time enough for love-时间足够你爱(英文版)-第129部分

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rted　up　the　stairs。
　　
　　Lazarus　went　to　his　room　and　on　into　his　bath。　Maureen　had　told　him　not　to　hesitate　to　draw　a　tub；　it　would　not　wake　the　children。　He　started　one；　went　back　and　opened　his　grip；　got　out　the　little　package；　took　it　into　the　bath　and　threw　the　bolt；　there　being　no　key　in　the　bedroom　door。　It　was　a　small　flat　'box　such　as　garters　might　e　in；　he　opened　it　carefully；　intending　to　rewrap　it　exactly　as　it　had　been。
　　
　　Ah；　the　garters！　Faded；　as　she　…　had　said；　…and　clearly　not　new　。　。　and…Yes！…redolent　with　her　own　evocative　fragrance。　Would　it　last　long　enough　for　him　to　get　it　borne；　have　the　lovely；　delicate　aroma　analyzed；　amplified；　and　fixed？　Probably…and　with　puter　help　a　skilled　scentologist　could　separate　out　the　odors　of　satin　and　rubber；　and　amplify　hers　selectively。　He　would　have　to　go　to　Secundus　for　such　expert　help。　Worth　the　trip　and　then　some！
　　
　　Now　let's　see　those　〃naughty〃　mottoes…　One　read：　〃Open　All　Hours…Ring　Bell　for　Service！〃…the　other：　〃Wele！　e　in　and　Stir　the　Fire。〃　Sweet　darling；　those　aren't　〃naughty。〃　…
　　
　　A　plain　envelope　under　the　garters…　He　laid　them　aside　and　opened　it。
　　
　　A　plain　white　card：　〃Best　I　could　do；　Beloved。　M。〃　…
　　
　　A　photograph；　amateur　work　but　excellent　quality　for　…this
　　
　　…　here…&…now：　Maureen　herself；　outdoors　in　bright　sunlight　against　a　background　of　thick　bushes。　She　was　standing　~racefully；　smiling　and　looking　at　the　camera…dressed　only　in　her　〃French　postcard〃　style。　Lazarus　felt　a　burst　of　passion。　Why；　you　generous；　trusting　darling！　Not　your　only　copy？　No；　Brian　would　have　made　more　than　one　print…　undoubtedly　had　one　with　him。　This　pri？t　would　have　been　locked　somewhere　in　your　bedroom。　Yes；　your　waist　is　slender　without　a　corset　…　。　and　those　are　not　broken　down；　they　jsre　lovely…and　I'm　certain　what　caused　your　happy　smile。　Thank　you；…　thank　you！
　　
　　With　the　photograph　was　a　little　flat　package　in　tissue　paper。　He　opened　it　gently。　A　thick　lock　of　red　hair；　tied　with　a　green　ribbon。　The　lock　curled　in　a　tight　circle。
　　
　　Lazarus　stared　at　it。　Maureen　my　beloved；　this　is　the　most
　　
　　precious　gilt　of　all…but　I　do　hope　you　cut　it　so　carefully　that　Brian　won't　notice　it's　missing。
　　
　　He　looked　at　each　of　her　gifts　again；　restored　them　just　as　they　had　been；　put　the　box　into　the　bottom　of　his　grip；　locked　it；　turned　off　the　tub；　undressed；　and　got　into　the　water。　…
　　
　　Rut　a　lukewarm　tub　did　not　make　him　sleep。　For　a　long　time　he　lay　in　darkness　and　relived　the　past　few　hours。
　　
　　He　now　felt　that　he　understood　Maureen。　She　was　relaxed　with　what　she　was…〃liked　herself〃　as　Lazarus　thought　of　it…　and　liking　yourself　was　the　necessary　first　step　toward　loving　other　people。　She　had　no　guilt　feelings　because　she　never　did　anything　that　could　make　her　feel　guilty。　She　was　unblinkingly　honest　with　herself；　was　her　own　self…judge　instead　of　looking　to　others；　did　not　lie　to　herself…but　lied　to　others　without　hesitation　when　needed　for　kindness　or　to　get　along　with　rules　~he　had　not　made　and　did　not　respect。
　　
　　Lazarus　understood　that；　he　lived　the　same　way…and　now　knew　where　he　got　the　trait。　From　Maureen　。　。　and　through　her；　from　Oramp。　And　from　Pop；　too…reinforced。　He　felt　very　happy；　despite　an　unsatisfied　ache　in　Jiis　loins。　Or　in　part　because　of　it；　he　corrected；　he　found　that　he　cherished　that　ache。
　　
　　When　the　doorknob　turned；　he　was　instantly　alert；　out　of　bed
　　
　　…and　waiting　before　the　door　opened。
　　
　　She　was　in　his　arms；　warm　and　fragrant。
　　
　　She　pulled　back　to　shrug　off　her　wrap；　let　it　fall；　came　back　into　his　arms；　body　to　body；　and　gave　her　mouth　fully。
　　
　　When　they　broke　the　kiss；　she　stayed　in　his　arms；　clinging。　He　Whispeftd　huskily；　〃Why　did　you　risk　it？〃
　　
　　She　answered　softly；　〃I　found　that　I　must。　Once　I　knew　that；　I　realjzed　that　it　was　even　less　risk　than　our　walnut　tree。　The　children　never　e　downstairs　at　night　when　we　have　a　guest。　Father　may　suspect　me　。　。　but　that　makes　it　certain　tha~t　he　won't　check　on　me。　Don't　worry；　darling。　Take　me　to　bed。　Nowf'
　　
　　He　did　so。
　　
　　When　they　were　quiet；　she　sighed　happily　and　said；　lips　against　his　ear；　arms　and　legs　around　him：　〃Theodore；　even
　　
　　in　this　you　are　so　much　like　my　husband　that　I　can　barely　wait　till　the　war　is　over　to　tell　him　all　about　you。〃
　　
　　〃You've　decided　to　tell　him？〃
　　
　　〃Beloved　Theodore；　there　was　never　a　doubt　that　I　would。　I　softened　some　of　what　I　told　you　tonight　and　left　out　a　little。　Brian　does　not　require　me　to　confess。　But　it　does　not　upset　him；　we　settled　that　fifteen　years　ago。　He　convinced　me　that　he　really　does　trust　my　judgment　and　my　taste。〃　Very　softly　but　merrily　she　giggled　against　his　ear。　〃It's　a　shame　that　…I　so　seldom　have　anything　to　confess；　he　enjoys　hå　my　adventures。　He　has　me　tell　him　about　them　over　and　over…like　rereading　a　favorite　book。　I　wish　I　could　tell　him　this　one　tomorrow　night。　But　I　won't；　I'll　save　it。〃
　　
　　〃He's　ing　home　tomorrow？〃
　　
　　〃Late。　Quite　late。　Which　is　just　as　well；　as　I　don't　expect　to　get　any　sleep　once　he　arrives。〃　She　chuckled　softly。　〃He　told　me　on　the　telephone　to　'b。　1。　b。　a。　w。　y。　1。　o。'　and　he　would　'w。　y。　t。　b。　w。'　That　means：　Be　in　bed　asleep　with　my　legs　open　and…he　will　wake　me　the　best　way。　But　I　just　pretend　to　be　asleep　as　I　wake　up　no　matter　how　quietly　he　tiptoes　in。'；
　　
　　She　gave　a　tiny　giggle。　〃Then　we　have　a　happy　little　game。　As　he　enters　me；　I　pretend　to　wake　up　and　call　him　by　name…but　never　his　name。　I　moan；　'Oh；　Albert；　darling；　I　thought　you　would　never　e！'　or　some　such。　Then　it's　his　turn。　He　says　something　like；　'This　is　Buffalo　Bill；　Mrs。　O'Malley。　Hush　up　and　get　busy！'　Then　I　hush　up　and　do　the　best　I　know　how；　not　another　word　until　we　both　ex…　plode。〃　…
　　
　　〃Your　best　is　superb；　Mrs。　O'MaIley。　Or　was　？hat　your　best？〃
　　
　　〃I　tried　to　make　it　my　best…Buffalo　Bill。　But　I　was　so　dreadfully　excited　that　I　got　all　blurry　so　it　probably　was　not。　I'd　like　a　chance　to　do　better。　Are　you　going　to　give　me　one？〃　…
　　
　　〃Only　if　you　promise　not　to　do　better。　Darling；　if　that　was　not　your　best；　then　your　best　would　kill　me。〃
　　
　　〃You　not　only　talk　like；　my　husband　and　feel　like　him…　especially　here…but　you　even　smell　like　him。〃
　　
　　〃You　smell　like　Tamara。〃
　　
　　〃Do　I　really？　Do　I　make　love　like　her？〃
　　
　　（Tamara　knows　a　thousand　ways；　darling；　but　rarely　…　uses　anything　unusual…lovemaking　is　not　technique；　dear；　it's　an　attitude。　Wanting　to　make　someone　happy；　which　you　do。
　　
　　But　you　startled　me　with　your　mand　of　technique；　you　would　fetch　a　high　price　on　Iskander。）
　　
　　〃You　do。　But　that's　not　what　makes　you　so　much　…like　her。　Uh；　it's　your　attitude。　Tamara　knows　what　is　going　on　in　another　person's　mind　and　gives　him　exactly　what　he　needs。　Wants　to　give　it。〃
　　
　　〃She's　a　mindreader？　Then　Fm　not　like　her；　after　all。〃
　　
　　〃No；　she's　not　a　mindreader。　But　she　feels　a　person's　emotions　and　knows　what　he　needs　and　gives　him　that。　It　might　not　be　sex。　Aren't　there　times　when　Brian　needs　something　else？〃　。　…
　　
　　〃Oh；　certainly。　If　he's　tired　and　tense；　I　hold　off　and　rub　his　back　or　head。　Or　cuddle　with　him。　Maybe　encourage　him　to　nap；　and　then　perhaps　he　really　will　wake　me　'the　best　way。'　I　don't　try　to　eat　him　alive。　Unless　that's　what　he　wants。〃
　　
　　〃Tamara　all　over　again。　Maureen；　when　Tamara　was　healing　me；　at　first　she　didn't　even　share　a　bed　with　me。　Just　slept　in　the　same　room　and　ate　with　me　and　listened　if　I　felt　like　talking。　Then　for　ten　days　or　so　she　did　sleep　with　me；　but　we　just　slept　…　。　and　I　slept　soundly　and　had　no　nightmares。　Then　one　night　I　woke　up；　and　without　a　word　Tamara　took　me　into　her；　and　we　made　love　the　rest　of　that　night。　And　next　morning　I　knew　I　was　well…soul…sickness　all　gone。
　　
　　〃You　are　that　way；　Maureen。　You　know；　and　you　do。　I've　been　very　homesick　and　much　troubled　by　this　war。　Now　I'm　not；　you've　cured　it。　Tell　me；　what　did　you　feel　from　me　the　first　night　I　was　in　this　house？〃
　　
　　〃Loved　you　at　first　sight；　like　a　silly　schoolgirl。　Wanted　to　take　you　to　bed。　I　told　you　so。〃　…
　　
　　〃Not　how　you　felt…how　did　I　feel？〃
　　
　　〃Oh。　You　had　an　erection　over　me。〃
　　
　　〃Yes；　I　did。　But　I　thought　I　had　concealed　it。　You　noticed？〃
　　
　　〃Oh；　I　didn't　see　a　bulge　in　your　trousers　or　anything　like　that。　Theodore；　I　never　look　down　that　far；　men　bee　embarrassed　so　easily。　I　simply　knew　you　felt　as　I　did…and　I　felt　like　a　she　dog　in　heat。　Bitch　in　heat；　I　mean…I　don't　intend　to…　be　prim　in　bed。　The　instant　you　met　my　eyes…　standing；　out　in　the　front　hall…I　knew　we　needed　each　other　and　I　grew　terribly　excited　。　。　and　rushed　out　into　the　kitchen　tO　get　myself　under　~control。〃
　　
　　〃You　…　didn't　rush；　you　moved　with　smooth　grace；　like　a　ship　under　sail。〃　…
　　
　　〃That　ship　was　sailing　fast；　I　was　rushing。　I　got　myself　under　con~trol　but　not　less　excited。　More。　My　breasts　ached　and　my　nipples　hurt；　all　the　time　you　were　here。　But　that　doesn't　show。　It　would　not　have　mattered　had　Father　noticed　my　excitement　except　that　he　would　not　have　invited　you　back…and　I　wanted　you　to　e　back。　Father　knows　what　I　am；　he　told　me　so　when　he　was　helping　me。　He　told
　　
　　…　me　to　face　up　to　what　I　am　and　be　happy　with　it…but　that　I　must　learn　never　to　let　my　ruttiness　show；　things　being　the　way　they　are。　I've　tried…but　that　night　it　was　very　hard　not　to　show　it。〃
　　
　　〃You　succeeded。〃…
　　
　　〃Brian　tells　me　that　I　don't　show　it。　But　that　night　was　so　difficult。　I…　Theodore；　there　is　something　boys　do…and　sometimes　men…when　they're　terribly　frustrated。　With　their　hands。〃
　　
　　〃Certainly。　Masturbation。　Boys　call　it　'jacking　off。'〃
　　
　　〃So　Brian　says。　But　perhaps　you　don't　know　that…　girls…　and　women…can　do　something　like　it？〃
　　
　　〃I　do　know。　For　a　lonely　person　of　either　sex；　it's　a　harmless　but　inadequate　substitute。〃
　　
　　〃'Harmless　but　inadequate…'　Quite　inadequate。　But　I'm　glad　you　think　it's　harmless。　Because　I　went　upstairs　and　took　a　bath…I　needed　one　although　I　had　bathed　before？supper。　And　did　it；　in　the　tub。　And