　you？'
　　　　'I　don't　know。　He　seems　to　mean　to　spend　it　with　me。　〃It'th　all　right　for　him；　I　reckon；　maybe；〃'　he　said；　mimicking　Kurt's　accent；　and　then　he　added　what；　if　I　had　paid　more　attention；　should　have　given　me　the　key　I　lacked；　at　the　time　I　heard　and　remembered　it；　without　taking　notice。　'You　know；　Charles；'　he　said；　'it's　rather　a　pleasant　change　when　all　your　life　you've　had　people　looking　after　you；　to　have　someone　to　look　after　yourself。　Only　of　course　it　has　to　be　someone　pretty　hopeless　to　need　looking　after　by　me。'
　　　　I　was　able　to　straighten　his　money　affairs　before　I　left。　He　had　lived　till　then　by　getting　into　difficulties　and　then　telegraphing　for　odd　sums　to　his　lawyers。　I　saw　the　branch　manager　of　the　bank　and　arranged　for　him；　if　funds　were　forthing　from　London；　to　receive　Sebastian's　quarterly　allowance　and　pay　him　a　weekly　sum　of　pocket　money　with　a　reserve　to　be　drawn　in　emergencies。　This　sum　was　only　to　be　given　to　Sebastian　personally；　and　only　when　the　manager　was　satisfied　that　he　had　a　proper　use　for　it。　Sebastian　agreed　readily　to　all　this。
　　　　'Otherwise；'　he　said；　'Kurt　will　get　me　to　sign　a　cheque　for　the　whole　lot　when　I'm　tight　and　then　he'll　go　off　and　get　into　all　kinds　of　trouble。'
　　　　I　saw　Sebastian　home　from　the　hospital。　He　seemed　weaker　in　his　basket　chair　than　he　had　been　in　bed。　The　two　sick　men；　he　and　Kurt；　sat　opposite　one　another　with　the　gramophone　between　them。
　　　　'It　was　time　you　came　back；　'　said　Kurt。　'I　need　you。'
　　　　'Do　you；　Kurt？'
　　　　'I　reckon　so。　It's　not　so　good　being　alone　when　you're　sick。　That　boy's　a　lazy　fellow　…　always　slipping　off　when　I　want　him。　Once　he　stayed　out　all　night　and　there　was　no　one　to　make　my　coffee　when　I　woke　up。　It's　no　good　having　a　foot　full　of　pus。　Times　I　can't　sleep　good。　Maybe　another　time　I　shall　slip　off；　too；　and　go　where　I　can　be　looked　after。'　He　clapped　his　hands　but　no　servant　came。　'You　see？'　he　said。
　　　　'What　d'you　want？'
　　　　'Cigarettes。　I　got　some　in　the　bag　under　my　bed。'
　　　　Sebastian　began　painfully　to　rise　from　his　chair。
　　　　'I'll　get　them；'　I　said。　'Where's　his　bed？'
　　　　'No；　that's　my　job；'　said　Sebastian。
　　　　'Yeth；　'　said　Kurt；　'I　reckon　that's　Sebastian's　job。'
　　　　So　I　left　him　with　his　friend　in　the　little　enclosed　house　at　the　end　of　the　alley。　There　was　nothing　more　I　could　do　for　Sebastian。
　　　　I　had　meant　to　return　direct　to　Paris；　but　this　business　of　Sebastian's　allowance　meant　that　I　must　go　to　London　and　see　Brideshead。　I　travelled　by　sea；　taking　the　P。　&　0。　from　Tangier；　and　was　home　in　early　June。

　　　　'Do　you　consider；'　asked　Brideshead；　'that　there　is　anything　vicious　in　my　brother's　connection　with　this　German？'
　　　　'No。　I'm　sure　not。　It's　simply　a　case　of　two　waifs　ing　together。'
　　　　'You　say　he　is　a　criminal？'
　　　　'I　said　〃a　criminal　type〃。　He's　been　in　the　military　prison　and　was　dishonourably　discharged。'
　　　　'And　the　doctor　says　Sebastian　is　killing　himself　with　drink？'
　　　　'Weakening　himself。　He　hasn't　D。T。s　or　cirrhosis。'
　　　　'He's　not　insane？'
　　　　'Certainly　not。　He's　found　a　panion　he　happens　to　like　and　a　place　where　he　happens　to　like　living。'
　　　　'Then　he　must　have　his　allowance　as　you　suggest。　The　thing　is　quite　clear。'
　　　　In　some　ways　Brideshead　was　an　easy　man　to　deal　with。　He　had　a　kind　of　mad　certainty　about　everything　which　made　his　decisions　swift　and　easy。
　　　　'Would　you　like　to　paint　this　house？'　he　asked　suddenly。　'A　picture　of　the　front；　another　of　the　back　on　the　park；　another　of　the　staircase；　another　of　the　big　drawing…room？　Four　small　oils；　that　is　what　my　father　wants　done　for　a　record；　to　keep　at　Brideshead。　I　don't　know　any　painters。　Julia　said　you　specialized　in　architecture。'
　　　　'Yes；'　I　said。　'I　should　like　to　very　much。'
　　　　'You　know　it's　being　pulled　down？　My　father's　selling　it。　They　are　going　to　put　up　a　block　of　flats　here。　They're　keeping　the　name　…　we　can't　stop　them　apparently。'
　　　　'What　a　sad　thing。'
　　　　'Well；　I'm　sorry　of　course。　But　you　think　it　good　architecturally？'
　　　　'One　of　the　most　beautiful　houses　I　know。'
　　　　'Can't　see　it。　I've　always　thought　it　rather　ugly。　Perhaps　your　pictures　will　make　me　see　it　differently。'
　　　　This　was　my　first　mission；　I　had　to　work　against　time；　for　the　contractors　were　only　waiting　for　the　final　signature　to　start　their　work　of　destruction。　In　spite；　or　perhaps；　because；　of　that　for　it　is　my　vice　to　spend　too　long　on　a　canvas；　never　content　to　leave　well　alone　…　those　four　paintings　are　particular　favourites　of　mine；　and　it　was　their　success；　both　with　myself　and　others；　that　confirmed　me　in　what　has　since　been　my　career。
　　　　I　began　in　the　long　drawing…room；　for　they　were　anxious　to　shift　the　furniture；　which　had　stood　there　since　it　was　built。　It　was　a　long；　elaborate；　symmetrical　Adam　room；　with　two　bays　of　windows　opening　into　Green　Park。　The　light；　streaming　in　from　the　west　on　the　afternoon　when　I　began　to　paint　there；　was　fresh　green　from　the　young　trees　outside。
　　　　I　had　the　perspective　set　out　in　pencil　and　the　detail　carefully　placed。　I　held　back　from　painting；　like　a　diver　on　the　water's　edge；　once　in　I　found　myself　buoyed　and　exhilarated。　I　was　normally　a　slow　and　deliberate　painter；　that　afternoon　and　all　next　day；　and　the　day　after；　I　worked　fast。　I　could　do　nothing　wrong。　At　the　end　of　each　passage　I　paused；　tense；　afraid　to　start　the　next；　fearing；　like　a　gambler；　that　luck　must　turn　and　the　pile　be　lost。　Bit　by　bit；　minute　by　minute；　the　thing　came　into　being。　There　were　no　difficulties；　the　intricate　multiplicity　of　light　and　colour　became　a　whole；　the　right　colour　was　where　I　wanted　it；　on　the　palette；　each　brush　stroke；　as　soon　as　it　was　plete；　seemed　to　have　been　there　always。
　　　　Presently　on　the　last　afternoon　I　heard　a　voice　behind　me　say：　'May　I　stay　here　and　watch？'
　　　　I　turned　and　found　Cordelia。
　　　　'Yes；'　I　said；　'if　you　don't　talk；'　and　I　worked　on；　oblivious　of　her；　until　the　failing　sun　made　me　put　up　my　brushes。
　　　　'It　must　be　lovely　to　be　able　to　do　that。'
　　　　I　had　forgotten　she　was　there。
　　　　'It　is。'
　　　　I　could　not　even　now　leave　my　picture；　although　the　sun　was　down　and　the　room　fading　to　monochrome。　I　took　it　from　the　easel　and　held　it　up　to　the　windows；　put　it　back　and　lightened　a　shadow。　Then；　suddenly　weary　in　head　and　eyes　and　back　and　arm；　I　gave　it　up　for　the　evening　and　turned　to　Cordelia。
　　　　She　was　now　fifteen　and　had　grown　tall；　nearly　to　her　full　height；　in　the　last　eighteen　months。　She　had　not　the　promise　of　Julia's　full　quattrocento　loveliness；　there　was　a　touch　of　Brideshead　already　in　her　length　of　nose　and　high　cheekbone；　she　was　in　black；　mourning　for　her　mother。
　　　　'I'm　tired；'　I　said。
　　　　'I　bet　you　are。　Is　it　finished？'
　　　　'Practically。　I　must　go　over　it　again　tomorrow。'
　　　　'D'you　know　it's　long　past　dinner　time？　There's　no　one　here　to　cook　anything　now。　I　only　came　up　today；　and　didn't　realize　how　far　the　decay　had　gone。　You　wouldn't　like　to　take　me　out　to　dinner；　would；　you？'
　　　　We　left　by　the　garden　door；　into　the　park；　and　walked　in　the　twilight　to　the　Ritz　Grill。
　　　　'You've　seen　Sebastian？　He　won't　e　home；　even　now？'
　　　　I　did　not　realize　till　then　that　she　had　understood　so　much。　I　said　so
　　　　'Well；　I　love　him　more　than　anyone；'　she　said。　'It's　sad　about　Marchers；　isn't　it？　Do　you　know　they're　going　to　build　a　block　of　flats；　and　that　Rex　wanted　to　take　I　what　he　called　a　〃penthouse〃　at　the　top。　Isn't　it　like　him？　Poor　Julia。　That　was　too　much　for　her。　He　couldn't　understand　at　all；　he　thought　she　would　like　to　keep　up　with　her　old　home。　Things　have　all　e　to　an　end　very　quickly；　haven't　they？　Apparently　papa　has　been　terribly　in　debt　for　a　long　time。　Selling　Marchers　has　put　him　straight　again　and　saved　I　don't　know　how　much　a　year　in　rates。　But　it　seems　a　shame　to　pull　it　down。　Julia　says　she'd　sooner　that　than　to　have　someone　else　live　there。'
　　　　'What's　going　to　happen　to　you？'
　　　　'What；　indeed？　There　are　all　kinds　of　suggestions。　Aunt　Fanny　Rossmon　wants　me　to　live　with　her。　Then　Rex　and　Julia　talk　of　taking　over　half　Brideshead　and　living　there。　Papa　won't　e　back。　We　thought　he　might；　but　no。
　　　　'They've　closed　the　chapel　at　Brideshead；　Bridey　and　the　Bishop；　mummy's　Requiem　was　the　last　mass　said　there。　After　she　was　buried　the　priest　came　in　…　I　was　there　alone。　I　don't　think　he　saw　me　…　and　took　out　the　altar　stone　and　put　it　in　his　bag；　then　he　burned　the　wads　of　wool　with　the　holy　oil　on　them　and　threw　the　ash　outside；　he　emptied　the　holy…water　stoop　and　blew　out　the　lamp　in　the　sanctuary；　and　left　the　tabernacle　open；　and　empty；　as　though　from　now　on　it　was　always　to　be　Good　Friday。　I　suppose　none　of　this　makes　any　sense　to　you；　Charles；　poor　agnostic。　I　stayed　there　till　he　was　gone；　and　then；　suddenly；　there　wasn't　any　chapel　there　any　more；　just　an　oddly　decorated　room。　I　can't　tell　you　what　it　felt　like。　You've。never　been　to　Tenebrae；　I　suppose？'
　　　　'Never。'
　　　　'Well；　if　you　had　you'd　know　what　the　Jews　felt　about　their　temple。　Quomodo　sedet　sola　civitas。。。it's　a　beautiful　chant。　You　ought　to　go　once；　just　to　hear　it。'
　　　　'Still　trying　to　convert　me；　Cordelia？'
　　　　'Oh；　no。　That's　all　over；　too。　D'you　know　what　papa　said　when　he　became　a　Catholic？　Mummy　told　me　once。　He　said　to　her：　〃You　have　brought　back　my　family　to　the　faith　of　their　ancestors。〃　Pompous；　you　know。　It　takes　people　different　ways。　Anyhow；　the　family　haven't　been　very　constant