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new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第69部分

小说: new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版) 字数: 每页4000字

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that I'd already begun to 
hope; without giving myself permission to do 5。0。 
〃You don't have to be afraid;〃 he said; anxious as he watched the tears dew up 
again on the rims of my 
eyes。 〃I won't let them hurt you。〃 
〃While you're here。〃 Not that I cared what happened to me when he left。 
He took my face between his two stone hands; holding it tightly while his 
midnight eyes glared into mine 
with the gravitational force of a black hole。 〃I will never leave you again。〃 
〃But you said thirty;〃 I whispered。 The tears leaked over the edge。 〃What? 
You're going to stay; but let 
me get all old anyway? Right。〃 
His eyes softened; while his mouth went hard。 〃That's exactly what I'm going 
to do。 What choice have I? 
I cannot be without you; but I will not destroy your soul。〃 
〃Is this really〃 I tried to keep my voice even; but this question was too 
hard。 I remembered his face 
when Aro had almost begged him to consider making me immortal。 The sick look 
there。 Was this fixation 
with keeping me human really about my soul; or was it because he wasn't sure 
that he wanted me around 
that long? 
〃Yes?〃 he asked; waiting for my question。 
I asked a different one。 Almost—but not quite—as hard。 
〃But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your 
grandmother?〃 My voice 
was pale with revulsion—I could see Gran's face again in the dream mirror。 
His whole face was soft now。 He brushed the tears from my cheek with his lips。 
〃That doesn't mean 
anything to me;〃 he breathed against my skin。 〃You will always be the most 
beautiful thing in my world。 
Of course〃 He hesitated; flinching slightly。 〃If you outgrew me—if you 
wanted something more—I 
would understand that; Bella。 I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you 
wanted to leave me。〃 
His eyes were liquid onyx and utterly sincere。 He spoke as if he'd put endless 
amounts of thought into this 
asinine plan。 
〃You do realize that I'll die eventually; right?〃 I demanded。 
He'd thought about this part; too。 〃I'll follow after as soon as I can。〃 
〃That is seriously〃I looked for the right word。 〃Sick。〃 
〃Bella; it's the only right way left—〃 
〃Let's just back up for a minute;〃 I said; feeling angry made it so much 
easier to be clear; decisive。 〃You 
do remember the Volturi; right? I can't stay human forever。 They'll kill me。 
Even if they don't think of me 
tillI'm thirty〃—I hissed the word—〃do you really think they'll forget?〃 
〃No;〃 he answered slowly; shaking his head。 〃They won't forget。 But〃 
〃But?〃 
He grinned while I stared at him warily。 Maybe I wasn't the only crazy one。 
〃I have a few plans。〃 
〃And these plans;〃 I said; my voice getting more acidic with each word。 〃These 
plans all center around 
me staying human。〃 
My attitude hardened his expression。 〃Naturally。〃 His tone was brusque; his 
divine face arrogant。 
We glowered at each other for a long minute。 
Then I took a deep breath; squared my shoulders; I pushed his arms away so 
that I could sit up。 
〃Do you want me to leave?〃 he asked; and it made my heart flutter to see that 
this idea hurt him; though 
he tried not to show it。 
〃No;〃 I told him。 〃I'm leaving。〃 
He watched me suspiciously as I climbed out of the bed and fumbled around in 
the dark room; looking 
for my shoes。 
〃May I ask where you are going。'〃 he asked。 
〃I'm going to your house;〃 I told him; still feeling around blindly。 
He got up and came to my side。 〃Here are your shoes。 How did you plan to get 
there?〃 
〃My truck。〃 
〃That will probably wake Charlie;〃 he offered as a deterrent。 
I sighed。 〃I know。 But honestly; I'll be grounded for weeks as it is。 How much 
more trouble can I really 
getin?〃 
〃None。 He'll blame me; not you。〃 
〃If you have a better idea; I'm all ears。〃 
〃Stay here;〃 he suggested; but his expression wasn't hopeful。 
〃No dice。 But you go ahead and make yourself at home;〃 I encouraged; surprised 
at how natural my 
teasing sounded; and headed for the door。 
He was there before me; blocking my way。 
I frowned; and turned for the window。 It wasn't really that far to the ground; 
and it was mostly grass 
beneath 
〃Okay;〃 he sighed。 〃I'll give you a ride。〃 
I shrugged。 〃Either way。 But you probably should be there; too。〃 
〃And why is that?〃 
〃Because you're extraordinarily opinionated; and I'm sure you'll want a chance 
to air your views。〃 
〃My views on which subject?〃 He asked through his teeth。 
〃This isn't just about you anymore。 You're not the center of the universe; you 
know。〃 My own personal 
universe was; of course; a different story。 〃If you're going to bring the 
Volturi down on us over something 
as stupid as leaving me human; then your family ought to have a say。〃 
〃A say in what?〃 he asked; each word distinct。 
〃My mortality。 I'm putting it to a vote。〃 
 24。 VOTE
HE WAS NOT PLEASED; THAT MUCH WAS EASY TO READ in his face。 But; without 
further 
argument; he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window; landing 
without the slightest jolt; 
like a cat。 It was a little bit farther down than I'd imagined。 
〃All right then;〃 he said; his voice seething with disapproval。 〃Up you go。〃 
He helped me onto his back; and took off running。 Even after all this time; it 
felt routine。 Easy。 Evidently 
this was something you never forgot; like riding a bicycle。 
It was so very quiet and dark as he ran through the forest; his breathing slow 
and even—dark enough 
that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible; and only the rush of air 
in my face truly gave away our 
speed。 The air was damp; it didn't burn my eyes the way the wind in the big 
plaza had; and that was 
forting。 As was the night; too; after that terrifying brightness。 Like the 
thick quilt I'd played under as a 
child; the dark felt familiar and protecting。 
I remembered that running through the forest like this used to frighten me; 
that I used to have to close my 
eyes。 It seemed a silly reaction to me now。 I kept my eyes wide; my chin 
resting on his shoulder; my 
cheek against his neck。 The speed was exhilarating。 A hundred times better 
than the motorcycle。 
I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of 
his neck。 
〃Thank you;〃 he said; as the vague; black shapes of trees raced past us。 〃Does 
that mean you've decided 
you're awake?〃 
I laughed。 The sound was easy; natural; effortless。 It sounded right。 〃Not 
really。 More that; either way; 
I'm not trying to wake up。 Not tonight。〃 
〃I'll earn your trust back somehow;〃 he murmured; mostly to himself。 〃If it's 
my final act。〃 
〃I trust you;〃 I assured him。 〃It's me I don't trust。〃 
〃Explain that; please。〃 
He'd slowed to a walk—I could only tell because the wind ceased—and I 
guessed that we weren't far 
from the house。 In fact; I thought I could make out the sound of the river 
rushing somewhere close by in 
the darkness。 
〃Well—〃 I struggled to find the right way to phrase it。 〃I don't trust myself 
to be enough。 To deserve 
you。 There's nothing about me that could hold you。〃 
He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back。 His gentle hands did 
not release me; after he'd 
set me on my feet again; he wrapped his arms tightly around me; hugging me to 
his chest。 
〃Your hold is permanent and unbreakable;〃 he whispered。 〃Never doubt that。〃 
But how could I not? 
〃You never did tell me〃 he murmured。 
〃What?〃 
〃What your greatest problem is。〃 
〃I'll give you one guess。〃 I sighed; and reached up to touch the tip of his 
nose with my index finger。 
He nodded。 〃I'm worse than the Volturi;〃 he said grimly。 〃I guess I've earned 
that。〃 
I rolled my eyes。 〃The worst the Volturi can do is kill me。〃 
He waited with tense eyes。 
〃You can leave me;〃 I explained。 〃The Volturi; Victoria they're nothing 
pared to that。〃 
Even in the darkness; I could see the anguish twist his face—it reminded me 
of his expression under 
Jane's torturing gaze; I felt sick; and regretted speaking the truth。 
〃Don't;〃 I whispered; touching his face。 〃Don't be sad。〃 
He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly; but the expression didn't 
touch his eyes。 〃If there was 
only some way to make you see that I can't leave you;〃 he whispered。 〃Time; I 
suppose; will be the way 
to convince you。〃 
I liked the idea of time。 〃Okay;〃 I agreed。 
His face was still tormented。 I tried to distract him with inconsequentials。 
〃So—since you're staying。 Can I have my stuff back?〃 I asked; making my tone 
as light as I could 
manage。 
My attempt worked; to an extent: he laughed。 But his eyes retained the misery。 
〃Your things were never 
gone;〃 he told me。 〃I knew it was wrong; since I promised you peace without 
reminders。 It was stupid 
and childish; but I wanted to leave something of myself with you。 The CD; the 
pictures; the 
tickets—they're all under your floorboards。〃 
〃Really?〃 
He nodded; seeming slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure in this trivial 
fact。 It wasn't enough to heal 
the pain in his face pletely。 
〃I think;〃 I said slowly; 〃I'm not sure; but I wonder I think maybe I knew 
it the whole time。〃 
〃What did you know?〃 
I only wanted to take away the agony in his eyes; but as I spoke the words; 
they sounded truer than I 
expected they would。 
〃Some part of me; my subconscious maybe; never stopped believing that you 
still cared whether I lived 
or died。 That's probably why I was hearing the voices。〃 
There was a very deep silence for a moment。 〃Voices?〃 he asked flatly。 
〃Well; just one voice。 Yours。 It's a long story。〃 The wary look on his face 
made me wish that I hadn't 
brought that up。 Would he think I was crazy; like everyone else? Was everyone 
else right about that? But 
at least that expression—the one that made him look like something was 
burning him—faded。 
〃I've got time。〃 His voice was unnaturally even。 
〃It's pretty pathetic。〃 
He waited。 
I wasn't sure how to explain。 〃Do you remember what Alice said about extreme 
sports?〃 
He spoke the words without inflection or emphasis。 〃You jumped off a cliff for 
fun。〃 
〃Er; right。 And before that; with the motorcycle—〃 
〃Motorcycle?〃 he asked。 I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing 
behind the cal

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