the hunger games-饥饿游戏(英文版)-第53部分

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　any　need　to　guard　us。　Peeta　and　I　walk　down　along　the　track；　hand　in　hand；　and　I　canˇt　find　anything　to　say　now　that　weˇre　alone。　He　stops　to　gather　a　bunch　of　wildflowers　for　me。　When　he　presents　them；　I　work　hard　to　look　pleased。　Because　he　canˇt　know　that　the　pink…and…white　flowers　are　the　tops　of　wild　onions　and　only　remind　me　of　the　hours　Iˇve　spent　gathering　them　with　Gale。
Gale。　The　idea　of　seeing　Gale　in　a　matter　of　hours　makes　my　stomach　churn。　But　ind。　I　only　know　that　I　feel　like　Iˇve　been　lying　to　someone　who　trusts　me。　Or　more　accurately；　to　two　people。　Iˇve　been　getting　away　with　it　up　to　this　point　because　of　the　Games。　But　there　will　be　no　Games　to　hide　behind　back　home。
¨Whatˇs　wrong？〃　Peeta　asks。
¨Nothing；〃　I　answer。　We　continue　walking；　past　the　end　of　the　train；　out　where　even　Iˇm　fairly　sure　there　are　no　cameras　hidden　in　the　scrubby　bushes　along　the　track。　Still　no　words　e。
Haymitch　startles　me　when　he　lays　a　hand　on　my　back。　Even　now；　in　the　middle　of　nowhere；　he　keeps　his　voice　down。　¨Great　job；　you　two。　Just　keep　it　up　in　the　district　until　the　cameras　are　gone。　We　should　be　okay。〃　I　watch　him　head　back　to　the　train；　avoiding　Peetaˇs　eyes。
¨Whatˇs　he　mean？〃　Peeta　asks　me。
¨Itˇs　the　Capitol。　They　didnˇt　like　our　stunt　with　the　berries；〃　I　blurt　out。
¨What？　What　are　you　talking　about？〃　he　says。
¨It　seemed　too　rebellious。　So；　Haymitch　has　been　coaching　me　through　the　last　few　days。　So　I　didnˇt　make　it　worse；〃　I　say。
¨Coaching　you？　But　not　me；〃　says　Peeta。
¨He　knew　you　were　smart　enough　to　get　it　right；〃　I　say。
¨I　didnˇt　know　there　was　anything　to　get　right；〃　says　Peeta。　¨So；　what　youˇre　saying　is；　these　last　few　days　and　then　I　guess　。　。　。　back　in　the　arena　。　。　。　that　was　just　some　strategy　you　two　worked　out。〃
¨No。　I　mean；　I　couldnˇt　even　talk　to　him　in　the　arena；　could　I？〃　I　stammer。
¨But　you　knew　what　he　wanted　you　to　do；　didnˇt　you？〃　says　Peeta。　I　bite　my　lip。　¨Katniss？〃　He　drops　my　hand　and　I　take　a　step；　as　if　to　catch　my　balance。
¨It　was　all　for　the　Games；〃　Peeta　says。　¨How　you　acted。〃
¨Not　all　of　it；〃　I　say；　tightly　holding　onto　my　flowers。　¨Then　how　much？　No；　forget　that。　I　guess　the　real　question　is　whatˇs　going　to　be　left　when　we　get　home？〃　he　says。
¨I　donˇt　know。　The　closer　we　get　to　District　Twelve；　the　more　confused　I　get；〃　I　say。　He　waits；　for　further　explanation；　but　noneˇs　forthing。
¨Well；　let　me　know　when　you　work　it　out；〃　he　says；　and　the　pain　in　his　voice　is　palpable。
I　know　my　ears　are　healed　because；　even　with　the　rumble　of　the　engine；　I　can　hear　every　step　he　takes　back　to　the　train。　By　the　time　Iˇve　climbed　aboard；　Peeta　has　disappeared　into　his　room　for　the　night。　I　donˇt　see　him　the　next　morning；　either。　In　fact；　the　next　time　he　turns　up；　weˇre　pulling　into　District　12。　He　gives　me　a　nod；　his　face　expressionless。
I　want　to　tell　him　that　heˇs　not　being　fair。　That　we　were　strangers。　That　I　did　what　it　took　to　stay　alive；　to　keep　us　both　alive　in　the　arena。　That　I　canˇt　explain　how　things　are　with　Gale　because　I　donˇt　know　myself。　That　itˇs　no　good　loving　me　because　Iˇm　never　going　to　get　married　anyway　and　heˇd　just　end　up　hating　me　later　instead　of　sooner。　That　if　I　do　have　feelings　for　him；　it　doesnˇt　matter　because　Iˇll　never　be　able　to　afford　the　kind　of　love　that　leads　to　a　family；　to　children。　And　how　can　he？　How　can　he　after　what　weˇve　just　been　through？
I　also　want　to　tell　him　how　much　I　already　miss　him。　But　that　wouldnˇt　be　fair　on　my　part。
So　we　just　stand　there　silently；　watching　our　grimy　little　station　rise　up　around　us。　Through　the　window；　I　can　see　the　platformˇs　thick　with　cameras。　Everyone　will　be　eagerly　watching　our　homeing。
Out　of　the　corner　of　my　eye；　I　see　Peeta　extend　his　hand。　I　look　at　him；　unsure。　¨One　more　time？　For　the　audience？〃　he　says。　His　voice　isnˇt　angry。　Itˇs　hollow；　which　is　worse。　Already　the　boy　with　the　bread　is　slipping　away　from　me。　I　take　his　hand；　holding　on　tightly；　preparing　for　the　cameras；　and　dreading　the　moment　when　I　will　finally　have　to　let　go。

END　OF　BOOK　ONE


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　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　【冷泉泓薇】整理　
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