brideshead+revisited-第54部分

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　　　　I　had　not　forgotten　Sebastian；　every　stone　of　the　house　had　a　memory　of　him；　and　hearing　him　spoken　of　by　Cordelia　as　someone　she　had　seen　a　month　ago；　my　lost　friend　filled　my　thoughts。　When　we　left　the　nursery；　I　said；　'I　want　to　hear　all　about　Sebastian。'
　　　　'Tomorrow。　It's　a　long　story。'
　　　　And　next　day；　walking　through　the　windswept　park；　she　told　me：
　　　　'I　heard　he　was　dying；　'　she　said。　'A　journalist　in　Burgos　told　me；　who'd　just　arrived　from　North　Africa。　A　down…and…out　called　Flyte；　who　people　said　was　an　English　lord；　whom　the　fathers　had　found　starving　and　taken　in　at　a　monastery　near　Carthage。　That　was　how　the　story　reached　me。　I　knew　it　couldn't　be　quite　true　…　however　little　we　did　for　Sebastian；　he　at　least　got　his　money　sent　him　…　but　I　started　off　at　once。
　　　　'It　was　all　quite　easy。　I　went　to　the　consulate　first　and　they　knew　all　about　him；　he　was　in　the　infirmary　of　the　head　house　of　some　missionary　fathers。　The　consul's　story　was　that　Sebastian　had　turned　up　in　Tunis　one　day　in　a　motor　bus　from　Algiers；　and　had　applied　to　be　taken　on　as　a　missionary　lay…brother。　The　Fathers　took　one　look　at　him　and　turned　him　down。　Then　he　started　drinking。　He　lived　in　a　little　hotel　on　the　edge　of　the　Arab　quarter。　I　went　to　see　the　place　later；　it　was　a　bar　with　a　few　rooms　over　it；　kept　by　a　Greek；　smelling　of　hot　oil　and　garlic　and　stale　wine　and　old　clothes；　a　place　where　the　small　Greek　traders　came　and　played　draughts　and　listened　to　the　wireless。　He　stayed　there　a　month　drinking　Greek　absinthe；　occasionally　wandering　out；　they　didn't　know　where；　ing　back　and　drinking　again。　They　were　afraid　he　would　e　to　harm　…and　followed　him　sometimes；　but　he　only　went　to　the　church　or　took　a　car　to　the　monastery　outside　the　town。　They　loved　him　there。　He's　still　loved；　you　see；　wherever　he　goes；　whatever　condition　he's　in。　It's　a　thing　about　him　he'll　never　lose。　You　should　have　heard　the　proprietor　and　his　family　talk　of　him；　tears　running　down　their　cheeks；　they'd　clearly　robbed　him　right　and　left；　but　they'd　looked　after　him　and　tried　to　make　him　eat　his　food。　That　was　the　thing　that　shocked　them　about　him；　that　he　wouldn't　eat；　there　he　was　with　all　that　money；　so　thin。　Some　of　the　clients　of　the　place　came　in　while　we　were　talking　in　very　peculiar'　French；　they　all　had　the　same　story；　such　a　good　man；　they　said；　it　made　them　unhappy　to　see　him　so　low。　They　thought　very　ill　of　his　family　for　leaving　him　like　that；　it　couldn't　happen　with　their　people；　they　said；　and　I　daresay　they're　right。
　　　　'Anyway；　that　was　later；　after　the　consulate　I　went　straight　to　the　monastery　and　saw　the　Superior。　He　was　a　grim　old　Dutchman　who　had　spent　fifty　years　in　Central　Africa。　He　told　me　his　part　of　the　story；　how　Sebastian　had　turned　up；　just　as　the　consul　said；　with　his　beard　and　a　suitcase；　and　asked　to　be　admitted　as　a　lay　brother。　〃He　was　very　earnest；〃　the　Superior　said'　Cordelia　imitated　his…guttural　tones；　she　had　an　aptitude　for　mimicry；　I　remembered；　in　the　schoolroom　…　'　〃Please　do　not　think　there　is　any　doubt　of　that　…　he　is　quite　sane　and　…quite　in　earnest。〃　He　wanted　to　go　to　the　bush；　as　far　away　as　he　could　get；　among　the　simplest　people；　to　the　cannibals。　The　Superior　said：　〃We　have　no　cannibals　in　our　missions。〃　He　said；　well；　pygmies　would　do；　or　just　a　primitive　village　somewhere　on　a　river；　or　lepers；　lepers　would　do　best　of　anything。　The　Superior　said：　〃We　have　plenty　of　lepers；　but　they　live　in　our　settlements　with　doctors　and　nuns。　It　is　all　very　orderly。〃　He　thought　again；　and　said　perhaps　lepers　were　not　what　he　wanted；　was　there　not　some　small　church　by　a　river　…　he　always　wanted　a　river　you　see　which　he　could　look　after　when　the　priest　was　away。　The　Superior　said：　〃Yes；　there　are　such　churches。　Now　tell　me　about　yourself。〃　〃Oh；　I'm　nothing；〃　he　said。　〃We　see　some　queer　fish；〃　'　Cordelia　lapsed　again　into　mimicry；　'　〃he　was　a　queer　fish　but　he　was　very　earnest。〃　The　Superior　told　him　about　the　novitiate　and　the　training　and　said：　〃You　are　not　a　young　man。　You　do　not　seem　strong　to　me。〃　He　said：　〃No；　I　don't　want　to　be　trained。　I　don't　want　to　do　things　that　need　training。〃　The　Superior　said：　〃My　friend；　you　need　a　missionary　for　yourself；〃　and　he　said：　〃Yes；　of　course。〃　Then　he　sent　him　away。
　　　　'Next　day　he　came　back　again。　He　had　been　drinking。　He　said　he　had　decided　to　bee　a　novice　and　be　trained。　〃Well；〃　said　the　Superior；　〃there　are　certain　things　that　are　impossible　for　a　man　in　the　bush。　One　of　them　is　drinking。　It　is　not　the　worst　thing；　but　it　is　nevertheless　quite　fatal。　I　sent　him　away。〃　Then　he　kept　ing　two　or　three　times　a　week；　always　drunk；　until　the　Superior　gave　orders　that　the　porter　was　to　keep　him　out。　I　said；　〃Oh　dear；　I'm　afraid　he　was　a　terrible　nuisance　to　you；〃　but　of　course　that's　a　thing　they　don't　understand　in　a　place　like　that。　The　Superior　simply　said；　〃I　did　not　think　there　was　anything　I　could　do　to　help　him　except　pray。〃　He　was　a　very　holy　old　man　and　recognized　it　in　others。'
　　　　'Holiness？'
　　　　'Oh　yes；　Charles；　that's　what　you've　got　to　understand　about　Sebastian。
　　　　'Well；　finally　one　day　they　found　Sebastian　lying　outside　the　main　gate　unconscious；　he　had　walked　out　…　usually　he　took　a　car　…　and　fallen　down　and　lain　there　all　night。　At　first　they　thought　he　was　merely　drunk　again；　then　they　realized　he　was　very　ill；　so　they　put　him　in　the　infirmary；　where　he's　been　ever　since。
　　　　'I　stayed　a　fortnight　with　him　till　he　was　over　the　worst　of　his　illness。　He　looked　terrible；　any　age；　rather　bald　with　a　straggling　beard；　but　he　had　his　old　sweet　manner。　They'd　given　him　a　room　to　himself；　it　was　barely　more　than　a　monk's　cell　with　a　bed　and　a　crucifix　and　white　walls。　At　first　he　couldn't　talk　much　and　was　not　at　all　surprised　to　see　me；　then　he　was　surprised　and　wouldn't　talk　much；　until　just　before　I　was　going；　when　he　told　me　all　that　had　been　happening　to　him。　It　was　mostly　about　Kurt；　his　German　friend。　Well；　you　met　him；　so　you　know　all　about　that。　He　sounds　gruesome；　but　as　long　as　Sebastian　had　him　to　look　after；　he　was　happy。　He　told　me　he'd　practically　given　up　drinking　at　one　time　while　he　and　Kurt　lived　together。　Kurt　was　ill　and　had　a　wound　that　wouldn't　heal。　Sebastian　saw　him　through　that。　Then　they　went　to　Greece　when　Kurt　got　well。　You　know　how　Germans　sometimes　seem　to　discover　a　sense　of　decency　when　they　get　to　a　classical　country。　It　seems　to　have　worked　With　Kurt。　Sebastian　says　he　became　quite　human　in　Athens。　Then　he　got　sent　to　prison；　I　couldn't　quite　make　out　why；　apparently　it　wasn't　particularly　his　fault　…　some　brawl　with　an　official。　Once　he　was　locked　up　the　German　authorities　got　at　him。　It　was　the　time　when　they　were　rounding　up　all　their　nationals　from　all　parts　of　the　world　to　make　them　into　Nazis。　Kurt　didn't　want　to　leave　Greece；　but　the　Greeks　didn't　want　him；　and　he　was　marched　straight　from　prison　with　a　lot　of　other　toughs　into　a　German　boat　and　shipped　home。
　　　　'Sebastian　went　after　him；　and　for　a　year　could　find　no　trace。　Then　in　the　end　he　ran　him　to　earth　dressed　as　a　storm…trooper　in　a　provincial　town。　At　first　he　wouldn't　have　anything　to　do　with　Sebastian；　spouted　all　the　official　jargon　about　the　rebirth　of　his　country；　and　his　belonging　to　his　country；　and　finding　self…realization　in　the　life　of　the　race。　But　it　was　only　skin　deep　with　him。　Six　years　of　Sebastian　had　taught　him　more　than　a　year　of　Hitler；　eventually　he　chucked　it；　admitted　he　hated　Germany；　and　wanted　to　get　out。　I　don't　know　how　much　it　was　simply　the　call　of　the　easy　life；　sponging　on　Sebastian；　bathing　in　the　Mediterranean；　sitting　about　in　caf閟；　having　his　shoes　polished。　Sebastian　says　it　wasn't　entirely　that；　Kurt　had　just　begun　to　grow　up　in　Athens。　It　may　be　he's　right。　Anyway；　he　decided　to　try　and　get　out。　But　it　didn't　work。　He　always　got　into　trouble　whatever　he　did；　Sebastian　said。　They　caught　him　and　put　him　in　a　concentration　camp。　Sebastian　couldn't　get　near　him　or　hear　a　word　of　him；　he　couldn't　even　find　what　camp　he　was　in；　he　hung　about　for　nearly　a　year　in　Germany；　drinking　again；　until　one　day　in　his　cups　he　took　up　with　a　man　who　was　just　out　of　the　camp　where　Kurt　had　been；　and　learned　that　he　had　hanged　himself　in　his　hut　the　first　week。
　　　　'So　that　was　the　end　of　Europe　for　Sebastian。　He　went　back　to　Morocco；　where　he　had　been　happy；　and　gradually　drifted　down　the　coast；　from　place　to　place；　until　one　day　when　he　had　sobered　up　…　his　drinking　goes　in　pretty　regular　bouts　now　…　he　conceived　the　idea　of　escaping　to　the　savages。　And　there　he　was。
　　　　　'I　didn't　suggest　his　ing　home。　I　knew　he　wouldn't　and　he　was　too　weak　still　to　argue　it　out。　He　seemed　quite　happy　by　the　time　I　left。　He'll　never　be　able　to　go　into　the　bush；　of　course；　or　join　the　order；　but　the　Father　Superior　is　going　to　take　charge　of　him。　They　had　the　idea　of　making　him　a　sort　of　under…porter；　there　are　usually　a　few　odd　hangers…on　in　a　religious　house；　you　know；　people　who　can't　quite　fit　in　either　to　the　world　or　the　monastic　rule。　I　suppose　I'm　something　of　the　sort　myself　But　as　I　don't　happen　to　drink；　I'm　more　employable。'
　　　　We　had　reached　the　turn　in　our　walk；　the　stone　bridge　at　the　foot　of　the　last　and　smallest　lake；　under　which　the　swollen　waters　fell　in　a　cataract　to　the　stream　below；　beyond；　the　path　doubled　back　towards　the　house。　We　paused　at　the　parapet　looking　down　into　the　dark　water。
　　　　'I　once　had　a　governess　who　jumped　off　this　bridge　and　drowned　herself。'
　　　　'Yes；　I　know。'
　　　　'How　could　you　know？'
　　　　'It　was　the　first　thing　I　ever　heard　about　you　…　before　I　ever　met　you。'
　　　　'How　very　odd。。。'
　　　　'Have　you　told　Julia　this　about　Sebastian？'
　　　　'The　substance　of　it；　not　quite　as　I　told　you。　She　never　loved　him；　you　know；　as　we　do。'
　　　　'Do'。　The　word　reproached　me；　there　was　no　past　tense　in　Cordelia's　verb　'to　love'。
　　　　'Poor　Sebastian！'　I　said。　'It's　too　pitiful。　How　will　it　end？'
　　　　'I　think　I　can　tell　you　exactly；　Charles。　I've　seen　others　like　him；　and　I　believe　they　are　very　near　and　dear　to　God。　He'll　live　on；　half　in；　half　out　of；　the　munity；　a　familiar　figure　pottering　round　with　his　broom　and　his　bunch　of　keys。　He'll　be　a　great　favourite　with　the　old　fathers；　something　of　a　joke　to　the　novices。　Everyone　will　k