the days of my life-第95部分

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　him　to　the　marrow；　sins　overtake　and　conquer　him；　voices　mock　him　from　the　gloom。　They　bid　him　look　back　to　the　warm　world　he　left　upon　his　foolish　quest　to　find　a　star　whither　no　path　leads　that　mortal　can　follow。　They　point　to　the　bones　of　those　who　have　fallen　by　the　way。　They　whisper　that　his　error　lies　in　not　taking　what　he　may　have　while　there　is　still　time；　since　soon　he　must　go　empty　to　the　sleep　which　knows　no　waking。　Poor　fare；　perhaps；　they　say；　yet　better　than　feeding　upon　wind　and　bedewing　the　altar　of　a　heedless　or　non…existent　God　with　repentant　tears　because　of　half…imaginary　sins　begotten　by　a　nature　the　sinner　did　not　shape。
What　traveller　of　the　sort　is　there　who　has　not　been　thrown　back　upon　his　thorny　journey　by　such　thoughts　as　these？　Or　perhaps　some　hideous　and　cruel　loss　has　caused　him　to　doubt　whether；　after　all；　any　Power　does　exist　that　knows　the　name　of　pity　or　can　thrill　with　the　glow　of　love。　Or　the　shock　may　take　other　forms。　He　may　find　that　those　whom　he　thought　to　be　inspired　from　on　high　with　goodness　are　merely　stupid；　that　they　avoid　conspicuous　and　open　error　because　their　slow　natures　are　shut　to　temptations　of　the　larger　sort；　though　they　breed　a　growth　of　petty　mischiefs　not　textually　named　among　the　Ten　mandments　and　therefore；　say　they；　of　no　account。　Or　that　some　friend　whom　he　respects　and　has　leant　on；　perhaps　a　clergyman　of　standing；　after　all　believes　in　little；　and　though　he　practises　its　forms　has　reduced　Christianity　to　the　level　of　high　and　pure　philosophy　enunciated　by　an　unfortunate；　self…denying　young　Jew　of　genius　with　whom　the　established　Church　of　the　period　very　well　knew　how　to　deal。　Or　it　may　be　a　brilliant　but　materialistic　book　that　he　chances　on；　wherein　he　finds　all　the　points　upon　which　he　has　been　accustomed　to　rely　very　cleverly　attacked。　Or　some　great　doctor　may　disturb　him　by　showing　forth　the　origin　of　all　such　aspirations　as　those　of　faith　written　in　the　human　nerves　and　brain。　Or；　to　take　only　one　more　example；　he　may　after　all　find　it　impossible　to　reconcile　the　fact　of　the　existence　of　a　good　and　merciful　God　with　the　state　of　affairs　he　sees　existing　in　this　world。　A　mon　and　effective　trap；　this；　for　generous　and　hasty　minds。
I　think　that　I　have　fallen　over　all　these　stumbling…blocks；　and　others；　in　the　course　of　my　life；　which　has　set　me　wondering　why　they　should　be　so　many。　At　length；　after　long　pondering；　I　have　ansy　own　satisfaction；　though　probably　enough　the　reply　which　suffices　me　will　make　some　readers　smile。　It　is　simple；　five　words　cover　it。　“The　Devil　put　them　there。”
Yes；　I　have　e　back　to　a　belief　in　the　old　scriptural　Satan；　now　so　generally　discarded；　though　be　it　remembered　that　our　Lord　was　perfectly　definite　on　the　point　of　his　existence　—　so　definite；　indeed；　that　it　is　scarcely　logical　to　believe　in　the　one　without　believing　in　the　other。　Fear　not　those　who　kill　the　body　and　then　have　done　all　that　they　can　do；　but　fear　him　who　after　death　has　power　to　cast　into　Gehenna；　He　says；　and　many　like　things　that　cannot　be　misread。
Whoso　considers　the　world　and　the　horrible　things　that　happen　here；　things　to　wring　tears　from　the　eyes；　yes；　and　blood　from　every　honest　heart　that　can　understand；　must　feel　that　for　some　reason　which　is　hidden　from　us　it　exists　under　a　dual　government　—　that　of　the　divine　Power　of　Good；　which　we　know　as　God；　and　that　of　the　infernal　Power　of　Ill；　which　we　call　Evil　and　personify　as　the　Devil　or　Satan。　I　will　take　one　instance　from　a　multitude：　it　will　serve　as　a　type　of　what　I　mean　—　the　presence　amongst　us　of　the　hideous　traffic　in　souls　and　bodies；　worse　by　far　than　that　of　the　man…sellers　of　all　ages；　known　as　the　White　Slave　trade；　which；　I　may　add；　is　another　stumbling…block　to　faith　for　us　who　cannot　see　an　inch　before　out　feet　and　guess　not　the　end　thereof。　It　is　obvious　—　I　say　it　with　all　reverence　—　that　the　Holy　One；　and　Christ　who　is　a　part　of　Him；　would　not　permit　such　an　ineffable　horror　to　exist　if　it　could　be　ended　with　a　blow。　Therefore　reason；　which　after　all　is；　I　presume；　some　guide　and　index　to　the　causes　and　parative　values　of　such　phenomena　as　we　can　apprehend；　teaches　us　that　it　and　all　abominations　of　the　sort　must　have　their　spring　in　the　workings　of　a　rival　Strength　whose　delight　is　in　misery；　the　breath　of　whose　nostrils　is　human　and　perhaps　superhuman　shame　and　ruin；　whose　shield　is　fraud；　whose　wine　is　tears；　whose　armour　is　the　flesh　and　its　fierce　lusts；　and　whose　sword　is　death。
For　a　while　to　this　fiend　are　given　a　throne　upon　the　world　and　dominion　over　the　hearts　of　men；　and　strait；　strait　is　the　gate　whereby　we　can　escape　from　his　defended　kingdom。　He　it　is　who　—　knowing　the　priceless　worth　of　each　human　soul；　that；　if　it　can　win　redemption　from　his　befouling；　murderous　hand；　may；　we　are　told；　grow　to　be　a　judge　of　angels　and　as　great　or　greater　than　are　those　Flames　of　Fire；　the　Ministers　of　God　our　Father　—　busies　himself　by　night　and　day；　from　childhood　to　the　grave；　in　setting　snares　in　the　narrow　path　to　catch　the　feet　of　men　and　drag　them　down　to　doom。
Such　at　least　is　an　article　of　my　creed。　Nor；　now　that　I　have　reached　to　it；　can　I　find　therein　any　point　of　difference　between　it　and　what　the　Saviour　taught。　There　was　a　time；　indeed；　when　I　did　not　credit　the　existence　of　an　embodied　evil。　To…day　I　have　learned　otherwise。　For　in　truth　all　these　avenues　of　experience；　search　and　thought；　after　many　circuitous　journeyings　and　expeditions　into　nothingness；　have　just　led　me　back　to　the　eternal　verities　that　I　was　taught　at　my　mother’s　knee；　at　some　of　which；　such　as　the　efficacy　of　prayer　（though　through　it　all；　from　habit　or　from　hope；　I　never　ceased　to　pray）　and　the　actual　existence　of　this　our　Arch…Enemy；　to　my　shame　be　it　said；　I　was　wont　to　shrug　my　shoulders；　if　not　to　scoff。　Yes；　these　wings　of　prayer　which　once　I　thought　as　fanciful　as　those　of　angels　in　the　cottage　pictures；　have　borne　me　to　a　frail　pinnacle　of　the　temple　of　my　trembling　soul；　whence　at　times；　very　faint　and　far　away；　across　the　gulf　of　our　mortality；　I　seem　to　catch　some　glimpse　of　the　Holy　Mount　and　of　the　veiled　and　throbbing　Glory　that　broods　thereon。　A　vain　fancy　of　the　striving　heart；　the　reader　will　perhaps　declare；　and　it　may　be　so；　though　I　pray　that　it　is　not。
There　would　seem　also　to　be　some　external　evidence　which　goes　to　support　the　doctrine　of　the　continuance　of　the　personality　beyond　the　changes　of　death。　Spiritualism　I　do　not　include；　since　although　many　people；　some　of　them　of　great　intellect　and　high　character；　believe　in　it；　and　I　know　well　that　whatever　it　may　be　it　is　not　all　fraud；　however　much　it　may　be　mixed　with　fraud；　I　am　by　no　means　satisfied　as　to　the　real　origin　of　its　phenomena。　Without　expressing　any　definite　opinion；　at　times　I　incline　to　the　view　that　it　also　is　but　a　device　of　the　Devil；　by　specious　apparitions　and　the　exhibition　of　an　uncanny　knowledge　which　may　be　one　of　his　attributes；　to　lead　heart…sick　mortals　into　regions　they　were　not　meant　to　travel　and　there　infect　them　with　the　microbe　of　some　alien；　unknown　sin。
On　one　point；　however；　I　am　clear。　Whether　or　no　it　is　lawful　for　trained　and　scientific　minds　to　enter　on　these　dangerous　investigations　in　the　interests　of　a　search　for　some　truth　which　it　may　be　intended；　in　the　fulness　of　time　shall　be　revealed　for　the　guidance　and　benefit　of　the　world；　the　majority　of　men　and　women；　especially　if　they　be　young；　will　do　well　to　leave　them　quite　alone。　The　risks　are　too　many；　and　the　fruits　of　such　research；　however　golden　they　may　seem；　are　apt　to　be　unsatisfying；　if　not　deadly。　The　parable　of　Eve　and　the　forbidden　apple　of　the　Tree　of　Knowledge；　from　the　eating　of　which　came　death　and　sorrow；　still　has　applications　in　these　latter　days。　Once　I　tried　to　point　this　moral　in　a　tale　I　wrote　which　is　named　“Stella　Fregelius。”
Nor　can　we　rely　too　much　upon　the　revelations　of　such　seers　as　Swedenborg；　for　these　may　be　and　doubtless　often　are　self…deceived　or　the　victims　of　hallucinations。　In　short；　of　all　such　matters　and　dogmas；　if　so　they　may　be　called；　including　that　of　theosophy　which　its　interesting　and　gigantic　dreams　reported　to　emanate　from　the　teaching　of　“Masters”　whose　address　it　seems　impossible　to　discover；　it　may　be　said　that；　like　that　of　reincarnation；　they　are　superfluous。　The　Christian　can　afford　to　wait　to　learn　the　truth　of　them　—　or　perhaps　their　fallacy。
We　tread　on　firmer　ground　when　we　consider　that　as　far　back　as　history　shows　her　light；　and　beyond　it　as　the　graves　of　primitive　peoples　prove；　the　almost　universal　instinct　of　mankind　was　to　believe　that　death　is　but　a　gate　of　other　forms　of　continued　and　individual　Life。　I　know　of　no　instinct　which　haunts　breathing　creatures　that　is　uselessly　given　without　purpose；　and　does　not　serve　some　necessary　or　protective　object　or　reflect　some　existent　truth。　Why；　then；　among　them　all　should　this　rooted　conviction　that　physical　decease　is　not　the　end　of　man　be　but　a　vain　thing　fondly　imagined？　Such　a　conclusion　seems　inconsistent；　even　unnatural　and　absurd。　But　if　our　faith　is　strong　enough　to　enable　us　to　accept　Christ’s　teaching；　again　what　need　is　there　for　us　to　seek　support　in　instincts　which　it　is　possible　we　do　not　understand　aright？
To　one　fact；　corroborative　in　its　nature；　I　think；　however；　weight　should　be　given；　that　of　the　fatherhood　of　God；　displayed　towards　those　of　His　children　who　seek；　or　who　in　His　foresight　He　knows；　in　some　other　day　or　place；　will　seek　the　fort　and　protection　of　His　love。　How　any　reflecting　man　who　has　led　a　full　and　adventurous　life　can　doubt　the　present；　living　power　of　that　fatherhood　passes　my　understanding！　Certainly　I　cannot。　When　we　rode　the　wild　horses　of　our　youthful　sins；　the　red　blood　coursing　through　our　veins　like　wine；　who　was　it　that　seized　the　reins　and　again　and　yet　again　delivered　us　from　the　last　disaster？　Who　was　it　that　has　so　often　protected　us　from　the　results　of　our　own　self…willed　folly　and　even　turned　it　to　our　advantage？　Who　that　by　His　gift　of　a　higher　hope　has　stilled　the　raging　agony　of　our　griefs？　Who　that　by　the　unexpected　answers　springing　at　us　from　the　Bible’s　written　page　or　with　some　word　spoken；　apparently　at　hazard；　by　one　of　His　servants　upon　earth；　has　remov