the days of my life-第35部分

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have　found　himself　at　the　head　of　a　force　that　might　have　manded　victory。　He　would　have　bee　one　of　the　greatest　generals　in　the　Empire；　and　the　history　of　South　Africa　would　have　been　changed；　for　it　was　only　defeat　that　brought　about　the　Retrocession。　But　he　had　theories　and　he　lacked　patience。　Or　perhaps　Destiny　drove　him　on。　In　only　one　thing　was　it　kind　to　him。　It　did　not　leave　him　living　to　contemplate　his　own　ruin　and　the　dishonour　of　his　country。　Peace　be　to　him。
Now　I　will　return；　not　without　relief；　to　my　own　story；　which　is　best　set　out　in　such　letters　as　have　survived。　These　remain　clear　and　fixed；　about　them　can　gather　nothing　of　the　uncertainties　or　mists　of　time　and　memory。
In　one　written　by　my　wife　to　my　mother　from　Hilldrop　on　March　7；　1881；　she　says：
As　you　will　have　seen　from　the　papers；　we　are　not　altogether　in　an　enviable　position。　The　state　of　affairs　out　here　is　really　being　very　serious。　We　are　told　that　the　troops　now　in　camp　at　the　“Nek”　are　perfectly　panic…stricken　by　the　continual　defeats　they　have　sustained；　and　that　in　the　last　engagement；　when　poor　Sir　George　Colley　lost　his　life；　the　officers　had　the　greatest　difficulty　in　getting　their　men　to　stand。　Of　course；　as　everyone　says；　it　is　not　to　be　wondered　at。　Three　times　now　have　our　men　been　sent　out　in　small　bodies　to　face　double　their　numbers　and　have　simply　been　shot　down　like　sheep　without　being　able　to　make　any　effectual　resistance。　In　spite　of　the　Boers　being　rebels　one　cannot　help　admiring　the　way　in　which　they　are　conducting　this　affair。　Their　coolness　and　pluck　are　wonderful；　and　they　have　not　made　one　false　move　yet。　Add　to　this　the　fact　that　they　are　all　splendid　shots；　and　you　will　agree　that　it　is　no　mean　foe　with　whom　we　have　to　deal；　though　this　is　what　our　officers　and　men　would　not　at　first　believe。　Hence　these　sad　disasters。　Poor　Sir　George　Colley　has　paid　dearly　for　his　rashness；　but；　humanly　speaking；　it　was　far　better　for　him　to　die　as　he　did　fighting　bravely　at　the　head　of　his　men　than　to　live　with　a　lost　reputation。　Lost　it　decidedly　would　have　been；　for　popular　feeling　was　strong　against　him　even　before　this　last　affair。
And　now　for　a　few　words　about　ourselves。　。　。　。　The　farm　is　pretty　flourishing。　We　are　now　in　the　middle　of　haymaking；　and　the　lazy　Rider　is　routed　out　about　6　A。M。　every　fine　morning　to　go　and　cut。　He　looks　all　the　better　for　it；　in　fact　I　think　we　are　both　in　better　health　than　when　we　left　England。　We　have　lost　another　ostrich；　luckily　not　a　very　good　one；　but　the　other　birds　seem　to　be　doing　nicely　and　some　of　them　have　splendid　feathers　。　。　。　。
On　May　3；　1881；　I　wrote：
My　dearest　Mother；　—　。　。　。　I　do　not　know　how　to　thank　you　all　enough　for　the　loving　interest　you　have　all　shown　towards　us　in　our　trouble。　We　were　extremely　surprised　and；　speaking　from　a　personal　point　of　view；　delighted　to　get　a　telegram　from　Jack　＇my　brother　who　afterwards　became　Consul　at　Madagascar；　etc。　—　H。　R。　H。＇　the　other　morning　announcing　his　arrival　at　the　Cape。　We　thought　he　had　given　up　all　idea　of　ing。
Perhaps　you　will　hardly　have　been　surprised　at　my　letter　to　my　father　telling　him　that　we　are　seriously　debating　clearing　out　of　this　part　of　the　world。　I　am　sorry　to　say　that　every　day　that　has　elapsed　since　I　wrote　has　only　strengthened　my　conviction　that　henceforth　we　can　look　for　no　peace　or　security　in　South　Africa。
I　fear　our　property　will　suffer　from　this　business。　A　little　while　since　we　could　have　easily　got　3000　pounds　for　the　farm。　I　don’t　know　if　we　shall　be　able　to　do　so　now。　。　。　。　I　cannot　tell　you　how　sorry　I　shall　be　if　we　have　to　leave　this　place；　as　I　repeat　I　think　is　probable。　After　a　two　years’　struggle　we　were　just　beginning　to　do　well；　and　had　there　been　no　war　I　think　this　would　have　developed　into　a　very　thriving　concern。　Latterly　we　have　been　clearing　at　the　rate　of　over　2000　pounds　a　year　。　。　。　。
In　a　letter　to　my　mother；　dated　May　4；　1881；　my　wife　says：
The　High　missioner；　to　whom　we　have　let　the　house；　is　also　expected；　so　I　fear　Jack　will　arrive　to　find　us　in　rather　a　muddle。　We　shall　have　to　live　in　a　kind　of　picnic　fashion；　I　expect　for　about　a　fortnight；　as　our　house…room　will　consist　of　a　bedroom　and　two　tents！　—　one　of　which　we　shall　convert　into　a　kitchen　and　the　other　into　a　room　for　Jack。　Mr。　Cochrane　and　George　Blomefield　＇a　ward　of　my　father’s　who　had　bee　our　farming　partner。　—　H。　R。　H。＇　are　going　over　to　the　mill；　where　they　will　have　to　get　on　as　best　they　can。　Happily　the　rains　seem　to　have　e　to　an　end　for　this　season　and　we　are　now　having　bright　sunny　weather；　just　the　right　sort　for　camping　out。
After　talking　of　our　losses　from　the　horse…sickness；　she　adds：
The　mill　is　now　finished　and　ready　to　start。　They　made　the　first　trial　of　it　the　other　day；　with　rather　disastrous　results　to　poor　George　Blomefield。　He　went　up　a　ladder　and　meddled　with　one　of　the　safety…valves　（the　mill　not　going　quite　right）；　whereupon　a　tremendous　noise　was　heard　and　a　rush　of　steam　and　water　came　out。　All　the　lookers…on　fled　for　their　lives　thinking　something　fearful　had　happened；　and　Mr。　B。　in　his　hurry　slipped　his　foot　and　came　down　with　a　crash　upon　his　head；　happily　however　without　hurting　himself　at　all。　I　am　sure　one　of　them　will　get　blown　up　in　the　end；　and　am　only　glad　Rider’s　talents　do　not　lie　in　the　machinery　line。　。　。　。　I　think　myself　that　if　we　can　get　a　good　price　for　the　farm　and　mill　it　will　be　wisest　to　leave　this　country　and　try　some　more　peaceful　colony；　and　I　find　that　a　good　many　of　the　Transvaal　landowners　are　already　on　the　move。
I　still　possess　the　agreement；　dated　April　6；　1881；　under　which　I　let　Hilldrop　“for　a　residence　for　H。E。　Sir　Hercules　Robinson　and　staff　and　for　the　use　and　service　of　the　Royal　mission　about　to　assemble　under　H。E。‘s　presidency”　for　a　period　of　two　weeks　certain　with　an　“option　of　renewal　for　a　further　period　to　plete　the　term　of　one　month；”　reserving　only　our　own　bedroom　for　my　wife’s　use。　No　doubt　as　thrifty　people　the　offer　of　50　pounds　a　week　rent　tempted　us；　also　the　domestic　event　which　has　been　alluded　to　was　not　expected　to　occur　until　later。　In　this；　however；　we　were　mistaken；　as　the　next　letter　shows。
If　I　remember　rightly　the　mission　occupied　the　house　for　about　five　weeks；　during　which　time　we　all　got　on　very　well　together；　and　of　course　I　heard　much　of　what　was　going　on。　It　was　a　strange　fate　which　decreed　that　the　Retrocession　of　the　Transvaal；　over　which　I　had　myself　hoisted　the　British　flag；　should　be　practically　acplished　beneath　my　roof。
On　May　24；　1881；　I　write　to　my　father：
I　hope　by　now　you　will　have　received　the　telegram　I　despatched　yesterday　telling　you　of　the　safe　birth　of　a　son　。　。　。　a　full　three　weeks　before　the　child　was　expected　to　arrive。
I　am　now　most　thankful　to　be　able　to　tell　you　that　both　dear　Louie　and　her　son　were　doing　as　well　as　possible；　indeed　Louie　looks　little　if　any　the　worse　。　。　。　。
Jack　got　here　all　right　acpanied　by　Spice　（who　signalised　her　arrival　by　fighting　the　household　cat　at　the　top　of　a　tree）　about　a　week　ago。　He　is　very　flourishing；　but　I　fear　there　is　no　chance　of　his　getting　employment　in　Natal　owing　to　the　flood　of　Transvaal　officials　who　have　to　be　provided　for　somehow。　His　account　of　Vancouver　Island　is　such　as　to　make　us　abandon　our　idea　of　forming　a　pany　and　going　there；　so　I　suppose　we　must　stay　on　here　and　then　e　home。　The　Royal　mission　are　still　in　the　house。　I　have　dined　with　Sir　Hercules　once　or　twice；　he　is　a　very　pleasant　old　gentleman。　We　don’t　at　all　know　what　is　going　to　happen　here。　If　it　is　war　I　only　hope　it　will　not　be　until　Louie　is　well　enough　to　travel　down　country。　I　don’t　want　to　stop　here　through　another　war。　。　。　。　The　farm　is　going　fairly。　All　our　oxen　that　are　in　Government　service　have　knocked　up　from　work；　so　we　have　to　spend　about　300　pounds　in　fresh　ones；　which　is　a　great　pull。　However　it　will　give　us　a　fine　head　of　draught　cattle　next　year。
About　this　time　I　received　the　following　from　Sir　Bartle　Frere：
Athenaeum　Club；　Pall　Mall：
July　20；　1881。
My　dear　Haggard；　—　I　am　very　much　obliged　to　you　for　your　most　valuable　and　interesting　letter　of　June　6th；　which　contains　one　of　the　best　accounts　I　have　read　of　the　present　miserable　state　of　affairs　in　the　Transvaal。　I　have　done　my　best　to　make　the　truth　known　publicly　and　privately　and　have　not　yet　given　up　hopes　that　the　terrible　evils　of　England　forsaking　her　children　may　be　averted。　But　how　I　hardly　see。　At　present　Mr。　Gladstone　is　practically　supreme　in　such　matters；　and　his　one　idea　seems　to　be　to　reverse　all　that　has　been　done　hitherto　by　his　predecessors。　I　shall　be　very　glad　if　you　can　find　time　to　let　me　hear　from　you　from　time　to　time；　giving　your　own　observations　and　opinions　exactly　as　you　do　in　your　letter　of　June　6th。
There　is　a　very　strong　and　growing　feeling　of　dissatisfaction　with　the　way　in　which　Transvaal　affairs　have　been　mismanaged　by　the　present　Government；　and　the　expression　of　this　dissatisfaction　would　probably　have　been　far　stronger　had　not　the　Irish　Land　Bill　so　entirely　absorbed　public　attention　and　the　whole　time　of　Parliament。　Let　me　hear　also　about　yourself；　what　you　are　doing　and　how　you　are　prospering；　and
Believe　me；
Sincerely　yours；
H。　B。　E。　Frere。
The　next　letter　in　order　of　date　that　I　find　is　one　from　Sir　Theophilus　Shepstone；　headed　Pietermaritzburg；　June　16；　1881。
My　dear　Haggard；　—　One　of　the　little　Schwikkard　girls　wrote　me　the　news　of　the　advent　of　your　son　and　heir　the　morning　of　his　birth　and　told　me　of　the　well…being　of　both　mother　and　child；　so　that　she　prevented　any　anxiety　as　far　as　we　are　concerned　with　regard　to　this　important　event。　I　congratulate　you　most　heartily　and　wish　every　prosperity　to　all　concerned　in　this　little　life；　including　the　little　life　itself。　Fortunately　everything　that　is　born　in　a　stable　is　not　a　horse；　or　your　boy　would　be　either　a　Boer　or　a　Royal　missioner；　the　latter　he　may　bee；　but　the　former　never。　I　suppose　you　will　call　him　“Joubert”　or　“Jorissen；”　but　“Bok”　would　make　a　shorter　signature；　for　shortness　I　think　that　I　should　prefer　“Juhan”　＇a　great　Zulu　chieftain。　—　H。　R。　H。＇；　and　for　respectability　“Cetewayo。”　＇Of　course　all　this　was　Shepstone’s　playful　satire。　—　H。　R。　H。＇
I　quite　agree　with　you　about