new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第19部分

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late　hour。　When　I　didn't　respond；　he　got　up；　stretched；　and　then　left；　turning　
out　the　light　behind　him。　
Reluctantly；　I　followed。　
As　I　climbed　the　stairs；　I　felt　the　last　of　the　afternoon's　abnormal　sense　of　
well…being　drain　from　my　
system；　replaced　by　a　dull　fear　at　the　thought　of　what　I　was　going　to　have　to　
live　through　now。　
I　wasn't　numb　anymore。　Tonight　would；　no　doubt；　be　as　horrific　as　last　night。　
I　lay　down　on　my　bed　and　
curled　into　a　ball　in　preparation　for　the　onslaught。　I　squeezed　my　eyes　shut　
and　the　next　thing　I　next　I　
knew；　it　was　morning。　
I　stared　at　the　pale　silver　light　ing　through　my　window；　stunned。　
For　the　first　time　in　more　than　four　months；　I'd　slept　without　dreaming。　
Dreaming　or　screaming。　I　couldn't　
tell　which　emotion　was　stronger—the　relief　or　the　shock。　
I　lay　still　in　my　bed　for　a　few　minutes；　waiting　for　it　to　e　back。　Because　
something　must　be　ing。　If　
not　the　pain；　then　the　numbness。　I　waited；　but　nothing　happened。　I　felt　more　
rested　than　I　had　in　a　long　
time。　
I　didn't　trust　this　to　last。　It　was　a　slippery；　precarious　edge　that　I　
balanced　on；　and　it　wouldn't　take　much　
to　knock　me　back　down。　Just　glancing　around　my　room　with　these　suddenly　clear　
eyes—noticing　how　
strange　it　looked；　too　tidy；　like　I　didn't　live　here　at　all—was　dangerous。　
I　pushed　that　thought　from　my　mind；　and　concentrated；　as　I　got　dressed；　on　the　
fact　that　I　was　going　to　
see　Jacob　again　today。　The　thought　made　me　feel　almost　hopeful。　Maybe　it　
would　be　the　same　as　
yesterday。　Maybe　I　wouldn't　have　to　remind　myself　to　look　interested　and　to　
nod　or　smile　at　appropriate　
intervals；　the　way　I　had　to　with　everyone　else。　Maybe　but　I　wouldn't　trust　
this　to　last；　either。　Wouldn't　
trust　it　to　be　the　same—so　easy—as　yesterday。　I　wasn't　going　to　set　myself　
up　for　disappointment　like　
that。　
At　breakfast；　Charlie　was　being　careful；　too。　He　tried　to　hide　his　scrutiny；　
keeping　his　eyes　on　his　eggs　
until　he　thought　I　wasn't　looking。　
〃What　are　you　up　to　today？〃　he　asked；　eyeing　a　loose　thread　on　the　edge　of　his　
cuff　like　he　wasn't　paying　
much　attention　to　my　answer。　
〃I'm　going　to　hang　out　with　Jacob　again。〃　
He　nodded　without　looking　up。　〃Oh；〃　he　said。　
〃Do　you　mind？〃　I　pretended　to　worry。　〃I　could　stay〃　
He　glanced　up　quickly；　a　hint　of　panic　in　his　eyes。　〃No；　no！　You　go　ahead。　
Harry　was　going　to　e　up　
to　watch　the　game　with　me　anyway。〃　
〃Maybe　Harry　could　give　Billy　a　ride　up；〃　I　suggested。　The　fewer　witnesses　the　
better。　
〃That's　a　great　idea。〃　
I　wasn't　sure　if　the　game　was　just　an　excuse　for　kicking　me　out；　but　he　looked　
excited　enough　now。　He　
headed　to　the　phone　while　I　donned　my　rain　jacket。　I　felt　self…conscious　with　
the　checkbook　shoved　in　
my　jacket　pocket。　It　was　something　I　never　used。　
Outside；　the　rain　came　down　like　water　slopped　from　a　bucket。　I　had　to　drive　
more　slowly　than　I　wanted　
to；　I　could　hardly　see　a　car　length　in　front　of　the　truck。　But　I　finally　made　
it　through　the　muddy　lanes　to　
Jacob's　house。　Before　I'd　killed　the　engine；　the　front　door　opened　and　Jacob　
came　running　out　with　a　
huge　black　umbrella。　
He　held　it　over　my　door　while　I　opened　it。　
〃Charlie　called—said　you　were　on　your　way；〃　Jacob　explained　with　a　grin。　
Effortlessly；　without　a　conscious　mand　to　the　muscles　around　my　lips；　my　
answering　smile　spread　
across　my　face。　A　strange　feeling　of　warmth　bubbled　up　in　my　throat；　despite　
the　icy　rain　splattering　on　
my　cheeks。　
〃Hi；　Jacob。〃　
〃Good　call　on　inviting　Billy　up。〃　He　held　up　his　hand　for　a　high　five。　
I　had　to　reach　so　high　to　slap　his　hand　that　he　laughed。　
Harry　showed　up　to　get　Billy　just　a　few　minutes　later。　Jacob　took　me　on　a　
brief　tour　of　his　tiny　room　
while　we　waited　to　be　unsupervised。　
〃So　where　to；　Mr。　Goodwrench？〃　I　asked　as　soon　as　the　door　closed　behind　
Billy。　
Jacob　pulled　a　folded　paper　out　of　his　pocket　and　smoothed　it　out。　〃We'll　
start　at　the　dump　first；　see　if　
we　can　get　lucky。　This　could　get　a　little　expensive；〃　he　warned　me。　〃Those　
bikes　are　going　to　need　a　lot　
of　help　before　they'll　run　again。〃　My　face　didn't　look　worried　enough；　so　he　
continued。　〃I'm　talking　about　
maybe　more　than　a　hundred　dollars　here。〃　
I　pulled　my　checkbook　out；　fanned　myself　with　it；　and　rolled　my　eyes　at　his　
worries。　〃We're　covered。〃　
It　was　a　very　strange　kind　of　day。　I　enjoyed　myself。　Even　at　the　dump；　in　the　
slopping　rain　and　
ankle…deep　mud。　I　wondered　at　first　if　it　was　just　the　aftershock　of　losing　
the　numbness；　but　I　didn't　think　
that　was　enough　of　an　explanation。　
I　was　beginning　to　think　it　was　mostly　Jacob。　It　wasn't　just　that　he　was　
always　so　happy　to　see　me；　or　
that　he　didn't　watch　me　out　of　the　corner　of　his　eye；　waiting　for　me　to　do　
something　that　would　mark　me　
as　crazy　or　depressed。　It　was　nothing　that　related　to　me　at　all。　
It　was　Jacob　himself。　Jacob　was　simply　a　perpetually　happy　person；　and　he　
carried　that　happiness　with　
him　like　an　aura；　sharing　it　with　whoever　was　near　him。　Like　an　earthbound　
sun；　whenever　someone　was　
within　his　gravitational　pull；　Jacob　warmed　them。　It　was　natural；　a　part　of　
who　he　was。　No　wonder　I　was　
so　eager　to　see　him。　
Even　when　he　mented　on　the　gaping　hole　in　my　dashboard；　it　didn't　send　me　
into　a　panic　like　it　
should　have。　
〃Did　the　stereo　break？〃　he　wondered。　
〃Yeah；〃　I　lied。　
He　poked　around　in　the　cavity。　〃Who　took　it　out？　There's　a　lot　of　damage〃　
〃I　did；〃　I　admitted。　
He　laughed。　〃Maybe　you　shouldn't　touch　the　motorcycles　too　much。〃　
〃No　problem。〃　
According　to　Jacob；　we　did　get　lucky　at　the　dump。　He　was　very　excited　about　
several　grease…blackened　
pieces　of　twisted　metal　that　he　found；　I　was　just　impressed　that　he　could　tell　
what　they　were　supposed　to　
be。　
From　there　we　went　to　the　Checker　Auto　Parts　down　in　Hoquiam。　In　my　truck；　it　
was　more　than　a　two　
hour　drive　south　on　the　winding　freeway；　but　the　time　passed　easily　with　
Jacob。　He　chattered　about　his　
friends　and　his　school；　and　I　found　myself　asking　questions；　not　even　
pretending；　truly　curious　to　hear　
what　he　had　to　say。　
〃I'm　doing　all　the　talking；〃　he　plained　after　a　long　story　about　Quil　and　
the　trouble　he'd　stirred　up　by　
asking　out　a　senior's　steady　girlfriend。　〃Why　don't　you　take　a　turn？　What's　
going　on　in　Forks？　It　has　to　be　
more　exciting　than　La　Push。〃　
〃Wrong；〃　I　sighed。　〃There's　really　nothing。　Your　friends　are　a　lot　more　
interesting　than　mine。　I　like　your　
friends。　Quil's　funny。〃　
He　frowned。　〃I　think　Quil　likes　you；　too。〃　
I　laughed。　〃He's　a　little　young　for　me。〃　
Jacob's　frown　deepened。　〃He's　not　that　much　younger　than　you。　It's　just　a　year　
and　a　few　months。〃　
I　had　a　feeling　we　weren't　talking　about　Quil　anymore。　I　kept　my　voice　light；　
teasing。　〃Sure；　but；　
considering　the　difference　in　maturity　between　guys　and　girls；　don't　you　have　
to　count　that　in　dog　years？　
What　does　that　make　me；　about　twelve　years　older？〃　
He　laughed；　rolling　his　eyes。　〃Okay；　but　if　you're　going　to　get　picky　like　
that；　you　have　to　average　in　size；　
too。　You're　so　small；　I'll　have　to　knock　ten　years　off　your　total。〃　
〃Five　foot　four　is　perfectly　average。〃　I　sniffed。　〃It's　not　my　fault　you're　a　
freak。〃　
We　bantered　like　that　till　Hoquiam；　still　arguing　over　the　correct　formula　to　
determine　age—I　lost　two　
more　years　because　I　didn't　know　how　to　change　a　tire；　but　gained　one　back　for　
being　in　charge　of　the　
bookkeeping　at　my　house—until　we　were　in　Checker；　and　Jacob　had　to　
concentrate　again。　We　found　
everything　left　on　his　list；　and　Jacob　felt　confident　that　he　could　make　a　lot　
of　progress　with　our　haul。　
By　the　time　we　got　back　to　La　Push；　I　was　twenty…three　and　he　was　thirty—he　
was　definitely　weighting　
skills　in　his　favor。　
I　hadn't　forgotten　the　reason　for　what　I　was　doing。　And；　even　though　I　was　
enjoying　myself　more　than　I'd　
thought　possible；　there　was　no　lessening　of　my　original　desire。　I　still　wanted　
to　cheat。　It　was　senseless；　
and　I　really　didn't　care。　I　was　going　to　be　as　reckless　as　I　could　possibly　
manage　in　Forks。　I　would　not　
be　the　only　keeper　of　an　empty　contract。　Getting　to　spend　time　with　Jacob　was　
just　a　much　bigger　perk　
than　I'd　expected。　
Billy　wasn't　back　yet；　so　we　didn't　have　to　be　sneaky　about　unloading　our　
day's　spoils。　As　soon　as　we　
had　everything　laid　out　on　the　plastic　floor　next　to　Jacob's　toolbox；　he　went　
right　to　work；　still　talking　and　
laughing　while　his　fingers　bed　expertly　through　the　metal　pieces　in　front　
of　him。　
Jacob's　skill　with　his　hands　was　fascinating。　They　looked　too　big　for　the　
delicate　tasks　they　performed　
with　ease　and　precision。　While　he　worked；　he　seemed　almost　graceful。　Unlike　
when　he　was　on　his　feet；　
there；　his　height　and　big　feet　made　him　nearly　as　dangerous　as　I　was。　
Quil　and　Embry　did　not　show　up；　so　maybe　his　threat　yesterday　had　been　taken　
seriously。　
The　day　passed　too　quickly。　It　got　dark　outside　the　mouth　of　the　garage　before　
I　was　expecting　it；　and　
then　we　heard　Billy　calling　for　us。　
I　jumped　up　to　help　Jacob　put　things　away；　hesitating　because　I　wasn't　sure　
what　I　should　touch。　
〃Just　leave　it；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　work　on　it　later　tonight。〃　
〃Don't　forget　your　schoolwork　or　anything；〃　I　said；　feeling　a　little　guilty。　I　
didn't　want　him　to　get　in　trouble。　
That　plan　was　just　for　me。　
〃Bella？〃　
Both　our　heads　snapped　up　as　Charlie's　familiar　voice　wafted　through　the　
trees；　sounding　closer　than　the　
house。　
〃Shoot；〃　I　muttered。　〃ing！〃　I　yelled　toward　the　house。　
〃Let's　go。〃　Jacob　smiled；　enjoying　the　cloak…and…dagger。　He　snapped　the　light　
off；　and　for　a　moment　I　
was　blind。　Jacob　grabbed　my　hand　and　towed　me　out　of　the　garage　and　through　
the　trees；　his　feet　finding　
the　familiar　path　easily。　His　hand　was　rough；　and　very　warm。　
Despite　the　path；　we　were　both　tripping　over　our　feet　in　the　darkness。　So　we　
were　also　both　laughing　
when　the　house　came　into　view。　The　laughter　did　not　go　deep；　it　was　light　and　
superficial；　but　still　nice。　I　
was　sure　he　wouldn't　notice　the　faint　hint　of　hysteria。　I　wasn't　used　to　
laughing；　and　it　felt　right　and　also　
very　wrong　at　the　same　time。　
Charlie　was　standing　under　the　little　back　porch；　and　Billy　was　sitting　in　the　
doorwa